NOTE: I am not the OP(s), the OPs are u/Spiritual_Victory_62 and u/Consistent-Dog6765. These posts were collected by u/Big-Experience-1492 for r/BestofRedditorUpdates 4 years ago here, all credit for gathering this story goes to them. I am repackaging the story here in order to include relevant comments from both posts that add more details and context. I hope this is alright mods, if not, I of course understand if you need to delete this post.

 

POST 1: I am going to divorce my husband of 10 years

Posted by u/Spiritual_Victory_62 on September 10th, 2022

 

My husband and I met when I was 18. It had always been just me and my best friend but when my husband came along we became an inseparable trio. For me it was love at first sight. I had the biggest crush on him but didn't want to ruin the friendship thing we had so I kept it to myself until he confessed to me when we were 20. Things went fast and we got married when we were 22. My best friend got married too and we have all remained close.

we had invited my best friend and her husband around for dinner and we were joking about the things we got up to and my husband brought up how he had always had a crush on my best friend but then she got a boyfriend so he settled for me instead. When I tell you my whole world just came crashing down.

I realised my marriage of 10 years was him settling for second best. That I was never his first option. After that everything he did just started to annoy me he just stopped being attractive to me anymore. We haven't slept together in 6 months because I feel so disgusted. I just want out. I feel like I've wasted my life. I'm disappointed in him and myself for believing I was the one he liked

Edit: OK I'll just answer the main questions here because i don't want to keep answering them

No Yes Idc Idk I tried to talk it out for 6 months

Edit: husband knows about the divorce. I told my best friend and she told my husband. So I come home to a don't leave him intervention where they all wanted to work it out. I have never been so confused because fir the past 6 months I've been trying to ask him what he feels and what he meant by his comment and amto answer my questions like literally to the point i have screamed it in his face to just tell me and he's been saying nothing and she has been encouraging me to talk to him but keeping her distance. I thought it was because he didn't like him. Apparently she just thinks we are perfect together and he doesn't want to lose what we have. What do we have? We are basically room-mates who have sex at this point. I think I won't update this because I'm a bit miffed and angry. I am going to go stay at my mums or something

UPDATE: OK so pretty major update that I said I wouldn't do but I am not a man of my word and never said I was. Today I got a message from BFs husband asking where she was and I had no idea because I am at my mother's house. Can we guess where she is? SHE IS AT MY FUCKING HOUSE WITH MY FUCKING HUSBAND! What weird fucking universe am I living in? Anyway yeah so I'm leaving and taking all my stuff with me. My mum will have to put up with me for a while. Divorce is definitely happening. I'm going to get therapy.

 

RELEVANT COMMENTS

 

SkrogedScourge

>He just announced this in middle of a dinner casually like it was a funny story? In 6 months he hasn’t noticed your upset? He hasn’t questioned what the issue is?
Think your marriage has been over and you haven’t realized it yet.

OP

>>Yeah he announced it like a funny story. And he has noticed I'm upset I am not quiet I've told him why I'm upset but he just can't understand because he "chose" me

Druidgoddess

>>>OK, but he did say crush right? Like he wasn't in love with her just had some feelings? My husband had a crush on another girl when I met him, she wasn't interested. I was. He dated me and liked me. Are we sure you aren't over reacting? I mean a crush is a crush. You were young. He's still here. Is your marriage good? Is he loyal? Is he a good man. I feel like there's more to this. I understand your knee jerk reaction to being told this at first but I would definitely gage his actions and behaviors over the last decade over a random crush confession. Even how he brought it up indicated it wasn't a serious thing or he wouldn't have felt safe telling you. It was an after thought, a random comment.

OP

>>>>If I was overreacting that day then I would understand this comment. I don't understand why he has let me overreact for 6 months without giving me one SINGLE explanation or reassurance the he did not mean anything by his comment. 6 whole months I have been asking questions about this with nothing. Nothing but dismissive remarks. You don't dismiss someone you're meant to love for 6 months unless you're actually brain dead.

Elegant-Equivalent86 (downvoted)

>>>>>Doesn’t his actions over all these years of marriage speak for itself? Tbh what reassurance do you need when he’s been married to you for this long? Reassurance is someone having an affair and you’ve discovered it but I don’t see what reassurance you would need here. This is a huge overreaction, I would be pissed indeed but I would not throw away my marriage if this was solely the only reason. This is extremely impulsive.

 

Dirjang94 (downvoted)

>So you going to leave him just because you wasn't his first choice. 10 year of marriage just for that. You need to see a therapist because clearly something wrong with you to destroyed 10 year of marriage for something that petty.

OP

>>Almost like I know my worth 😌

OnTheSlope (downvoted)

>>>No you don't. If your entire self perception is upended over something so small, melting down over the prospect of not being the best in this one, specific avenue, then no, you don't know your worth and you have a very unstable sense of self. I can't believe Reddit is condoning this narcissism.

OP

>>>>And you know what I love my unstable sense of self because without it I would think I'm worth being plan B when I could just be single, living my life and doing what I want

 

societyisfcked

>Does he know your divorcing him? Hope you say something like "I'm leaving to become someone's first choice" You guys don't have any kids? Good luck, you deserve better 🙏🏼.

OP

>>Not yet I'm thinking of just ghosting him honestly because I don't want go through the arguing and the begging And no we don't have kids thank the lord. That was our next plan

 

POST 2: I destroyed my marriage with a stupid comment and one night stand

Posted by u/Consistent-Dog6765 on September 14th, 2022

 

So I found my wife's post "I'm going to divorce my husband of 10 years". Someone made a video about it and that video got back to me.

I would like to tell my side. When I met my wife I didn't really think much of her. She was funny, kind and a good friend but I had no other interest. Her friend (Sarah) was gorgeous. She had long red hair and these soft freckles and long eye lashes. She was my dream girl but she was not interested in me. I noticed my wife (Amber) was hanging out with me more, laughing at my jokes, listening to me and it made me consider having more of a relationship with her.

Sarah got a boyfriend about a year in to us being friends and her interest in our friendship group dwindled. She hung out with us less and spent more time with her boyfriend which left me and Amber alone a lot. I ended up giving up on Sarah and focusing on Amber we started dating and got married. We kept our friendship with Sarah but we focused on each other. In the back of my mind though it always felt like I had missed out on something.

My marriage was boring. Amber and I were basically friends and I was working hard to save for a house and she was working hard to save for future kids so we were existing alongside each other not actually together. So one day when we were at dinner I got jealous of Sarah and her husband who seemed happy and made the comment about settling for Amber.

Amber shut down after that. She kept repeating the same questions over and over and it would make me so angry that I didn't want to answer. So I didn't. I guess that was my first bad move. Sarah messaged me after the dinner to check if I was ok and we kept messaging me. She was just reassuring me that I did nothing wrong and it would work out.

Then I got a text saying Amber was planning to divorce me. So Sarah came over and we tried to stop her from leaving me but it seemed to only make things worse. Sarah saw how distraught I was and stayed to comfort me and we drank and in a drunk stupid mistake we ended up sleeping together.

Sarah confessed to her husband that we slept together and her husband told Amber. Now both our marriages are ruined. I regret it so much and I just wish I could take it all back.

 

RELEVANT COMMENTS

 

Technical-Ebb-410

>Was your side of the story supposed to make you look better? I am confused lol

OP (downvoted)

>>Well I think I was painted as someone who is very heartless and stupid 😕

 

BlondeBobaFett

>So you finally slept with your “dream girl” that you insinuated to your wife you settled for. Surprised your not running off together? Do you even feel bad about making your wife feel second place to this woman?

OP (downvoted)

>>She was my dream girl when we were 18 not now. I needed to get it out of my system. I think my wife was justified in how she felt but she is dragging this out too much now

-VintageVagina-

>>>Dragging it out???? Are you serious??? What a selfish pos!!!

OP (downvoted)

>>>>Well she spent half a year making a big deal out of one comment and now she wants to divorce over a mistake. She won't even talk to me

Deleted user

>>>>>Well clearly it wasn't about one comment. She had every right to worry about this woman. You made your bed.

OP (downvoted)

>>>>>>I think she drove me to that point. We both drove each other to this point

 

JcanQT

>Do you regret it though? You started off by stating you didn't think much of your wife at first (how disrespectful!) and l believe you meant it when you said you "settled" for her. Apparently Sarah knows you were always interested in her, so neither of you made a mistake. Don't blame the alcohol. You two knew what you were doing. It's too bad your wife and Sarah's husband are hurting because of this. Please don't get involved with someone else you know you're not really interested in, it's cruel and selfish.

OP (downvoted)

>>I regret it but I also think it needed to happen

Sock-United

>>>Why did it need to happen? You finally consummating your love for Sarah, or Amber leaving you?

OP (downvoted)

>>>>To get it out of my system. Now that I have had sex with Sarah I can leave it alone and it's done. I got what I missed out on and can go back to normal.

 

Turbulent-Bonus-9073

>So serious question: What has Sarah said since all this came out? Are you still talking to Sarah? Is she trying to play like this was a mistake too? I’m really wondering if this was actually the first time, or just the first time you and Sarah got caught.

