u/Own-Exchange3313

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The MM always made a lot of small comments about how his ex wife (who was his current wife before we got together) was crazy. Other people also made comments about her behaviors as well but 🤷‍♀️ not my business.

He has blamed his going back and fourth on her behavior and has said sometimes it's just easier to talk to her so she will calm down. I never liked that he still kept contact with her.

I stopped believing the MM because he lies to me about her.

I was about to cut things off, we had been arguing all day. I go over to his house after work. ( him and his wife are now split - he has his own place and we are official).

Right before I get an email, and a text from his ex wife!

Then she shows up...

She shows up to say,

"I know he is a narcissist, but I like him. I will make sure I am ALWAYS around so you will have to deal with it" then she says he has cheated on her 3 times prior, but she likes him, so basically, she will always take him back.

She said a lot of other crazy stuff too. Too much to type without it being a novel.

She called my boss to tell her I was planning on "stealing the business"??? No clue where that came from.

She told everyone and anyone who would listen that I slept with him while they were married "just for sex" to make me sound extra bad.

Awhile back he said when he went over there to get things, she told him, "The thought of you sleeping with someone else turns me on" to try to seduce him... very much a lie. She was incredibly jealous and controlling throughout their relationship. He wasn't even allowed to go out with friends.

She once physically tried to hold him back from the door when he was trying to leave.

And she is constantly begging him to come back (I have seen the messages). He never begs to go back to her, and has told her numerous times that they can not be together.

We argue because I beg him to just block her so we don't have to deal with it, but he wouldn't. I thought he was purely just being sketchy.

Now I'm just confused and don't know what to think. I thought he was lying to me about her being that way but I've seen it and experienced it for myself now. I was about to end it and tell him to go be with her, but now I actually think she has been manipulative and intentionally made it really difficult for him to try to leave.

What do you all think? Thoughts?

Do we think the trolls and lurkers that immediately downvote pretty much every post here are angry exes who have been cheated on? And if so, do we think it makes them feel better somehow?

I've never seen a subreddit with this many lurkers. It's interesting to me.

Hello. After leaving my abusive relationship, I struggle to feel actually connected to others. I wasn't like this prior to having this happen. I isolate a lot, and when I do finally agree to hang out - sometimes I feel so disconnected to people around me that it feels uncomfortable for me and it makes me really sad. Has anyone else had this? If so, do you know why?

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After ending my narcissistic relationship, I have been isolating a lot. It feels really draining to be around people, especially multiple people, for very long at all. I know this is common after that, but it worries me. I have really cool people ask me to do things with them all the time, but I just can't. I am afraid I will act weird because I have panic attacks sometimes ( being in big crowds with people I dont know is a trigger for them), I zone out a lot - I really don't mean to and I try to focus but sometimes I get lost in my mind still.

I fear that they will turn out to be like the people I have escaped, or I just physically feel too tired to do it. Like my body and mind just can't. I didn't use to be like this.

I also see those traits everywhere now, which is a good thing to an extent, but I am concerned I'm just going to turn into a completely unsociable hermit and stay that way until death.

But part of me is okay with that outcome because at least I wouldn't go through that again.

After ending my narcissistic relationship, I have been isolating a lot. It feels really draining to be around people, especially multiple people, for very long at all. I know this is common after that, but it worries me. I have really cool people ask me to do things with them all the time, but I just can't. I am afraid I will act weird because I have panic attacks sometimes ( being in big crowds with people I dont know is a trigger for them), I zone out a lot - I really don't mean to and I try to focus but sometimes I get lost in my mind still.

I fear that they will turn out to be like the people I have escaped, or I just physically feel too tired to do it. Like my body and mind just can't. I didn't use to be like this.

I also see those traits everywhere now, which is a good thing to an extent, but I am concerned I'm just going to turn into a completely unsociable hermit and stay that way until death.

But part of me is okay with that outcome because at least I wouldn't go through that again.

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In my late 20s, (Now 30F) I entered a romantic relationship with the guy I had worked for. It was a bad idea in hindsight. He was persistent and did a great job at convincing me he cared. I THOUGHT he was my best friend at the time. I really, really believed that he was going to leave his wife. He actually did get a divorce and moved into his own place, but he treated me HORRIBLY once he realized "he had me" and cheated on me with his ex-wife constantly. He lied in the beginning and made it sound like he didn't want to be with her at all. This mess carried on for 2 years. I genuinely just think he enjoyed cheating.

I have stayed away from him for 6 months now.

He emails me and sends me letters because he is blocked elsewhere. He even made an Instagram account that tells stories of us.... it's really bizarre and very much an attempt to manipulate me into coming back.

I left his business and basically had to start over. He nearly ruined my life.

But I turned it around, and I now run a successful business of my own despite him.

I know it's just the trauma bond, but I have issues still missing the "good side" of him, which I know is ridiculous. The bad absolutely outweighed the good.

Many people acted like I was the most stupid person in the world for getting into the situation to begin with.

I also struggle with a lot of guilt and shame from the situation.

I would like to know yalls experiences on some of the following, please;

Have any of you managed to have a safe relationship with the affair partner after they left their spouses?

How long did it take you to stop missing them once you left for good?

And how do you cope with feeling of shame or guilt if they arise?

Thank you to anyone who has advice or can share their story with it 🖤

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Hello, this is going to be a long one.

I (30F) have been thinking a lot about my first 4 years in the tattoo industry. I have left the studio I started at and slowly began healing, but it's brought up a lot of questions for me.

It wasn't until recently that I started reading about adult grooming and grooming in the workplace. Which has honestly been such a mind fuck. So I'll just start from the beginning.

I was hired when I was 25 to do "desk work" for a very popular and well loved shop in my city, which was really just a chance to see if I was a good fit before offering me an apprenticeship. I looked up to all the artists and was just so happy to be there working beside them.

The main owner of the shop, we will call him Bob, was the one who called me and offered me the opportunity. He is an amazing artist who did  painting and murals as well as tattoos.

We knew of each other because I also did alot of painting and other art forms in the area. We had previously followed each other on instagram several years prior. I thought he was super cool and I was so stoked to get to learn from him.

So my mentor, we will call her Sam, she had tattooed me since I was 19 and we developed a really cool client relationship. Sam saw something in me and asked Bob to give me a try and that is how I got the opportunity.  I never asked her to do that or talked to her about it, she just did it because she really believed in me and I appreciated her so much for that.

So pretty immediately upon beginning I noticed things that were a little bit strange but again, I was just happy to be there, so I overlooked them.

At first I was going to have days off so that I could work and pay my bills through my apprenticeship, but then Bob the owner apparently said that I wasn't allowed to do that... he apparently wanted me to be homeless and struggle through it...like he legit told my mentor that. I agreed because I wanted it so bad. Thankfully the receptionist there was quitting so they ended up letting me work her job for money. I will also note that anytime Bob talked about it to me, he never said I couldn't have days off or work somewhere to support myself, but apparently he said that to others that then had to relay that news to me. So I started immediately getting a weird vibe from him after that.

  One of the senior male artists (we will call him Jake) was super friendly. He followed all my socials and would always talk to me. Which I thought was nice being new there, but he had tried to get one of my best friends to go to his house when his wife wasn't there. He had also messaged me on social media a year prior to this trying to get me to come to a party at his house... He was kind of notorious for cheating on his wife multiple times. Not my business, but it did set off a little warning in my head, so I just kept a bit of a distance while still being very friendly to him.

Then I met the second owner, let's call her Jenny. Jenny immediately hated me.

She had been away for my first 3 weeks or so working there. When she came in, she didn't say anything to me at all, so I went and introduced myself to her. She was just like "Yeah I know".

Kinda catty but whatever, again, I was just happy to be there and I had followed her work for years.

A couple of the other artists kinda "warned me" about her "energy" before this. One of them said something along the lines of if she is having a bad day, everyone will feel it.

There were 3 other artists there that I haven't mentioned yet.

One being a guy about my age who was about to leave, let's call him Zach, we immediately got along great and even started working out together. Super cool guy.

After a couple months of working the desk they asked me to apprentice. I was so happy I literally cried.

However things immediately began to shift, Jake seemed pissed suddenly and had alot to say about how my mentor was teaching me.

He would request that I clean the windows outside of his booth and do various tasks which I did no problem. He would continually remind me how lucky I am to be at that shop and constantly told me about how terrible his apprenticeship was. His personality did a 180 and he was no longer friendly to me but started doing wierd things such as liking all my selfies at once on social media, then unliking them. Then he would follow me and unfollow me, just wierd shady stuff. I never said anything about it because he would always deny things and  I just wanted to keep my job.  His wife didn't like me so I didn't feel comfortable telling her.  There was one day that I was watching him draw something because I was learning, and his wife kept giving me this wierd stare and shrugging her shoulders like "what are you looking at"

It was all sooooo bizarre.

Sam had also went through a time of being very rude to me. Like the first time I held a machine and had questions she responded with "I don't think you want this"  " you should already know this by now" because my literal first lines were shaky.  She then apologized a few days later and told me that Bob (the owner) told her that's how she needed to be to me.... which was wierd but okay.

Jake would constantly tell me my apprenticeship is being done wrong. Then Jenny, the other owner, started saying that she also disagrees with how I am being taught, but she would wait until my mentor left to say anything. She complained for weeks to me after my mentor left for the day, then said that I needed to do something about how I am being taught because it wasn't working for her.  Which was super confusing because I don't know how I'm supposed to be taught 🤷‍♀️ and then I felt stuck inbetween my mentor and the owner. I really didn't want to get fired. So one day when it was just me and my mentor I mentioned what Jenny said, and explained that I am trying to do everything right but at this point I'm not sure what to do.  Sam got mad that Jenny didn't talk to her about it instead, which really would have made more sense. Sam asked Jenny about it, and Jenny said she never said anything to me at all about any of it.... Jenny told her I was lying.

