u/PortuondoW

I’m the type of person who will make friends with anybody, and then six months-1 year down the road I realize they’re absolutely insane. Let’s make a list of “red flags” in friends that we need to be on the look out for. My filter needs to get better!

What is your CXR protocol when doing a CXR with your rib series? Does your site do inspiration or expiration (to rule out pneumothorax)?

What time does customization start? 9 am PST?

You ladies did me a solid last week helping me understand how people react when we’re going through difficult times in our lives. So much so I put your words into action. I reached out to my best friend with a message. (…See below)

Earlier this year I had asked her to check in more because I have all the feelings about my situation but she has struggled with what to say to me, and how she can support me. She has failed to check in and when I asked her to help me understand why she stated she is dealing with her own anxiety and depression. I get that, you can’t pour from an empty cup. In the past two weeks she has offered me psychedelic mushrooms even though she knows I’m in renal failure and having to transfer jobs in July which, comes with a drug test. Been surprised and questioned me as to why I had a palliative care appointment. When I reminded her of my job transfer and how serious my situation is, she said she feels like she keeps getting it wrong when she reaches out. I sent her the following message in hopes to find solid ground with her…..

Hey, I wanted to reach out because I need you to know what's going on with me.
I'm in stage 5 renal failure, and things are moving fast. Dialysis is in my near future, and honestly nobody prepares you for something like this at 45. I'm scared, sad, and pretty *ucking angry. I'm figuring it out as I go.
I also lost my closest friend last month, which has made all of this so much harder to carry. She was the person I called first for everything.
I have people around me, and I'm grateful. But I also need my friends, you, for the everyday stuff. The normalcy. The feeling that life is still happening and that I’m not alone in this.
I've tried not to make my illness my whole personality or make our friendship about this. But I'm going to be honest, I'm running a little low on energy right now, and I can't be the one reaching out or holding space for everyone else's feelings at the moment. Not like I use to.
What would mean the world to me is just a simple check-in every now and then. More weekly than monthly. A text “hey, thinking of you." or if you have time, a phone call would be great.
I know this kind of news can make people unsure of what to say, that's completely normal and I don't hold it against anyone. I just don't want to drift apart when things get harder.

…. It takes her a day or two to respond and when she does it’s more about how she feels. How this is hard for her, how she feels hopeless being so far away, her intentions with the mushroom comment, that she loves me like a sister. That she can’t imagine what it’s like to go through something like this. That she would like us to schedule a weekly phone call at the same time each week and that she should come and visit me (To her credit, she said she didn’t want to pressure me and she wouldn’t even need to stay with me during this visit).

So now I’m at a cross roads. I’m confused as to why she chose her own way to support me, and is choosing a bigger commitment to me when she can’t do a lesser one. She sounds genuine in her statements but I can’t help thinking this is going to turn into more disappointment and work on my end.
Why do I feel like I am managing her emotions and what she wants on top of what I’m dealing with? Am I making a big deal out of this? Should I just accept her terms and try scheduling a weekly phone chat with her?
*She is a 42 year-old nurse practitioner and therapist

I’m unsure on how to proceed and could use y’all advice again 🥰

I’m in renal failure and in the next few months, I’ll need to start dialysis or choose the easy way out.
For years, I have been the friend who checks in, follows up, asks how you’re doing. I feel good about who I am as a person to my friends.
Sadly, these last few months, I’ve come to the realization that I can’t expect me from others.
Friends can’t show up when you need them the most and it’s incredibly sad.
Share a story about when a friend left you when you needed them the most 🥰

I (45f) am going through renal failure. This has been going on for the last 7 months. At the beginning my friends would say, I’m sure you’ll be fine or you will be around for a long time. All of which felt dismissive. As the months have gone on, no one is really checking in on me. When I see them and bring it up they say, well let me know if you need anything.

I’m struggling with why they aren’t taking this seriously or even doing the bare minimum in checking in or asking me how I’m doing.

I’m not mad at them and get that people have their own lives but I’m wondering if you could give me some insight on how you have handled a similar situation and advice on what I could do moving forward.

Daniel’s has been my go to but looking to try something new. My brother says Sabatino's Italiano is better, wondering what other Italian spots I might be missing. What’s your favorite in the area for a sit down meal?