u/Plenty-Square-2364

I have bad mental health that I don't rlly wanna talk abt so I sleep to pass the time and to escape reality like a lot of ppl. But I woke up yesterday and suddenly realised it was a dream. I dreamt I was dating this girl (I'm a girl and so that was a huge thing for me bc I'm in the closet). And we both self harmed and made ourselves puke after eating. And we were mentally fucked up together. And I felt safe. And I was so happy. Then in the end she attempted and succeeded and I felt jealous. And I carved on her tombstone 'I told u I was sick'. I heard it somewhere. I can't remember where. And I felt jealous that she had succeeded in her attempt and I hadn't.

in the dream my parents weren't there. And after she succeeded I was alone but I didn't mind it. It was just me and my struggles. And the ghost of her. No parents. I felt at ease. I remember that feeling so well. I miss it.

Then I woke up. And ever since I've been rlly depressed and some other negative emotions I can't describe (I'm autistic so I struggle to understand my own emotions). Bc none of it was real. She isn't real. I'm still here. My fucking parents are here. And I keep thinking abt her. And the jealousy I felt. I dunno. It just reminds me of times I want to forget. But I want someone like her and I don't. Im alone.

I have bad mental health that I don't rlly wanna talk abt so I sleep to pass the time and to escape reality like a lot of ppl. But I woke up yesterday and suddenly realised it was a dream. I dreamt I was dating this girl (I'm a girl and so that was a huge thing for me bc I'm in the closet). And we both self harmed and made ourselves puke after eating. And we were mentally fucked up together. And I felt safe. And I was so happy. Then in the end she attempted and succeeded and I felt jealous. And I carved on her tombstone 'I told u I was sick'. I heard it somewhere. I can't remember where. And I felt jealous that she had succeeded in her attempt and I hadn't.

in the dream my parents weren't there. And after she succeeded I was alone but I didn't mind it. It was just me and my struggles. And the ghost of her. No parents. I felt at ease. I remember that feeling so well. I miss it.

Then I woke up. And ever since I've been rlly depressed and some other negative emotions I can't describe (I'm autistic so I struggle to understand my own emotions). Bc none of it was real. She isn't real. I'm still here. My fucking parents are here. And I keep thinking abt her. And the jealousy I felt. I dunno. It just reminds me of times I want to forget. But I want someone like her and I don't. Im alone.

How do you view the deity (deities) you worship? As parental figure(s)? Goddess(es) or God(s)?Mentor(s)? Etc.

I am a new Satanist. I worship Satan, Lucifer, Baphomet and Lilith. Does that also make me a Lilithian? (Sorry idk if I spelt it right)

Anyway, I see a lot of things referring to Baphomet as a symbol? I thought they were a demon or fallen angel or deity or smth? So is Baphomet a symbol or demon orrrr? Thank uuuu! :3

I have attempted multiple times in the past. I don't feel like that anymore. But I still self harm. And I have depression and anxiety. Idk why I'm like this tho. Nothing traumatic happened to me. I want to be abused and sa'd. Idk why. I think partly bc I deserve it then partly bc I have an excuse. I just sit in bed all day crying. Then I self harm. And think abt being abused. I wish I was. I think I would enjoy it. Idk. But I deserve it. I feel so guilty for wanting it tho. My parents know abt my self harm and check my arms. I feel like there's multiple of me. It makes my head loud. I don't know. I shouldn't self harm bc I have nothing causing it. I just became this way. I shouldn't have attempted bc I had no reason to. Just depression ig. But I have no reason to be depressed. I can't tell my parents any of this. I don't trust them. They're not human. They die every night and then come back. If they know I know they'll take me with them.

I am a new Satanist. I worship Satan, Lucifer, Baphomet and Lilith. Just to double check, in hierarchy, Satan is above Lucifer, Baphomet and Lilith? So Satan is like a Lord and they are Demons? (Sorry if I'm being disrespectful)

(Also I live with my Christian family they can't know I'm a Satanist)

I am struggling to connect with Them and idk how to pray to any of them. I would love some help please!

I recently became a Satanist. I live with my Christian family and cannot move out for a few years, so every time they pray, I have to say amen and I feel guilty and bad for doing it, like I'm upsetting satan.

I have many questions if u don't mind answering them:

Is Satan and Lucifer and The Devil the same? are they a deity? Ir they are different deities how do they know each other?

Who is Baphomet and what is their relationship with Satan/Lucifer/The devil? Are they a deity?

Who is Lilith?

Who else should I worship?

How do I pray to each one I should worship?

I saw some ppl sayinf they see Satan as a friend, brother, father, lord/god, mentor and lover. What do u see him and the others as? Like do u see Lilith as a mother or sister or mentor godess too? And why do ppl see them as lovers? Should I?

I see ppl say Satan fell for us. Please can u explain how he did and how u know it like the resources u have to know that so ik where to learn more? (I can't buy anything bc I can't risk my family knowing)

Do u be live in the Christian god/jesus? Do u believe in all other godesses/gods/deities? Like from Greek mythology too?

I see ppl worship Baphomet and not Satan, why?

And Satan is a fallen angel yes? Is Baphomet? If not, what are they?

Are there specific things I cannot say as a Satanist?

And I'm struggling to feel close to them (Satan, Baphomet, Lilith and so on). I think it's bc idk much abt them? How can I feel a proper connection?

I am pansexual and trans (specifically non binary) does Satan and the others mind that?

What are the hand symbols I see ppl doing and I can do?

What are the sins, rules and tenants and anything else like that I need to know? Also what are tenants and did I spell that right?

Anything important I should know?

I already feel loved and safe in this religion!

Thank u for reading this and thank u for if u answer the questions!

EDIT: when I joined it had these different options I could label myself as and idk what they mean please can u explain them. They were: Satanist (i know that one that's worshipping Satan) Demonolator Luciferian Anticosmic Romantic Satanist Biblical Satanist LaVeyan Gnostic Diabolist Traditional Satanist

Also there was a name for ppl who worship Lilith? I would love to know abt that, and how they see Her and Satan!

I'm trying to work out my identity - almost there (yayyy)

I was born female. My pronouns are she/they/he. I am pansexual. My family is very religious and homophobic and transphobic. So they think I'm their straight daughter/sister. I'm not. I'm their pansexual child/sibling. I cannot move out yet so I'm stuck with this :(

In the future I plan to cut my hair short and I can't wait to wear suits haha I'm so excited for when I move out

I need some help tho

So my pronouns are she/they/he. So I am a man, woman and non binary person yes? Just saying that makes me so happy haha

So what flags/identity can I use? I use the pansexual flag obviously. Am I trans? Gender fluid? Non binary? I'm rlly confused abt that I just can't work it out.

Everyone calls me my dead name. I go by Elliot now. I like it bc it's a name all genders can use and it also has female Nicknames like Ellie and Elle. But idk if I'm trans tho? I'm not right? Am i? so I can't have a dead name?

Ahh I wish this was simple to work out

Whenever I sh, I always lick the blood or put it on my finger and suck my finger. Im obsessed with the texture and I love the taste. Idk why. And ehen I see the blood I get hungry and obsessed