u/Prestigious-Hawk7147

I’m a college student and I feel like I have a pretty bad scrolling habit.

The weird thing is that I don’t even really like social media. I don’t like the culture around it, I don’t post much, and I genuinely want to spend less time on my phone. But somehow I always get sucked back into scrolling.

I deleted TikTok years ago, but now Instagram Reels has basically replaced it. My biggest problem is that scrolling has become my default whenever I’m bored or before I go to sleep. I’ll pick up my phone intending to check one thing and suddenly I’ve been scrolling for way longer than I wanted.

I’ve tried a few things already:

• Deleting Instagram from my phone, especially during finals
• Setting app time limits
• Staying off social media completely for periods of time

The problem is that when I remove Instagram, I usually just replace it with YouTube Shorts, scrolling on my laptop, or using my iPad. So I feel like deleting one app doesn’t actually fix the underlying habit.

I’ve even considered getting a flip phone or a basic phone to use when I’m outside so that I physically can’t scroll when I’m bored.

I also really dislike how normalized constant phone use has become. People are on their phones at meals, while hanging out, while walking around, basically everywhere. I don’t want my life to feel like that, but I also realize I’ve developed the exact habit I dislike.

For anyone who successfully cut back heavily or quit short-form social media:

• What actually worked for you long term?
• How did you deal with boredom or the urge to scroll?
• What did you replace scrolling with so you didn’t just move to another app?
• Did gradually reducing your use work better than quitting cold turkey?
• Has anyone tried switching to a dumb phone or flip phone while still keeping a smartphone at home?

I’m not necessarily trying to disappear from the internet completely. I just want social media to stop being my automatic response whenever I have nothing to do.

I (19F) am the middle child in a Chinese household, and growing up my older sister (27F) basically acted like my parent because my mom worked a lot. She became extremely involved in my academics, social life, and basically every major decision I made. During high school, she pressured me into applying to 40 colleges total because she wanted me to get into an Ivy League school. Even after I got into one, the pressure never stopped. She immediately started telling me I should study for the MCAT years early.

The bigger issue is my relationship.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend (18M) for around two years. He’s honestly a sweet and shy person. We don’t drink heavily, do drugs, or do anything reckless. But my family became obsessed with the idea that he’s “using me.” My mom and sister once secretly went through my phone while I was asleep, read private sexual texts between us, and confronted me the next day saying that “good men wait until marriage” and that I was being manipulated.

I lied and said we broke up because I knew they wouldn’t let it go.

Recently, I came home from college and planned a hiking trip with my boyfriend. I initially told my family I was going with friends because I already knew how they’d react. Eventually they cornered me with questions until I admitted we were still together.

That turned into a massive argument.

My sister started telling me my boyfriend is a terrible person, that all teenage boys only care about sex, and that I’m naive and ruining my future. She tried to stop me from going on the trip because she thinks I’ll get pregnant. She also started listing “requirements” for my future husband, including that he should be richer, smarter than me, Asian, pay for everything, and even give my family a huge “down payment” before marriage.

At that point I completely lost it.

I yelled that I wanted to kill her because I was so angry and overwhelmed after years of her trying to control every aspect of my life. I did not mean it literally, and I would never actually hurt her, but I was furious and emotionally exhausted.

Now my family is acting like I’m completely ungrateful and horrible because “she sacrificed so much” to help raise me. Part of me feels guilty because she really did help raise me, but another part of me feels suffocated and resentful because she treats me like I’m incapable of making my own decisions as an adult.

AITA?

I (19F) am the middle child in a Chinese household, and growing up my older sister (27F) basically acted like my parent because my mom worked a lot. She became extremely involved in my academics, social life, and basically every major decision I made. During high school, she pressured me into applying to 40 colleges total because she wanted me to get into an Ivy League school. Even after I got into one, the pressure never stopped. She immediately started telling me I should study for the MCAT years early.

The bigger issue is my relationship.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend (18M) for around two years. He’s honestly a sweet and shy person. We don’t drink heavily, do drugs, or do anything reckless. But my family became obsessed with the idea that he’s “using me.” My mom and sister once secretly went through my phone while I was asleep, read private sexual texts between us, and confronted me the next day saying that “good men wait until marriage” and that I was being manipulated.

I lied and said we broke up because I knew they wouldn’t let it go.

Recently, I came home from college and planned a hiking trip with my boyfriend. I initially told my family I was going with friends because I already knew how they’d react. Eventually they cornered me with questions until I admitted we were still together.

That turned into a massive argument.

My sister started telling me my boyfriend is a terrible person, that all teenage boys only care about sex, and that I’m naive and ruining my future. She tried to stop me from going on the trip because she thinks I’ll get pregnant. She also started listing “requirements” for my future husband, including that he should be richer, smarter than me, Asian, pay for everything, and even give my family a huge “down payment” before marriage.

At that point I completely lost it.

I yelled that I wanted to kill her because I was so angry and overwhelmed after years of her trying to control every aspect of my life. I did not mean it literally, and I would never actually hurt her, but I was furious and emotionally exhausted.

