u/Overgrown_Fuzzy_Worm

If anyone can help or something that’d be actually great. Kinda nervous to post this but i need someone to tell me if im overthinking lol.

Firstly, I in general don’t really find the concept of actual people sexually or romantically attractive I think..the only crushes that weren’t on my ex/trauma-bond (not sure if i can use the other word that starts with GR and has two o’s here) were just me knowing I had to have a crush on someone and mentally selecting someone like off a list of classmates. I feel like at 19 I should’ve had at least one other actual crush in my life that I didn’t just tell myself to “have”? Even now it’s still more like, “oh yeah i guess you’re cool, I’ll have a crush on you for a few weeks”, it really didn’t like feel like a crush is supposed to? I wasn’t hurt or anything when he mentioned having a gf I was just kinda indifferent and switched off. If that makes sense.

And secondly I’m not like sex repulsed or anything, I’m very hypersexual, and I can still feel attraction in the actual moment and stuff with someone. (Also not sure how pg i have to be here, and not super good at even describing myself in that kind of situation sorry.) but as a romantic/otherwise concept towards real people like peers, celebs, etc its all basically nonexistent. I can joke all day ab Markiplier or Ryan Gosling as Grace from PHM (used as popular examples) but I don’t find either of them like…attractive-attractive aside from knowing they are conventionally so. Gosling looks like every other white guy actor outside of the Ryland Grace costume to me. Everyones kinda neutrally conceptually “attractive” to me I guess. Like sure i prefer other trans people or women over men but even then the ACTUAL attraction just feels like a conceptual “i would feel safer/prefer this idea more than this idea.” I don’t really physically feel much of anything about it.

(Btw I did specify real people bc i do self-ship but thats basically the extent of my natural risen romantic attraction tbh. Ive always liked the CONCEPT of a relationship)