Any guys here in their mid-30s+ earning less than the median salary?
How do you process this personally, especially where you are not working in a personally fulfilling job.
Just curious to learn of others' experiences. Feels daunting at this age.
After a decade of not travelling I went on a solo holiday this year for two weeks. Totally out of my comfort zone and booked on a whim with only a few days of accommodation paid for. It was a great experience overall, very freeing. Talked to a bunch of people who were very open and friendly, and not in a wide-mouthed Instagram way but more a Siddhartha-like "how's your journey going" kind of way. Made life feel mysterious and transitory. Sometimes I felt like a kid on an adventure, despite my age. Very regretful I didn't do it sooner. Would recommend.
Anybody experienced this?
Granted my own insecurities probably made me take it more personally than I should have, but looking back it seems clear how important and impressive height was to her in a man.
I don't know man, she never said it in an outright hostile way, and I tried to laugh it off, but I think height really was this really important thing to her and that part of the reason I felt she was disrespectful at times is because I didn't measure up height-wise. I'm not even mad, but it is disappointing that this may have been a factor.
Has anybody lived in a flat in Ferry Court?
What are the service charges like there (i.e., reasonable annual increase) and what is the soundproofing like in the flats themselves?
Wondering if it's a relatively quiet area to live in, if your flat is not directly overlooking the A4232.
Hi there,
After four years working in an entry level role in a new industry, I applied for a different role internally (large multinational) and have been invited for a second round interview. In the application I stated my requested salary (their wording) which I calculated was the lower range of what seems average for the role in my region (NE England), or £3k more than I'm on now. This salary request was not acknowledged in the first round interview, although the interviewer wrote down my current salary but mentioned a salary ceiling which restricted him a bit.
This new role would involve learning a lot of new skills (I was told it will be a painful process), and joining a new team (I get on well with my current colleagues). I'm worried however that if I am offered the role, the salary will be revealed to be only marginally higher than what I am on now, which may not even be worth it considering my current role has overtime a couple of times a year. I'm in my mid 30s and the oldest among my colleagues at present, so feel it's a healthy idea to try and progress in some shape or form.
I'm wondering would you change roles internally if you had been in the current entry level position for a number of years (with no sign of advancement opportunities), were gaining no transferable skills in said role, even if it meant only a small pay increase and potentially a lot of new things to learn?
Has anyone here experienced a fall from grace (lost a job, messed up in a big way, divorce, life going off the rails, etc) and looked back and realised it was somehow for the best and actually feel grateful that things happened the way they did?
Interested in life experiences of guys who have experienced being in a terrible situation and then looking back and being grateful that it happened.
Hi there,
I've been invited for a second round interview for an internal role which sounds like it will teach new skills, having worked 3 years in my current entry level position which has no real room for progression.
I set my salary requirement as £3k higher than my current role, based on searching the job title in my region (NE England) and going for the lower range due to lack of experience. In the first round interview no salary was mentioned, although I was asked what my current salary was and she wrote down the figure. The interviewer told me his manager was in charge of salaries, but that there was a budget and a salary ceiling so I'm not expecting anything higher than what I suggested and am worried I may be offered a salary only slightly higher than my current one.
The team I currently work on is good people-wise, so I'm wondering whether it would actually be worth learning a lot of new skills (which I am told will be difficult at first) if the salary is only marginally higher, and when I will potentially be joining a team which may not be as good a fit as my current one. I understand the job market is currently competitive and that I am pretty easy to replace, so I have no expectations really.
Any thoughts or advice?
My parents split when I was very young. I'm told my dad asked to see me a couple of hours on a Saturday every two weeks. Eventually this happened but I (as far as I remember) asked to stop going because we often just watched sports on the couch and I found it boring (he worked hard and was probably in a bad place mentally, maybe financially). He and my mom had no contact except very rare phone and him asking to hand over the phone.
Years later we had some contact, but then after college we had an angry email exchange (I'll admit I was hot-headed and frustrated at the time in an exhausting job, new city) and he basically wrote a long email accusing me of having a personality disorder, etc. Again, my own email to him was angry and unkind so at my age I struggle to hold grudges.
Since then it's been over a decade of no contact. I turned 25, 30, 35 without an email. However, while I don't judge him negatively (mostly because I don't know him, and relate to his anger and ability to close himself off from people) I do feel (albeit as someone without kids) that I could not imagine having a son and not trying to get in touch, or, in the face of anger, perceived ingratitude, hostility from my son not identifying those same traits in myself and not replying in kind. I'd like to think I would remember myself at that age, and just offer my time and help if they ever wanted to get in touch. The only reason I could imagine doing that is if I was certain there was a stepfather involved, my kid was happy, and made it clear I was nothing to him. A mixed feeling.
Are there any older fathers here who has experienced losing a relationship to their child?
Hi there,
I'm in my mid-30s and work what is essentially an entry level job, which is unfulfilling but simple and undemanding. There is no real pressure to earn more at the moment, but I often feel annoyed at myself for being at square one at my age. A job opportunity came up in the company, and although no salary was listed it's definitely higher than mine. I have little experience in what the job involves, although the advertisement suggested there is room to be trained (and also room for advancement within that field), and so I applied.