OP (downvoted)

>>We haven't spoken

holyfudge- (editor's note: this comment was later edited after OP responded in the thread; since the edit is in response to context we don't have yet, I'll include it at the end of the post)

>>>Ah... See how he didn't answer if it was the first time or the first time they've been caught. All you need to know.

OP (downvoted)

>>>>I don't think it's relevant

Turbulent-Bonus-9073

>>>>>It’s very much relevant if this is the first time you’ve slept with Sarah or just the first time you guys got caught. It’s really starting to look like you and Sarah had a full blown affair. You’re dodging important questions.

OP (downvoted)

>>>>>>It's the first time in like 6 years

Turbulent-Bonus-9073

>>>>>>>So you and Sarah slept together 6 years ago? This isn’t the first time you’ve cheated on Amber then? If you slept with Sarah years ago, why did you “need to get if out of your system” now all of the sudden?

OP (downvoted)

>>>>>>>>Because like I said she was something I felt I had been stolen from me. For the first 4 years of our marriage Sarah wasn't married yet only in a relationship so I thought we still had a chance. But then she got married and everything ended suddenly. I was cut off from her and stuck with someone I didn't want. I never got proper closure

holyfudge-'s edit to their previous comment

>Edit:- Yeah this dude is straight-up bs. It's not a one-night stand. He's been having an affair for his whole marriage. He was still hoping for a chance while he was already married and only stopped sleeping with her(acc to him anyway) when Sarah got married. Yeah, I don't believe that. Oh, and Yeah Sarah didn't confess. That's a fucking lie. Her husband caught them together. Here's what happened:- She stayed back to comfort him instead of her supposedly BFF(wtf even), and they got drunk. She didn't tell her husband where she was, the husband called Amber(Read this in Amber's update) and asked where was Sarah. Amber was shocked when he called and then they both realized and learned that she was at his house. Now, OP says she confessed which is a bs, husband drove to his house and found them together in bed or wherever they were fucking. The husband told Amber. That's how they got caught. This is what happened. I don't believe for a second Sarah confessed. She is as bad he is. And I don't believe that they haven't spoken either.

I watched this movie on Tubi around a year ago and can't for the life of me remember what it's called. Tried searching online with no luck, no idea if it's still on Tubi or not. It was definitely lower budget, had the feel of a 90s-00s movie but may have come out in the early 10s? What I remember:

• Started with a young couple driving along a canyon/cliff-like area in the desert, until they stopped and were attacked by someone in a zombie-ish state
• They flee from their car and end up at some kind of military satellite outpost where they find out people are going crazy all over the world, so they end up taking shelter in the outpost with other survivors
• The woman out of the couple was a doctor/nurse/veterinarian (possibly in training?)
• The other survivors included
  • A red-headed woman in her 40s-50s who talked about being a retired pornstar, and at one point specifically says that she filmed 2013 anal sex scenes over the course of her career
  • Her daughter, who she (the retired pornstar) said she kept very sheltered and didn't allow to go on dates with boys, and
  • A man wearing a crop top that had some kind of pun on it (maybe related to, like, donuts?)
  • An openly gay man
  • An extremely homphobic religious man who taunts the gay man at every opportunity
• As the movie goes on they find out that people are turning into monsters because of some kind of alien parasite, they kill one of the creatures and bring it back to their base to do an autopsy on it, at which point they realize its penis is falling/has fallen off
  • The woman from the original couple, who was doing the autopsy, at this point says something along the lines of "maybe his penis fell off because he was being unfaithful and lying!" because she believes her boyfriend is cheating on her
• One of the survivors (the gay man) gets infected and they lock him up in the basement, when he's about to turn the homophobic man volunteers to kill him and goes down there, bashes his head in and then weirdly kind of kisses/makes out with him after he's dead
• The pornstar's daughter also gets infected towards the end, tries to seduce one of the male survivors, and then it's revealed that she has grown some kind of phallic appendage that she can attack and infect people with

This movie was so insane I need to find it so I can watch it again because it sounds like such a fever dream when I try to describe it lol, all help is appreciated!

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

OOP: u/altthrwwy1212121987

Published on: r/relationship_advice

Story is: CONCLUDED

Story timeline

• Main Post: June 07, 2019

• Final Update - Rareddit: June 10, 2019

---

Main Post

^(June 07, 2019)

---

My[24M] girlfriend [22F] and her sister [20F] are both pregnant with my children. Neither of them know about the other. I want to do the right thing.

Throwaway account because my brother and a few IRL friends know my username.

I have done a terrible, terrible thing. I have made a terrible terrible mistake. I'm really not looking to be judged here, but I know it's going to come no matter what.

I found out the same day about both of them being pregnant. I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years and her sister and I hooked up around 3 weeks ago. It only happened once and she told me she was on BC(obv not.)

My girlfriend and I have been trying so I know it's mine. Her sister says hers is definitely mine because she hasn't been with anyone else in 2 months. I convinced my girlfriend to wait to tell people for a couple of weeks and her sister said she's going to wait for me to tell the family.

I need to come clean. I need them to both know early on so I can sleep at night. I'm aware I'm going to be hated by their entire family and possibly all our friends.

I'm trying to do the right thing, if there even is an option.

Any advice is appreciated.

 

COMMENTS

TripplerX >Maybe sister told the GF that you slept with her. Then they planned this fake pregnancy scare to get revenge on you before she dumps you. > >Or maybe they really are both pregnant and you are fucked. So fucked in fact, you may get pregnant this time. > >I'm going to just upvote your post to increase visibility for you to get feedback, I don't have any specific feedback other than "come clean and deal with it".

---

Exxonerated >Well for one be honest. Make sure they both know. You GF will hopefully leave you. Maybe they will both want an Abortion. Or you might end up paying child support for both while everyone hates you for the rest of your life. > >OOP >>I know she's going to leave me. I've accepted that and began to prepare silently. How could anyone stay? >> >>I don't think either will consider abortion, but I'd be willing to help with the payments or any child support payments. 100% up to them.

---

Luckyferns >This seems like a ‘they found out about each other and now are trying to out you’? > >Make sure they’re both pregnant before telling everyone. Buy the test and have them do it with you there, plus 3 weeks? Seems uncommon > >OOP >>I've seen only my girlfriend's test. I've had this thought as well, but my girlfriend's sister already knew about us.

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im_charm_type >What made you sleep with the sister? > >OOP >>Temptation. Alcohol was involved but I'm not going to blame it. >> >>im_charm_type >>>Where was your girlfriend when this happened? >>> >>>Her sister is aware of you and your girlfriend relationship, correct? >>> >>>OOP >>>>Yes she's aware. I don't remember where she was, i believe she went out with some work friends.

---

Final Update - after 3 days

^(June 10, 2019)

---

(UPDATE) My[24M] girlfriend [22F] and her sister [20F] are both pregnant with my children. Neither know about the other. I want to do the right thing.

I debated on whether or not to post this, since on the original post I was bombarded with hate and threatening PMs (including a doxx threat). However, a few people gave some really solid and helpful advice, so this update is for them.

I posted last Friday afternoon. On Fridays, my girlfriend gets off work at 10pm. I told her sister to come over around 9:45pm because we were going to tell her the truth. She agreed and I waited. The anxiety I felt was tremendous but I just kept reminding myself that this was all my fault and nobody else but me made that mistake.

When sister didn't arrive by 10, I knew something was up. My suspensions were confirmed when they walked in the house together at 10:15. They sat me down and explained the situation.

Sister had come clean to girlfriend, and after a brief quarrel and anger, they decided to fuck with me to see how long i would keep the secret for. Props to them, because I was completely blindsided.

Girlfriend (now ex- girlfriend) was very calm and has sister pack her a bag to stay with her. I told her my friends and I would bring her belongings and furniture anywhere they need me to. She told me she didn't want me touching her stuff and she would be moved out when I get home from work on Monday.

TLDR: Neither were pregnant, they found out about me cheating and fucked with me. Am single now.

 

COMMENTS

Jay794 1218 >Surprised your ex isn't mad at her sister for fucking you > >OOP >>They were briefly but sibling love is different than romantic love, so it's easier to forgive her.

---

[deleted] >Maybe not cheat next time bud.

---

lucyinthesky401 >Well good News you saved 40% of your income on two baby mamas. Use a condom.

---

Fandango_Jones >Justice best served cold.

 

---

This is a repost sub. I’m not the Original OP (OOP)

Please remember to follow the subreddit rules, especially the ones about brigading.

Let’s aim for a respectful and friendly discussion for everyone involved.

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/No_Reflection7149 posting in r/AITAH

Concluded as per OOP

1 update - Medium

Original - 6th January 2026

Update - 13th January 2026

​

AITAH for showing my coworker what 'just being honest' can be like?

​

I don't know how else to put it because is a weird situation, also this is a throwaway because I don't want this on my main.

