u/Playful-Indication65

I have a question that's more about identity than genealogy.

While researching my family history, I discovered that my 4th- and 5th-great-grandmothers on my maternal line were Sephardic Jewish. My 3rd-great-grandmother may have had Crypto-Jewish roots, but as far as I can tell she publicly practiced Christianity and married a Christian man. From that point forward, all the women in the maternal line that I know of were Christian, including my mother and myself.

I've had several people tell me that according to traditional Jewish law, because the lineage comes through my mother's side, I would still be considered Jewish. However, I've always identified as a Christian, a follower of Christ, or simply a disciple. I don't usually use many labels because my background and beliefs don't fit neatly into one box.

The interesting thing is that my actual practice probably resembles Messianic Judaism more than anything else. I enjoy studying and practicing the faith in ways that are closer to how Jesus, the apostles, and the early believers lived and worshiped.

So I'm curious: has anyone else here had a similar experience? If you have both Jewish ancestry and faith in Messiah, what do you call yourself? Jewish? Christian? Messianic Jew? Disciple of Yeshua? Something else?

And ultimately, does the label even matter?

Before anybody starts typing, yes, racism exists.

I've experienced it. I've seen it. I'm not denying it.

What I'm talking about is something else.

Honestly, a lot of the exhaustion I feel from being Black doesn't come from racism itself. It comes from how often everything gets interpreted through the lens of racism, discrimination, oppression, or attack.

It feels like everything has to be a battle.

Every disagreement is racism.

Every criticism is racism.

Every awkward interaction is racism.

Every inconvenience is racism.

Every person who doesn't like you is racist.

And after a while, it becomes exhausting.

One example:

I recently applied to nursing school and told a friend of mine.

Her immediate response was that the school was racist and that they had done various things to her.

Now here's the problem.

Because she interprets almost everything through the lens of racism, I didn't know what to do with that information.

Instead of feeling excited about getting into nursing school, I suddenly felt nervous.

But at the same time, I didn't fully believe her.

And that's sad.

Because if she was telling the truth, I should have taken her warning seriously.

But when someone says everything is racism, eventually it becomes difficult to tell when they're describing actual racism and when they're describing a situation through their own personal lens.

It's the boy who cried wolf.

The problem isn't that wolves aren't real.

The problem is that if every dog, squirrel, shadow, and rustling bush gets called a wolf, eventually nobody knows when there's actually a wolf.

I've seen her do this before. She said our phlebotomy program was racist too. We attended the same program. I had a completely different experience.

Knowing her personality, I honestly think a lot of the conflict she experiences comes from how she approaches situations and people.

And that's where my frustration comes from.

Because this mindset doesn't just affect race relations.

It affects us too.

When you're constantly looking for enemies, eventually you stop finding them outside and start finding them inside your own community.

Then everybody becomes a problem.

Nobody is Black enough.

Nobody is saying the right thing.

Nobody is allowed to disagree.

Nobody is allowed to have a different experience.

We're so busy fighting that we don't spend enough time building.

Strong communities aren't built on constant suspicion.

They're built on trust, cooperation, accountability, education, mentorship, family, business ownership, and shared goals.

You can't build anything if everyone on the construction site thinks everyone else is the enemy.

And sometimes I look at other communities and wonder how much further we could go if we spent less energy searching for enemies and more energy building each other up.

That's not saying other races are perfect.

They aren't.

Every community has problems.

But I do think constant paranoia and constant conflict make growth harder.

If your mindset is always preparing for war, eventually war becomes all you know.

And when you're constantly looking for an enemy, you'll find one.

Even if it's your own people.

Again, racism is real.

But not every inconvenience is racism.

Not every disagreement is oppression.

Not every uncomfortable experience is discrimination.

Sometimes a person is just rude.

Sometimes a person is just wrong.

Sometimes a misunderstanding is exactly that… a misunderstanding.

I love being Black.

I love our culture, our resilience, our creativity, our history, and our ability to overcome things that should have broken us.

But I wish we spent less time assuming everyone is against us and more time asking how we can become stronger together.

Because a people cannot rise if they're constantly at war with everyone around them.

And they definitely can't rise if they're constantly at war with each other.

I need honest answers because I feel like I’m either crazy and searching for problems… or I’m missing something. We’ve been together 3 years. I’m 25F, he’s 35M.

My boyfriend is always telling me I’m so beautiful and sexy, but here’s why it confuses me…

Sometimes I’ll be laying down looking like a complete mess. No makeup. Hair all over the place. Oversized shirt. Looking like I rolled out of bed and gave up on life. 😭

And he’ll just come over… and stare at me. Not for like two seconds either. I’m talking a long time. And he’ll just keep saying, “you’re so pretty… you’re so beautiful… how did I get so lucky?” over and over while just staring at me.

Meanwhile in my head I’m like… oh my gosh, does he actually think I look ugly as hell right now and he’s saying that because he feels bad for thinking it? 😭

What’s even more confusing is usually when I actually do my makeup, get dressed up, and feel pretty… he gets all, “where are you going?” or “who are you trying to impress?”

