Keppra Rage
I got it bad!
Back in January, I had a seizure in my sleep at around 12AM. Luckily I was at my Dads and my sister was with me. She heard me not breathing well and when she turned on the light, she said my lips were blue (lack of oxygen). She started CPR on me and called 911. They rushed me to the hospital and from what I was told, I was clinically dead in the ambulance for about 5-10 seconds when they got to the hospital. The paramedics were doing what they could to bring me back and they succeeded.
So, the hospital I was at, they put me on Keppra and I've been taking 2 a day ever since. This was the first seizure I've ever had in my life. I had just turned 60 the month before.
The rage part... I am very irritable now. Anything will set me off and I'm afraid it's ruining my marriage! It's scaring me!!! I know I need to talk to my wife about it and I probably will. Right now my daughter is visiting with my granddaughter and I love them both sooooo much and I love having them here. I still get irritated easily about things and I know my daughter sees me being irritated easily. I probably need to talk to her as well so she understands why I am acting the way I am.
It's like I don't give two shits about anything anymore (with the exception of my daughter and granddaughter). My wife is also on some heavy medications for pain and whatnot and I think that may be having some symptoms of irritability on her as well. I don't know all the medications she's on but a lot of it is pain killers. All prescribed of course.
I've been able to deal with her irritability in the past but now, with the medicine I'm on, it's impossible to do that and that's not even the half of it. I've become less caring of myself. Meaning, if something happens to me, I wouldn't care if I didn't live through it. I know, right? Hard to read someone saying that.
Now, I'm not suicidal or anything like that. I have plenty ways to take my own life but I have no inclination of doing so. But if something were to happen to me suddenly like a car crash or another seizure or something like that, I wouldn't mind if that ended everything. I'm not afraid of dying but I'd never purposely take my own life.
I know, hard stuff to read and I would be shocked reading something like this as well but I really have no fear of death but I'm never going to force it upon myself. But I'm ready if it ever happens.
That's got to be the medicine... right?
I don't want them to put me on something else. I heard that switching meds sometimes has negative implications and I really don't want something bad to happen to me as a result of that. On the same token, if they did change my meds and I had a negative reaction to it, I kinda hope it would just end my misery quickly and painlessly. How I died in the ambulance is kind of how I want to go. I went to sleep and almost never woke up. I never felt the seizure occurring, didn't have any idea my sister was giving me CPR, didn't know the paramedics pulled me off the bed, put me on a gurney and rolled me into an ambulance. All I remember is waking up and seeing the back of an ambulance as I was being pulled out of the ambulance. But if I didn't wake up, I'd have been perfectly fine with that. Zero pain or discomfort at all! I kinda feel like I had that taken away from me a little bit. No one wants to go out with a lot of pain.
I know... Go see a psychotherapist... Well, I wasn't working when this happened and I have no medical insurance. I was turned down by both Medicaid AND Social Security so I have no way to pay Dr Bills right now.
I can start driving again on the 23rd of this month so I can go back to work then. But for now, I really can't do anything.
I'm writing this just to vent. Hopefully it will help me talk to my wife and daughter. I hate feeling this way and I don't want them looking at me as some old geezer miserable a-hole. This is definitely medicine related because I never ever felt this way before in my entire life.
And no one told me of the side effects and what medicines I can take and what I can't take with this stuff. I used to take an allergy medicine and it helped me every day during the spring. I can not take it now because the way it reacts to Keppra. So I've been miserable with allergies all spring and even up to today. I'm hoping this dissipates quickly now that summer is here. Allergies and heat... Not fun!
There's a lot of stuff I can't take now that I used to. I can't take Hydrocodone anymore because it has a serious reaction to Keppra and any other seizure medicine from what I hear. I have a bad back and now a sore shoulder and all I can take is Extra Strength Tylenol... What a joke!
If anyone has some similar experiences and has figured out a trick to get around the irritability thing with Keppra, please let me know your secrets.