I 26F started working at my job 6 months ago and I immediately realized it was a horrible work environment, the men act like they're still in a frat house or something. There is one in specific that is like their evil leader let's call Jake 30-ish he said he is just honest and talk about free speech or how he just say the first thing that comes to his mind. He is just disrespectful and a bad person according to me. I started looking for a new job 3 months ago but haven't had any luck with the same pay so I'm still here.

As I said he is cruel and mean with everyone specially the women and a couple guys who 'aren't alpha enough'. For more context I have ADHD and other things and I struggled a lot as a teen/ early 20's to be kind to people and myself I also still have the impulses to say all the mean things that come to mind but I worked hard in therapy to stop those thoughts and redirect myself somewhere else.

Anyway, I decided to give him the same treatment he gave everyone after he told a pregnant coworker he can't understand how her husband didn't cheat on her yet because she's a cow now. I started about three weeks ago, he came to talk to me and told me I'm basically a dude because I don't have enough chest and I told him Jake are you balding or your forehead was always that inhumanly big? And so on but yesterday we were talking with a few coworkers about all I cooked for new years because I tend to go overboard and they were impressed with my dinner, he came and started saying nonsense and throwing insults so I said 'See this is exactly why your daddy left you' and I continued with my conversation.

Well he talked to HR and I have an appointment to talk to them on Thursday however my coworkers said they would support me and they decided to file complains against Jake now and document his behavior, apparently they already did but HR just gave him a slap in the wrist and they are angry now because they want to talk to me so fast. I'm not particularly scare about the appointment but I wonder if I went a little too far, yes he started but I don't tend to low myself to bullies levels but I really didn't see any other way when HR never did anything about the complains.

I don't really want to apologize to him but I'll fo it if I cross a line because as I said I work hard in therapy to be as decent of a human as I can be and maybe this wasn't the best way to handle all this. So AITAH?

​

Comments

​

dnabsuh1

NTA. If HR requires an appology, you can always word the applogy properly - "I am sorry I made fun of your large forehead, I see now that going bald is making you uncomfortable, and I will not mention it again."

YeahIGotNuthin

"Also, I'm genuinely sorry your father left you."

Danukian

I am VERY sorry both your father and your hair left you. It seems to be a pattern, a male pattern. I am so sorry.

PrideofCapetown

Chef’s. Kiss. And OP needs to mention the magic words “sexual harassment” during her meeting with HR, since Jake commented on her chest

ElectricSpeculum

"I'm glad that you're willing to take unsolicited comments about body parts seriously, especially since mine was in response to him making a particularly hurtful and unsolicited comment about my breasts. This feels like sexual harassment, and I was attempting to show Jake how it feels (without commenting on his secondary sexual characteristics) so he would cease his repeated and unwanted sexual harassment."

angelicak92

HR reacted because youre a woman. Call them out. Ask them to explain why youre getting this response when hes been walking around terrorizing everyone since he started. Use the terms hostile work environment, sexism, bullying, abusive, and personal grievance. Before you go in speak to an employment lawyer because you do have rights and if you cant get one before the meeting then go in and say that youre recording this meeting for your lawyer to review. Nta

​

**Judgement - NTA**

​

Update - 7 days later

​

Well I had my meeting with HR and it went relatively okay, first of all I went on detective mode and I found out one of the HR guys (Dylan) was related to Jake, they're mom's are cousins so they don't have the same last name or anything but I found Jake's mom's Facebook and then a picture with Jake's mom, Dylan and his mom. I screenshoted it and I talked to my supervisor and he decided to come with me to the meeting.

In the meeting there was Dylan, his boss, jake, my supervisor and me, Dylan tried to lead the meeting and suggested immediate termination but my supervisor told him we will have our meeting with the other guy because I deserved a neutral meeting and showed both of them the picture, Dylan face dropped but he didn't said anything else after that and just leave the room. The other HR guy talk to me and my supervisor and I gave him my story and gave him like 12 notes sign by my coworkers where they talked about their experiences with Jake.

The HR guy called a couple of them including my pregnant coworker in his office too after dismissing me and on Friday I had another meeting but it was only me and the HR guy, I talked about how uncomfortable I felt and how everyone tried to do the right thing by reporting him but they never did anything, he said he understood and sadly Dylan was not impartial in his actions by covering for Jake but that it was dealt with. He said I wasn't going to get written up or anything and that I'm in the clear but he asked me to not repeat this and I told him I wasn't planning on doing it again and he just told me to go to him if something else happens.

Yesterday I got to the office and everything was normal but at noon my supervisor came to find me and my pregnant coworker and told us that Jake and Dylan were let go and Dylan might have some legal troubles with the company but he couldn't discuss that and asked us to not say anything about it to anyone else and that people would realized about Jake anyway.

I also have a second interview in another company next week, I'm hopeful but also nervous because I had interviews before but it didn't go anywhere at the end. And that's all, it was more dramatic than I expected, I thought they'd fired me and keep Jake or something but I feel finding out Dylan was covering for Jake because their family relationship helped me tremendously. Thank you for the advice it was really useful

​

Comments

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helenaflowers

I remember your first post and am glad to see this update. I'm guessing that Dylan's employment in the HR department is how Jake has managed to get away with this stuff up until this point since clearly no one knew about the connection until you pointed it out - that syncs up with what you said in your first post about Jake only getting a "slap on the wrist" before. My additional guess re: Dylan is that the "legal troubles" could very well have something to do with proof that he's covered up for Jake in the past, including perhaps some instances that could've opened the company up to a lawsuit for either something Jake said or wrongful termination of an employee who reported it. Good for you for doing a little digging and finding what you did, then bringing it with you as proof and leverage. Glad Dylan and Jake had the day they deserved.

tiredfostermama

It’s also possible they didn’t disclose their relationship and that on top of everything else is putting Dylan especially in hot water.

Beautiful_Arm8364

You brought the receipts. ALWAYS a smart move. Well done.

BigONerd

This is one of those rare updates where things actually went the way they should. You handled this incredibly smart by bringing evidence, witnesses, and your supervisor. Dylan pushing for your termination and then going silent the moment you exposed the conflict of interest says everything. You did not overreact, you documented a pattern and let HR do its job once the right person was involved. I am really glad you are in the clear and that both Jake and Dylan were let go. As for the new interview, being nervous is normal, but you proved you can handle pressure and advocate for yourself. That matters more than you think. Good luck!

​

I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

I am not The OOP, OOP is u/National_Bison_6764

AITA for honestly telling my GF what I would change about her?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole

TRIGGER WARNING: >!Body shaming!<

Original Post - rareddit Feb 25, 2022

I watched a TikTok where a couple asked each other what they would change about each other and they both said nothing, they’re both perfect and they love each other very much etc. So I thought let me try this with my girlfriend, without filming of course. She said “I wouldn’t change anything about you, maybe I would make you less anxious about everyday stuff so you wouldn’t suffer“. It’s true, I tend to be very anxious and obsessive compulsive sometimes but I’m dealing with it.

Then she asked me what I would change about her. I told her I would like her to have her old body back, meaning before the pandemic when she was more muscular and a little bit thinner. Also I told her she could be less hairy in some areas like her face and arms and I wish her hair was more cared for. I wouldn’t change anything fundamental about her appearance, maybe make her legs a little bit thinner but all my requests are very much achievable with a little effort. She didn’t seem to appreciate my comments, her expression changed and she locked herself in her room without saying anything. We slept on different beds and the next day she told me something very hurtful. She said “I don’t think that your appearance is perfect either, there are some issues but I love you enough not to pester you about them.” When I asked her what she meant she replied that she wished I followed her skincare advice to get rid of my acne and that I would work out with her more. I told her the difference is that I was honest and she lied. She didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had been crying the whole night. She went to her sister’s house and hasn’t been responding to my messages

So am I the AH for being honest?

VERDICT: ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

JoJoMamaPlays

>YTA. You saw an opportunity to confront your gf about things you’re not attracted to under the guise of “oh look how fun and sweet”. You tricked her and made her feel like shit.

xrgentum

>>Yeah OP is a massive AH. Even the way he wrote this up you can tell he’s still trying to convince himself that it was for a tiktok trend. I hope for the girlfriend’s sake that she can see what type of person he really is.

No-Wing-2161

>>>And the fact that he can tell her something hurtful and excuses it because he says it’s easily achievable, but when she treats him the same way, he says she was very hurtful like what she did was worse. He can’t play the victim here.

Ursula2071

>>>>And she wasn’t hurtful,at all. She was very kind. She said she wanted him to be less anxious, meaning she doesn’t want to see him suffer because she loves him…his response: YOU ARE FAT AND HAIRY! What? I’m just being honest! WTF.

~

Sk111W

>YTA You saw a trend on tik tok of two people accepting each other and decided to use it as a way to nitpick your GF's appearance.

SunshineOnStimulants

>> OP doesn’t deserve a girlfriend until he can behave like a grown up. YTA, OP. >> >> And trying to turn it around on her that she lied? You have a lot of work to do on yourself before you deserve a girlfriend. There is only one Asshole here, and that’s you. Asshole doesn’t even BEGIN cover it but I have to be civil. However I will say, with all required respect, I have a very low opinion of you as a person. I hope you learn from your mistakes.

