u/Own_Most3702

I used to like her content way back and have been following her journey. I know she did wrong when she did crowd funding while having money to afford lavish trips and lifestyle. We hate her for her thought which keeps on changing as per her conviniance but let’s be a little considerate rather than just hating her.

She got divorced while being pregnant, lost her dad and mum, lives alone, don’t have siblings by her side. Just think about the anxiety she must be going through. She must be doomed. Yes that lady is preachy and everything but she doesn’t have an adult company.

Let’s let that lady alone for sometime. Everyone deserved to be healed.

Note:

I know she talks stupids, take asthetic photos where she should grieve but still I believe she needs to be on a healing journey

I’m a 32-year-old woman, and I’ve been struggling with my mental health since December 2017. I’m posting here because I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, and I want honest opinions from people who may have gone through something similar.
Everything started with severe insomnia, followed by depression. Over the years, instead of getting better, I feel like I’ve slowly become a different person.
My symptoms
Chronic insomnia since 2017.
Depression.
Emotional numbness—I don’t remember the last time I genuinely felt happy or excited.
No motivation.
Constant fatigue.
Brain fog.
Poor concentration.
Complete loss of libido.
Gradually worsening memory problems.
The memory issues scare me the most.
Forget conversations.
Forget what I read within minutes.
Lose my train of thought constantly.
Walk into a room and forget why I went there.
Forget routine tasks.
A recent example: I came home, changed my lower, but completely forgot to change my top. I didn’t even realize it until someone else pointed it out. It’s not just one incident—I feel like things like this are happening more often, and I honestly think my memory has gotten worse every year.
Medications
Over the years I’ve taken:
Escitalopram
Mirtazapine
Clonazepam
Quetiapine
Zolpidem (10 mg every night for several years)
My psychiatrist now suspects ADHD, so I’ve recently stopped my previous medications and started Inspiral (methylphenidate) as a trial.
I don’t know whether my cognitive issues are from ADHD, depression, years of insomnia, long-term medication use, or something else entirely.
Medical work-up
I’ve had CBC, Vitamin B12, Folate, Ferritin, Thyroid, Liver, Kidney function tests, and Prolactin checked. Everything has been normal except previously low Vitamin D, which has been treated.

The part that hurts the most
I’m at the age where everyone expects me to get married.
But honestly… I’m terrified.
I feel like I’m not mentally healthy enough to be a good partner.
I’m scared that:
I’ll forget important things.
I’ll never be emotionally available because I feel emotionally numb all the time.
My lack of motivation will make me a burden.
My cognitive problems will continue getting worse.
I’ll end up ruining someone else’s life.
I genuinely feel like I’m not enough, and that someone deserves a healthier partner than me.
Sometimes I wonder if I should even get married at all.

What should I do to fix my mental health and should I get married?

I’m a 32-year-old woman from India and have been struggling with psychiatric symptoms since December 2017.
After seeing multiple psychiatrists over the last 9 years, I still don’t have significant improvement, so I’m looking for opinions on whether there are diagnoses or treatment approaches I should discuss with my psychiatrist.

Main symptoms
Chronic insomnia since 2017
Emotional numbness
Severe anhedonia (I don’t enjoy anything anymore)
Almost no motivation
Constant fatigue despite sleeping
Brain fog
Memory impairment
Poor concentration
Complete loss of libido
I can work and manage daily responsibilities, but everything feels mechanical.
I don’t experience much sadness anymore. It’s more like I can’t experience positive emotions at all.

Medication history
Over the years I’ve been treated with:
Escitalopram
Mirtazapine
Clonazepam (long-term)
Griftan Forte (Escitalopram + Clonazepam)
Quetiapine (50 mg, later 100 mg)
Prothiodan 50
None produced meaningful long-term improvement. Sleep has remained a major problem throughout

Current psychiatrist’s approach
My current psychiatrist suspects ADHD may have been overlooked because many of my symptoms overlap with depression.
He discontinued my previous medications and started a diagnostic trial of:
Inspiral (Methylphenidate) 5 mg daily for 7 days
Then increasing to 10 mg
The plan is to assess my response before deciding on further treatment.
Also continuing zolfresh 10 mg at night

Medical evaluation
I’ve had a fairly extensive work-up.
Normal:
CBC
Vitamin B12
Folate
Ferritin
Thyroid (TSH)
Liver function
Kidney function
Prolactin
Previously I had vitamin D deficiency, which has been treated.

