u/Personal_Dot_7196

In Japanese households does everyone have their assigned chopsticks and if someone uses another family members chopsticks is that considered rude.

*Addendum*

Just to add some additional context…my inspiration for asking this question was a small argument I had with my Japanese wife of 30 years (I’m American), earlier today.

I was grabbing some chopsticks to eat my lunch ( she had already eaten lunch earlier) and grabbed the pair she always uses, “her” chopsticks. I only grabbed those because they were sitting on the dish rack and easily accessible. She stopped me and said that I should only use “my” chopsticks and it would be rude of me to use hers. It was only then, after three decades of marriage that I discovered that we all had assigned chopsticks, and I didn’t know if that was a Japanese thing or just particular to my wife. I understand the rule when we are eating a meal together or as a family, it makes sense. But when we eat separately what difference does it make who uses which chopsticks?

I got prompted to leave a tip (18-20-22%) at Carl’s f-ing Jr.

CARL’S!!

What made the request even more ballsy and egregious, was the fact that nobody took my order, I placed my own order at a self service kiosk. They basically wanted a tip for turning their body 180 degrees while standing in place, and then handing me a bag and an empty cup. I went and got my own drink, straw, and napkins.

And they wonder why more people than ever are against tipping…

On the server life sub there is yet another absurd post by a server complaining about a new GM forcing them to increase their tip out to other staff, while simultaneously feeling entitled to tips from customers. All of this without even a hint of irony or awareness of their own hypocrisy.

My message to them is that if you’re too cheap or too poor to tip out to your fellow workers, don’t work as a server!!

“Don’t eat while walking in Japan” is a relatively new Tokyo norm, not a long standing cultural rule. Nonetheless, it should be respected.

I recall living in Japan in the early 90s and seeing retirees on the train drinking a cup of sake or young people on the weekend coming home from a late night and drinking a beer on the train. I even use to see Japanese snacking and n the train or walking back to work eating skewers of yakitori. So I asked my Japanese wife if there has always been the rule of no drinking and eating in public?

For some additional context…my wife grew up in Tokyo in the 70’s/80’s and part of the 90’s before moving to the U.S. and she said that my memory is correct. Up through the 90s and even early 2000s, Japanese people generally didn’t care if others were eating or drinking while walking around in public. According to her, the big shift came after public trash cans started disappearing following the 1995 sarin gas attack, combined with the huge rise in foreign tourism.

Once trash cans disappeared, there was more concern about litter being left around, especially in crowded areas. As tourism increased, many visitors would leave cups, wrappers, skewers, etc. in public spaces, and Japanese society gradually responded by discouraging eating while walking altogether. Less because it was “traditional etiquette” and more because people didn’t want public spaces becoming messy. What’s interesting, and I think this is a helpful travel tip for first time visitors, is that you still see plenty of exceptions:

festivals

street food areas

Harajuku crepes

people drinking vending machine drinks while walking

So it feels less like “never eat while walking” and more like “don’t inconvenience others or create trash in crowded spaces.”

Curious whether other longtime Tokyo residents remember the same cultural shift.

For foreign visitors who aren’t sure, the best policy is to just do as you see the Japanese do.

Take it from someone who has traveled there frequently over the last 35 years from the states with my Japanese wife, the places that dominate social media feeds are no longer representative of the authentic local experience. Once a location goes viral, it often becomes overcrowded with tourists, long lines, inflated hype, and an atmosphere that can feel more like an extension of the United States or Europe than Japan itself. Moreover, an influencer might truly believe a place is the “best in Tokyo”, (based on their ver limited knowledge) when in reality, there are are many other places that are not only better, but much less expensive because they aren’t charging inflated tourist prices.

Some of the best food and nightlife experiences in Japan are found in tiny neighborhood establishments tucked away in residential areas, places with little or no social media presence, no English signage, and no influencers filming reaction videos outside. Instead of chasing viral spots, leave room for spontaneity. Wander into local neighborhoods, observe where Japanese residents are eating and drinking, and trust your instincts. In Japan, even an unassuming ramen shop down a side street can easily outperform the heavily promoted “must visit” locations trending online. If my wife sees a long line filled with westerners, she makes avoid it like the plague, and she is seldom wrong.