u/Patient_Tradition368

So I'm in week 3 of a new job at an NGo that is *officially* non-religious that focuses on providing services to individuals with disabilities.

This week, the leadership team, of which I am technically a part (I have no direct subordinates, and am technically the only person in my department), attended the Global Leadership Summit, a religious summit that claims to provide guidance on leadership strategies and best practices for individuals who lead teams in businesses, ministries, NGOs, etc.

There were speakers who kept things business focused, but the majority were VERY heavy on the religious content. At one point, a speaker was just reading and discussing scripture.

I was *extremely uncomfortable* through significant portions of the 2 day summit.

My question to the r/atheism community is this: How do I tactfully tell my new boss that this is something I am emphatically NOT willing to participate in next year. (Apparently, this is the 3rd or 4th year the leadership team has attended the summit)

I want to buy a car in the near future and need recommendations for stick shifts!

I currently have a 2011 Kia Soul with a manual transmission and it's fine, nothing glaringly wrong with it, but it's reaching an age where, to keep it running, it'll need a good bit of expensive maintenance work, so I figure now is as good a time as any to replace it.

What I'm looking for:

1. Manual transmission, obviously

2. Absolute max I'm willing/able to spend is $30k

3. I prefer a hatchback, but it's not a deal breaker.

4. No kids to tote around or any major hauling/storage needs other than regular grocery trips, etc., so a small vehicle is fine.

5. I would love something a little sporty. My job is 5 minutes from my house and I don't have a ton of other driving needs, so when I drive, I'd like it to be fun!

6. Not at all opposed to used vehicles. With my budget constraints and my desire for a manual, I'd wager that used is actually my only option.

Thank you for your insights, reddit!

Had a rather ugly fight with my sister this evening and it led me to the realization that her relationships with men and her perceptions of men generally are ruining our relationship.

For context, my sister got married last year to a "nice" guy. I think he generally means well but he has also thrown up a handful of red flags that I have *not* been shy about calling out. For example, there was an incident last year where he was making derogatory jokes at my sister's expense that I had, on numerous previous occasions, asked him to stop making, and we ended up in a very ugly verbal fight in public. During which, he employed a textbook DARVO tactic in an attempt to discredit me.

There is also an issue that has been percolating for some time which is that my sister works full time in a high stress job while my brother-in-law sits at home collecting an armed forces disability check that he "earned" by getting tinnitus in the airforce about 15 years ago. My sister has been feeling pretty resentful of this set-up, and up until very very recently, it was generally understood by all parties involved that he was going to be getting a job so that my sister didn't feel like she was the only adult in the relationship contributing to the household through labor.

The two of them are moving away in about a week and over the past month or so, any time I brought up the job situation in front of my brother-in-law, he got extremely defensive and negative and once literally said "I'm not getting a fucking job. Her resentments are her fucking problem."

So, this evening, I had dinner with my sister and I brought this topic up. I wanted to check in with her before they move away and make sure I knew how she was feeling about the whole thing.

To my complete shock, she was totally on his side. She said her new therapist had convinced her that it was on her to manage her feelings of jealousy and resentment and that she had to make a choice to not be upset about the situation. So now, she is going to be doing the work of a full time job PLUS the work of managing her emotional responses and expectations while her husband.... changes NOTHING.

And wouldn't you just know it, when I pointed this out to her, suddenly the conversation completely shifted to how I am just too hard on him, and I just hate men and that's why I don't give him the benefit of the doubt, and I'm just such a brutal harpy who thinks all men are monsters and treats them accordingly all the time. Nevermind that their behavior is abhorrent! No! The real problem is that I'm just a radical feminist who just *hates men* for the hell of it.

She even managed, during the argument, to shoe-horn in the fact that I've been having some friction with my male best friend recently. She said he told her that he felt that I was "imploding our friendship" because of my negative feelings about men collectively. Never mind that there are *actual things* that occurred between us that upset me that have never been resolved. Nope! It's not that! It's not the actual things that these men did to me! It's 💥misandry💥!

And for some reason, my sister is on the side of the men. For some reason, she has decided to sweep their bullshit under the rug and walk right over it like it never existed, while I am left on my own to be perceived as a man-hating lunatic.

I fucking *knew* this would happen when she told me she was getting married. I knew it. That man is going to poison her against me and there's nothing I can do about it. She's already chosen her side. And unfortunately, it wasn't *her own* side. It was *his*.

Hung out with some friends tonight and got treated to a story from one of my female friends who lives alone.

Her male neighbor, who we've collectively started calling "Dirty John", is a fucking creep, and apparently, he has started stopping by my friend's apartment to ask her random questions and to ask to borrow things.