So that created a bit of a riff but Sam believed me because Jenny had done similiar things in the past.

Jenny ended up pulling me outside and asking why I said that.... 🤷‍♀️ that's when I realized I can not trust her at all. Which was scary because she could fire me, and she wanted to.

Okay whatever, so me and Zach were working out every morning before work and we started to develop a little crush over the course of a few months. I was afraid to date him because I wasn't sure if the shop would have feelings about it and again, did not feel comfortable openly talking about much to them, but my mentor saw the way we acted towards each other and was like "duuude... date him!! You two are so cute" ect ect.  So we began officially dating either right before or after he left the shop.  We had alot of little adventures together and it was a fun time, we were together for 7 months.  I am bringing up our relationship because it will matter later.

So as part of my apprenticeship I would go in early and clean the shop every other day, Bob the owner would get there super early. So sometimes we would make small talk and smoke together outside. I found him fun to talk to and full of knowledge but was hesitant because of the wierd stuff in the beginning. We seemed to warm up to each other and eventually we really enjoyed having conversations.

When me and Zach broke up he had some questions about it and acted like he thought Zach was a "dick" which he was a little bit of a jerk but overall pretty cool.

After Zach left they decided to hire another new artist - which wasn't very cool because I was about ready to start taking walk ins so now we would be fighting for the new clients. Let's call the new hire Gary. Gary immediately became friends with Jake and also started treating me bad. When I did start taking walk ins, there was a time he literally jumped infront of me while I was talking to a client about what they wanted to try to steal the client from me.  I didn't like him at all.

Around this time I started having ink and supplies go missing - never brought it up because somehow it would turn into a me problem somehow as everything did.

Jenny would be super extra nice one day then do something insane the next. At one point she accused me of doing a tattoo backwards... I didn't do the tattoo, I knew I didn't do it.

But she made up some elaborate story about how the girl told her specifically that I did it and said "it was the little girl in the room in the back". This was another way of making me feel like I was never safe there. One of the desk girls ended up calling that client and asking... she confirmed that I didn't do it, but Gary did 🙃. Gary is like a  7 foot very manly boy. You CAN NOT get us confused.

Jenny got angry that I and everyone else found out that she lied and somehow it turned into me not being able to take criticism. She told me she wanted to fire me along time ago...

By the end of my apprenticeship me and Bob had made it a little ritual to sit outside and smoke together while drinking our morning coffee. It was just friendly and good conversation.  I thought he was a very attractive man but I never thought anything of it because he was so much older than me and he was married.

At one point my mentor had started taking a new medication which made her very ,very angry so I couldn't really talk to her. She told me at one point that we were not friends anymore and started changing the way she talked about me. She used to tell people that she loved my "drive" and "grit" and that is why she wanted to apprentice me. Suddenly it was "you got lucky, it's much easier now" . She always talked about how hard it was for her during my apprenticeship and I just felt like I was burden to her so I quit talking to her which made me really sad but I don't want to feel like a burden to someone.

Bob became the only person there besides another artist we will call Autumn that I felt I could talk to. Autumn wasn't there very much though and her booth was right next to Sam so I tried not to talk to her so much when Sam was there.

Bob ended up being the one I asked for advice from. He always helped me and at times even took up for me against Jenny the other owner. This ritual of coffee and cigarettes lasted for two years and by that point I considered him a very good friend.  We both would get there 2 hours before our first appointment to chat about tattoos, life,art, anything really and enjoy our coffee.

Bob started complimenting me a whole lot, and confiding in me about his personal life and marriage. It seemed like a very unhappy marriage. He made her sound kind of insane and I felt really bad for him.  I wasn't sure why Bob was still there and it didn't seem like he knew either.  I had only met her a few times in passing and one of the times I tried to talk to her she acted very snobby and rude so I believed him.

Eventually Bob started flirting with me a little bit which I would ignore the first several times. 

I did really really like him though. There was this shared chemistry and feeling like I had never felt. I just didn't want to get into a messy situation. I figured if he wanted me that bad and was unhappy in his relationship he would just leave first, then I would entertain it.

Me and Bob really liked a certain style of tattooing, and I wanted a cover up on my leg so he designed a beautiful piece to cover it.

It took multiple sessions. After the second sessions he messaged me and told me that his body and mind goes crazy while he is tattooing me, and that he hopes that doesn't offend me or anything but he has never felt that way for anyone. He unsent it after a few minutes.  I acted like I didn't see it and just ignored it like I did his other advances.

He ended up bringing it up a few weeks later along with some other messages he had sent. I told him I knew, that I had saw those messages.

He asked if the feeling was mutual because he "didn't want to feel like a creep". I told him I couldn't entertain that because of the circumstances. That if i was honest about the way I feel it could make things difficult. I told him his life as it is is very comfy and I don't want to fuck that up.

He assured me that I wouldn't fuck his life up and he would never fire me or do anything to hurt me.

I still kept distance because he was married, and my boss, and all of that.

The next time he tattooed me it was just us in the shop.  Our heads were kind of close together while he was working on me and we made eye contact. Then he kissed me, and we kept kissing. It literally felt explosive. I have never been so turned on by someone in my life.

Then we went out to smoke and cool down.  I was really quiet and I know he could tell I was feeling some sort of way because he asked if I was okay.

I felt confused because I did want him but I also didn't want to do any of that because of everything I said before. I felt horrible because he was with someone else.  I honestly still feel very confused about that day. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. But once we got back in there he started making moves and one thing led to another.

He would say things like, "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can you" and "I've never felt this way for anyone before". I stupidly believed him. Looking back it makes me want to scream.

Weeks later, I ended up inviting him to my place which was stupid. I shouldn't have. I should have stuck with my plan of making sure he would leave his current situation first. We had sex, and then from that point forward he would come over two or three times a week. We would have sex, watch movies, cook food or order food. Sometimes we would just cuddle or talk. It felt like we were dating and he was so sweet and made me so happy. But then he would leave and  I would feel fucking horrible because he was still married.

I really really genuinely believed he would just end the marriage from what he had told me about her and the way he talked about feeling towards me. I thought there was no way in hell he would keep pursuing me with no intent other than sex.

This went on for 3 and a half months and at that point I was about to tell him I couldn't do it anymore if he just wants to keep us both. But then his wife saw a message.

She called me to tell me that she would "make sure everyone knows what kind of person I really am" and that I fucked her life up. She believed it was just sexual... because he told her it was just sexual. 

He came by the shop to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that he will get his own place and we will be alright. So I still thought we were going to be together. He said he just told her that to cool things down because she was hurt...

His wife told Jakes's wife about it immediately along with everyone else... so that finally gave Jake a reason and justification to be an asshole to me so he treated me much worse. He has literally fucked or tried to fuck everyone while being married but ya know 🤷‍♀️ its only bad when someone else is doing it. He still to this day tries to convince people to not get work done by me because I am a "bad person".

But I felt like I deserved the cruelty then so I didn't say anything at all.

The wife still wanted to be with Bob, so she begged him to fire me so they could go on and "be happy". He didn't and then after a few days he apparently told her that it wasn't just sexual, which made everything worse for him somehow I guess.

Then he sent me an email asking me to find another job, then the next day he came by to tell me about how he is contemplating firing me...

I was so shocked and hurt and confused. I didn't  say anything, I was just kind of froze. He then got mad at me for not saying anything....

I guess Jenny realized that would look really really bad and potentially cause legal issues if he fired me for having sex with him, so she said they would closely monitor my work and then decide...... that way they could blame it on work performance.

He also told me that if I left on my own after this he would tell me in quote "fuck you c\\\* n t"  and never speak to me again.

That was the first time I actually realized that he wasn't confused about how he felt. He just used that as an excuse and he was actually very worried about controlling a narrative that could exist if I left and told my story.

Bob also said that he was considering calling another shop and just telling him they don't have space for me anymore to give me a job somewhere else.... I told him I didn't want to do that and that I wasn't going to lie about things. That made him very angry.

The next couple weeks were absolute hell for so many reasons. No one talked to me and if they did it was to say something cruel.

Jenny once again told me that she wanted to fire me a long time ago and that I probably constructed all this on purpose....

She said that I have "had sex with two of the artists now" referring to Zach, whom I had a legit relationship with.... I just thought that was an interesting way to phrase that. She also said that she could tell we were getting "scummy" a long time ago.... whatever that means.

Even people I don't know at the business next door were rude to me. He didn't say anything to me at all and he didn't come to work.

Apparently his wife called Jenny and told Jenny I was trying to steal the business from her and that she should watch out. I have no idea where that came from.

When he returned to work everyone greeted him and acted like he didn't do anything wrong but still treated me horribly.

He then said that he was sorry for leaving me in the dark and alone to deal with everything. He apologized for the way he had acted.  He said he is finding his own place, and that he still wants to us to be together. Again a complete turn around from what he had previously said.

I did want that though.

So he got his own place, and he filed for a divorce.  His ex was still in the picture because they were working on getting things situated.

... that's what he told me anyway. And I trusted him because over the years he made it sound like he had been done with her for a very long time.

Turns out he lied to me (big shock I know 🙃) and was still having sex with her and all that.

He ended up admitting that to me because he "felt bad" about it, but he wanted me to know he was seriously done with her this time....