~

Coogles

>Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Asia,” but only slightly less well known is never get in a conversation with your girlfriend about what you would change about eachother! YTA.

spaceyjaycey

>>Inconceivable! 🤣.

OOP updated the post the Next Day/Feb 26, 2022

UPDATE: I get it, I’m the asshole. I called and profusely apologized but she said she would think of my comments every time I look at her and it’s something she can’t just forget. My gf of 4 years broke up with me and now I see why. Thank you all for your comments.

THIS IS A REPOST SUB - I AM NOT THE OOP

DO NOT CONTACT THE OOP's OR COMMENT ON LINKED POSTS, REMEMBER - RULE 7

I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Ambitious_Base_182 posting in r/AITAH

Concluded as per OOP

*1 update - Medium

Original - 19th December 2025

Update - 22nd December 2025

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AITA for telling my fiancé I would call off the engagement if he doesn’t stop hanging out with my father because of a situation that happened with my ex?

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I (27F) have a complicated relationship with my dad (55M). He wasn’t a bad father, but he’s been a terrible husband. Growing up, I constantly found my mother crying because dad had cheated on her again. He’d cheat, she’d lash out, he’d crack jokes to lighten the mood, which made her even angrier, then within days they’d be back to normal. Until she'd catc him cheating again. I resented my father for this, and my mother somewhat for tolerating it so much.

After college, I returned to living with my parents until I could figure my finances out. I met a guy I really liked, and he would come over to my parents house most of the time. He and my dad got close pretty quickly. They would hang out together a lot, go on fishing and camping trips together. I thought it was nice that my father and my boyfriend were getting along so well. Until I overheard them one day talking about their latest adventure.

From that conversation, I realized their trips weren’t just about fishing or camping. They were picking up women together. Essentially, dad was encouraging him to cheat on me but just he discreet about it. They tried denying it, but I wasn’t fooled. I broke up with him immediately, and my relationship with my dad got even worse. I moved out some months later and rarely visited. My apartment was only a twenty minutes drive away from my parents’, but from them, I visited just a handful of times because of my mother.

Now on to the current situation, I met my fiancé(26M) some months after my last relationship and we dated for a year and half before he asked me to marry him. I’d already introduced him to my parents and they'd met a couple more times. He knew about the situation with my ex, and why my relationship with my father was strained. We got engaged a month ago (the week before thanksgiving). When I informed my mother, she begged us to come spend thanksgiving weekend with them to celebrate. She used the fact that we’d drifted apart so much and my fiancé convinced me so I agreed.

On the first night, after dinner my dad invited my fiancé to go out on the porch to drink beer and chat. My mum and I decided to join them. The conversation was mostly about their mutual love for football. After an hour or so, it got tiring and I wanted to sleep(my mum had already went off to bed). When I told my fiancé, he told me to go ahead and he would be with me soon. I felt very uneasy about leaving them alone, but I didn’t want my fiance to feel like I was monitoring him.

My fiance accidentally woke me up when he finally came to our room in the middle of the night. When I asked him why he was coming to sleep so late and what they were still talking about for so long, he replied “football, of course”. I didn’t press further. All weekend they hung out constantly. My fiancé helped dad with chores and ran errands with him. When I brought it up, he said he was just being polite.

Fast forward to yesterday, my fiance casually informed me he would be going on a camping trip with a friend. This isn’t the first time he has gone on a camping since we got together, but I got suspicious because he got evasive when I asked who he was going with. When I pressed, he finally admitted he was going with my dad. Apparently, over the weeks after thanksgiving, they stayed in contact. They’d even gone to watch a football game together without me knowing because my father said I would make a big deal out of it.

I lost it and told him absolutely not. I reminded him what happened with my ex. He said I was being paranoid, that my dad was cool to hang out with and had never mentioned anything about women. He said my dad didn't force my ex to cheat, so I couldn't keep holding a grudge.

That hurt very much in addition to the fact that he wouldn’t cancel the camping trip like I asked. So I told him that he could either stop hanging out with my dad or I would call off our engagement. He got upset and accused me of trying to control him and the fact that I think my dad can influence him means I don’t trust him. We’ve barely talked since yesterday as he keeps giving me the cold shoulder.

I don’t want to be the kind of woman who controls who her man hangs out with, but I feel like I set a clear boundary from the very start regarding my dad and he knows how it makes me feel.

Sorry for the long post but I felt that the context was important. AITA for giving him that ultimatum?

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Comments

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choppedliver65

Your fiancé is putting his bromance with your father above your comfort. He is already lying to you while embracing a habitual cheater. Is this what you want for your future, reenacting your parent’s dysfunctional marriage? NTA unless you accept the disrespect

xanif

>my father said I would make a big deal out of it.

If anyone tells me not to tell my wife I'm hanging out with them because she'll be upset, the first person I'm telling is my wife.

GentlewomenNeverTell

Oh he'll cheat on her, absolutely. OP needs to go non contact with her parents. And her fiancee.

Signal_Historian_456

If he hasn’t already. This whole thing is a clusterf.

>“You don’t trust me!”

Yeah, because you’ve already lied to me multiple times, went behind my back and put my cheating pos father above me and our relationship. He gives you zero reason to trust you. Not to mention he already listened to the dad to lie to OP and not tell her anything. That was also his choice, so why trust him not to choose to cheat? Run before it gets really ugly.

Amazing_Reality2980

NTA but I wouldn't bother with the ultimatum. What is particularly concerning here is that your fiance is already lying to you and sneaking around behind your back. You're trying to maintain boundaries with your father and your own fiance isn't respecting them. He's showing you who he really is, so believe him. A good man would not be lying to you. A good man would not be sneaking around behind your back. A good man would respect your wishes regarding your family. You can't trust this guy and if you keep dating him, it's only a matter of time before he's out cheating, with or without your dad.

Mukiea

It sounds like the dad almost likes to "groom" them into becoming cheaters. I imagine he'll do the same with this man, and will continue to try this with every partner OP ever has.

cosmopolite24

My view is that dad is doing it deliberately so he can say "see all men cheat. I wasn't the AH, its just what us men do".

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**Judgement - NTA**

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Update - 3 days later

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Thanks to everyone who commented on my original post. I read every comment but I couldn’t reply to any because it felt like I was reading what I knew deep within my guts.

So I did not break up with my fiancé right away(pathetic, I know). This is a man I’d been with for almost two years and we’d never had any major fights until now. I wanted to wait to see if he would understand where I was coming from and decide to cut my father off but two days later, he was still giving me the cold shoulder despite my attempts to talk it out. I forgot to mention in my original post that my fiancé did say that it wouldn’t be just him and my dad. His friend would be there too, so I didn’t have to worry. But I think that’s beside the point.

What broke the pathetic bubble I was in was when a text came through his phone while he was in the shower. It was my father’s number and it said “Has she cracked yet?”

I finally understood that my fiancé had been giving me the cold shoulder to make me relent and he had no intention of cancelling the trip with my dad. Something broke in me but it wasn’t anger. I took off my ring and placed it on the nightstand. When he came out of the shower, I calmly told him that I needed him out of my apartment by the end of the week.

He again tried to point out how unreasonable I was being and how it was turning me into a controlling woman. I told him I didn’t want to control his life, which is why I’m asking him to leave. That way, he can be free to be friends with whoever he wants. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect my boundaries and thinks there’s nothing wrong with associating with someone who hurt me so much.

He changed his tune very quickly and said he would cancel the trip and stop talking to my dad if that would make me happy, but he didn’t want me to leave him. I have to admit that I was tempted for a second but I managed to stand my ground and told him I didn’t want to be with him any more. Then I left the apartment and drove to my parents’ house.

My calmness disappeared there as I ripped into my dad for being a POS of a human being for constantly cheating on my mum and destroying my relationship again like he did before. I didn’t expect a shred of remorse, and he gave none. All those who commented that he does this to prove a point were right.

My dad told me that if I expect to find a man who’ll be satisfied with just me forever, then I am living in a bubble. Men are designed to want variety every once in a while. I pretty much expected that so I wasn’t shocked. What broke me was my mother agreeing with him and telling me that I would never find the perfect man because all men cheat but what’s important is that you’re the one he loves and comes home to at the end of the day.

In my previous post, I mentioned being somewhat resentful towards my mum as well for taking so much crap from my father, but I had never looked at her and felt disgust as I felt in that moment. I calmly told her that wasn’t true. She might’ve resigned herself to being with a POS but I know I deserve so much better. I told my father I don’t care if he disowns me, takes me out of his will or whatever, I don’t want anything to do with him ever again.

And I told my mum that I loved her, but until she gathers enough balls and self respect to leave my dad, I don't want anything to do with her either. Then I left their house and drove to my best friend’s house where I proceeded to break down into pieces. Sorry if the write up feels choppy. I’ve lost two of the people I care about the most, and it hurts like hell. But I also know that I have to put myself first for once after all the crap I’ve put up with. Like most of you, my best friend also suggested therapy so I’m going to look into that.