My questions
Does this presentation sound more like treatment-resistant depression, persistent depressive disorder, ADHD, or something else?
I feel suicidal many time.

Over the last 6 months, I’ve noticed a few changes:
My usual vaginal white discharge has almost completely disappeared.
My periods are still regular every month, but they’ve shortened from about 3 days to 2 days and the bleeding is lighter than before.
I do NOT have vaginal dryness, hot flashes, or night sweats.
I’ve never been sexually active, so I can’t comment on pain during intercourse.
I have long-standing insomnia and take medications for it.
My hormone tests showed:
AMH: 1.05 ng/mL
FSH: 11.61 mIU/mL
LH: 4.92 mIU/mL
Estradiol (E2): 63.15 pg/mL
Prolactin: 12.84
TSH: 1.21
I had a routine pelvic ultrasound that was reported as normal, but no AFC (Antral Follicle Count) was done.
My gynecologist told me I have low ovarian reserve and prescribed Ovofar for 4 months.
One thing that has me confused is that the disappearance of vaginal discharge happened within about a month after I had laser hair reduction (LHR) sessions in the bikini/intimate area. I know LHR is not supposed to affect the ovaries, but the timing makes me wonder if it’s just a coincidence.
My questions:
Has anyone with low ovarian reserve experienced a major reduction in vaginal discharge while still having regular periods?
Does this sound more like diminished ovarian reserve than early menopause?
Has anyone had similar AMH/FSH values at age 33 and still conceived naturally?
Would getting an AFC ultrasound provide significantly more information than AMH alone?
I’m trying to understand whether I should be mainly concerned about future fertility or whether these changes could suggest that menopause is approaching earlier than expected.

32F, Tier-2 City, Looking for Marriage Through Matrimonial Apps for 4 Years. Need Honest Advice.
I am a 32-year-old woman from a Tier-2 city, working in the corporate sector. I have been actively looking for a life partner through Shaadi.com and similar matrimonial platforms for the last four years.
Before I get to my recent experiences, some background is important.
My First and Only In-Person Meeting
In four years, I have met only one prospect in person.
We lived in different cities, so we decided to meet in Delhi for two days. Looking back, it remains one of the worst experiences of my life.
When I first met him, I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but I told myself that looks aren’t everything. We checked into the same hotel but booked separate rooms. My expectation was simple: spend time together, explore the city, talk, and see if we were compatible.
However, his intentions seemed completely different.
He repeatedly tried to initiate physical intimacy. He came to my room, and after a brief conversation, started forcing himself on me. I tried stopping him multiple times, but he kept pushing boundaries. I felt extremely uncomfortable and just wanted to leave.
What made the situation more confusing was that, on paper, he seemed like a decent match. He came from an educated family, his father had retired from a reputed government hospital, he had a good job, and his sister was married. Yet his focus wasn’t on getting to know me—it was on sex.
After that experience, I decided I would never again travel to meet someone. If a man is genuinely interested, he can come to my city. Since then, I’ve mostly been looking at matches from the Delhi-NCR region because it is reasonably accessible from where I live.
Recent Experience #1
I recently spoke to a man from Delhi.
Initially, he seemed decent. We had a good phone conversation, followed by a few days of chatting on Instagram. During another call, he asked about my lifestyle habits. I told him that I am an eggitarian, although I don’t consume eggs very often. I don’t smoke, and I drink only occasionally when I’m with friends.
His response was that if I changed my eating habits, then we could move forward.
That immediately felt like a red flag to me. He tried to convince me, but I felt he was being rigid and controlling.
Another thing that bothered me was that during only our second meaningful conversation, he wanted to know everything about my past relationships—how many exes I had, how intimate I had been, and even specific physical details. I found that highly inappropriate.
He also mentioned that I was two years older than him and that his mother would not approve. He said he would have to “fight” his mother to marry me. At the same time, he admitted that he hadn’t even told his mother about me yet. His suggestion was that we should go on trips together, spend time together, and only if everything worked out would he inform his family.
The entire thing felt inconsistent and uncomfortable.
Recent Experience #2
Yesterday, I spoke to another prospect who works in the construction business.
Initially, the conversation went very well. He said he wanted a modern partner. I replied that I wanted a modern family where women aren’t judged based on clothing choices and where everyone is fairly open-minded.
He said his family was exactly like that.
I then mentioned that at my brother’s wedding, I wore a crop-top style blouse with a lehenga because I find carrying a dupatta irritating.
Instead of moving on, he started discussing the length of the blouse. He asked specific questions about how short it was, which immediately made me uncomfortable.
Later, I shared an example from a previous conversation with another prospect. I had once asked a man what he would do if both of us came home tired from work and the maid was absent. His answer had been that household work was entirely the wife’s responsibility because he wasn’t “working his ass off” to do chores at home. I had ended that conversation immediately.
The builder’s response initially seemed reasonable. He said he had no male ego, would help, and would even order food if both partners were exhausted. I thought that was a mature answer.
But then the conversation started taking a strange turn.
He began talking about giving me oil massages when I was tired and asked where I usually experienced body pain. I tried avoiding the question, but he kept discussing massaging my legs and stomach.
Then he asked whether I was romantic.
When I tried changing the topic, he said things like I could drive while he whispered sweet things in my ear.
Out of nowhere, he asked whether women are more horny than men.
Then he told me that his lips were very pink and kissable.
Later, when he asked what kind of men I found attractive, I mentioned actors like Emraan Hashmi and John Abraham. That led him to ask whether I would like him to make love to me “like Emraan Hashmi.”
At that point, I simply stopped responding.