I believed him. Then a couple months later, found out he was lying AGAIN. God lol

I asked him soooooo many times through this if he wanted to be with her... he always said no.

He genuinely just likes cheating.

At one point the ex wife emailed me and texted me to tell me they were still together and that she is leaving him because she deserved better. I didn't respond because 🤷‍♀️

That was a lie... she still kept seeing him. She actually had started dating someone else almost immediately after she found out about me but was seeing Bob in secret all the time.

I in secret had started saving money when I started to see that he didn't care about me the first time so I could leave if I needed to.

Which was hard to do because I was paying 1600-2000 a month in booth rent as a new artist in a small town...

I considered and looked into other shops and was offered jobs else where but I was afraid they would be same way... or worse... since everyone there always reminded me it could be worse...

Ironically the only artist there that asked me if I was okay or seemed like they saw Bob realistically was Gary. But Gary would sometimes hang out with Bob outside of the shop and he was a jerk in the beginning so I was afraid to be honest with him.

I got my own studio and left. He was pissed at first but then begged me to return to him like he always does.

At one point he sent me an email everyday for two or three weeks telling me what he loves and misses about me because I blocked him on everything else. He hand crafted me special gifts and would even take me on vacations to say he was sorry but as soon as he could tell I was starting to feel safe with him, he would do something horrible. He said and did so many hurtful things during that "relationship" I would have to right a whole novel to scratch the surface.

It felt so embarrassed for taking him back but I was trauma bonded like hell to him

When I left Jenny did some perception control for herself. She apologized for Bob and any bad experience I may have had with her... She said she "never knew" all that was happening because I didn't ever open up to her...... like okay what the fuck ever.

She told me that he has always been that way and that is just " who he is "..... like great, I hope you are so proud of your business partner.

I haven't spoke to him in 7 months now.

One of the last times I replied was to tell him to leave me alone, and that I would have never ever let him get close to me if I knew how he really was. He told me that I was "playing the victim" now.

He still emails me and he has a whole Instagram account dedicated to telling cute stories of us and telling everyone "what he is learning" through therapy and "self help". And telling everyone how much he misses me....

It's SO bizarre, it's also bizarre because people think his actions are romantic...

His ex wife still hangs out with him and talks to him.

At one point she showed up uninvited to tell me that she knows he is using me for sex and even though he doesn't want to officially be with her anymore, she will make sure that she can always be around him..... and that she was suspicious about us from the moment I started. She told me that he had cheated on her twice that she knew of before me, once right before the wedding, but she still chose to marry him and she will always be here. She said he is a "narc" but it's okay because she likes him 🤷‍♀️

I never blame the women in these situations and I never said anything bad about her. However Bob would tell me she was nuts, but I started believing he was lying about everything or her behavior was a response to his actions-  until she showed up and said all that.

Like what the fuck..why do you want to be with someone who uses people for sex and manipulates them to get it ? And why do you want to "always" be around someone like that? And what do you mean you will "make sure you can"?  And why are you judging me for being caught in this when you are actively seeing someone else in secret and was also the other woman in the beginning?

This woman is right at the same age as my mother. She's almost 50. I don't know... I just hope I am never like that.

So fast forward, after I left, everyone except two artists and Jenny left the shop too... I am very curious to know what happened, but I'll never reach out.

This story is so nuts and typing it made me realize how crazy it was. It sounds like I am lying. I couldn't even put everything in there because I would be typing for 5 years..

  I guess I just need to talk about it because I have lived with this for some time now. Like What was that?  Was I groomed by Bob?

I seriously feel like I escaped some type of horrible soap opera in hell. And looking back I wonder how much was orchestrated from the beginning. Did Bob want me to be there so he could manipulate me?  Did everyone know, and that's why they acted weird or made me afraid to leave by telling me it was so much worse everywhere else and making me feel like I suck? Is that why he didn't want me to have another job in the beginning?

Was booth rent so high purposely to make it harder to save?

I'll probably forever have so many questions.

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Hello, this is going to be a long one.

I (30F) have been thinking a lot about my first 4 years in the tattoo industry. I have left the studio I started at and slowly began healing, but it's brought up a lot of questions for me.

It wasn't until recently that I started reading about adult grooming and grooming in the workplace. Which has honestly been really hard to process. So I'll just start from the beginning.

I was hired when I was 25 to do "desk work" for a very popular and well loved shop in my city, which was really just a chance to see if I was a good fit before offering me an apprenticeship. I looked up to all the artists and was just so happy to be there working beside them.

The main owner of the shop, we will call him Bob, was the one who called me and offered me the opportunity. He is an amazing artist who did  painting and murals as well as tattoos.

We knew of each other because I also did alot of painting and other art forms in the area. We had previously followed each other on instagram several years prior. I thought he was super cool and I was so stoked to get to learn from him.

So my mentor, we will call her Sam, she had tattooed me since I was 19 and we developed a really cool client relationship. Sam saw something in me and asked Bob to give me a try and that is how I got the opportunity.  I never asked her to do that or talked to her about it, she just did it because she really believed in me and I appreciated her so much for that.

So pretty immediately upon beginning I noticed things that were a little bit strange but again, I was just happy to be there, so I overlooked them.

At first I was going to have days off so that I could work and pay my bills through my apprenticeship, but then Bob the owner apparently said that I wasn't allowed to do that... he apparently wanted me to be homeless and struggle through it...like he legit told my mentor that. I agreed because I wanted it so bad. Thankfully the receptionist there was quitting so they ended up letting me work her job for money. I will also note that anytime Bob talked about it to me, he never said I couldn't have days off or work somewhere to support myself, but apparently he said that to others that then had to relay that news to me. So I started immediately getting a weird vibe from him after that.

  One of the senior male artists (we will call him Jake) was super friendly. He followed all my socials and would always talk to me. Which I thought was nice being new there, but he had tried to get one of my best friends to go to his house when his wife wasn't there. He had also messaged me on social media a year prior to this trying to get me to come to a party at his house... He was kind of notorious for cheating on his wife multiple times. Not my business, but it did set off a little warning in my head, so I just kept a bit of a distance while still being very friendly to him.

Then I met the second owner, let's call her Jenny. Jenny immediately hated me.

She had been away for my first 3 weeks or so working there. When she came in, she didn't say anything to me at all, so I went and introduced myself to her. She was just like "Yeah I know".

Kinda catty but whatever, again, I was just happy to be there and I had followed her work for years.

A couple of the other artists kinda "warned me" about her "energy" before this. One of them said something along the lines of if she is having a bad day, everyone will feel it.

There were 3 other artists there that I haven't mentioned yet.

One being a guy about my age who was about to leave, let's call him Zach, we immediately got along great and even started working out together. Super cool guy.

After a couple months of working the desk they asked me to apprentice. I was so happy I literally cried.

However things immediately began to shift, Jake seemed pissed suddenly and had alot to say about how my mentor was teaching me.

He would request that I clean the windows outside of his booth and do various tasks which I did no problem. He would continually remind me how lucky I am to be at that shop and constantly told me about how terrible his apprenticeship was. His personality did a 180 and he was no longer friendly to me but started doing wierd things such as liking all my selfies at once on social media, then unliking them. Then he would follow me and unfollow me, just wierd shady stuff. I never said anything about it because he would always deny things and  I just wanted to keep my job.  His wife didn't like me so I didn't feel comfortable telling her.  There was one day that I was watching him draw something because I was learning, and his wife kept giving me this wierd stare and shrugging her shoulders like "what are you looking at"

It was all sooooo bizarre.

Sam had also went through a time of being very rude to me. Like the first time I held a machine and had questions she responded with "I don't think you want this"  " you should already know this by now" because my literal first lines were shaky.  She then apologized a few days later and told me that Bob (the owner) told her that's how she needed to be to me.... which was wierd but okay.

Jake would constantly tell me my apprenticeship is being done wrong. Then Jenny, the other owner, started saying that she also disagrees with how I am being taught, but she would wait until my mentor left to say anything. She complained for weeks to me after my mentor left for the day, then said that I needed to do something about how I am being taught because it wasn't working for her.  Which was super confusing because I don't know how I'm supposed to be taught 🤷‍♀️ and then I felt stuck inbetween my mentor and the owner. I really didn't want to get fired. So one day when it was just me and my mentor I mentioned what Jenny said, and explained that I am trying to do everything right but at this point I'm not sure what to do.  Sam got mad that Jenny didn't talk to her about it instead, which really would have made more sense. Sam asked Jenny about it, and Jenny said she never said anything to me at all about any of it.... Jenny told her I was lying.

So that created a bit of a riff but Sam believed me because Jenny had done similiar things in the past.

Jenny ended up pulling me outside and asking why I said that.... 🤷‍♀️ that's when I realized I can not trust her at all. Which was scary because she could fire me, and she wanted to.

Okay whatever, so me and Zach were working out every morning before work and we started to develop a little crush over the course of a few months. I was afraid to date him because I wasn't sure if the shop would have feelings about it and again, did not feel comfortable openly talking about much to them, but my mentor saw the way we acted towards each other and was like "duuude... date him!! You two are so cute" ect ect.  So we began officially dating either right before or after he left the shop.  We had alot of little adventures together and it was a fun time, we were together for 7 months.  I am bringing up our relationship because it will matter later.

So as part of my apprenticeship I would go in early and clean the shop every other day, Bob the owner would get there super early. So sometimes we would make small talk and smoke together outside. I found him fun to talk to and full of knowledge but was hesitant because of the wierd stuff in the beginning. We seemed to warm up to each other and eventually we really enjoyed having conversations.

