Can't figure out if it's luteal or if I actually want a divorce. 🤔
Also wanted to add, there ARE some hard parts about my marriage. But there are good things too. It seems like every month in the week or two before my period, the bad parts are amplified, nothing feels like it's good, and I can't ask for what I need without getting dysregulated
I feel like I'm gaslighting myself with SFPs. I can find plenty of evidence why they are not true, and way less evidence why they are true.
For instance, my husband is a great provider. I can find plenty of evidence why he isn't a great provider. Or, my husband wants to take care of me. I can find plenty of evidence that this is not the case. Yes, some evidence of each but the evidence against it very much outweighs the SFP.
So how do I use SFPs then if I have a hard time believing them?
My 8 year old ADHD son has been on Focalin for the past several years which has made a big difference at school but he gets so dysregulated still, especially at home. He screams at everyone, especially his little sister which is hard for her. His doctor thinks some of his dysregulation is from anxiety so we tried prozac, it hasn't really helped with the screaming or dysregulation. I almost feel like he is less inhibited and louder.
What is everyone else's experience with prozac?
I haven't told anyone so just sharing with internet strangers. We have 3 kids, 8, 4, and 2. I have been thinking about this for years and I finally worked up the guts to do it. My parents were divorced so when I got married it was the last thing I ever wanted to do to my future kids. But things have gotten so toxic and we are at 9 years of marriage. At 10 yrs of marriage, due to the laws in my state, I'm going to have to pay him more alimony/child support. Before then it's only half the length of the marriage.
I have been the unwilling breadwinner for the past several years because my husband has insisted on starting a business that yes is generating some income but inconsistent and not what it needs to be. He isn't saving for retirement. Only I am. He invalidates me when I'm upset with him. He ignored me when I was crying on our wedding day. He is frequently angry/frustrated at our 4 year old daughter. She is always sucking on her fingers around him.which I heard is a sign of anxiety. My oldest, my son, is easily frustrated like him. He has left me alone and with the kids/chores multiple times. He told me to shut up in front of the kids yesterday bc I made a comment about how he was acting with our 4 yr old. And that's when I knew I can't let my kids see this anymore.
I am scared about how I will manage with 3 kids. I do not want him having 50% custody. He is moody and quick to temper, and often ignores the kids for.his phone. I'm going to try to see if he will do every other weekend. I'm not even sure how I will manage school dropoff yet, my work starts at 7:30 AM but I will figure it out.
I am just proud of myself for taking that step. My family will make lots of mean comments, I'm sure. I was an insecure person when I met my husband who grew up with abusive neglectful parents, so I'm going to take some time to heal. I refuse to let my kids have the same treatment in their home and see their mom be treated like that.
EDIT: Thank you y'all. I'm seriously tearing up. I don't really have a lot of support from anyone, which is why I think I've stayed so long. I really had to work up the guts to do this on my own.
How do you guys get over these humps? My work is also very busy and I'm just burned out from work + studying + life. I'm feeling less motivated and I can feel my brain starting to slow down. Any tips?