r/tipping

Disclaimer: I am not a server; I’m in healthcare.

First of all, good morning to all of you; I hope that we can engage in a civil discussion on this one.

I’d also say that there are positions against tipping that I do understand: I understand that some people resent the (real or perceived) social pressure of tipping; I also understand that some people resent servers who have an, ‘Entitled attitude.’ Now, as to the last part, I definitely believe that doesn’t reflect the majority of servers, I also think some people might be extrapolating one, or a few, experiences to the entire server population…but it’s not really for me to argue against someone’s perception; we all perceive things differently.

The position I don’t understand is this: We all know that if a restaurant were to eliminate tipping and pay servers directly, by which, I mean, you are ABSOLUTELY not allowed to tip-servers would make less money.

Now, some people speak as though servers who wouldn’t want this are entitled; how is it entitled, though, to not want to make less money for doing the same job?

But, that’s actually minor.

What really confuses me is the people who decry serving as an entry-level job and actively attack servers on the basis of they make too much money. Servers will (correctly) point out that they don’t always make a ton, and will point to averages, to which the anti-tippers will counter that there are unclaimed tips not being accounted for.

Even that is basically fine.

The position that I REALLY don’t understand, however, is when servers are attacked based on not being perceived as worth what they’re making. It’s almost as if people are looking at what servers do and saying, “That job shouldn’t pay that much.”

Now, even if those people were right (given that it’s a subjective opinion), how is this, in any way, some kind of grave injustice? It almost comes off as either contempt or jealousy, but couldn’t people just try to become servers, if they wanted, were they jealous?

And, if we’re going to attack people on the premise that they make more than they’re worth, wouldn’t CEO’s and other corporate types, who sit in boardrooms and **** each other off all day, and also have golden parachutes even if they are ousted, be a better target?

So, that’s the position that I don’t understand and, I think, actually worsens the anti-tipping side’s overall position. It’s like, even if servers were undeserving…oh my God, they’re making (likely lower-middle) middle-class income for work that some don’t consider a middle-class job—-who gives a crap? I just think that any position that advocates for, “This category of workers should have less earnings than they currently do,” is going to be a non-starter for a lot of people.

So, can anyone who has actual animosity towards servers for making what they make explain why they feel that is a meritorious position?

Refreshing to see someone from the service industry publicly acknowledging that the tipping system today is not right.

Another post by him

This is more of an observation than a question, but I am genuinely curious if you agree, disagree, and why or why not.

I've been watching Tomi Mikula's excellent Deliverd Youtube channel, and agree with him that dealer pricing is anything but transparent and straight-forward.

In the US, car franchise laws prevent consumers from buying directly from a manufacturer, and so we have to buy from a dealer, and prices vary wildly.

As a consumer, I don't know how much a server is actually earning, and so I have no idea on whether they are being paid what I would personally consider a fair wage.

Rather than disclose this information, the industry seems to adopt the position of "trust us bro" which reminds me of many of my conversations with car sales people.

I’m getting a balayage soon and the estimated price I was given was around $380-$400, how much should I be tipping for this service?

A tipping community insentivises retail workers to work harder and better. Not tipping in such cases is expected, and not discouraged by the workers.

A no-tip community discourages good work, because you shouldn't expect a good service if nothing changes in the worker's pocket by doing it. There is a difference between what the system wants it to be and what it's going to be. It also encourages something like a percentage tip system to be used.

A percentage tip encourages customers to NOT tip, and retail workers to not work better.

That is why when you think the service is good, and you can afford to, give a tip.

If a customer undertips, then he is scum. But the boss only paying 7/hour federal minimum wage? That’s okay.

It makes no sense. The disgust should be directed as the restaurant owner underpaying his staff

Had a food truck that came to my apartment complex entrance and setup, looks like they come twice a week. I ordered and when it came to paying, I saw the tip option.

I ended up not tipping, but since it was a food truck with only 2 workers I felt a little guilty afterwards as it seemed like a humble operation.

But at the same time, I am paying for their food, at their price. I am picking up the food myself. Using that rationale I don't usually tip.

I also always dislike the idea of asking for a tip before you receive your purchase, I might get paranoid they'd dislike me not tipping and screw with my food lol.

Do yall tip food trucks in general or is it circumstantial, or not at all?

I realized yesterday that carrying cash in various denominations down to a dollar bill for dining is better than a credit card, if you are trying to avoid confrontation with entitled waiters.