When me and Zach broke up he had some questions about it and acted like he thought Zach was a "dick" which he was a little bit of a jerk but overall pretty cool.

After Zach left they decided to hire another new artist - which wasn't very cool because I was about ready to start taking walk ins so now we would be fighting for the new clients. Let's call the new hire Gary. Gary immediately became friends with Jake and also started treating me bad. When I did start taking walk ins, there was a time he literally jumped infront of me while I was talking to a client about what they wanted to try to steal the client from me.  I didn't like him at all.

Around this time I started having ink and supplies go missing - never brought it up because somehow it would turn into a me problem somehow as everything did.

Jenny would be super extra nice one day then do something insane the next. At one point she accused me of doing a tattoo backwards... I didn't do the tattoo, I knew I didn't do it.

But she made up some elaborate story about how the girl told her specifically that I did it and said "it was the little girl in the room in the back". This was another way of making me feel like I was never safe there. One of the desk girls ended up calling that client and asking... she confirmed that I didn't do it, but Gary did 🙃. Gary is like a  7 foot very manly boy. You CAN NOT get us confused.

Jenny got angry that I and everyone else found out that she lied and somehow it turned into me not being able to take criticism. She told me she wanted to fire me along time ago...

By the end of my apprenticeship me and Bob had made it a little ritual to sit outside and smoke together while drinking our morning coffee. It was just friendly and good conversation.  I thought he was a very attractive man but I never thought anything of it because he was so much older than me and he was married.

At one point my mentor had started taking a new medication which made her very ,very angry so I couldn't really talk to her. She told me at one point that we were not friends anymore and started changing the way she talked about me. She used to tell people that she loved my "drive" and "grit" and that is why she wanted to apprentice me. Suddenly it was "you got lucky, it's much easier now" . She always talked about how hard it was for her during my apprenticeship and I just felt like I was burden to her so I quit talking to her which made me really sad but I don't want to feel like a burden to someone.

Bob became the only person there besides another artist we will call Autumn that I felt I could talk to. Autumn wasn't there very much though and her booth was right next to Sam so I tried not to talk to her so much when Sam was there.

Bob ended up being the one I asked for advice from. He always helped me and at times even took up for me against Jenny the other owner. This ritual of coffee and cigarettes lasted for two years and by that point I considered him a very good friend.  We both would get there 2 hours before our first appointment to chat about tattoos, life,art, anything really and enjoy our coffee.

Bob started complimenting me a whole lot, and confiding in me about his personal life and marriage. It seemed like a very unhappy marriage. He made her sound kind of insane and I felt really bad for him.  I wasn't sure why Bob was still there and it didn't seem like he knew either.  I had only met her a few times in passing and one of the times I tried to talk to her she acted very snobby and rude so I believed him.

Eventually Bob started flirting with me a little bit which I would ignore the first several times. 

I did really really like him though. There was this shared chemistry and feeling like I had never felt. I just didn't want to get into a messy situation. I figured if he wanted me that bad and was unhappy in his relationship he would just leave first, then I would entertain it.

Me and Bob really liked a certain style of tattooing, and I wanted a cover up on my leg so he designed a beautiful piece to cover it.

It took multiple sessions. After the second sessions he messaged me and told me that his body and mind goes crazy while he is tattooing me, and that he hopes that doesn't offend me or anything but he has never felt that way for anyone. He unsent it after a few minutes.  I acted like I didn't see it and just ignored it like I did his other advances.

He ended up bringing it up a few weeks later along with some other messages he had sent. I told him I knew, that I had saw those messages.

He asked if the feeling was mutual because he "didn't want to feel like a creep". I told him I couldn't entertain that because of the circumstances. That if i was honest about the way I feel it could make things difficult. I told him his life as it is is very comfy and I don't want to fuck that up.

He assured me that I wouldn't fuck his life up and he would never fire me or do anything to hurt me.

I still kept distance because he was married, and my boss, and all of that.

The next time he tattooed me it was just us in the shop.  Our heads were kind of close together while he was working on me and we made eye contact. Then he kissed me, and we kept kissing. It literally felt explosive. I have never been so turned on by someone in my life.

Then we went out to smoke and cool down.  I was really quiet and I know he could tell I was feeling some sort of way because he asked if I was okay.

I felt confused because I did want him but I also didn't want to do any of that because of everything I said before. I felt horrible because he was with someone else.  I honestly still feel very confused about that day. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. But once we got back in there he started making moves and one thing led to another.

He would say things like, "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can you" and "I've never felt this way for anyone before". I stupidly believed him. Looking back it makes me want to scream.

Weeks later, I ended up inviting him to my place which was stupid. I shouldn't have. I should have stuck with my plan of making sure he would leave his current situation first. We had sex, and then from that point forward he would come over two or three times a week. We would have sex, watch movies, cook food or order food. Sometimes we would just cuddle or talk. It felt like we were dating and he was so sweet and made me so happy. But then he would leave and  I would feel fucking horrible because he was still married.

I really really genuinely believed he would just end the marriage from what he had told me about her and the way he talked about feeling towards me. I thought there was no way in hell he would keep pursuing me with no intent other than sex.

This went on for 3 and a half months and at that point I was about to tell him I couldn't do it anymore if he just wants to keep us both. But then his wife saw a message.

She called me to tell me that she would "make sure everyone knows what kind of person I really am" and that I fucked her life up. She believed it was just sexual... because he told her it was just sexual. 

He came by the shop to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that he will get his own place and we will be alright. So I still thought we were going to be together. He said he just told her that to cool things down because she was hurt...

His wife told Jakes's wife about it immediately along with everyone else... so that finally gave Jake a reason and justification to be an asshole to me so he treated me much worse. He has literally fucked or tried to fuck everyone while being married but ya know 🤷‍♀️ its only bad when someone else is doing it. He still to this day tries to convince people to not get work done by me because I am a "bad person".

But I felt like I deserved the cruelty then so I didn't say anything at all.

The wife still wanted to be with Bob, so she begged him to fire me so they could go on and "be happy". He didn't and then after a few days he apparently told her that it wasn't just sexual, which made everything worse for him somehow I guess.

Then he sent me an email asking me to find another job, then the next day he came by to tell me about how he is contemplating firing me...

I was so shocked and hurt and confused. I didn't  say anything, I was just kind of froze. He then got mad at me for not saying anything....

I guess Jenny realized that would look really really bad and potentially cause legal issues if he fired me for having sex with him, so she said they would closely monitor my work and then decide...... that way they could blame it on work performance.

He also told me that if I left on my own after this he would tell me in quote "fuck you c\\\* n t"  and never speak to me again.

That was the first time I actually realized that he wasn't confused about how he felt. He just used that as an excuse and he was actually very worried about controlling a narrative that could exist if I left and told my story.

Bob also said that he was considering calling another shop and just telling him they don't have space for me anymore to give me a job somewhere else.... I told him I didn't want to do that and that I wasn't going to lie about things. That made him very angry.

The next couple weeks were absolute hell for so many reasons. No one talked to me and if they did it was to say something cruel.

Jenny once again told me that she wanted to fire me a long time ago and that I probably constructed all this on purpose....

She said that I have "had sex with two of the artists now" referring to Zach, whom I had a legit relationship with.... I just thought that was an interesting way to phrase that. She also said that she could tell we were getting "scummy" a long time ago.... whatever that means.

Even people I don't know at the business next door were rude to me. He didn't say anything to me at all and he didn't come to work.

Apparently his wife called Jenny and told Jenny I was trying to steal the business from her and that she should watch out. I have no idea where that came from.

When he returned to work everyone greeted him and acted like he didn't do anything wrong but still treated me horribly.

He then said that he was sorry for leaving me in the dark and alone to deal with everything. He apologized for the way he had acted.  He said he is finding his own place, and that he still wants to us to be together. Again a complete turn around from what he had previously said.

I did want that though.

So he got his own place, and he filed for a divorce.  His ex was still in the picture because they were working on getting things situated.

... that's what he told me anyway. And I trusted him because over the years he made it sound like he had been done with her for a very long time.

Turns out he lied to me (big shock I know 🙃) and was still having sex with her and all that.

He ended up admitting that to me because he "felt bad" about it, but he wanted me to know he was seriously done with her this time....

I believed him. Then a couple months later, found out he was lying AGAIN. God lol

I asked him soooooo many times through this if he wanted to be with her... he always said no.

He genuinely just likes cheating.

At one point the ex wife emailed me and texted me to tell me they were still together and that she is leaving him because she deserved better. I didn't respond because 🤷‍♀️

That was a lie... she still kept seeing him. She actually had started dating someone else almost immediately after she found out about me but was seeing Bob in secret all the time.

I in secret had started saving money when I started to see that he didn't care about me the first time so I could leave if I needed to.

Which was hard to do because I was paying 1600-2000 a month in booth rent as a new artist in a small town...

I considered and looked into other shops and was offered jobs else where but I was afraid they would be same way... or worse... since everyone there always reminded me it could be worse...

Ironically the only artist there that asked me if I was okay or seemed like they saw Bob realistically was Gary. But Gary would sometimes hang out with Bob outside of the shop and he was a jerk in the beginning so I was afraid to be honest with him.

I got my own studio and left. He was pissed at first but then begged me to return to him like he always does.

At one point he sent me an email everyday for two or three weeks telling me what he loves and misses about me because I blocked him on everything else. He hand crafted me special gifts and would even take me on vacations to say he was sorry but as soon as he could tell I was starting to feel safe with him, he would do something horrible. He said and did so many hurtful things during that "relationship" I would have to right a whole novel to scratch the surface.