PS: I know legally, I owe my ex fiancé a month’s notice(he moved in with me seven months ago), but I don’t think I can stomach it for that long. Hopefully, he’ll leave within the week and not make things difficult for me. In the meantime, I will be staying at my friend’s house.

Thanks so much for all your responses. It comforts me a bit even when I feel so crappy.

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Comments

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akaredshasta

NTA. Wow, your father is a piece of work. And your mother is enabling him. Good for you for leaving that toxic stew. I hope you find a fulfilling life far away from all of these people.

AlvinOwlHirt

I've been married for nearly 40 years. No cheating (either of us). My parents were married for over 60 years when my dad passed away. No cheating there either. In fact, I know very few people who have cheated/been cheated on. And, honestly, I would not be ok hanging around someone who was a known cheater.

LilyLuigi

Same here. Married 22 years, parents-63, brother-28 years plus my husband’s parents, his 2 brothers, sister, no one cheated. Real men keep their word from their vows and don’t cheat. Don’t settle, but seek out therapy since the men you get involved with are prone to cheating.

Chilling_Storm

Thank you for the update. I am so glad you stood your ground. I know you are hurting and the next few days, weeks and months are going to be difficult, but be strong. You DESERVE to be loved, respected and have your boundaries adhered to. You are WORTHY of being loved unconditionally with a partner who wants what is best for you. Partners raise each other up, have each other's back, they are honest with each other. So proud of how you advocated for yourself and your future!

RaptorOO7

I read your original post and the update. Shocked by the first one and sheer anger after this ones What parent let alone someone’s father actively encourages their daughter’s fiance to cheat on her before they are even married. What disgusts me even more is the ex’s were cool with it and about it. Cheating is literally the line you don’t cross with me and my wife is the same. It’s really simple you want to cheat then get out and go live the life you want, it just won’t be with the person they want to cheat one

>OOP: Thank you so much. This made me bawl my eyes out because I realized just how much I needed to hear this. Thank you so much!

No-Statistician-4201

OP, you did good. Disappointment and betrayal always hurt in the beginning but after some time has passed we will see that this whole situation was actually a blessing in disguise. Your ex showed you exactly who he was. And yes for therapy for sure. When a person has unsolved trauma the tendency is to keeping attracting the same trauma in our lives. You will find the right partner.

>OOP: Tbh honest, until the comments on my first post, I never realized the pattern. Maybe I've been looking out for douches because both my first two relationships(high school and college) ended up with me being cheated on(though these ones had nothing to do with my dad).

>I never thought I needed therapy and neither did I believe in it. But I will surely give it a try

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I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.

Please remember the No Brigading Rule and to be civil in the comments

Originally posted by u/throwRAShelterOnly29 on r/AmIOverreacting

Original Post -- December 16, 2025

Update - n/a (removed by the mods - unable to pull from archive APIs)

OOP's saved conversation with BF posted on her profile - December 18, 2025 (2 days later)

Trigger warning: >!Discussions of homophobia!<

Mood Spoiler:

https://preview.redd.it/2g7gkk0euq8g1.jpg?width=992&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95569cee7d2db6f5ddafbbdf5a89658668444fc0

***

Original -- 16 days ago

I (19F) am a college student dating a man, "Martin" (20M) who I got together with last year. He had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, so we went to my parents house together. There was a bit of a complication with travel so we left about a week ago and only got back 4 days ago. Everything was fine when we left for the airport, got on the plane, during the flight, and when we landed. But when he saw my dads at the airport he got really weirdly quiet.

Important context, I have two dads. My Dad (46M) and my Appa (44M). They had me using a surrogate who is essentially my aunt and a close friend of theirs. Biologically, I'm related to my Appa, but theyre both my fathers.

He shook their hands and said hello and introduced himself but was really quiet the car ride home and during dinner until we went to bed. Then he straight up confronted me and asked in an accusatory tone why I didn't tell him I had two dads.

I know for a fact I've told him I had two dads. In casual conversation I tend to tactfully avoid which dad I'm talking about because when youre the daughter of two gay dads, people tend to treat you like a sort of zoo animal. But I've made it clear to him that I have one dad and one appa. It's possible he didnt know Appa meant dad since it's a Korean word and Martin is white.

We got in a small tiff about it and I promised him I had told him, but I didn't know why it mattered? He just huffed and said he needed a little time to think and went to bed without saying goodnight.

The next morning we had the big Thanksgiving meal (several weeks after thanksgiving) and he was similarly quiet. I tried to include him in conversation but he just sat there pushing his food around, which I know upset my Appa cuz he's very proud of his cooking.

After dinner my Appa asked him to help clear the table and set out dessert, and he flat out said "no, i'm going outside for a smoke" and went outside. I apologized for him and said I had no idea why he was acting this way.

After half an hour he still hadn't come back in, so I went outside to check on him and he was gone. I called him and he said that he couldn't stay there and that he was getting a hotel for the night and to bring his bag to the airport tomorrow when we left. I asked what I had done wrong and he said he "didn't want to talk about it here" and hung up.

I went inside and updated my dads and they were very sweet, of course. We curled up on the couch and watched christmas movies before I went to bed. When I got to the airport in the morning Martin wouldn't say two words to me and just kept saying "we'll talk about it later."

Its been 3 days and he still hasn't texted or called me back since we left the airport back home. Guess he didn't want to talk about it.

AIO for wanting to break up over this when I don't even know if I've done anything wrong or not? I know he's not homophobic, his brother and best friend are both gay and hes fine with them, but part of me doesnt even know why hes pissed off and I feel like I have a duty to hear him out. This is my first serious relationship and I don't want it to end over something stupid.

**

Relevant comments:

NOR. Listen, at first I thought "Well, he felt blindsided, did not know how to act, meeting the inlaws is scary..." But that would have been over after your conversation. After you did the right thing and tried to connect and clear the air. What he has done after and especially how he treated your dads... That's just homophobia or a sign of his bad character...

**

NOR. “… I know he's not homophobic, his brother and best friend are both gay and hes fine with them…”

He’s like the white guy who has “black friends”. Usually it’s just one and he brings him up every time he does or says something racist. 

You can have friends that are POC and still be racist. 

Just like you can have a gay brother and gay bestie and still be homophobic. 

Break up and move on. You and your dads deserve better. 

No to mention is childish behavior when he just left without a word and then demanded you bring his to him at the airport.

Do not anyone treat you with such disrespect.

**

You should not have to ask about this

NOR

The simple fact he is not capable to talk about an issue and by not talking he is being disrespectful to you is enough to break.

Add to this the fact there is 90% of chance the issue is because he is homophobic, you should already have break up with him.

The only problem is how you claim to have told him you have two dads, but you didn't. You are using as an excuse that you told him using a Korean word you know he would not understand - you are creating an excuse to avoid the truth.

The truth is: You knew he was homophobic, you were afraid of this and instead of facing it early by telling him the truth, you stayed with him and delayed the problem. You need to be honest with yourself. You would have break up way before and save a lot of trouble to everyone.

***

OOP's saved conversation with BF posted on her profile - December 18, 2025 (2 days later)

Editor's note: BF's text will be on the left and OOP's will be quoted (on the right) to simulate the cell texts for easier read

**

(BF) Look [OOP] I’ll be honest whenever I imagined going to meet ur parents I imagined u had a black dad and an Asian mom. I never heard u talk about u having 2 dads and it was really disapointing

>(OOP) What the fuck is that supposed to mean?? Also I did tell you, maybe I didn’t sit you down and sound out each word but I know I’ve called my Appa “he” in front of you. Where is all this coming from??

U never told me

I have no memory of you telling me so it doesn’t matter anyway

>If you didn’t remember when I told you then it’s not my fault

Look this doesn’t have to be a big deal. Do u know ur birth mother?

>What does she have to do with anything

I wanna meet her

>Why

To see what you’ll look like when youre older cuz now I have no idea if ur gonna be as attractive when u get to be in ur 40s. I know Asians usually stay hot when they get older but u never know

>Actually no. I don’t give a shit what you look like cuz we’re done. Fuck off

**

Relevant comment:

Omfg, that was his reason?!

***

Editor's note: I hope seeing a Tater tot in the wild completely coming from left field instead of homophobia gave you the same "wtf" whiplash it did to me

I AM NOT OOP. DO NOT HARASS OOP.

This is a repost. The original was posted in r/coworkerstories by user GingerNinja1982. I'm not the original poster.

Status: Concluded

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># Original November 18, 2025

I work in a hospital in a department where we have to change into hospital-laundered scrubs when we clock in, so we have a locker room that fits all 73 of us. The women's employee restroom can only be accessed through the locker room, which is badge access only.

Yesterday when the 1100 shift came in, they found a pile of (presumably) human turds in front of the door between the locker room and the restroom. Charitably, we can suppose that someone had a rumbly in the tumbly and failed to reach the restroom before the countdown hit zero. The alternative explanation is that one of my colleagues is a stone cold psychopath.

The crime remains officially unsolved, but privately I can think of a couple of suspects based on personality and/or diet. No human can eat a sausage McMuffin every single day and maintain total control of their bowels.