However, I have since signed up to some courses to learn what is involved in the role. It's essentially tech-related work, which I realize is very vague and I mean no offense by painting with such a broad stroke. This kind of thing (and STEM in general) has never attracted or come easy to me, and I find myself struggling to retain information and maintain interest the more complex things get. In the past I've had a habit of brute forcing my way through exams and certain things related to jobs I've held for the sake of it, but at my age I find that willingness to force myself to learn and adapt to things I have no interest in is much lower. The feeling I have at the moment is sincere regret for not figuring out some kind of career path much earlier in my life, when fulfilment would compensate for a low salary, entry position etc - it's as though I've just taken any job I could get and forced myself to tolerate it against my will, probably through a mixture of fear, complacency and a desire to make money in a secure line of work (I don't live in an area where jobs are plentiful or well-paying). Apologies if I am blogging at this point.
My question is, what would you do in this situation?
As I mentioned, option 2 just feels childish and ungrateful, especially at my age, at least that's what I tell myself. My big fear is waking up at 40, 45, having ploughed my energy into a line of work which is not fulfilling for the sake of earning more money.
Hi there,
I'm in my mid-30s and work what is essentially an entry level job, which is unfulfilling but simple and undemanding. There is no real pressure to earn more at the moment, but I often feel annoyed at myself for being at square one at my age. A job opportunity came up in the company, and although no salary was listed it's definitely higher than mine. I have little experience in what the job involves, although the advertisement suggested there is room to be trained (and also room for advancement within that field), and so I applied.
However, I have since signed up to some courses to learn what is involved in the role. It's essentially tech-related work, which I realize is very vague and I mean no offense by painting with such a broad stroke. This kind of thing (and STEM in general) has never attracted or come easy to me, and I find myself struggling to retain information and maintain interest the more complex things get. In the past I've had a habit of brute forcing my way through exams and certain things related to jobs I've held for the sake of it, but at my age I find that willingness to force myself to learn and adapt to things I have no interest in is much lower. The feeling I have at the moment is sincere regret for not figuring out some kind of career path much earlier in my life, when fulfilment would compensate for a low salary, entry position etc - it's as though I've just taken any job I could get and forced myself to tolerate it against my will, probably through a mixture of fear, complacency and a desire to make money in a secure line of work. Apologies if I am blogging at this point.
My question is, what would you do in this situation?
As I mentioned, option 2 just feels childish and ungrateful, especially at my age, at least that's what I tell myself. My big fear is waking up at 40, 45, having ploughed my energy into a line of work which is not fulfilling for the sake of earning more money.
Sorry if this is off-topic, but I'm wondering how others perceive Britain in terms of its beauty, namely urban areas (anything from cities to small towns).
When I visit different cities, I find I'm often underwhelmed and disappointed by the lack of emphasis on beauty. A subjective term I suppose, but what I mean is the lack of ornamentation, upkeep of buildings, the often underwhelming and bogstandard architectural design, the neglect of historic buildings. Many facets of the urban environment (e.g., the design of streetlights, pedestrianised streets) seem so unimaginative, lacklustre and frankly ugly, albeit "modernised" in many cases. Utility and cost-cutting seem to be the only considerations, which I understand from an economic perspective, but despair at from an imaginative one. Sometimes I'll come across an area which appears to have so much potential, and feel saddened that minimal effort has seemingly been made to realise this (perceived) potential. Just recently a beautiful row of Victorian-era buildings with lovely stonework (presumably sourced locally/regionally), a decorative fence, bay windows and old trees outside were demolished near me, to make way for a mini supermarket and a square orange block of flats. I acknowledge damp issues etc with older buildings, but to demolish them seems like such a barbaric act. Especially when it's clear that such buildings will likely never be built again. I sometimes come across some artifact of British architectural history and find that it has since been demolished and replaced with something far uglier, a recent example being Swan Arcade in Bradford.
One thing I notice in some European countries, for example, is that residential streets are often planned with beauty in mind, to some extent, e.g., trees being planted along the street, or streets being one-way to make the passage of vehicles secondary and allow for spacious pavements or cycle paths. There is a sense of elegance in such places, or identity, or charm; something I find either lacking or overlooked in many places here.
Another thing I've grown to find quite wearisome is the tendency to label one's town or city a "shithole" in a kind of blase, almost celebratory manner. I become frustrated to find this sentiment almost uniform among the people I meet when describing either their own town or city, or some other place they visited in the UK. I find this mentality just feeds into the general sense of decay and neglect, even when taking British self-effacement into account. A country is, after all, a reflection of its people, and I find that people are often under-served by the quality of their surroundings.
Just wondering if it's my own doom-and-gloom mentality which is at fault here, or whether anybody feels the same. If you feel the same, why do you believe this to be the case?
I'm wondering what stronger looks like, in your experience.
I feel pretty naive in regards to a lot of things in life, as though I failed to experience enough (especially romantically) to develop a thick enough skin which I've seen in other people who have been through multiple breaks ups and heartaches. I've dealt with betrayal, employment struggles, financial struggles, huge mistakes, loneliness, etc, but when I look back I feel like these things have only made me more inward, defensive, self-loathing and adept at translating any hardship as evidence of personal failing. I'm tempted at times to think some higher power is determining the success and failure of everyone's lives, and that my own failures and suffering are justified punishment for failing to be a good person. Which isn't to say I deny all personal agency, or acknowledge that countless people suffer through no fault of their own, but only that I find it easy to enter the mindframe of deserving failure.
What I find is that any hardships I've faced as a result of random events or the actions of others have been relatively easy to process, and have allowed me to grow wiser. But what I really struggle to deal with are personal failings, especially those where I have let others down or not treated them as well as I could and should have, or at least when I judge that to be the case.