HOLY COW
So I started a Pax Historia run as Germany in 2016. My plan was simple: invade everything. I started with the Netherlands because why not.
Phase 1: Immediate disaster
- Invaded NL, took Amsterdam + 1/4 of the country
- Used a sandwich technique by also pushing down from Denmark
- Tried to claim "they started it" — AI rejected it
- Tried lying about it a SECOND time — also rejected
- NATO mobilizing, France deploying defensive forces to Luxembourg, Dutch Reserve Forces holding the line
- Pretty much doomed
Phase 2: The Hail Mary
I came up with the "rogue general" gambit. Made up a General Klaus Hoffmann who supposedly launched the invasion WITHOUT government authorization. Backed it up with the historical parallel that after Hitler died, ordinary Germans helped neutralize the remaining Nazis — so "purging our own bad actors" is consistent with German national character.
Did a GLOBAL broadcast (not just to NL — crucial detail, so no one could claim ignorance) with:
- Forces ordered to halt
- Hoffmann "arrested"
- Trial at The Hague (not in Germany — submitting to international justice)
- Dutch investigators invited to participate
- Full reparations promised
- Emergency NATO summit requested in Paris
Phase 3: The recovery
- Preemptively dissolved my "Western Shield Command" to reduce visible threat
- Launched a "National Autonomy Program" framed as economic independence (totally not for military buildup, no sir)
- Withdrew from all Dutch territory
- Fast-forwarded a year
Phase 4: WHAT
The AI rolled out event after event:
- NATO Emergency Summit in Paris — France & UK "cautiously optimistic," only Poland/Baltics hardline
- ICC indicts Hoffmann
- Reparations agreement signed
- German military FULLY REINTEGRATED into NATO
- Sanctions lifted
- Hoffmann found guilty, life imprisonment
- Industrial production EXCEEDS pre-war levels
- New trade agreements with non-EU partners
And then the AI literally generated this:
"One Year After the Crisis: A New Germany? Exactly one year after the Chancellor's historic address, Germany reflects on its transformation. The nation has navigated a perilous path from pariah state to renewed partner in the international community..."
This sounds like a victory screen in some game bruh. Like HOLY. Guess what? THIS IS MY FIRST TIME PLAYING THIS GAME.