Yesterday at a sushi restaurant I was neglected; waiter forgot to bring me a second serving of wasabi, nor did she come back to fill up my water. So, when the bill came (food + tax = $31.83), I put down $32 in paper bills and walked away, not having to interact with the machine, or him standing in front of me, or raising the specter of being scolded.

It felt good for once paying in cash!

Who else pays in cash to avoid confrontation when not tipping?

I thought I'd seen it all until I came across this guy. I have got to share because it ranks top silly posts I've seen on reddit. He claimed all anti-tippers behaved poorly, so I told him that it was very mature to assume that an entire group of people behaved poorly just because their value didn't align with his. He then replied with "Go cry some more broke a$$ chump" and posted his pay info below. The irony is, I actually make far more money than he does lol We have some really bizarre servers on this sub.

https://preview.redd.it/im5cgskwtbbh1.png?width=1179&format=png&auto=webp&s=75872ffadb19e82a2a010ee66fbb09f6de629383

Last night 10 of us went to dinner in San Diego, CA. The server quickly took our drink order but took another 10 minutes to come back for our food order. It appeared that she was responsible for another large group table of about 16, our table and about another 5 tables of 2 or 4.

We never saw her again after she took our food order until she came over with POS for payment.

My niece’s dinner didn’t arrive with the rest of the 9 plates. I got the attention of staff who was delivering food to other tables and reminded them we were still waiting on another plate. Still nothing for 10 minutes. I went and found another server and explained we are still waiting on one more plate and he asked what was ordered. He put in the order.

In addition, I was constantly trying to get the attention of staff to ask for refills. They were great about refilling once I got their attention, but it was a pain no one was coming by to check on our table.

So she hands me the POS. I take it and select other for tip. I gave her $20, which was almost 10%. She then reaches over my shoulder to point to the 18% amount and says for large groups there is a minimum of 18%.

I politely said I ordinarily would tip much more, but she has been absent all night. She protested saying that wasn’t true. I said, “Are you aware that one of the dishes never arrived and I had to talk to other staff to get it delivered?” Her reply was, “I have been busy with other tables!” I simply said, “I know.” She took the POS, “so you don’t want to tip!” and fumed off despite that I had selected a printed receipt and never received it.

I don’t fault her as much as management. Someone gave her more tables than she could handle. As a prior waiter myself, I was never given more than one large group. I feel bad that I didn’t tip my normal 20-25%. I get that she lives on tips. However, I am tipping for service. Service she didn’t provide. It honestly was the worst service I have had in recent memory. I shouldn’t have to flag workers down for a missing order or for refills all night long.

What do you think? Should I have tipped more?

TLDR: Group of ten with about $200 check. Tipped $20 because server was absent regarding missing plate and no refills. Other employees helped out once I flagged them all night long. Server upset I didn’t tip at least 18% since we were a large group. Was I wrong for not doing so?

UPDATE: The server never brought me my written receipt although I requested it on the POS. I just checked my credit card app. Instead of being charged around $220, the charge is $250!

Is it possible she could alter the tip? I’m wondering if it would do any good to challenge the charge without a receipt. Any suggestions as to what I should do? I am in town one more day and could go to the restaurant.

FINAL UPDATE: I'm going to chalk this up to a lesson learned. I shouldn't have walked out without getting my receipt. I also should have looked at the charges rather than let her hand me the POS at the final screen where it was to the tipping percentage. For all I know, there could have been a mandatory 18% large group tip already included, but I was budgeting around $200 before tip and didn't question the amount. I am concerned that if I contest the charge on my credit card, I will be asked for my receipt as proof of what the amount should be. I don't have that. We leave for home tomorrow and I have spent the 4th of July with family having a good time. I'm putting this to bed as a lesson learned on my part. Thank you to everyone who gave constructive feedback. I was simply feeling guilty for not tipping my normal 20-25% knowing it is hard work to be a server. I'm over that now. If she did steal by adding the extra, as I suspect, then she apparently needs the money more than I do. I am at peace. I won't be replying to any more comments.

I couldn't even remotely fathom teaching a kid I might be responsible for to tip.

I won't start a bad habit of doing so with them or do anything that could make them feel guilt or discomfort.