It felt so embarrassed for taking him back but I was trauma bonded like hell to him

When I left Jenny did some perception control for herself. She apologized for Bob and any bad experience I may have had with her... She said she "never knew" all that was happening because I didn't ever open up to her...... like okay what the fuck ever.

She told me that he has always been that way and that is just " who he is "..... like great, I hope you are so proud of your business partner.

I haven't spoke to him in 7 months now.

One of the last times I replied was to tell him to leave me alone, and that I would have never ever let him get close to me if I knew how he really was. He told me that I was "playing the victim" now.

He still emails me and he has a whole Instagram account dedicated to telling cute stories of us and telling everyone "what he is learning" through therapy and "self help". And telling everyone how much he misses me....

It's SO bizarre, it's also bizarre because people think his actions are romantic...

His ex wife still hangs out with him and talks to him.

At one point she showed up uninvited to tell me that she knows he is using me for sex and even though he doesn't want to officially be with her anymore, she will make sure that she can always be around him..... and that she was suspicious about us from the moment I started. She told me that he had cheated on her twice that she knew of before me, once right before the wedding, but she still chose to marry him and she will always be here. She said he is a narcissist but it's okay because she likes him 🤷‍♀️

I never blame the women in these situations and I never said anything bad about her. However Bob would tell me she was nuts, but I started believing he was lying about everything or her behavior was a response to his actions-  until she showed up and said all that.

Like what the fuck..why do you want to be with someone who uses people for sex and manipulates them to get it ? And why do you want to "always" be around someone like that? And what do you mean you will "make sure you can"?  And why are you judging me for being caught in this when you are actively seeing someone else in secret and was also the other woman in the beginning?

This woman is right at the same age as my mother. She's almost 50. I don't know... I just hope I am never like that.

So fast forward, after I left, everyone except two artists and Jenny left the shop too... I am very curious to know what happened, but I'll never reach out.

This story is so nuts and typing it made me realize how crazy it was. It sounds like I am lying. I couldn't even put everything in there because I would be typing for 5 years..

  I guess I just need to talk about it because I have lived with this for some time now. Like What was that?  Was I groomed by Bob?

I seriously feel like I escaped some type of horrible soap opera in hell. And looking back I wonder how much was orchestrated from the beginning. Did Bob want me to be there so he could manipulate me?  Did everyone know, and that's why they acted weird or made me afraid to leave by telling me it was so much worse everywhere else and making me feel like I suck? Is that why he didn't want me to have another job in the beginning?

Was booth rent so high purposely to make it harder to save?

I'll probably forever have so many questions.

I have never in my life walked away from an entire group of people feeling this way. For awhile, I started worrying it was me, but after therapy, being away from it, and starting to speak up about it a little bit, I realize I have encountered something pretty insane.

​

Hello, this is going to be a long one.

I (30F) have been thinking a lot about my first 4 years in the tattoo industry. I have left the studio I started at and slowly began healing, but it's brought up a lot of questions for me.

It wasn't until recently that I started reading about adult grooming and grooming in the workplace. Which has honestly been such a mind fuck. So I'll just start from the beginning.

I was hired when I was 25 to do "desk work" for a very popular and well loved shop in my city, which was really just a chance to see if I was a good fit before offering me an apprenticeship. I looked up to all the artists and was just so happy to be there working beside them.

The main owner of the shop, we will call him Bob, was the one who called me and offered me the opportunity. He is an amazing artist who did  painting and murals as well as tattoos.

We knew of each other because I also did alot of painting and other art forms in the area. We had previously followed each other on instagram several years prior. I thought he was super cool and I was so stoked to get to learn from him.

So my mentor, we will call her Sam, she had tattooed me since I was 19 and we developed a really cool client relationship. Sam saw something in me and asked Bob to give me a try and that is how I got the opportunity.  I never asked her to do that or talked to her about it, she just did it because she really believed in me and I appreciated her so much for that.

So pretty immediately upon beginning I noticed things that were a little bit strange but again, I was just happy to be there, so I overlooked them.

At first I was going to have days off so that I could work and pay my bills through my apprenticeship, but then Bob the owner apparently said that I wasn't allowed to do that... he apparently wanted me to be homeless and struggle through it...like he legit told my mentor that. I agreed because I wanted it so bad. Thankfully the receptionist there was quitting so they ended up letting me work her job for money. I will also note that anytime Bob talked about it to me, he never said I couldn't have days off or work somewhere to support myself, but apparently he said that to others that then had to relay that news to me. So I started immediately getting a weird vibe from him after that.

  One of the senior male artists (we will call him Jake) was super friendly. He followed all my socials and would always talk to me. Which I thought was nice being new there, but he had tried to get one of my best friends to go to his house when his wife wasn't there. He had also messaged me on social media a year prior to this trying to get me to come to a party at his house... He was kind of notorious for cheating on his wife multiple times. Not my business, but it did set off a little warning in my head, so I just kept a bit of a distance while still being very friendly to him.

Then I met the second owner, let's call her Jenny. Jenny immediately hated me.

She had been away for my first 3 weeks or so working there. When she came in, she didn't say anything to me at all, so I went and introduced myself to her. She was just like "Yeah I know".

Kinda catty but whatever, again, I was just happy to be there and I had followed her work for years.

A couple of the other artists kinda "warned me" about her "energy" before this. One of them said something along the lines of if she is having a bad day, everyone will feel it.

There were 3 other artists there that I haven't mentioned yet.

One being a guy about my age who was about to leave, let's call him Zach, we immediately got along great and even started working out together. Super cool guy.

After a couple months of working the desk they asked me to apprentice. I was so happy I literally cried.

However things immediately began to shift, Jake seemed pissed suddenly and had alot to say about how my mentor was teaching me.

He would request that I clean the windows outside of his booth and do various tasks which I did no problem. He would continually remind me how lucky I am to be at that shop and constantly told me about how terrible his apprenticeship was. His personality did a 180 and he was no longer friendly to me but started doing wierd things such as liking all my selfies at once on social media, then unliking them. Then he would follow me and unfollow me, just wierd shady stuff. I never said anything about it because he would always deny things and  I just wanted to keep my job.  His wife didn't like me so I didn't feel comfortable telling her.  There was one day that I was watching him draw something because I was learning, and his wife kept giving me this wierd stare and shrugging her shoulders like "what are you looking at"

It was all sooooo bizarre.

Sam had also went through a time of being very rude to me. Like the first time I held a machine and had questions she responded with "I don't think you want this"  " you should already know this by now" because my literal first lines were shaky.  She then apologized a few days later and told me that Bob (the owner) told her that's how she needed to be to me.... which was wierd but okay.

Jake would constantly tell me my apprenticeship is being done wrong. Then Jenny, the other owner, started saying that she also disagrees with how I am being taught, but she would wait until my mentor left to say anything. She complained for weeks to me after my mentor left for the day, then said that I needed to do something about how I am being taught because it wasn't working for her.  Which was super confusing because I don't know how I'm supposed to be taught 🤷‍♀️ and then I felt stuck inbetween my mentor and the owner. I really didn't want to get fired. So one day when it was just me and my mentor I mentioned what Jenny said, and explained that I am trying to do everything right but at this point I'm not sure what to do.  Sam got mad that Jenny didn't talk to her about it instead, which really would have made more sense. Sam asked Jenny about it, and Jenny said she never said anything to me at all about any of it.... Jenny told her I was lying.

So that created a bit of a riff but Sam believed me because Jenny had done similiar things in the past.

Jenny ended up pulling me outside and asking why I said that.... 🤷‍♀️ that's when I realized I can not trust her at all. Which was scary because she could fire me, and she wanted to.

Okay whatever, so me and Zach were working out every morning before work and we started to develop a little crush over the course of a few months. I was afraid to date him because I wasn't sure if the shop would have feelings about it and again, did not feel comfortable openly talking about much to them, but my mentor saw the way we acted towards each other and was like "duuude... date him!! You two are so cute" ect ect.  So we began officially dating either right before or after he left the shop.  We had alot of little adventures together and it was a fun time, we were together for 7 months.  I am bringing up our relationship because it will matter later.

So as part of my apprenticeship I would go in early and clean the shop every other day, Bob the owner would get there super early. So sometimes we would make small talk and smoke together outside. I found him fun to talk to and full of knowledge but was hesitant because of the wierd stuff in the beginning. We seemed to warm up to each other and eventually we really enjoyed having conversations.

When me and Zach broke up he had some questions about it and acted like he thought Zach was a "dick" which he was a little bit of a jerk but overall pretty cool.

After Zach left they decided to hire another new artist - which wasn't very cool because I was about ready to start taking walk ins so now we would be fighting for the new clients. Let's call the new hire Gary. Gary immediately became friends with Jake and also started treating me bad. When I did start taking walk ins, there was a time he literally jumped infront of me while I was talking to a client about what they wanted to try to steal the client from me.  I didn't like him at all.

Around this time I started having ink and supplies go missing - never brought it up because somehow it would turn into a me problem somehow as everything did.

Jenny would be super extra nice one day then do something insane the next. At one point she accused me of doing a tattoo backwards... I didn't do the tattoo, I knew I didn't do it.

But she made up some elaborate story about how the girl told her specifically that I did it and said "it was the little girl in the room in the back". This was another way of making me feel like I was never safe there. One of the desk girls ended up calling that client and asking... she confirmed that I didn't do it, but Gary did 🙃. Gary is like a  7 foot very manly boy. You CAN NOT get us confused.

Jenny got angry that I and everyone else found out that she lied and somehow it turned into me not being able to take criticism. She told me she wanted to fire me along time ago...

