u/OpeningSafe1919

6 months ago a trans guy I had been dating for a few months broke up with me. While I was still inside of him. We were cuddling afterwards and then he just ended it. Right there. I’m over him I don’t miss him anymore, he was a bad guy tbh lol but that event is haunting me so much. Especially since he told me right there that, while it was still inside him, that my dick was too small for this to be a relationship he wanted to be in.

I feel very broken. I’ve become very sex adverse and can’t even feel intimacy or safety even with my friends. I don’t feel worthy of love at all if this person felt the NEED to get out so bad that he broke up with me while we were both so vulnerable and soft with each other. I’m in therapy but it’s not helping. I’m still so deeply damaged and I’m not healing. No matter how much I try and love myself, how much patience I apply, how much I try to rationalize and compartmentalize my feelings, it just keeps coming back. It’s like a gash in my brain, a wound that’s warping everything around it. I’m in so much pain all the time. And nothing is helping, except drinking sometimes.

"Philippe Kame, a graduate student at University of Michigan’s Taubman College of Architecture and Urban Planning, was detained by Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) agents on April 1, 2026. Kame spent 26 days in the North Lake Processing Center in Baldwin, Michigan, before he was released on April 27, 2026. Conditions were 'pretty deplorable,' Kame told AN. 

Kame was detained by ICE after his teaching assistant (TA) position had been revoked by Taubman College in January 2025. Kame claims he was 'fired without due process' and that his termination violated the Graduate Employees’ Organization (GEO) union contract. Kame subsequently took an approved leave of absence and stayed in Ann Arbor, Michigan. He worked on his own architectural practice, Studio Kame House, prior to his ICE detention."

Link to full story here. Philippe's family and friends have organized a fundraiser to cover his legal fees and tuition costs. You can contribute here.

So about 5 months ago a trans guy broke up with me because of my dick. I was shocked but not super surprised, we had been trying to make it work but I think overall we weren’t a good fit in a lot of ways and this broke the camels back. For context I’m 4.5 inches.

We tried toys but they just weren’t the same for him which I get. I think the only reason I’m really shocked by it and why it’s kinda done a number on my confidence is that it’s so out of place with my other experiences? I have some mileage on me lol and I’ve never had my penis size be an issue. I’ve had partners (men and women) cream, squirt, scream, even one girl who came 5 times in an hour. I’ve always known i was on the smaller side and worked hard to work around it and usually it works but this time it didn’t.

I wonder if the case is, if you try and get good at sex and are confident you can usually compensate for your size, but sometimes it’ll still be a dealbreaker. What do you guys think?

Are there any guides I can use to learn the ins and outs? Like how to find a munch, how I should carry myself interact there etc. I dated a guy (I’m a bi man) who was into kink for a few months and it was my first time doing kink and I really enjoyed it and would like to explore more. Any sort of advice or resources would be awesome.

So long story short I was in this really nice relationship with a trans man (ftm) for awhile. Things were really good, had some issues with sexual compatibility at the beginning but I worked really hard to make it work and give what he needed, toys, foreplay, oral, really communicating about kinks, and then one night after we just finished, while I was still inside of him cuddling he told me that sex wasn’t good enough for a long term relationship because my dick was too small (it’s 4.5 inches I know he’s right) and that he wanted to end things. The next day he told me that I was only ever a “Guy who was nice to him that he was having sex with” and that the only meaning our relationship had to him was that it was the first time in awhile he had a “positive relationship” with someone he was having sex with because the “sex was never as good as it could be with a bigger guy” and that “toys just weren’t the same.”

It’s been 5 months and I’m over him. But I’m so hurt I feel different. I don’t have any sex drive, I only ever feel anxious, I used to have a high drive but now it’s just gone or blocked or smth. Because of this dating sounds like nothing good. It just makes me feel anxious and scared because I am sexually unlovable. Even if I found a partner willing to put up with it, they wouldn’t be as fulfilled as if they found someone like me who just had a bigger penis. And he’s right, I’m sure toys aren’t the same. That makes sense. It’s not like if was ugly, or had some poor personality trait. This directly impacts happiness in a relationship. I get it. It is something that’s not lovable.

I would love to be in a relationship. So much. I’ve have boyfriends and girlfriends and i’ve loved my time with all of them. I’d like to have more. But I can’t do it anymore, I don’t think I’d survive something like that again, so I wanna find a way to be happy or at least not miserable being alone even though it’s not fully choice.

Please just hear me out it’s been idk stressing me out I guess. Over the last year and a half, since a major last break up, I’ve been noticing a pattern with the people I become involved. They’re mostly trans. Trans women and men. Now that I’m entering another “fully single” no situationships, flings, things, whatever, I’m thinking about dating again and I’m just sort of naturally thinking about looking for trans folks to date.

My best friend is a trans woman, really like a sister to me, and a lot of my friends whom I spend most of my time with are trans too. I feel like idk, I just click with trans people, even though I’ve never wanted to transition myself.

A year ago, I had an amazing summer fling with a trans boy. He was gorgeous and sweet and if I wasn’t moving so far away so fast, I’d still be with him. Then I had another relationship with a trans guy afterwards, which was nice for a time, he was hot and funny, but ended poorly because he was. Mean. After that, I hooked up with a trans girl who was sweet but not looking for anything serious. Between all this it just seems like the only people I really feel any sort of connection with or spark is trans folks and I’m really not sure what’s going on lol. I find myself very dazzled and blushing over conversations with trans women and men in bars or in class, anytime I’m REALLY attracted (not just physically but mentally and emotionally) to someone it turns out they’re trans. I’m attracted to cis folks too! Don’t get me wrong, but on average it seems less than I am to trans people.

Idk I guess the reason why I’m asking this is because I see a lot about chasers on here and how annoying they are and I guess I just want to hear opinions on my “pattern” because I don’t wanna be part of the problem. I’d really like a real relationship soonish and I want to make sure I’m not coming across as gross or “chasery” when I’m ready.