Now my family is acting like I’m completely ungrateful and horrible because “she sacrificed so much” to help raise me. Part of me feels guilty because she really did help raise me, but another part of me feels suffocated and resentful because she treats me like I’m incapable of making my own decisions as an adult.

AITA?

I’m a 19-year-old college student and the middle child in a Chinese household. The issue I’m about to describe was much worse during high school, and I thought the distance from college would make things better. But after coming home recently, everything started happening again.

Growing up, my mom worked a lot and wasn’t very involved in raising me and my younger sister. Because of that, my older sister (27F) became more of a parental figure to us. From middle school through high school, she was the one most focused on my academics and future.

I’ve always been a strong student, and during college application season, she pushed me very hard. I had already applied to around 20 colleges, but she made me apply to 20 more because she secretly wanted me to get into an Ivy League school, even though she would say things like, “I’ll support you no matter where you go.” Eventually, I did get into one, but the pressure never really stopped. Right after that, she started telling me I should begin studying for the MCAT three years early because I want to become a physician.

The bigger issue now is how controlling my family is about my relationship.

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend (18M) for about two years. Before him, I dated another guy who was brown, and my mom and sister strongly disapproved of him, likely because of his race. That relationship eventually ended because of long distance and some of the family pressure. After that, I started dating my current boyfriend. We’ve been through a lot together, and honestly, he’s one of the least reckless people I know. I don’t drink heavily, do drugs, or anything like that, and neither does he.

Before I graduated high school, my mom and sister discovered our relationship in a way that still bothers me. I’m almost certain they went through my phone while I was asleep by guessing my password. They read private texts between me and my boyfriend, including sexual conversations that were never meant for them to see. The next day, they confronted me and told me he was “not a good man” because “a good man wouldn’t make you do that.” They said I was too young and naive to understand and insisted that a good man would wait until marriage for sex.

What they didn’t know was that I had already had consensual sex before, with my ex-boyfriend. But I didn’t tell them that. Instead, I lied and said I broke up with my current boyfriend, even though I didn’t. We continued dating privately.

Recently, I came home from college for a week. My boyfriend and I had planned a three-week hiking trip together, and I initially told my family I was going with friends because I knew they wouldn’t react well otherwise. But they became suspicious and started asking detailed questions about who I was going with, where we were staying, and how long the trip would be. Eventually, they asked directly if I was still dating him, and I admitted that I was.

That led to another huge argument, even worse than the first one.

My mom was at least somewhat open to meeting him and judging his character for herself, but my sister immediately labeled him a bad person. She believes he is manipulating me and only wants me for sex because “all teenage boys only care about that.” But honestly, my boyfriend is probably the opposite of what she imagines. He has ADHD, is shy around women, and was too nervous to even sit next to me when we first met. I was actually the one who approached him first.

My sister also keeps warning me that I’ll get pregnant if I go on this trip. She told me stories about helping a friend get Plan B and claimed taking it multiple times could “ruin your system” and cause infertility. I honestly don’t even know if these stories are real or if she’s trying to scare me. Because of all this, she doesn’t want me going on the trip at all.

She also started listing her “requirements” for who my future husband should be: smarter than me, handsome, Asian (even though she says she “doesn’t care about race”), wealthier, traditional, willing to wait until marriage, able to pay for everything, and even capable of giving my family a $120,000 “down payment” before marriage. It honestly sounds more like her ideal man than mine.

What frustrates me even more is the hypocrisy. She constantly lectures me about staying “clean” for my future husband, but at one point I accidentally found explicit Polaroids of her and her ex-boyfriend in her room. So it feels unfair that she judges me so harshly for choices she herself has made. She also tries to justify everything through Buddhism and fate, saying my “real husband” is supposed to be older than me, so my boyfriend cannot be the right person.

My boyfriend knows everything that’s been happening. Despite all the drama, he has never once suggested breaking up. Instead, he tells me I’m an adult and that I don’t need to let my sister control my life. He’s even said that if things ever became physically abusive, I should leave or call the police. But I struggle with that mindset because I was raised to prioritize family no matter what. At the same time, he worries this situation will continue forever if I keep letting it happen.

At this point, I feel stuck between my family, my relationship, and my own beliefs about loyalty and independence. I genuinely don’t know who to trust or what the right thing to do is. I’d really appreciate advice or outside perspectives because I feel emotionally overwhelmed by the entire situation.

TLDR: I’m a 19-year-old college student with a very controlling older sister who basically acted like a parent while I was growing up. She heavily pressured me academically and is now extremely controlling about my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. My family secretly went through my phone in high school, judged me for having sex, and demanded I break up with him because they believe he’s “using me,” despite him treating me well. Recently, after finding out we were still together and planning a hiking trip, my sister became even more controlling and tried to stop me from going, claiming I’m too naive and will ruin my future. Meanwhile, my boyfriend thinks I need stronger boundaries with my family, but I struggle with that because of how I was raised. I feel stuck between family loyalty, my relationship, and my own independence, and I don’t know what the right thing to do is.