By the end of my apprenticeship me and Bob had made it a little ritual to sit outside and smoke together while drinking our morning coffee. It was just friendly and good conversation.  I thought he was a very attractive man but I never thought anything of it because he was so much older than me and he was married.

At one point my mentor had started taking a new medication which made her very ,very angry so I couldn't really talk to her. She told me at one point that we were not friends anymore and started changing the way she talked about me. She used to tell people that she loved my "drive" and "grit" and that is why she wanted to apprentice me. Suddenly it was "you got lucky, it's much easier now" . She always talked about how hard it was for her during my apprenticeship and I just felt like I was burden to her so I quit talking to her which made me really sad but I don't want to feel like a burden to someone.

Bob became the only person there besides another artist we will call Autumn that I felt I could talk to. Autumn wasn't there very much though and her booth was right next to Sam so I tried not to talk to her so much when Sam was there.

Bob ended up being the one I asked for advice from. He always helped me and at times even took up for me against Jenny the other owner. This ritual of coffee and cigarettes lasted for two years and by that point I considered him a very good friend.  We both would get there 2 hours before our first appointment to chat about tattoos, life,art, anything really and enjoy our coffee.

Bob started complimenting me a whole lot, and confiding in me about his personal life and marriage. It seemed like a very unhappy marriage. He made her sound kind of insane and I felt really bad for him.  I wasn't sure why Bob was still there and it didn't seem like he knew either.  I had only met her a few times in passing and one of the times I tried to talk to her she acted very snobby and rude so I believed him.

Eventually Bob started flirting with me a little bit which I would ignore the first several times. 

I did really really like him though. There was this shared chemistry and feeling like I had never felt. I just didn't want to get into a messy situation. I figured if he wanted me that bad and was unhappy in his relationship he would just leave first, then I would entertain it.

Me and Bob really liked a certain style of tattooing, and I wanted a cover up on my leg so he designed a beautiful piece to cover it.

It took multiple sessions. After the second sessions he messaged me and told me that his body and mind goes crazy while he is tattooing me, and that he hopes that doesn't offend me or anything but he has never felt that way for anyone. He unsent it after a few minutes.  I acted like I didn't see it and just ignored it like I did his other advances.

He ended up bringing it up a few weeks later along with some other messages he had sent. I told him I knew, that I had saw those messages.

He asked if the feeling was mutual because he "didn't want to feel like a creep". I told him I couldn't entertain that because of the circumstances. That if i was honest about the way I feel it could make things difficult. I told him his life as it is is very comfy and I don't want to fuck that up.

He assured me that I wouldn't fuck his life up and he would never fire me or do anything to hurt me.

I still kept distance because he was married, and my boss, and all of that.

The next time he tattooed me it was just us in the shop.  Our heads were kind of close together while he was working on me and we made eye contact. Then he kissed me, and we kept kissing. It literally felt explosive. I have never been so turned on by someone in my life.

Then we went out to smoke and cool down.  I was really quiet and I know he could tell I was feeling some sort of way because he asked if I was okay.

I felt confused because I did want him but I also didn't want to do any of that because of everything I said before. I felt horrible because he was with someone else.  I honestly still feel very confused about that day. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. But once we got back in there he started making moves and one thing led to another.

He would say things like, "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can you" and "I've never felt this way for anyone before". I stupidly believed him. Looking back it makes me want to scream.

Weeks later, I ended up inviting him to my place which was stupid. I shouldn't have. I should have stuck with my plan of making sure he would leave his current situation first. We had sex, and then from that point forward he would come over two or three times a week. We would have sex, watch movies, cook food or order food. Sometimes we would just cuddle or talk. It felt like we were dating and he was so sweet and made me so happy. But then he would leave and  I would feel fucking horrible because he was still married.

I really really genuinely believed he would just end the marriage from what he had told me about her and the way he talked about feeling towards me. I thought there was no way in hell he would keep pursuing me with no intent other than sex.

This went on for 3 and a half months and at that point I was about to tell him I couldn't do it anymore if he just wants to keep us both. But then his wife saw a message.

She called me to tell me that she would "make sure everyone knows what kind of person I really am" and that I fucked her life up. She believed it was just sexual... because he told her it was just sexual. 

He came by the shop to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that he will get his own place and we will be alright. So I still thought we were going to be together. He said he just told her that to cool things down because she was hurt...

His wife told Jakes's wife about it immediately along with everyone else... so that finally gave Jake a reason and justification to be an asshole to me so he treated me much worse. He has literally fucked or tried to fuck everyone while being married but ya know 🤷‍♀️ its only bad when someone else is doing it. He still to this day tries to convince people to not get work done by me because I am a "bad person".

But I felt like I deserved the cruelty then so I didn't say anything at all.

The wife still wanted to be with Bob, so she begged him to fire me so they could go on and "be happy". He didn't and then after a few days he apparently told her that it wasn't just sexual, which made everything worse for him somehow I guess.

Then he sent me an email asking me to find another job, then the next day he came by to tell me about how he is contemplating firing me...

I was so shocked and hurt and confused. I didn't  say anything, I was just kind of froze. He then got mad at me for not saying anything....

I guess Jenny realized that would look really really bad and potentially cause legal issues if he fired me for having sex with him, so she said they would closely monitor my work and then decide...... that way they could blame it on work performance.

He also told me that if I left on my own after this he would tell me in quote "fuck you c* n t"  and never speak to me again.

That was the first time I actually realized that he wasn't confused about how he felt. He just used that as an excuse and he was actually very worried about controlling a narrative that could exist if I left and told my story.

Bob also said that he was considering calling another shop and just telling him they don't have space for me anymore to give me a job somewhere else.... I told him I didn't want to do that and that I wasn't going to lie about things. That made him very angry.

The next couple weeks were absolute hell for so many reasons. No one talked to me and if they did it was to say something cruel.

Jenny once again told me that she wanted to fire me a long time ago and that I probably constructed all this on purpose....

She said that I have "had sex with two of the artists now" referring to Zach, whom I had a legit relationship with.... I just thought that was an interesting way to phrase that. She also said that she could tell we were getting "scummy" a long time ago.... whatever that means.

Even people I don't know at the business next door were rude to me. He didn't say anything to me at all and he didn't come to work.

Apparently his wife called Jenny and told Jenny I was trying to steal the business from her and that she should watch out. I have no idea where that came from.

When he returned to work everyone greeted him and acted like he didn't do anything wrong but still treated me horribly.

He then said that he was sorry for leaving me in the dark and alone to deal with everything. He apologized for the way he had acted.  He said he is finding his own place, and that he still wants to us to be together. Again a complete turn around from what he had previously said.

I did want that though.

So he got his own place, and he filed for a divorce.  His ex was still in the picture because they were working on getting things situated.

... that's what he told me anyway. And I trusted him because over the years he made it sound like he had been done with her for a very long time.

Turns out he lied to me (big shock I know 🙃) and was still having sex with her and all that.

He ended up admitting that to me because he "felt bad" about it, but he wanted me to know he was seriously done with her this time....

I believed him. Then a couple months later, found out he was lying AGAIN. God lol

I asked him soooooo many times through this if he wanted to be with her... he always said no.

He genuinely just likes cheating.

At one point the ex wife emailed me and texted me to tell me they were still together and that she is leaving him because she deserved better. I didn't respond because 🤷‍♀️

That was a lie... she still kept seeing him. She actually had started dating someone else almost immediately after she found out about me but was seeing Bob in secret all the time.

I in secret had started saving money when I started to see that he didn't care about me the first time so I could leave if I needed to.

Which was hard to do because I was paying 1600-2000 a month in booth rent as a new artist in a small town...

I considered and looked into other shops and was offered jobs else where but I was afraid they would be same way... or worse... since everyone there always reminded me it could be worse...

Ironically the only artist there that asked me if I was okay or seemed like they saw Bob realistically was Gary. But Gary would sometimes hang out with Bob outside of the shop and he was a jerk in the beginning so I was afraid to be honest with him.

I got my own studio and left. He was pissed at first but then begged me to return to him like he always does.

At one point he sent me an email everyday for two or three weeks telling me what he loves and misses about me because I blocked him on everything else. He hand crafted me special gifts and would even take me on vacations to say he was sorry but as soon as he could tell I was starting to feel safe with him, he would do something horrible. He said and did so many hurtful things during that "relationship" I would have to right a whole novel to scratch the surface.

It felt so embarrassed for taking him back but I was trauma bonded like hell to him

When I left Jenny did some perception control for herself. She apologized for Bob and any bad experience I may have had with her... She said she "never knew" all that was happening because I didn't ever open up to her...... like okay what the fuck ever.

She told me that he has always been that way and that is just " who he is "..... like great, I hope you are so proud of your business partner.

I haven't spoke to him in 7 months now.

One of the last times I replied was to tell him to leave me alone, and that I would have never ever let him get close to me if I knew how he really was. He told me that I was "playing the victim" now.

He still emails me and he has a whole Instagram account dedicated to telling cute stories of us and telling everyone "what he is learning" through therapy and "self help". And telling everyone how much he misses me....

It's SO bizarre, it's also bizarre because people think his actions are romantic...

His ex wife still hangs out with him and talks to him.

At one point she showed up uninvited to tell me that she knows he is using me for sex and even though he doesn't want to officially be with her anymore, she will make sure that she can always be around him..... and that she was suspicious about us from the moment I started. She told me that he had cheated on her twice that she knew of before me, once right before the wedding, but she still chose to marry him and she will always be here. She said he is a narcissist but it's okay because she likes him 🤷‍♀️

I never blame the women in these situations and I never said anything bad about her. However Bob would tell me she was nuts, but I started believing he was lying about everything or her behavior was a response to his actions-  until she showed up and said all that.