That is the entire story.

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># Comments by OOP:

After eliminating everyone not on shift at the time, we currently have two prime suspects. One is the department drama bomb, who is currently enraged about not being approved for a requested shift change. The other is a surgical assistant who consumes McDonald's in quantities that I would have thought impossible had I not witnessed her meals myself. Like a city held hostage by a serial killer, we are waiting for another incident to give us more evidence.

---

Nurses, technologists, surgeons, residents, and housekeepers all have access. Could have been anyone. I can only be sure it wasn't me.

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># Update November 20, 2025, 2 days later

Gonna add more updates to the bottom of this text rather than making new threads all day, stay tuned for developments 👇

A couple days ago, I posted that someone shit on the floor in the women's locker room at my hospital and then vanished without the slightest effort at cleanup. At the time, there were no witnesses and no clues to the pooper's identity. Investigators (me and my colleagues) were stymied.

Until yesterday afternoon, that is, when the pooper committed another brazen attack. I work in surgery, and when a procedure is finished, the surgical technologist packs her instruments into a cart and sends them down an elevator to the decontamination room. We have a number of traveling techs working with us right now, and yesterday around shift change time, as one of them was wheeling her cart towards the elevator, one of my colleagues saw her pause, stick her leg out a little, and shake several poop nuggets out of her pant leg and onto the floor. She then rolled her cart onto the elevator, pressed the button, and walked away like nothing happened.

I'm not working right now, but my phone is blowing up with texts from colleagues. Apparently management has been notified, but the pooper doesn't yet know that she's been caught. Will update further as the situation develops.

MINI UPDATE: the pooper is scheduled for an 1100 shift today. Our manager just told the charge nurse that she (the pooper) "has a meeting" first thing when she gets in, and not to assign her any lunch breaks. I'm going in at 1300, will update again when I know more.

UPDATE: thanks for your patience, everyone. After I clock in I'm expected to do at least some actual work before taking a break, so this is my first free moment to post.

According to sources, our manager intercepted the pooper before she made it into the department and whisked her away to the office for her meeting. What exactly happened there is currently unclear, but at the end of it, the pooper was taken to the locker room where she cleaned out her locker and was escorted out to the parking garage by security staff. Note that this does NOT mean that the meeting was heated or violent; security walk-outs for terminated employees have been standard at my hospital for years, following an incident in which two male employees got into a fistfight because they were both sleeping with the same dump truck of a nurse.

Anyway, management is currently tight-lipped about the situation and will only say that the pooper has resigned and will not be returning. My charge nurse says that he heard the manager on the phone with security requesting the badge logs from the women's locker room; I guess they must have information about who has badged in at certain times. Perhaps they were able to place her at the scene of the crime.

As far as HOW the pooping was carried out, the investigators (me and my work bestie) have a working theory. It's remotely possible that she pooped while actually in surgery and held the poops in her cheeks like a reverse hamster until she could reach her targets. The OR is full of strong smells, and between that and multiple rounds of COVID, many of us are basically nose-blind. It's possible. HOWEVER, we have come to believe that she has trained herself to poop on the move, like a horse on parade, because this explanation fits all the known facts. She is a very thin woman who routinely wears her pants a size too large; we think that this is deliberate, in order to facilitate stealthy shitting.

As far as WHY, we will probably never know. You'd think that if she had a medical problem, she would have mentioned it at her meeting and management would have worked with her. Was it a power move? A kink? No idea. Will update again if I learn anything else, but that's what I have for right now.

MINI SIDE STORY: enough people have asked about the dump truck of a nurse that I'm just gonna add the short version of that story here. Copy-pasted and edited from a comment I wrote yesterday.

This was many years ago, and I was a relatively new hire so I wasn't included in a lot of the drama and gossip. Best I can recall, the nurse (a pyramid-shaped woman in her early sixties) was sleeping with both a scrub tech and a surgical assistant, both married. They found out about each other, and the assistant caught the scrub slashing his tires in the parking lot. A fight ensued, which got broken up by security. The dudes got separated, fired, and sent one at a time to get their stuff and leave the campus. I can't remember which one left first, but he apparently came back and lay in wait for the second guy in order to continue the fight. Security broke it up again, after which police were called, wives found out, and there was a lot of commotion. The nurse decided she didn't need this kind of drama and dumped both guys, then eventually quit and moved out of state. I never heard what the legal fallout was.

---

># Comments by OOP:

Both my prime suspects turned out to be innocent. I would be a bad detective.

---

Where I'm from, "dump truck" is slang for a woman with a large bottom.

---

I honestly am having a hard time picturing it myself, but my colleague who witnessed it described it as a pause, a shake, and poop balls on the floor. I believe him, because he's just not the kind of guy who makes shit up (ha) or participates in drama.

---

The first pile of road apples was discovered literally steps from a perfectly usable toilet, so this is an excellent question. It rules out accident/medical condition.

---

I'm not the original poster

The other recent AI law post reminded me of this and I realized it hadn’t been posted here. OP is u/anarchophysicist posting in r/publicdefenders. All updates were posted to the original post and have been reorganized here in chronological order.

Editor’s note: MIL = motion in limine, a pretrial filing where an attorney asks the judge to include or exclude certain evidence in an upcoming case

edited to fix the copy-paste error, sorry!

Friday 9/19/25

Commenter: I am brimming with excitement on your behalf. Hopefully you can turn this into some kind of win for your client.

OP: Oh we are at the last day of a statutory time limit my friend. It’s going to be incredible.

Edit 2: I sent an email 5 mins before court that simply said “Regarding your filed motions, it appears none of your cited authority actually exists.” The DA then just no-showed. Someone else had to make the appearance. The DA is now ordered present at 1pm to explain herself. “Let your colleague know we can always have her brought here if she can’t get here on her own.” was the quote of the day so far. But unfortunately my client attacked a guard at the jail and was not transported so everything is a total shit show at the moment.

Edit 3: It’s so much worse than it originally seemed. Found out she’s straight up lied to the court about her communications with LEA’s regarding the case.

Edit 4: SHE CAN’T BE PRESENT AT 1PM BECAUSE SHE IS BEING SANCTIONED FOR MISREPRESENTATION IN ANOTHER MATTER AT THAT TIME. I am losing my mind. How is this real? She’s not a new attorney. Back at 2pm.

Edit 5, Final update before Monday (prob): I am in the trial court with 3 other trials and the judge is absolutely livid. The judge ordered the client released from custody for reasons too complicated to get into and the DA who filed the AI MILs tried to get the court to order me personally to transport him next week based the same case law I already told her was fake. She quoted the exact same language that didn’t exist and said “The courts have held” but never cited anything. I asked for a citation and she said she didn’t have one right now. The judge literally yelled “ENOUGH!” and ordered everyone present Monday afternoon.

She wants new briefing from me on, in her words, “What the fk is even happening here”. The DA is not permitted to amend her filed MILs but may file a supplement: “I think we’d all like to hear you argue exactly what you cited in your motions Miss Da.” The development that has kicked all this up a notch is that deputies are telling us there was no fight at the jail. No one can figure out where that came from. The DA told the sheriffs he wouldn’t need to be transported today if he wasn’t cooperative. When they woke him up for transport he was groggy and slow, so they decided that meant he was refusing to go to court.

There is at least one deputy who said he tried to tell both the DA and his boss that this was wrong and he needed to go to court but they didn’t listen. I wish I could give everyone a run down of the exact legal issues but I’m changing details to preserve some degree of anonymity for both myself and the client.

Final Update

JUDGMENT: DISMISSAL OF ALL CHARGES IN THE INTERESTS OF JUSTICE DUE TO PROSECUTORIAL MISCONDUCT AND REFERRAL TO THE STATE BAR

The judge went through the motions in limine and each time made a finding that the DA had cited non-existent authorities and denied them, commenting about halfway through that it was starting to seem a little suspicious. The judge was also kind of grossed out by how nakedly one-sided several of the motions were, like one very bizarre request that the prosecution be allowed to make a motion for directed verdict before defense put on their case. I deliberately structured my motions so the big ones would be last.

All of her evidence was excluded, along with her witnesses, for due process violations re: notice and confrontation. The judge delivered a zinger at this point so vicious it felt like a gun went off but I can’t think of a way to share it without doxxing myself. RIGHT BEFORE we get to my big MIL about the lying and my suspicions regarding AI use, the DA asks for a recess bc she needs to speak with her supervisor.

She returns and says “In light of your rulings this morning, and the prejudice they will cause to the State’s case, we no longer feel there is a reasonable possibility of conviction – “ The judge interrupts: “Agreed. The matter is dismissed in the interests of justice for substantive due process violations arising from the misrepresentations and misconduct of the prosecution. This is based on the declaration of defense counsel filed this morning and the Court’s own observations as to the numerous illegal citations in the State’s pleadings. Transcripts are ordered and counsel for the State is referred for an order to show cause before the State Bar.”

