u/Ok-Diamond105

I never knew about the term devilcorp or anything but in short, applied to some company, they got back but it was sus so did digging, learnt about devilcorp, asked about specific comp, verified it is one, now I don’t bother BUT

So I have a possible 2nd interview as they are really pushing me. I have blocked both the numbers they were constantly texting and calling me from. Blocked the email when they started contacting me thru there. Fam member is not understanding this whole devilcorp concept and is just really glazing that I got some "high respect" looking job and is pushing me to go to the 2nd interview. Honestly I’ve given up trying to explain to them so should I just keep ignoring or is there something else I can try to teach them for their own sake in avoiding these types of companies too?

Title basically says everything. If it wasn't obvious, I'm a Chinese adoptee. I've tried asking for her to stop but everything that comes from me apparently is such a f*cking joke to everyone in this family. I'm never taken seriously. "What about jackie chan?!" she asks excitedly from her own genius idea. How is that a better alternative? Not to mention my "mother" is totally in on it. Thinks it's hilarious. Says I need to lighten up and take a lighthearted joke for once. Mind you, she's a boomer. Sure runs in the fam because I know it goes as far back to her father and most likely further but he's the oldest alive I've known.

I’ve been presenting male, he/him pronouns, etc etc for quite a while now and when I’m alone, sometimes these thoughts come to me. Idk what it is that’s making me feel this way. I’m confident in my identity at the same time I question it as in I feel like I’m a bad person for ‘lying’ about myself. This whole time I’ve been keeping up with passing fine but it just feels wrong even though I know it shouldn’t be. Maybe it’s transphobic propaganda getting to my head even though I’m not exposed to it that much or at least avoid it when need be. It’s like my college education, where I wanted to change my majors but was too far deep in the course curriculum to do that, but minus the wanting to change…I don’t frickin know how to describe it.

I like that I got top surgery and I still sorta think I’ll like being on T if I ever can afford it. But the thought of ‘deceiving’ my friends scares me. Perhaps someone’ll say something like I shouldn’t be friends if I can’t express that with them but forbid I wanna try to be stealth. And we roll and vibe together just fine, no one has questioned me too much yet. I read a comment in one of these subs saying I only really need to worry about romantic relationships in telling them which that I am totally ok with…but I admit kinda not in worries about if things go south and they might tell their friends and it spreads and so on out of pettiness or something.

Anyway, when I look at the gender marker on my ID (M now), I can’t really say relief but still the worry of refusing to show it to people has lessened, yet I know deep down I’m not and never will be a man and it hurts. I’m unsure how long I can keep up what feels like a facade. Obviously I’m saying trans people are faking or playing pretend. This is just how I’ve been feeling. I feel…stuck? I feel like I’m in limbo knowing what’s in my pants isn’t a dick but what I see on the outside and feel on the inside is masc. I want to mention I don’t desire bottom surgery.

Even though from all this it kinda sounds like I have that dysphoria, I assure that I don’t, at least it’s not super severe unlike other parts about me. It’s at the bottom of the list no pun intended

I was so excited to be able to be freely shirtless but with all the hate that accumulated over the recent years, I feel like I’m back to square one. As in I feel self conscious of my body just as I did with breasts. I’m scared people will point out my scars and/or make assumptions. I was so ready to finally swim again, whether at the pool or beach, but now I don’t want to go to any of those places, even if I’m invited. Even if it is a safe space, I still don’t want to take my shirt off. Everything I put into top surgery and for what now…I mean I am so much more comfortable but at the same time not, no confidence. Sometimes I think if alls fails, I put on my old one piece from swim team but that would probably make things worse than they already are

I was told about the mypack strap while looking at the joey pouch from get your joey. I’m looking at these types because I’m not very comfortable in wearing a full harness or buying packing boxers because the ones I have found are too expensive for me right now (so if someone has more affordable ones, I’m still open to the underwear type). I don’t like harnesses because they cut into the inside of my legs as well as feeling like girl’s underwear which makes me dysphoric. Anyway, I can’t decide whether to go for strap that goes around the waist or just the pouch to pin to the underwear so if anyone has experience and recommendation, I’m all ears. I could buy both to try but that’s a hard decision with how I’m trying to be careful spending money at this moment. I would rather get ideas and go for one. I appreciate insight, thanks.

TW: Situation of SA

I’ve had my fair share of grumpy, unprofessional 911 operators, usually an older sounding woman, but this time was unacceptable. I was calling to report a SA on my friend and sorry but this woman was a blatant bitch so I am going to refer to her as that. We are safe now, at my place. I am trying to explain the situation over the phone, my friend is in tears on my couch, phone bitch keeps interrupting me and asking smart ass questions. Whole time I am keeping my cool with this woman’s attitude but with hardship. Like ok perhaps those questions are important but there is an entire other way you can ask them and it’s not bitchy bitch attitude from mcbitcherson over here. Finally got thru explaining most of the situation. Ms bitch over here now asks for witness names and I start naming them, she interrupts me again and says ok I gotta do this in person and I’m like, ‘okay so it’s better for me to go to the station?’ as confirmation but I didn’t even get to finish the fcking question because I heard the hang up beeps. What. The. Fuck. I didn’t get her damn name either. I’m going to the station anyway but I strongly believe her behaviour was extremely inappropriate. Someone could’ve almost died and bitch hung up. I am totally calling again though, as a one more attempt.

A report was attempted with our school too but the fcking school didn’t do a damn fcking thing, claiming they saw the assailant’s actions as harassment/assault which is obviously absolute bullshit and unacceptable.

Sorry this came out strong. I really had to get this out and if this gets hate, y’all’re part of the problem. Idk who in their wrong mind would see this as overreacting.