TL;DR:

Are these experiences normal in today’s matrimonial scene?
Am I overthinking and being too sensitive, or are these genuine red flags?
Sometimes I wonder whether I am the problem because time is passing, I am 32, and I genuinely want companionship and partnership. I don’t have unrealistic expectations—I simply want a respectful, emotionally mature partner.
At the same time, many of these interactions leave me feeling uncomfortable, objectified, or pressured.
Another challenge is that neither my family nor relatives are bringing any traditional proposals. Almost every prospect my mother and I find comes through matrimonial apps.
I would genuinely appreciate honest opinions and advice.

32F, Tier-2 City, Looking for Marriage Through Matrimonial Apps for 4 Years. Need Honest Advice.
I am a 32-year-old woman from a Tier-2 city, working in the corporate sector. I have been actively looking for a life partner through Shaadi.com and similar matrimonial platforms for the last four years.
Before I get to my recent experiences, some background is important.
My First and Only In-Person Meeting
In four years, I have met only one prospect in person.
We lived in different cities, so we decided to meet in Delhi for two days. Looking back, it remains one of the worst experiences of my life.
When I first met him, I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but I told myself that looks aren’t everything. We checked into the same hotel but booked separate rooms. My expectation was simple: spend time together, explore the city, talk, and see if we were compatible.
However, his intentions seemed completely different.
He repeatedly tried to initiate physical intimacy. He came to my room, and after a brief conversation, started forcing himself on me. I tried stopping him multiple times, but he kept pushing boundaries. I felt extremely uncomfortable and just wanted to leave.
What made the situation more confusing was that, on paper, he seemed like a decent match. He came from an educated family, his father had retired from a reputed government hospital, he had a good job, and his sister was married. Yet his focus wasn’t on getting to know me—it was on sex.
After that experience, I decided I would never again travel to meet someone. If a man is genuinely interested, he can come to my city. Since then, I’ve mostly been looking at matches from the Delhi-NCR region because it is reasonably accessible from where I live.
Recent Experience #1
I recently spoke to a man from Delhi.
Initially, he seemed decent. We had a good phone conversation, followed by a few days of chatting on Instagram. During another call, he asked about my lifestyle habits. I told him that I am an eggitarian, although I don’t consume eggs very often. I don’t smoke, and I drink only occasionally when I’m with friends.
His response was that if I changed my eating habits, then we could move forward.
That immediately felt like a red flag to me. He tried to convince me, but I felt he was being rigid and controlling.
Another thing that bothered me was that during only our second meaningful conversation, he wanted to know everything about my past relationships—how many exes I had, how intimate I had been, and even specific physical details. I found that highly inappropriate.
He also mentioned that I was two years older than him and that his mother would not approve. He said he would have to “fight” his mother to marry me. At the same time, he admitted that he hadn’t even told his mother about me yet. His suggestion was that we should go on trips together, spend time together, and only if everything worked out would he inform his family.
The entire thing felt inconsistent and uncomfortable.
Recent Experience #2
Yesterday, I spoke to another prospect who works in the construction business.
Initially, the conversation went very well. He said he wanted a modern partner. I replied that I wanted a modern family where women aren’t judged based on clothing choices and where everyone is fairly open-minded.
He said his family was exactly like that.
I then mentioned that at my brother’s wedding, I wore a crop-top style blouse with a lehenga because I find carrying a dupatta irritating.
Instead of moving on, he started discussing the length of the blouse. He asked specific questions about how short it was, which immediately made me uncomfortable.
Later, I shared an example from a previous conversation with another prospect. I had once asked a man what he would do if both of us came home tired from work and the maid was absent. His answer had been that household work was entirely the wife’s responsibility because he wasn’t “working his ass off” to do chores at home. I had ended that conversation immediately.
The builder’s response initially seemed reasonable. He said he had no male ego, would help, and would even order food if both partners were exhausted. I thought that was a mature answer.
But then the conversation started taking a strange turn.
He began talking about giving me oil massages when I was tired and asked where I usually experienced body pain. I tried avoiding the question, but he kept discussing massaging my legs and stomach.
Then he asked whether I was romantic.
When I tried changing the topic, he said things like I could drive while he whispered sweet things in my ear.
Out of nowhere, he asked whether women are more horny than men.
Then he told me that his lips were very pink and kissable.
Later, when he asked what kind of men I found attractive, I mentioned actors like Emraan Hashmi and John Abraham. That led him to ask whether I would like him to make love to me “like Emraan Hashmi.”
At that point, I simply stopped responding.