Like what the fuck..why do you want to be with someone who uses people for sex and manipulates them to get it ? And why do you want to "always" be around someone like that? And what do you mean you will "make sure you can"?  And why are you judging me for being caught in this when you are actively seeing someone else in secret and was also the other woman in the beginning?

This woman is right at the same age as my mother. She's almost 50. I don't know... I just hope I am never like that.

So fast forward, after I left, everyone except two artists and Jenny left the shop too... I am very curious to know what happened, but I'll never reach out.

This story is so nuts and typing it made me realize how crazy it was. It sounds like I am lying. I couldn't even put everything in there because I would be typing for 5 years..

  I guess I just need to talk about it because I have lived with this for some time now. Like What was that?  Was I groomed by Bob?

I seriously feel like I escaped some type of horrible soap opera in hell. And looking back I wonder how much was orchestrated from the beginning. Did Bob want me to be there so he could manipulate me?  Did everyone know, and that's why they acted weird or made me afraid to leave by telling me it was so much worse everywhere else and making me feel like I suck? Is that why he didn't want me to have another job in the beginning?

Was booth rent so high purposely to make it harder to save?

I'll probably forever have so many questions.

Hello, this is going to be a long one.

I (30F) have been thinking a lot about my first 4 years in the tattoo industry. I have left the studio I started at and slowly began healing but it's brought up alot of questions for me.

It wasn't until recently I started reading about adult grooming and grooming in the workplace. Which has honestly been such a mind fuck. So I'll just start from the beginning.

I was hired when I was 25 to do "desk work" for a very popular and well loved shop in my city, which was really just a chance to see if I was a good fit before offering me an apprenticeship. I looked up to all the artists and was just so happy to be there working beside them.

The main owner of the shop, we will call him Bob, was the one who called me and offered me the opportunity. He is an amazing artist who did  painting and murals as well as tattoos.

We knew of each other because I also did alot of painting and other art forms in the area. We had previously followed each other on instagram several years prior. I thought he was super cool and I was so stoked to get to learn from him.

So my mentor, we will call her Sam, she had tattooed me since I was 19 and we developed a really cool client relationship. Sam saw something in me and asked Bob to give me a try and that is how I got the opportunity.  I never asked her to do that or talked to her about it, she just did it because she really believed in me and I appreciated her so much for that.

So pretty immediately upon beginning I noticed things that were a little bit strange but again, I was just happy to be there, so I overlooked them.

At first I was going to have days off so that I could work and pay my bills through my apprenticeship, but then Bob the owner apparently said that I wasn't allowed to do that... he apparently wanted me to be homeless and struggle through it...like he legit told my mentor that. I agreed because I wanted it so bad. Thankfully the receptionist there was quitting so they ended up letting me work her job for money. I will also note that anytime Bob talked about it to me, he never said I couldn't have days off or work somewhere to support myself, but apparently he said that to others that then had to relay that news to me. So I started immediately getting a weird vibe from him after that.

  One of the senior male artists (we will call him Jake) was super friendly. He followed all my socials and would always talk to me. Which I thought was nice being new there, but he had tried to get one of my best friends to go to his house when his wife wasn't there. He had also messaged me on social media a year prior to this trying to get me to come to a party at his house... He was kind of notorious for cheating on his wife multiple times. Not my business, but it did set off a little warning in my head, so I just kept a bit of a distance while still being very friendly to him.

Then I met the second owner, let's call her Jenny. Jenny immediately hated me.

She had been away for my first 3 weeks or so working there. When she came in, she didn't say anything to me at all, so I went and introduced myself to her. She was just like "Yeah I know".

Kinda catty but whatever, again, I was just happy to be there and I had followed her work for years.

A couple of the other artists kinda "warned me" about her "energy" before this. One of them said something along the lines of if she is having a bad day, everyone will feel it.

There were 3 other artists there that I haven't mentioned yet.

One being a guy about my age who was about to leave, let's call him Zach, we immediately got along great and even started working out together. Super cool guy.

After a couple months of working the desk they asked me to apprentice. I was so happy I literally cried.

However things immediately began to shift, Jake seemed pissed suddenly and had alot to say about how my mentor was teaching me.

He would request that I clean the windows outside of his booth and do various tasks which I did no problem. He would continually remind me how lucky I am to be at that shop and constantly told me about how terrible his apprenticeship was. His personality did a 180 and he was no longer friendly to me but started doing wierd things such as liking all my selfies at once on social media, then unliking them. Then he would follow me and unfollow me, just wierd shady stuff. I never said anything about it because he would always deny things and  I just wanted to keep my job.  His wife didn't like me so I didn't feel comfortable telling her.  There was one day that I was watching him draw something because I was learning, and his wife kept giving me this wierd stare and shrugging her shoulders like "what are you looking at"

It was all sooooo bizarre.

Sam had also went through a time of being very rude to me. Like the first time I held a machine and had questions she responded with "I don't think you want this"  " you should already know this by now" because my literal first lines were shaky.  She then apologized a few days later and told me that Bob (the owner) told her that's how she needed to be to me.... which was wierd but okay.

Jake would constantly tell me my apprenticeship is being done wrong. Then Jenny, the other owner, started saying that she also disagrees with how I am being taught, but she would wait until my mentor left to say anything. She complained for weeks to me after my mentor left for the day, then said that I needed to do something about how I am being taught because it wasn't working for her.  Which was super confusing because I don't know how I'm supposed to be taught 🤷‍♀️ and then I felt stuck inbetween my mentor and the owner. I really didn't want to get fired. So one day when it was just me and my mentor I mentioned what Jenny said, and explained that I am trying to do everything right but at this point I'm not sure what to do.  Sam got mad that Jenny didn't talk to her about it instead, which really would have made more sense. Sam asked Jenny about it, and Jenny said she never said anything to me at all about any of it.... Jenny told her I was lying.

So that created a bit of a riff but Sam believed me because Jenny had done similiar things in the past.

Jenny ended up pulling me outside and asking why I said that.... 🤷‍♀️ that's when I realized I can not trust her at all. Which was scary because she could fire me, and she wanted to.

Okay whatever, so me and Zach were working out every morning before work and we started to develop a little crush over the course of a few months. I was afraid to date him because I wasn't sure if the shop would have feelings about it and again, did not feel comfortable openly talking about much to them, but my mentor saw the way we acted towards each other and was like "duuude... date him!! You two are so cute" ect ect.  So we began officially dating either right before or after he left the shop.  We had alot of little adventures together and it was a fun time, we were together for 7 months.  I am bringing up our relationship because it will matter later.

So as part of my apprenticeship I would go in early and clean the shop every other day, Bob the owner would get there super early. So sometimes we would make small talk and smoke together outside. I found him fun to talk to and full of knowledge but was hesitant because of the wierd stuff in the beginning. We seemed to warm up to each other and eventually we really enjoyed having conversations.

When me and Zach broke up he had some questions about it and acted like he thought Zach was a "dick" which he was a little bit of a jerk but overall pretty cool.

After Zach left they decided to hire another new artist - which wasn't very cool because I was about ready to start taking walk ins so now we would be fighting for the new clients. Let's call the new hire Gary. Gary immediately became friends with Jake and also started treating me bad. When I did start taking walk ins, there was a time he literally jumped infront of me while I was talking to a client about what they wanted to try to steal the client from me.  I didn't like him at all.

Around this time I started having ink and supplies go missing - never brought it up because somehow it would turn into a me problem somehow as everything did.

Jenny would be super extra nice one day then do something insane the next. At one point she accused me of doing a tattoo backwards... I didn't do the tattoo, I knew I didn't do it.

But she made up some elaborate story about how the girl told her specifically that I did it and said "it was the little girl in the room in the back". This was another way of making me feel like I was never safe there. One of the desk girls ended up calling that client and asking... she confirmed that I didn't do it, but Gary did 🙃. Gary is like a  7 foot very manly boy. You CAN NOT get us confused.

Jenny got angry that I and everyone else found out that she lied and somehow it turned into me not being able to take criticism. She told me she wanted to fire me along time ago...

By the end of my apprenticeship me and Bob had made it a little ritual to sit outside and smoke together while drinking our morning coffee. It was just friendly and good conversation.  I thought he was a very attractive man but I never thought anything of it because he was so much older than me and he was married.

At one point my mentor had started taking a new medication which made her very ,very angry so I couldn't really talk to her. She told me at one point that we were not friends anymore and started changing the way she talked about me. She used to tell people that she loved my "drive" and "grit" and that is why she wanted to apprentice me. Suddenly it was "you got lucky, it's much easier now" . She always talked about how hard it was for her during my apprenticeship and I just felt like I was burden to her so I quit talking to her which made me really sad but I don't want to feel like a burden to someone.

Bob became the only person there besides another artist we will call Autumn that I felt I could talk to. Autumn wasn't there very much though and her booth was right next to Sam so I tried not to talk to her so much when Sam was there.

Bob ended up being the one I asked for advice from. He always helped me and at times even took up for me against Jenny the other owner. This ritual of coffee and cigarettes lasted for two years and by that point I considered him a very good friend.  We both would get there 2 hours before our first appointment to chat about tattoos, life,art, anything really and enjoy our coffee.

Bob started complimenting me a whole lot, and confiding in me about his personal life and marriage. It seemed like a very unhappy marriage. He made her sound kind of insane and I felt really bad for him.  I wasn't sure why Bob was still there and it didn't seem like he knew either.  I had only met her a few times in passing and one of the times I tried to talk to her she acted very snobby and rude so I believed him.

