u/Opposite_Scene_3000

I’m struggling on how I need to approach the disconnect with my husband. I do not want to let go of my playful side, my silly side and my need for connection. I love and enjoy going out and being present for event s and functions. I know that when I first met Kristian there were some cautionary behaviors and as for him he was cautionary of my behaviors.,
I know he was reserved, and more of a home body. I was becoming more of a homebody.. myself.
I loved how He didn’t drink didn’t party, didn’t have the desire to be the center of attention, no social media, no worries. He seemed like a safe person to me. Someone who I felt like I didn’t have to have any worry on the world about. But recently I feel like I have been worried about him. I’m worried that he has no desires and passions. I’m worried that he lives in a stubborn bubble of anxiety. I’m worried about how is mind creates so much stress and fear about social interactions.. I fear that as we continue to grow in our marriage he will even more uninterested in things that I find joy in..
he was the opposite of what a “man in there late 20s” would want. He wanted stability and structure, prioritized genuine family/ friend connections.

But I feel like as we are deeper in our marriage that Kristian has no desires to make connections.. or friendship., no desire to create memories outside of me.
No passion to find the good in life.
I feel like this is making it very hard for me to be happy in our marriage…

The frustrating part is that I have dialed back and missed out on a lot of events and activities due to his lack of interest or lack of joy.. in them.

I fear that he will be an absent husband, and absent father to our children that we don’t even have yet. And absent hearted to have the desire to “change” his mindset.

He believes changing his mind set is changing himself like he’s losing a part of him like I’m changing him. — but to me changing his mindset is only making the person who he is stronger and healthier.

I feel like I’m losing emotional connection with him. Because of his pessimistic thoughts and how thinks so negatively.. it’s a mood that is undesirable… it’s mood that impacts everyone it’s mood that fills a room with darkness.. and the solution to him is to “leave” not be present, doesn’t care. When I believe the solution his finding the reason to why he is pessimistic.. and how he can practice positive awareness..

Recently it seems like he has been a hateful grumpy stubborn person who is too set in his own ways to try to change his mindset.

What do I do.. how can I guide and encourage him to take time to be more gentle and kind..

Please help me.. guide me , lead him to or lead me to a path of peace.. not heartbreak

I’m at a breaking point.

tl;dr

I’m in marriage counseling with my husband. We we have been together for 3 years. Got married in 2025. 9 months into our marriage
I am noticing a very negative change in his mood personality and mindset.
He is also thinking and finding the negative in what seems like everything.. when I ask him to try to think of positive things to say he responds with “that’s hard” i don’t think like that.

He has a time line in his mind and that’s how things have to be if that’s what was said to him.
There is no wiggle room for change or “ flexibility”
He becomes the biggest jack ass.

I married him knowing he was not a outgoing person. I married him knowing he was more of a home body.
I myself am beginning to be more of a home body. But still enjoy the small moments of family hang outs.

I married him knowing that he was high functioning and that his social cue were non existent.

I married him knowing that I would love him and be the person he needed. Be the person who would open up that small light he had shinning.

But recently.. he has been the last person I want to be around.
I want my husband to be present and silly goofy and kind. Not a man with such negative energy..

I want my husband present, but him being present results in him acting/ behaving like a jerk.
Doesn’t talk to anyone — his excuse they didn’t talk to me. Why do I have to be the person to say hi first..

I feel like I’m either lonely and avoided or my husband is present but makes everything miserable
makes me feel I just need to go home and miss out. Becuase it’s embarrassing to have a husband next to you who thinks and feels like it’s not worth his time

I need advice on what to do.. he refuses to do individual counseling. He refuses to consult a doctors on anxiety meds or ocd therapy he refused to be diagnosed with ASD because of the stigma. And has no desire to change because changing would be losing the parts that’s he likes about him self. The only reason why he is doing marriage therapy is because I am there with him.

Do I give an ultimatium… do I just suck it up because I said for better or for worse do I leave and stay with my mom until he gets his metal health cared for..
his mental heath and illness and very hard to love.
But I chose to love him.. I love him and know he has let this negative mind set take over for far too long

I’m at a breaking point.

tl;dr

I’m in marriage counseling with my husband. We we have been together for 3 years. Got married in 2025. 9 months into our marriage
I am noticing a very negative change in his mood personality and mindset.
He is also thinking and finding the negative in what seems like everything.. when I ask him to try to think of positive things to say he responds with “that’s hard” i don’t think like that.

He has a time line in his mind and that’s how things have to be if that’s what was said to him.
There is no wiggle room for change or “ flexibility”
He becomes the biggest jack ass.

I married him knowing he was not a outgoing person. I married him knowing he was more of a home body.
I myself am beginning to be more of a home body. But still enjoy the small moments of family hang outs.

I married him knowing that he was high functioning and that his social cue were non existent.

I married him knowing that I would love him and be the person he needed. Be the person who would open up that small light he had shinning.

But recently.. he has been the last person I want to be around.
I want my husband to be present and silly goofy and kind. Not a man with such negative energy..

I want my husband present, but him being present results in him acting/ behaving like a jerk.
Doesn’t talk to anyone — his excuse they didn’t talk to me. Why do I have to be the person to say hi first..

I feel like I’m either lonely and avoided or my husband is present but makes everything miserable
makes me feel I just need to go home and miss out. Becuase it’s embarrassing to have a husband next to you who thinks and feels like it’s not worth his time

I need advice on what to do.. he refuses to do individual counseling. He refuses to consult a doctors on anxiety meds or ocd therapy he refused to be diagnosed with ASD because of the stigma. And has no desire to change because changing would be losing the parts that’s he likes about him self. The only reason why he is doing marriage therapy is because I am there with him.

Do I give an ultimatium… do I just suck it up because I said for better or for worse do I leave and stay with my mom until he gets his metal health cared for..
his mental heath and illness and very hard to love.
But I chose to love him.. I love him and know he has let this negative mind set take over for far too long