TL;DR:

Are these experiences normal in today’s matrimonial scene?
Am I overthinking and being too sensitive, or are these genuine red flags?
Sometimes I wonder whether I am the problem because time is passing, I am 32, and I genuinely want companionship and partnership. I don’t have unrealistic expectations—I simply want a respectful, emotionally mature partner.
At the same time, many of these interactions leave me feeling uncomfortable, objectified, or pressured.
Another challenge is that neither my family nor relatives are bringing any traditional proposals. Almost every prospect my mother and I find comes through matrimonial apps.
I would genuinely appreciate honest opinions and advice.

Advice Needed:
Please be honest with me.
Are these experiences normal in today’s matrimonial/dating scene?
Am I overthinking or being too sensitive?
Were these genuine red flags, or am I rejecting people too quickly?
How do you identify the difference between someone who is genuinely interested in marriage and someone who is primarily looking for physical intimacy?
At 32, should I be more flexible, or should I continue trusting my instincts when something feels off?

TL;DR:

I am a 32-year-old woman from a Tier-2 city, working in the corporate sector. I have been actively looking for a life partner through Shaadi.com and similar matrimonial platforms for the last four years.
Before I get to my recent experiences, some background is important.
My First and Only In-Person Meeting
In four years, I have met only one prospect in person.
We lived in different cities, so we decided to meet in Delhi for two days. Looking back, it remains one of the worst experiences of my life.
When I first met him, I wasn’t particularly attracted to him, but I told myself that looks aren’t everything. We checked into the same hotel but booked separate rooms. My expectation was simple: spend time together, explore the city, talk, and see if we were compatible.
However, his intentions seemed completely different.
He repeatedly tried to initiate physical intimacy. He came to my room, and after a brief conversation, started forcing himself on me. I tried stopping him multiple times, but he kept pushing boundaries. I felt extremely uncomfortable and just wanted to leave.
What made the situation more confusing was that, on paper, he seemed like a decent match. He came from an educated family, his father had retired from a reputed government hospital, he had a good job, and his sister was married. Yet his focus wasn’t on getting to know me—it was on sex.
After that experience, I decided I would never again travel to meet someone. If a man is genuinely interested, he can come to my city. Since then, I’ve mostly been looking at matches from the Delhi-NCR region because it is reasonably accessible from where I live.
Recent Experience #1
I recently spoke to a man from Delhi.
Initially, he seemed decent. We had a good phone conversation, followed by a few days of chatting on Instagram. During another call, he asked about my lifestyle habits. I told him that I am an eggitarian, although I don’t consume eggs very often. I don’t smoke, and I drink only occasionally when I’m with friends.
His response was that if I changed my eating habits, then we could move forward.
That immediately felt like a red flag to me. He tried to convince me, but I felt he was being rigid and controlling.
Another thing that bothered me was that during only our second meaningful conversation, he wanted to know everything about my past relationships—how many exes I had, how intimate I had been, and even specific physical details. I found that highly inappropriate.
He also mentioned that I was two years older than him and that his mother would not approve. He said he would have to “fight” his mother to marry me. At the same time, he admitted that he hadn’t even told his mother about me yet. His suggestion was that we should go on trips together, spend time together, and only if everything worked out would he inform his family.
The entire thing felt inconsistent and uncomfortable.
Recent Experience #2
Yesterday, I spoke to another prospect who works in the construction business.
Initially, the conversation went very well. He said he wanted a modern partner. I replied that I wanted a modern family where women aren’t judged based on clothing choices and where everyone is fairly open-minded.
He said his family was exactly like that.
I then mentioned that at my brother’s wedding, I wore a crop-top style blouse with a lehenga because I find carrying a dupatta irritating.