He stopped by to ask is she wanted to see his dog. He stopped by to ask her is she had a can opener he could borrow. He stopped by to ask her if he could see if she had the same washer and dryer that he has in his apartment.

And she... polite little miss that she was trained to be, has been trying to be courteous and kind, and now finds herself in the position of needing to tell him to fuck the fuck off.

She apparently finally got a little confrontational with him and told him to stop knocking on her door, but again, did so with too much kindness, and then he waited for her in the shared garage in order to get her to listen to his "apology".

And the whole time I'm listening to her story, I'm just getting so anxious and frustrated, because I know perfectly well that this is how we're raised to behave as women, but the men simply will not allow us to be anything other than straight up rude before they get the message. And that, as we all know, can put you in danger too.

The nice behavior only encourages them, regardless of the actual message you're trying to convey. They don't fucking listen to us. And now I'm deeply concerned for my friend. Because of some fucking creep who can't just.... not be a fucking creep.

I was sitting on my back stairs today when I overheard my male neighbor describe me as "a weird girl" to someone over the phone.

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Where the fuck does this guy get off calling me weird? I say hello when I see him in the driveway. I pull his trashcans in from the street. I made him an entire pan of pear cobbler on Thanksgiving and gave him a box of homemade cookies at Christmas. I'm a good neighbor. I'm not loud or bothersome or annoying. I keep to myself.

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Weird. This, coming from a man who, when I saw him in the driveway this afternoon, greeted me by saying "I just had dental surgery this morning." Not hello, how's it going, it's hot today huh? But "I had dental surgery this morning."

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And now I'm sitting here wondering how in the world this man determined that I am weird. And I feel insane about it because I *am* weird. I collect animal bones and vintage glassware and I talk to myself and do erotic embroidery for fun, but this man doesn't know any of that. All he knows is that I'm a woman who lives alone with a couple of cats and therefore I'm "a weird girl".

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What the fuck, man?

All the instruments go quiet for a second and you hear maybe 4-5 voices scream in unison. I can't remember which song it is to save my life.

Edit: Solved! Abbie Falls- Victim

This is something of an "am I the asshole?" post, so input is appreciated...

So the situation is that I just got home from a weekend trip with my sister, her husband, and our best friend who is also a man. The point of the trip was just to spend a lot of time together and have fun as a group because my sister and her husband are moving away soon.

So my friend and I shared a hotel room for three nights and we had a bunch of plans for things to do and places to eat and whatnot. My friend had mentioned wanting to go to this particular oyster bar and I had said to him that it might not be the best idea for all 4 of us because I don't enjoy raw oysters and my sister doesn't eat any seafood at all and there was literally one thing on the whole menu that she would eat.

Anyways, cut to the first day of the trip and we're walking around the city and stop by this bookstore my friend wanted to go to. It was really tiny and they only allowed 6 people in at a time to keep it from becoming overcrowded. As we're standing outside waiting our turn, I start getting super overheated and start sweating BULLETS. I leave the bookstore to go buy a hand fan and I'm starting to get extremely physically uncomfortable but I try to power through.

After we leave the store, we make our way to the oyster bar. Upon entering, I realize that there's basically no climate control in the space, just a ceiling fan, and on top of that, the place is packed with a bunch of loud 20-something frat guys. I'm immedietly like, no, this is not my scene. If I stay here, I'm going to be physically and mentally miserable and that won't be good for me or anyone in my vicinity.

I turn to my friend and say "hey, will you be really offended if my sister and I go eat somewhere else and then meet up with you guys back at the hotel?" He doesn't answer. I'm literally sweating through my dress so I just decide to leave.

My sister and I have lunch elsewhere and then head back. When my friend returns, he tells us both that what we did was really shitty and we owe him an apology. My sister caves and says sorry, but I hold my ground. I'm not sorry and I don't think it was that big of a deal.

About an hour later, back in our shared hotel room, we get into a huge fight. He's telling me that my behavior was selfish and I didn't care that going to that restaurant was "the one thing he asked for all of us to do together on this trip" (It categorically was NOT, but that didn't seem to matter to him).

We fight for about half an hour and I try in vain to convey to him how deeply physically uncomfortable I was and how I didn't know he was so emotional/sincere about this restaurant experience. I'm not a mind reader. And I point blank asked him if he would be upset if we left, and he chose not to answer.

I ended up tearfully apologizing to him in the end.

Then, to add insult to injury, the next day, he left on his own to go bar hopping while the rest of us went antique shopping.

I feel like I got manipulated into validating his perspective while my perspective and my physical discomfort was used to turn me into the villain.

I love this person very very much. He's like a brother to me, but the way he absolutely refused to see the situation from my perspective really upset me. I don't know if I should just let this go, or try to talk to him about it again.

Advice appreciated.