I have been transparent about the fact I’m changing many details to preserve confidentiality but here is the core of what transpired: an attorney for the state tried to deprive someone of their most basic civil rights by fabricating statements from jail staff regarding the behavior of that client and used fake AI generated authorities in an absolutely fake AI generated pleading. After reviewing my history of communication w/ this attorney, I discovered this had been an issue for quite some time. But you will all be pleased to hear that anything in quotes is pretty much verbatim. I love this judge so much bc she does not put up with bullshit. Needless to say I am exhausted but I’ve enjoyed having you all join me on this journey. Ultimately though, I just feel kind of sick to my stomach that this happened in the first place.

I am NOT OP. Original post by u/RA_NOVALENTINEFORME in r/relationship_advice

This is a repost, it is one of the earliest entries to the sub, I have searched using the first sentence of the post and I only see it posted one time, with 30+ comments from when the sub was much, much smaller, but there was at least a bit of taking opposite sides at that point, so I'd love to see where we land today.

trigger warnings: >!Death, of a previous spouse!<
mood spoilers: >!sad!<

Original (Note: since removed, but the original text is still copied from the first post. Here is an unddit link to the post)

I met my wife when we were 20, we've been together since shortly after we met. We got engaged at 26 and just got married last Autumn.

When I met her, she was a widow. She had known her late husband since infancy (her Mom babysat him), and they had been "dating" since seventh grade. Married at 18. He died in a car accident when they were 20, shortly before I met her.

When we first started dating, she was still grieving his death, she would often have panic attacks and lock herself in the bathroom crying. I tried to be as understanding as I could when things like this happened. I tried to comfort her, but she would just ask for space. Over the years, this has lessened and lessened, she NEVER brings him up anymore.

Our first Valentine's Day I got her chocolates and flowers, she accepted them, and said she appreciated the gesture. But then she said she thinks Valentine's Day is just a stupid, commercial holiday that she doesn't care for. I retorted that I think it's a sweet day where couples could profoundly express their love, and that I'd still like to celebrate it at least a little.

After pressing it for a while, she admitted that she didn't want to celebrate it because she celebrated it with her late-husband. It started with corny, little Valentine's cards you make for your classmates in elementary school. To full-fledged romantic dinners. Then eventually they got married on Valentine's day. We were freshly in the relationship, so I digressed, and agreed no Valentine's day. So, I never attempted to celebrate it again.

That brings us to this Valentine's day. Man, I can feel my blood boiling typing this. It's our first Valentine's day as a married couple, she never discusses him anymore, so I think... why not surprise her with some flowers after work? We've come so far over the years. Our relationship is near perfect, I love her beyond words, nothing wrong with expressing that... right? Wrong. I bring home the flowers, a full-fledged $100 bouquet, and she loses her absolute shit. She said it's the one thing she's ever explicitly asked me not to do and I couldn't even respect that.

She grabs the flowers out of my hands, storms out of the apartment without even putting shoes on. I follow after her, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, and throws them in a dumpster. Her knees give out, and she shrinks down to the ground, crying like absolute crazy. I've never seen her this bad. I get down on the ground with her and hold her, profusely apologizing. She calms down, we go back up to our apartment. A few hours pass by as normal, and admittedly.. I make maybe an even bigger mistake...

She's on her computer doing some work, I ask her, "Do you still love him? Was I just a rebound?" I regret the words as soon as they come out, I wish I could take them back instantly; we haven't discussed him since the first year we were together. But I don't want to ignore the subject, it's killing me, I had to ask. No response. Nothing. At all.

I get angrier. I know I shouldn't have, but I start yelling at her to answer me. She gets up, she starts packing up a duffel bag with clothes. I ask where she's going? Still nothing. She wouldn't even make eye contact with me. She takes off her engagement and wedding rings (from our marriage) and puts it on the nightstand. I lose it at this point. I feel out of my mind. I literally can't feel my body. It's like I'm watching myself from the third person.

Her late-husband was cremated, so she kept his wedding ring after he passed, in a little box in her sock drawer. I grab the box, and get a hammer, I start bashing the ring in and telling her that he's dead, I'm her husband now, I can't believe she's not over him.. Awful stuff. I know. I don't know what I was thinking. She bawls for me to stop. I immediately stop. I realize what I had just done. I wasn't thinking. I couldn't have been. I would never do something like that but I just did.

And then she left. I begged her to stay as she walked out but she didn't. I've tried contacting her a million times since, her phone is off? Or she blocked me. I don't know. I called her parents, and close friends, no one knows where she is. Or at least they won't tell me.

I know I messed up. Is there anything I can do to fix this? Is my marriage over? I've never felt that kind of anger before. I've never been so vicious before. I don't know what came over me, jealousy? Maybe. I don't know. I guess I can't really describe it. It just felt like everything I built with her was based on a rebound. If he hadn't died, they would probably be together, and I'm just holding his place now.

She's always treated me with immense love, never compared me to him, she's the most hardworking, brave, sweetest woman I know. She's always encouraged me and pushed me to achieve my dreams. And supported me when I failed.

---

EDIT/UPDATE: Her brother called me and let me know she's safe, and staying with a family member, but won't specify where. He asked if he could come pick up some more of her stuff (including the destroyed ring, he specifically ask I not throw it away or further tarnish it....) from our place, without her. I reluctantly agreed, I really want to see her, but I understand why I can't right now.

She hasn't texted me back or called me herself. I'm starting to think she won't be anytime soon. And according to everyone here, I have no one to blame but myself. Not sure if I'll keep replying to comments, it's taking a toll on me, but I'm still reading all of them. Some are hard to read, but I appreciate them anyway.

I guess I'm an asshole, but it's hard to live in the shadow of a ghost. I just wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day so I could show her how much I love and appreciate her. Things got out of hand. Some of my comments on here were out of anger, and I'm sorry for that. I love my wife, despite what people here think. And I won't stop fighting for her.

---

2nd/last update: Nevermind. I was wrong. She texted me back shortly after her brother called, "The next time you see me there will be a lawyer, and divorce papers. I'm scared of you now. Please stop contacting me and my family, and if you come anywhere near me, I'm calling the cops..."

Verbatim. So, I guess that's that. I guess I underestimated the severity of what I did. I guess it isn't as black and white as I thought. I knew I messed up. I just didn't think it was this bad. I'm floored. Devastated. I hope she just texted that out of anger, and that she'll come around. Part of me is so angry I want to throw out his ring entirely, and her engagement/wedding ring from our marriage too. It's hard to imagine she actually wants to leave me. For now, whiskey it is.

---

Okay, actual last update after I left her multiple voicemails and texts after her last text. She sent me back one text, here it is:

"I love you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but it's become clear you can't accept the life I had before you. I learnt how to love because of him, and because of that I was able to love you as long, and as much as I did. In a way you're right, I wasn't ready to get into a relationship when we did, but we did, and we were in deep.

I wasn't ready but I didn't want to lose you because it was the wrong timing. And we built an amazing life together, or so I thought. What you did is unforgivable. I would have rather you hit me with the hammer, and leave the ring in tact. I got rid of all my photos with him because you didn't want it in our home, that ring was all I had left.

Please do not get rid of it. Keep the apartment, keep the car, keep anything you want of ours. I will tell any lawyer I want the bare minimal. But that ring is mine. If you ever cared about me, let me just have it back so I can get it fixed. We're not coming back from this, I'm sorry. I hope you'll heal from this but there's nothing you can say or do to undo the damage here. What's done is done. Take care of yourself. Legal proceedings are the only thing in our future, and I'm sorry that, that has to be the case. But I'm done."

Reminder - I am not the original poster.

REMINDER I AM NOT THE ORIGINAL AUTHOR. PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME MEAN COMMENTS AND DM’S. I simply found the deleted posts and compiled them with the updates. I have no idea about the authenticity of the posts!

**I am NOT OP. Also first time poster so apologize for any formatting issues. Original post by u/Affectionate_Car1969 in r/AmItheAsshole**

trigger warnings: >!stalking!<

[**AITA for checking I feel a girl really spoke languages she claimed she did and calling her out**](First post) - 2022 June 12

I(F, 20) am a uni student in the UK and semester just ended. Instead of going back home for summer, I looked for summer job. I’ve been working at a café for 2 weeks now. It mostly hires uni students so we’re all around the same age. Apparently, all the workers are fairly close and they go on nights out often.

One of the girls, let’s call her Ivy, also works there. I didn’t know this but she was Polish, her accent was very good and I only realised when she spoke it. Apparently, she moved to the UK for uni. I don’t know why but I felt cheated. I mean, I have nothing against her but it would’ve been nice to know, I guess.

Anyway, people I work with had a night out last night and they invited me. We were going for pre-drinks (for those unfamiliar with our culture, it’s when we have drinks at Ivy’s house before going out to pubs and clubs and we typically play some drinking games.

Ivy was there as well. She seemed well liked. Another co-worker there was Mark, Mark is Spanish and I overheard Ivy and Marks’ conversation and she seemed to throw in some random Spanish words into the conversation when it was just the two of them talking and he didn’t seem to mind and did the same.