Instead of moving on, he started discussing the length of the blouse. He asked specific questions about how short it was, which immediately made me uncomfortable.
Later, I shared an example from a previous conversation with another prospect. I had once asked a man what he would do if both of us came home tired from work and the maid was absent. His answer had been that household work was entirely the wife’s responsibility because he wasn’t “working his ass off” to do chores at home. I had ended that conversation immediately.
The builder’s response initially seemed reasonable. He said he had no male ego, would help, and would even order food if both partners were exhausted. I thought that was a mature answer.
But then the conversation started taking a strange turn.
He began talking about giving me oil massages when I was tired and asked where I usually experienced body pain. I tried avoiding the question, but he kept discussing massaging my legs and stomach.
Then he asked whether I was romantic.
When I tried changing the topic, he said things like I could drive while he whispered sweet things in my ear.
Out of nowhere, he asked whether women are more horny than men.
Then he told me that his lips were very pink and kissable.
Later, when he asked what kind of men I found attractive, I mentioned actors like Emraan Hashmi and John Abraham. That led him to ask whether I would like him to make love to me “like Emraan Hashmi.”
At that point, I simply stopped responding.
My Question
Are these experiences normal in today’s matrimonial scene?
Am I overthinking and being too sensitive, or are these genuine red flags?
Sometimes I wonder whether I am the problem because time is passing, I am 32, and I genuinely want companionship and partnership. I don’t have unrealistic expectations—I simply want a respectful, emotionally mature partner.
At the same time, many of these interactions leave me feeling uncomfortable, objectified, or pressured.
Another challenge is that neither my family nor relatives are bringing any traditional proposals. Almost every prospect my mother and I find comes through matrimonial apps.
I would genuinely appreciate honest opinions and advice.

I am a 32-year-old woman, and lately I have been questioning whether marriage is even right for me anymore. I don’t know why I am writing this post honestly — maybe because I have carried too much inside me for too many years.

I grew up in a financially unstable joint family. My father and uncle ran a small business together, but over time the business started failing badly. There were days when even basic things like milk felt difficult to afford. Our house was constantly filled with fights about money, food, expenses, inheritance, and comparisons between families.

My parents had two children while my uncle had one, and there were regular taunts that we “deserved less” because of it. I remember adults fighting over food in the kitchen, arguing over household expenses, and even disputes over my grandmother’s gold. Instead of protecting us emotionally, my parents often redirected their frustrations toward us.

My mother worked as a teacher and struggled to support our education and daily needs. My aunt received financial support from her parents, while my mother never really had anyone to lean on. Watching all of this as a child changed the way I see life permanently. That is why financial stability became extremely important to me — not because I worship money, but because I know what life without it feels like.

Academically, I never had proper guidance. Nobody around me understood career planning or education paths properly. I was good with computers and wanted to pursue that field, but relatives pushed heavily toward CA or government exams because they believed those were safer and cheaper options.

Despite all of this, I fought hard for my education. I secured second rank in my city’s BCA entrance exam and got admission, but every step came with financial stress. There were constant arguments around fees and expenses. I had an old barely functioning computer and limited resources, but still managed to score well academically.

After BCA, I genuinely believed that good marks would be enough to get me a decent job. But recession hit, placements never happened, and suddenly I was told that without MCA I would only get low-paying calling jobs instead of development work.

I wanted to pursue MCA, but we did not have money. I took a gap year and prepared for entrance exams. I even secured a good rank in a central-level exam and got opportunities in good colleges outside my city, but my family could not afford relocation and my father did not want me taking an education loan.