But when I feel like I look absolutely crazy… that’s when he’s all over me, grabbing on me, staring at me, telling me how beautiful I am.

Also… I know he loves that my breasts are big. We’ve actually argued about them because I want a reduction and he doesn’t. He always wants to touch them, play with them, stare at them…

…but we barely have actual sex anymore.

And when we do, it honestly feels rushed… like he’s just trying to get through it so he can get to my boobs. He always finishes on my boobs, or sometimes skips sex altogether and just wants boob play.

And before anyone asks…

HE NEVER FINISHES INSIDE ME AND I DON’T WANT HIM TO.

I can’t take birth control due to medical reasons. The hormones put me at extremely high risk of stroke or aneurysm. We can’t use condoms because we’re both allergic, and even the allergy-free ones give me yeast infections. I track my cycles and have never had an issue.

In the beginning of our relationship, the first year or two, we had sex literally almost every day. I’ll take some responsibility too… because he’s very large down there, and sex every day became a lot on my body, so I encouraged boob play…

Now it feels like that’s all he wants.

And it’s not just sex…

Lately I feel like he doesn’t even like me as a person.

He sits in his room with the door shut playing the game, streaming, working out, focused on his business… whatever. I’m not included in anything. Not the gym. Not hobbies. Not quality time. Nothing.

If I ask to spend time together, he acts irritated like I’m asking for too much.

He’s affectionate sometimes… but honestly it doesn’t even feel genuine anymore. It feels like he’s just trying to feel me up, not actually be close to me.

There was even a situation where I jokingly picked up his phone, and he literally jumped out of the shower, refused to let me see what he was texting, then later sent me a screenshot instead. I still feel like stuff got deleted.

He’s also moving to another city soon and says he wants to go alone “for a while”… but every time I try to break up, he talks me out of it.

Last year he literally said word for word:

“Why would I want to go out with someone I’m stuck with?”

He apologized… but honestly his actions still kind of match that energy.

The other day we had a huge fight. I packed my stuff. I literally said, “This is probably why you don’t even want to have sex with me.”

And his response?

“I was going to seduce you today.”

Like… what?? 😭

I feel unwanted, unprioritized, confused, and honestly sometimes used.

So… am I crazy and looking for problems?

Or does this actually sound as off as it feels?

TL;DR: My boyfriend stares at me, calls me beautiful, is obsessed with my boobs, but barely wants actual sex anymore and sometimes skips straight to boob play. I’m not included in his life, he acts irritated when I want time together, hides his phone, wants to move alone, and talks me out of breakups. Am I overthinking… or am I being used?

OK I need honest answers because I feel like I’m either crazy and searching for problem… or I’m missing something. We’ve been together 3 years.

My boyfriend(35M) is always telling me (25F)I’m so beautiful and sexy, but here’s why it confuses me…

Sometimes I’ll be laying down looking a complete mess. No makeup. Hair all over the place. Oversized shirt. Looking like I rolled out of bed and gave up on life. 😭

And he’ll just come over… and stare at me. Not for like two seconds either. I’m talking a long time. And he’ll just keep saying, “you’re so pretty… you’re so beautiful… how did I get so lucky?” over and over while just staring at me.

Meanwhile in my head I’m like… oh my gosh, does he actually think I look ugly as hell right now and he’s saying that because he feels bad for thinking it? 😭

What’s even more confusing is usually when I actually do my makeup, get dressed up, and feel pretty… he gets all, “where are you going?” or “who are you trying to impress?”

But when I feel like I look absolutely crazy… that’s when he’s all over me, grabbing on me, staring at me, telling me how beautiful I am.

Also… I know he loves that my breasts are big. We’ve actually argued about them because I want a reduction and he doesn’t. He always wants to touch them, play with them, stare at them…

…but we barely have actual sex and when we do he ALWAYS finishes in my boobs.

He says he’s scared of getting me pregnant (I can’t take BC or use condoms) , he’s really focused on his business right now, and he’s in grind mode…

But I’m confused.

How can you get turned on by my boobs… but not turned on enough to actually have sex with me?

Is this actually a thing… or am I just crazy and overthinking? And be honest… does this man have an ugly kink or something or am I being used as a sex toy?? 😭😆

TL;DR: My boyfriend seems most attracted to me when I look like a complete mess, stares at me forever, calls me beautiful, loves my boobs… but barely wants actual sex. Am I overthinking, or is this actually a thing? 😭😆

In middle school I remember watching this specific episode of My Strange Addiction… A woman was addicted to boob jobs. She was a 40K, and couldn’t even hold her daughter properly because of them…

And I remember sitting there thinking:

“NEVER. OMG WHY?! I could never.” 😭

God somewhere in heaven probably looked down and said, “That’s cute lol.”

…anyway I’m 25, a 34K, naturally… and absolutely not by choice. 😂😭

Oh and the very basic looking new bra I just bought was $96😭😭

A very expensive asset I had no parts in lmao