Anyway, I admit, I kind of fancy Mark and found it a bit annoying, I took Spanish in school but I am not fluent and I wouldn’t just throw in random words into conversation with him.

We were playing games and I asked about languages everyone spoke. Turns out, Ivy spoke Polish, English, Spanish and some Dutch. I pretended to be impressed and used google translate to ask her things in those languages and she played along, answering them. And then, I got to Spanish and thought that it would be a good time to get her to stop showing off as I assumed Mark was too polite to tell her to stop. I asked her a question and she started replying in a very fast Spanish. I stopped her mid sentence and told her I was surprised at her bad pronunciation. Both, her and Mark looked surprised. I explained that hearing her English, I thought her Spanish would be better.

She told me that her pronunciation is not wrong but that she learned Spanish as a child watching Argentinian telenovelas and she speaks with that accent. I told her to stop lying and just admit that it wasn’t good but Mark chimed in and told me that Ivy did in fact speak with said accent and it’s not wrong and her Spanish was excellent. I told him that he didn’t have to pretend to not hurt her feelings that she has to accept that she’s not good at everything.

Ivy had the audacity to laugh in my face and told me to stop talking about things I know nothing about. I said that it’s true and she should just accept it. She called me an AH and told me that this conversation was over. Everyone was very weird after that.

This morning I tried to explain myself in our group convo but found myself blocked from everything. My sister told me Ivy was right and I was the AH. But I don’t know, I think I was in the right so I am asking here, was I the AH?

Relevant fact-Check: Poland is consistently ranked as a top 10 country for quality of public education by the OECD and Polish students typically learn at least 2 foreign languages (with English, German, French and Spanish being the most common).

[**Am I the asshole for apologizing and asking my coworkers to talk to others so they stop excluding me?**](2nd Post) - 1 month ago

I posted today about questioning a girl’s language skills and got my ass handed to me and it made me rethink a few things. Because of that, I need to ask for judgment again because it was helpful the first time. I went to Ivy’s house and managed to speak with her. I apologised for my behaviour and said that I shouldn’t have tested her but it’s not my fault that she spoke so fast and with such unusual pronounciation (she instead of y/ll sound, some of her s sounded like’h’ apparently it’s called aspiration and it’s common in some dialects, I did some research) that she couldn’t have blamed me for thinking she didn’t speak the language well. She just stood there looking at me and didn’t say a word. It annoyed me but I kept quiet this time and continued. I apologised again and asked if she could tell others how sorry I was. She said that she’d see what she could do. It encouraged me and I went a step further hoping to smooth things over with everyone. I asked Ivy if she could tell Mark that I was very embarrassed and sorry. She looked at me and laughed, she laughed at me again. I tried my best but that was just rude. She laughed and told me that I was still an asshole and that my apology mean that nothing. She kicked me out of her house. And when she closed the door, I could hear Mark was there. I tried to listen to their conversation but they spoke in fast Spanish and i couldn’t understand it. AITA for trying to apologise to her and asking her to speak on my behalf to others?

[**WIBTA if I reported my boss for discrimination due to me not speaking their language?**](3rd Post) - 1 month ago

Long story short, I have a beef with a coworker. Let’s call her Ivy. We’re both in out early 20s in uni. On Friday night, our group of friends had drinks at her house. We played games and I decided to quiz her on languages she claims to speak. I criticed her accent because I thought it was wrong. Well, both, her and another guy Mark (whom I fancy) got mad at me and told me that Ivy spoke excellent Spanish but with different dialect. I told him that he didn’t have to protect her but they all called me an asshole.

I tried to apologise to her yesterday but when I asked her to put in a good word for me to Mark and our other coworkers, she called me an asshole and kicked me out of her house.

I tried to be the better person and apologise. I went out of my way to go to her house and make amends but she laughed in my face. Not only that but I think, she’s doing it with the guy I fancy.

I was so angry yesterday, she disrespected me by laughing in my face, ignored my apology and is overall just a shtty person. And because of her, I am now being ostracised and bullied by coworkers (removed from groups, etc.)

I was working this morning (had an opening shift at our café) and the owner came around. The owner, Becky, is not there everyday. Manager handles everything day to day and the owner comes in once or twice a week, sometimes on Sunday. She was chatting with me and asked how everything was going. I thought it was my chance to stop the bullying. I told her everything that happened, how Ivy was mean to me, how she laughed in my face, how she made everyone stop talking to me and how she would ignore my apologise for the innocent mistake I made.

Well, it seems Ivy got to her first. Becky knew about everything that happened, she told me that she had multiple people tell her about Friday night, including our team leader and manager. She told me that she’s not going to fire me but to be warned because I am on probation and to make sure I behave at work and think before I speak to people. She went on and on with her tirade, basically accusing me of starting issues with Ivy and me being mean to me when it’s others who are excluding me. I tried to defend myself but she was having none of it.

She was cut short by a phone call and she excused herself to answer it and I could hear her speak in Spanish. Everything clicked, I remember her saying that she’s originally from one of the S. american countries.

I think that I am being discriminated against. They are ganging up on me because I don't speak the language and they're bullying me for that. . I think that I may take it up further and report the owner for discrimination. WIBTA if I did that?

[**AITA for moving into a house in front of my ex-coworker's house?**](4th post) - Today

I (f20) used to work with this girl, Ivy. Ivy hated my guts and complained to everyone about me. She made sure o it coworkers excluded me, complained to our boss and I eventually got fired. She was overall a very nasty person.

Recently, I had falling out with my flat mates and had to find a new house to live in. I found a lovely little, one bedroom flat in a 3-floor terraced house converted into flats on a quiet street. I was moving in this morning and was taking my stuff out of the moving van and I saw her and she saw me. She was walking with one of the guys (let’s call him M) she turned against me. She saw me and I thought that I would be the bigger person and I waved at her but she whispered something to the guy and they went inside the house. It turns out her window is directly in front of my, we are only separated by a narrow road. I finished carrying on my stuff and started unpacking when I heard doorbell. It was her and she told me she couldn’t believe that I moved in directly in front of her when I knew exactly where she lived. She started screaming at me. I told her she was crazy and I didn’t care for her enough to move in next to her. She started crying and left, I later sat watching telly and saw her in her window with M and some other people from my previous job and they were looking at my window pointing and talking. It was absolutely awful. She opened her window and shouted “stop spying asshole” and closed her curtains.

My sister told me I shouldn’t have moved in but i told her that I needed a place and it was cheap. But I’m wondering, based on The reaction I got, was I the asshole if or moving in in front of her house?

Relevant comment on why OP suddenly needed to move:

"As for the flatmate situation, I might have slept with my flat mate's boyfriend but I didn't know he was her boyfriend"

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Commentators have informed me of this post AITA for reporting coworker to our boss after she kept calling spoiled and privileged white girl? that is suspected to be from 'Ivy' 1 month ago

Throwaway. I (20f) work at a café to support myself. A new person (Anna) started working here recently and she seems to have a huge issue with me. She gets annoyed when I speak other languages than English with other people and appears to perceive it as personal offense.

A little backstory (which I think is important for context). Currently, I am living in the UK, moved her for my degree. Originally, I come from one of the Central European countries. In my home country, language education is mandatory, kids start learning one language as soon as we enter school and 2nd foreign language is added 2 years later and both continue until we leave school at 18. I seem to pick languages easily. Obviously, I kind of speak English and when I was a child I picked up Spanish and then learned it at school.

I also learned basic German and some Dutch (latter one as a hobby, in my free time)

Our university has a lot of international students, and I am in a few societies and sports meaning that I tend to know quite a lot of people casually. Our town is also very touristy and some tourists don’t speak English. Since I work at a coffee, I often speak to different people, e.g. when I am serving a Spanish friend, I will switch to Spanish, etc. When a tourist is having hard time ordering and I know their language, I switch as well. It’s never been a problem, ever. Until Anna started working with us.

The other day, she accused me of being spoiled and privileged little white girl. She told me average people don’t speak nor get to learn so many languages and that my daddy’s money paid for it. I explained to her that I don’t even know my father and my family is poor AF and I have to work to get through uni (which she doesn’t have to, she’s working for extra spending money). She told me it’s disgusting how I am refusing to see my privilege and how I shouldn’t be learning how to speak with local accents because it’s verging on appropriation.

At that point, I have had enough. She’s been weird with me since the day she started (there’s more to that but word limit). I tried to change the topic but she kept on going (it was after closing and we were tidying up). She just wouldn’t shut up and kept accusing me of more and more ridiculous things simply because I had access to education that everyone in my home country has regardless of their income.

She ignored everything I said and showed me tiktok she made in which she explained how it’s borderline racist to learn languages with native accent.

She just kept going and wouldn’t stop. I was done with her and told her to fuck off and I reported her to our boss the next morning. When she found out, she spammed me with texts calling me all sorts of names. Anna is having disciplinary meeting on Monday and I am sitting her feeling guilty that she may lose her job because of me. Everyone is telling me that I was right to report her but I am not sure and keep feeling guilty. AITA for telling her to fuck of and reporting her to our boss?

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**Reminder - I am not the original poster.*