So I prepared again, hoping to secure one of the very limited government seats in my hometown. Unfortunately, the exam pattern changed completely and became heavily mathematics-oriented rather than computer-focused. I was devastated because I knew immediately that my chances were gone.

Eventually, I completed MCA from my hometown itself. But by then life had become an emotional battle every single day.

When MCA ended, companies again did not come for placements. I was completely lost. So I started applying on my own. I emailed every company I could find in my city and traveled alone to remote industrial areas carrying resumes for interviews. This was before cab apps and reliable navigation systems. I would walk kilometers in extreme heat trying to locate offices. I still remember being followed by strange men or getting uncomfortable looks simply because I was a woman traveling alone in isolated areas.

Eventually, I got my first job for 6,000 rupees a month. The salary was depressing, but I wanted experience. I worked extremely hard and after six months switched to another company offering 10,000 rupees per month.

That company completely broke me mentally.

I was never given proper documents or training. On the very first day, I was assigned difficult tasks without knowledge transfer and expected to deliver by end of day. The environment was toxic beyond words. Nobody wanted to help new employees because they saw us as competition. Requirements changed every few hours, deadlines were impossible, and even looking at your phone for a few seconds would get you questioned by the owner.

At that point, I had also bought a scooty on installments and was terrified of losing my job because I needed money to survive. In my house, respect was directly tied to income.

Slowly, the stress destroyed my mental health.

I stopped sleeping properly. I stopped talking to people. I isolated myself completely. Within months, I was diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. My hands and legs would shake constantly. I had to go through multiple doctors and medications before finding treatment that suited me. Some medicines made my body feel completely shut down.

My mother was the one who finally realized how badly I was collapsing and forced me to leave the job.

Recovery was slow, but eventually I found another company in my hometown. The company itself was struggling financially, but the people there were kind, and that helped me heal slowly. I worked there for four years while continuing medication and treatment, and eventually I switched to a much bigger company.

But life tested me again immediately.

Right after joining, I met with a serious accident and had to undergo surgery. Due to radial nerve palsy, my right hand became temporarily paralyzed. Even then, I joined work two days after surgery because I was terrified of losing the opportunity.

I worked using only my left hand while undergoing months of physiotherapy to regain movement in my right hand. I could not even eat properly by myself during that phase.

Then came the topic of marriage.

Honestly, I was never emotionally ready for it, but because of age and pressure, I still tried. Due to my childhood experiences, I had certain expectations — I wanted financial stability, emotional security, and a settled home environment.

But nothing worked out.

Some men were interested only in sexual conversations rather than genuine connection. Some expected me to travel alone to their city, stay in hotels, get physically involved, and then decide about marriage afterward. Slowly, I became emotionally detached from the entire process.

Years of depression, medication, stress, and trauma changed me deeply. I feel emotionally numb now. I struggle to feel attachment, excitement, desire, or emotional warmth toward people — even family sometimes.

I also struggle with vaginismus, which has created another layer of fear around intimacy and marriage.

And this is where my biggest conflict begins.

I constantly feel that whoever marries me may never truly feel fulfilled with me emotionally or physically. I already feel broken inside. At the same time, my home situation is becoming difficult too. My brother is married, we live in a small house, and I can feel the silent expectation that marriage should eventually “move me out” so space can be created for his future children.

That feeling hurts deeply because I don’t want to feel like a burden being transferred from one house to another.

Sometimes I question whether marrying someone would even be fair to them.

But despite everything, there is still one thing I want very badly — someone I can lean on emotionally. Not perfection. Not luxury. Just peace. Just one person with whom I can feel safe after spending my entire life surviving.

I survived poverty, emotional abuse, toxic workplaces, depression, physical injury, and years of internal battles.

But somewhere along the way, I think I became emotionally tired of life itself.

At this stage of life, I genuinely do not know what the right decision is anymore.

A part of me feels I should just marry whoever seems decent and available because maybe companionship is better than loneliness. Another part of me is terrified that I am emotionally too damaged, too numb, or too exhausted to be a good partner to someone.

I keep wondering:
Should I force myself into marriage because life and family circumstances are pushing me toward it?
Or should I stop trying and focus only on building a peaceful life for myself independently?

Has anyone here gone through something similar emotionally?
Can people who feel emotionally disconnected or broken still build healthy marriages later in life?

I am honestly looking for perspective, not judgment.