Let me start by sharing a personal story. My friend and I went to this order at the counter establishment. It was his treat. We ordered, and he paid and added a tip. We got our food and sat outside to eat. The food was good until I came across a long blonde hair mixed in mine. Purely disgusting. I went back inside and let the staff know. To my surprise, his response was, "That's not my hair," as he pointed to his black short hair. "That's blonde and long. My hair is black." I was stunned by this response and paused for a brief second in disbelief. He just stood there not offering any help. I had to literally tell him, "Yea, that's not the point. I didn't think it was your hair. The point is, there was a hair in my food, which is disgusting. I can't eat this." I showed him the hair and explained that it was in this sauce. He then offered to make another exact same meal, even though I showed him that the hair was in the sauce. He was going to scoop out of the same container the hair came from! I asked for a completely different meal instead.

As you can see, it was a pretty bad service that doesn't deserve a tip. But, a tip is solicited when you order, not after you receive your food, so they got a tip that my friend left anyway. Personally, I don't tip at a counter order establishment, but if they want to solicit a tip anyway, they should add a QR code on a receipt that gives a customer an option to tip after they have a chance to make sure that their order was fine. This will also reduce wait time at a counter as each customer won't need to spend extra time dealing with a tip screen.

I hear this rebuttal often after years of anti-tip advocacy.

Many restaurants require a server pay anywhere from 10-35% of the total tip amount to the other service staff who don't take the orders from customers. This varies depending on how many people helped serve the food/drink and prepared the dining area. Sometimes the actual cooks receive something too.

The bartender/barrack makes the actual drink.

The food runner and buss boy actually bring out the food and clean the table take the actual gross plates.

The kitchen staff makes the actual food, which is actually the reason any customers actually come in the first place.

What does the server actually do? Write down what you want and bring the drinks. Also bring out the check so you have to be face to face with them when leaving a tip.

Everyone else in the restaurant does more actual work. Yet the servers expect to be paid the most.

On top of all that they complain about the pittance they have to share of the tips they recieved for what they claim is "their sales".

Get real. Servers need to stop being so entitled.

Just curious, I see a lot of people site the /serverlife subreddit as a place where servers complain constantly about tips and act entitled. I took a scroll through it and couldn’t find any evidence of either. Did I miss it somewhere?

This happened tonight, and I'm still reeling about it. My friend, fiancé, and I went to our local KPOT in Fredericksburg, VA. We only saw our server three times in 90 mins, and our total interaction with him was less than 5 mins.

He never checked on us, so we had to ask other employees for rice because otherwise we weren't going to get any. Our dirty plates were never cleared, so they just kept piling up. Once we finished eating, we waited for him to come by so we could pay but after sitting there for about 30 minutes, we finally had to flag him down ourselves after he sat another table next to us.

I paid for my fiancé's and my dinner, that came to $102, and I left a $5 tip. On the way out, I went to the waiting area because my friend paid separately and had a coupon that needed to be applied. I thought my fiancé was right behind me, but he came a minute later. As we were walking to the car, my fiancé told me that our server said to him, "Let her know that the tip is typically 20%."

Sorry, but you don't earn a 20% tip for simply walking us to a table and bringing a couple of sodas, especially when you barely checked on us, never cleared the table, and left us waiting half an hour just to pay. And to top it off, I was the one who paid the bill, yet he didn't say anything to me.

You don't earn a 20% tip for doing the bare minimum. The interaction at all-you-can-eat is already low since the servers aren't bringing out most of the food, so it's less than a regular restaurant, but that's not an excuse to disappear for most of dinner. He could have checked on us a few more times, made sure we had everything we needed, cleared the plates from our table, and helped us get out in a reasonable amount of time instead of leaving us waiting around for 30 minutes just to pay.

Friend called the restaurant to speak with a manager, but they were told the manager was busy and would call them back. I guess we'll find out whether they actually care enough to address what happened. While to food is good, and I have been there multiple times before this, I am not inclined to go back or if I do, ask for a different server.

Edit: Manager did not call back (not suprised), so will send an email and review and stay away from there. I tried calling twice with no answer and mailbox was full. Friend called and actually got someone who said the manager would call him back but never did.

I was at a restaurant and I had enough rewards points to cover the whole bill of the food. I thought the server would hand me the pos machine and I would've tipped her and whatever. She did not hand me the machine, so there was no way to tip her without cash, which I didn't have, so on my way out, she said to me "rewards doesnt cover the tip" be so fucking for real right now. I've been a server before, and I would literally never say that to anyone.