Eventually Bob started flirting with me a little bit which I would ignore the first several times. 

I did really really like him though. There was this shared chemistry and feeling like I had never felt. I just didn't want to get into a messy situation. I figured if he wanted me that bad and was unhappy in his relationship he would just leave first, then I would entertain it.

Me and Bob really liked a certain style of tattooing, and I wanted a cover up on my leg so he designed a beautiful piece to cover it.

It took multiple sessions. After the second sessions he messaged me and told me that his body and mind goes crazy while he is tattooing me, and that he hopes that doesn't offend me or anything but he has never felt that way for anyone. He unsent it after a few minutes.  I acted like I didn't see it and just ignored it like I did his other advances.

He ended up bringing it up a few weeks later along with some other messages he had sent. I told him I knew, that I had saw those messages.

He asked if the feeling was mutual because he "didn't want to feel like a creep". I told him I couldn't entertain that because of the circumstances. That if i was honest about the way I feel it could make things difficult. I told him his life as it is is very comfy and I don't want to fuck that up.

He assured me that I wouldn't fuck his life up and he would never fire me or do anything to hurt me.

I still kept distance because he was married, and my boss, and all of that.

The next time he tattooed me it was just us in the shop.  Our heads were kind of close together while he was working on me and we made eye contact. Then he kissed me, and we kept kissing. It literally felt explosive. I have never been so turned on by someone in my life.

Then we went out to smoke and cool down.  I was really quiet and I know he could tell I was feeling some sort of way because he asked if I was okay.

I felt confused because I did want him but I also didn't want to do any of that because of everything I said before. I felt horrible because he was with someone else.  I honestly still feel very confused about that day. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea. But once we got back in there he started making moves and one thing led to another.

He would say things like, "I've never been able to talk to anyone like I can you" and "I've never felt this way for anyone before". I stupidly believed him. Looking back it makes me want to scream.

Weeks later, I ended up inviting him to my place which was stupid. I shouldn't have. I should have stuck with my plan of making sure he would leave his current situation first. We had sex, and then from that point forward he would come over two or three times a week. We would have sex, watch movies, cook food or order food. Sometimes we would just cuddle or talk. It felt like we were dating and he was so sweet and made me so happy. But then he would leave and  I would feel fucking horrible because he was still married.

I really really genuinely believed he would just end the marriage from what he had told me about her and the way he talked about feeling towards me. I thought there was no way in hell he would keep pursuing me with no intent other than sex.

This went on for 3 and a half months and at that point I was about to tell him I couldn't do it anymore if he just wants to keep us both. But then his wife saw a message.

She called me to tell me that she would "make sure everyone knows what kind of person I really am" and that I fucked her life up. She believed it was just sexual... because he told her it was just sexual. 

He came by the shop to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that he will get his own place and we will be alright. So I still thought we were going to be together. He said he just told her that to cool things down because she was hurt...

His wife told Jakes's wife about it immediately along with everyone else... so that finally gave Jake a reason and justification to be an asshole to me so he treated me much worse. He has literally fucked or tried to fuck everyone while being married but ya know 🤷‍♀️ its only bad when someone else is doing it. He still to this day tries to convince people to not get work done by me because I am a "bad person".

But I felt like I deserved the cruelty then so I didn't say anything at all.

The wife still wanted to be with Bob, so she begged him to fire me so they could go on and "be happy". He didn't and then after a few days he apparently told her that it wasn't just sexual, which made everything worse for him somehow I guess.

Then he sent me an email asking me to find another job, then the next day he came by to tell me about how he is contemplating firing me...

I was so shocked and hurt and confused. I didn't  say anything, I was just kind of froze. He then got mad at me for not saying anything....

I guess Jenny realized that would look really really bad and potentially cause legal issues if he fired me for having sex with him, so she said they would closely monitor my work and then decide...... that way they could blame it on work performance.

He also told me that if I left on my own after this he would tell me in quote "fuck you cunt"  and never speak to me again.

That was the first time I actually realized that he wasn't confused about how he felt. He just used that as an excuse and he was actually very worried about controlling a narrative that could exist if I left and told my story.

Bob also said that he was considering calling another shop and just telling him they don't have space for me anymore to give me a job somewhere else.... I told him I didn't want to do that and that I wasn't going to lie about things. That made him very angry.

The next couple weeks were absolute hell for so many reasons. No one talked to me and if they did it was to say something cruel.

Jenny once again told me that she wanted to fire me a long time ago and that I probably constructed all this on purpose....

She said that I have "had sex with two of the artists now" referring to Zach, whom I had a legit relationship with.... I just thought that was an interesting way to phrase that. She also said that she could tell we were getting "scummy" a long time ago.... whatever that means.

Even people I don't know at the business next door were rude to me. He didn't say anything to me at all and he didn't come to work.

Apparently his wife called Jenny and told Jenny I was trying to steal the business from her and that she should watch out. I have no idea where that came from.

When he returned to work everyone greeted him and acted like he didn't do anything wrong but still treated me horribly.

He then said that he was sorry for leaving me in the dark and alone to deal with everything. He apologized for the way he had acted.  He said he is finding his own place, and that he still wants to us to be together. Again a complete turn around from what he had previously said.

I did want that though.

So he got his own place, and he filed for a divorce.  His ex was still in the picture because they were working on getting things situated.

... that's what he told me anyway. And I trusted him because over the years he made it sound like he had been done with her for a very long time.

Turns out he lied to me (big shock I know 🙃) and was still having sex with her and all that.

He ended up admitting that to me because he "felt bad" about it, but he wanted me to know he was seriously done with her this time....

I believed him. Then a couple months later, found out he was lying AGAIN. God lol

I asked him soooooo many times through this if he wanted to be with her... he always said no.

He genuinely just likes cheating.

At one point the ex wife emailed me and texted me to tell me they were still together and that she is leaving him because she deserved better. I didn't respond because 🤷‍♀️

That was a lie... she still kept seeing him. She actually had started dating someone else almost immediately after she found out about me but was seeing Bob in secret all the time.

I in secret had started saving money when I started to see that he didn't care about me the first time so I could leave if I needed to.

Which was hard to do because I was paying 1600-2000 a month in booth rent as a new artist in a small town...

I considered and looked into other shops and was offered jobs else where but I was afraid they would be same way... or worse... since everyone there always reminded me it could be worse...

Ironically the only artist there that asked me if I was okay or seemed like they saw Bob realistically was Gary. But Gary would sometimes hang out with Bob outside of the shop and he was a jerk in the beginning so I was afraid to be honest with him.

I got my own studio and left. He was pissed at first but then begged me to return to him like he always does.

At one point he sent me an email everyday for two or three weeks telling me what he loves and misses about me because I blocked him on everything else. He hand crafted me special gifts and would even take me on vacations to say he was sorry but as soon as he could tell I was starting to feel safe with him, he would do something horrible. He said and did so many hurtful things during that "relationship" I would have to right a whole novel to scratch the surface.

It felt so embarrassed for taking him back but I was trauma bonded like hell to him

When I left Jenny did some perception control for herself. She apologized for Bob and any bad experience I may have had with her... She said she "never knew" all that was happening because I didn't ever open up to her...... like okay what the fuck ever.

She told me that he has always been that way and that is just " who he is "..... like great, I hope you are so proud of your business partner.

I haven't spoke to him in 7 months now.

One of the last times I replied was to tell him to leave me alone, and that I would have never ever let him get close to me if I knew how he really was. He told me that I was "playing the victim" now.

He still emails me and he has a whole Instagram account dedicated to telling cute stories of us and telling everyone "what he is learning" through therapy and "self help". And telling everyone how much he misses me....

It's SO bizarre, it's also bizarre because people think his actions are romantic...

His ex wife still hangs out with him and talks to him.

At one point she showed up uninvited to tell me that she knows he is using me for sex and even though he doesn't want to officially be with her anymore, she will make sure that she can always be around him..... and that she was suspicious about us from the moment I started. She told me that he had cheated on her twice that she knew of before me, once right before the wedding, but she still chose to marry him and she will always be here. She said he is a narcissist but it's okay because she likes him 🤷‍♀️

I never blame the women in these situations and I never said anything bad about her. However Bob would tell me she was nuts, but I started believing he was lying about everything or her behavior was a response to his actions-  until she showed up and said all that.

Like what the fuck..why do you want to be with someone who uses people for sex and manipulates them to get it ? And why do you want to "always" be around someone like that? And what do you mean you will "make sure you can"?  And why are you judging me for being caught in this when you are dating multiple people at the same time? 

Also this woman is right at the same age as my mother. She's almost 50. I don't know... I just hope I am never like that.

So fast forward, after I left, everyone except two artists and Jenny left the shop too... I am very curious to know what happened but I'll never reach out.

This story is so nuts and typing it made me realize how crazy it was. It sounds like I am lying. I couldn't even put everything in there because I would be typing for 5 years..

  I guess I just need to talk about it because I have lived with this for some time now. Like What was that?  Was I groomed by Bob?

I seriously feel like I escaped some type of horrible soap opera in hell. And looking back I wonder how much was orchestrated from the beginning. Like did Bob want me to be there so he could manipulate me?  Did everyone know and that's why they acted wierd or made me afraid to leave by telling me it was so much worse everywhere else and making me feel like I suck? Is that why he didn't want me to have another job in the beginning?

Was booth rent so high purposely to make it harder to save?

I'll probably forever have so many questions.