u/Ordinary-Eggplant784

I can't stop thinking about this video. If you cried every day for 6 years about not being a man, how could you not be a trans man at all? All I want is to be a man. Idk if it's dysphoria or misoginy, but I would give literally anything to be one. But I will never pass and will never be respected so what's the point in transitioning or living at all?

But this person turned out to not be trans and to have found happiness in their femeninity. Every time I try and be more femenine I feel so deeply uncomfortable. But being masculine feels even worse, like I'm a cheap imitation of a man and a freak. I don't know. I feel subhuman

I slowly kinda stopped hanging out with people bc I'm autistic and I just can't handle socializing these days. I expected some people to ask what was going on but nobody ever reached out to me.

Not only that, but a childhood friend recently went out of their way to cut me off and said I was too selfish bc I didn't reach out to them while they were going through something. They're right I should be there for them, but I'm baffled that they couldn't understand why I wasn't, and ironically didn't reach out to me either. Instead of letting the relationship fizzle out like everybody else, they decided to slam the door on me on their way out.

I get I'm a downer to be around and I'm not very responsive to text messages, but I feel like I was mantaining all these friendships for nothing if they would never be there for me when I need them. And I've asked for help. I am very open about my mental health rn, how I don't know what to do with my life and how I hate having a job or studying or living in general. All I've gotten is "you should try harder" and "idk I dont think about it that hard".

I don't feel particularly lonely right now. More so just unsupported and uncared for. So long burning myself out for these people for what? I probably do sound selfish, and I mean, I probably am. I can't bathe most weeks, people know this, I don't know what they expect. I'm severily neglectful bc i'm depressed. This is not news. I guess no one cared to listen to that part.

I hate when people tell those with depression to just go outside, go on walks, get some fresh air or go to the fucking gym. I did ALL of that at the peak of my depression thinking it would solve my mental health problems. I went to the gym three times a week, hanged out with friends, went to class and got good grades. All it did was make people believe I didn't have depression. I couldn't get the help I needed because I was "doing so well". All I really got was a shit ton of burnout.

It's the worst advice you can give to someone who's depressed, you're making it out to be like they're just too lazy to get better. And it can even be dangerous, because the supposed "energy" you get from doing exercise can actually motivate depressed people to harm or even kill themselves.

Personally, going to the gym only gave me constant intrusive thoughts about my body.

The people who say "oh I was depressed and I just started going to the gym!! Now I'm much better" weren't depressed in the first place, they were just sad, and now they're making it worse for everyone who actually is.