u/PrincessSophia00

My husband has a step son from his previous relationship. He was the only dad that SS16 knew for most of his life as he was with his now ex for 8 years (SS was 1-9 YO during this time). She has a diagnosed mental health issue and is high functioning but is volatile and unpredictable when triggered. She always wanted another baby with my SO, but he couldn't handle the emotional and financial support of her and SS and then another child. She became pregnant with someone else, and they broke up. She is still with the father of her second child (BF). Their child is 6 now.

BM has tried many times since their breakup to terminate the relationship between SO and SS16. Her family has always stepped in and facilitated visitation etc. as it would be very harmful for SS to lose the only father he has ever known while also navigating a new family dynamic so suddenly.

A couple of years ago, we advocated for SS to get assessed for ADHD or other learning challenges. BM would not agree until we engaged her family and plead his case for over a year. He was failing grade 9 and desperately needed help. Finally, she agreed and he has more support at school, but has started getting into trouble at school and acting out. There was also a death in the family (X, a close family member) by suicide 4 years ago, and I feel that BM and SS have spiralled since then. They are both grieving and it is driving them apart. There is a lot of yelling, harsh punishments and BM/BD and their young child do things together and leave SS at home, sometimes without food, so he will call and ask if we can take him somewhere to eat.

We have no legal rights here, and we only see him when it's convenient for him as BM does not support visits and often makes plans on the weekends so that he cancels on us last minute.

I am adding this context because something awful happened this week, and we are at a loss about what to do. SO received a text around 9:30 pm saying only "call 911 and come get me". We have always said that he can ask to be picked up anytime, but he has never done this before. We tried to call him back but no answer (by this point, they had taken his phone away, he used the computer to message us when they weren't looking). So called 911 and drove over, about 20 minutes away. By this time, we informed BM's sister (the aunt who facilitates visits etc for us) to ask if she knew what was going on. She reached out to BM and was told the SS "grabbed her and BF crossed a line". When SS left the house to come out to speak to SO, he was carrying a hammer. This is seriously out of character.

SS told SO that his mother had raised her hand to hit him over an argument about laundry and summer school. He blocked her hand and the BF came in, punched him in the jaw and started choking him, until BM said "ok, that's enough". Then they took his phone away.

SO took SS to the police station, and SS was examined by the paramedics. They asked if he could give a statement but he asked to come back the next day as he was really tired and wanted to go home (ours). I was asleep when they got home, but was up at 4 am, SO told me what happened and SS came into our room to talk to both of us. He told me the same story, and said that his r/s with his mom has been bad since X's death 4 years ago. I said that I think the whole family needs help. He claims no one has hit him or each other before this time. He Is verbally abused daily however (swearing, insults etc from the time he wakes up).

SS had to go to check in at summer school as it was the first day, and the plan was to check him in and then go back to the police station. However, the school wouldn't release him to SO as he does not have custody. SO called BM's sister to try to arrange pick up of personal items (he left with the clothes on his back - and a hammer). When Sister found out that the police were involved now (because of the 911 call) she said that they need to convince SS not to tell the police what happened, that he needs to think about the family and the consequences. SO said that isn't their choice, and he needs to tell the truth. Also, there is another child in that home. And SS isn't safe to go back there. He was choked by an adult man. There is no choice.

Sister decided to get in her car, drive over an hour and intervene. She lied to us and said she was taking him out for lunch, but she took him from the school back home to talk to his mom. She told us she would drop him off with us after, but then changed her mind and has taken him back to her place. We know she is using this time to brainwash him. He is already saying he "wants to talk to the police, but has to think about the consequences".

We obviously have to accept whatever outcome there is, but my greatest fear is that he goes back and the next time this happens, someone in that house uses the hammer, or worse. He has already been talking about suicide himself. He stopped seeing his therapist, and we do our best but our 2-3 day per month visits can't undo all of the harm that is happening at home.

My question is.... if he does not give a statement to the police, can CPS still get involved? What can be done here? The police have basically said he needs to come back and talk to them before they can do anything more.

My husband has a step son from his previous relationship. He was the only dad that SS16 knew for most of his life as he was with his now ex for 8 years (SS was 1-9 YO during this time). She has a diagnosed mental health issue and is high functioning but is volatile and unpredictable when triggered. She always wanted another baby with my SO, but he couldn't handle the emotional and financial support of her and SS and then another child. She became pregnant with someone else, and they broke up. She is still with the father of her second child (BF). Their child is 6 now.

BM has tried many times since their breakup to terminate the relationship between SO and SS16. Her family has always stepped in and facilitated visitation etc. as it would be very harmful for SS to lose the only father he has ever known while also navigating a new family dynamic so suddenly.

A couple of years ago, we advocated for SS to get assessed for ADHD or other learning challenges. BM would not agree until we engaged her family and plead his case for over a year. He was failing grade 9 and desperately needed help. Finally, she agreed and he has more support at school, but has started getting into trouble at school and acting out. There was also a death in the family (a close family member) by suicide 4 years ago, and I feel that BM and SS have spiralled since then. They are both grieving and it is driving them apart. There is a lot of yelling, harsh punishments and BM/BD and their young child do things together and leave SS at home, sometimes without food, so he will call and ask if we can take him somewhere to eat.

We have no legal rights here, and we only see him when it's convenient for him as BM does not support visits and often makes plans on the weekends so that he cancels on us last minute.

I am adding this context because something awful happened this week, and we are at a loss about what to do. SO received a text around 9:30 pm saying only "call 911 and come get me". We have always said that he can ask to be picked up anytime, but he has never done this before. We tried to call him back but no answer (by this point, they had taken his phone away, he used the computer to message us when they weren't looking). So called 911 and drove over, about 20 minutes away. By this time, we informed BM's sister (the aunt who facilitates visits etc for us) to ask if she knew what was going on. She reached out to BM and was told the SS "grabbed her and BF crossed a line". When SS left the house to come out to speak to SO, he was carrying a hammer. This is seriously out of character.

SS told SO that his mother had raised her hand to hit him over an arguement about laundry and summer school. He blocked her hand and the BF came in, punched him in the jaw and started choking him, until BM said "ok, that's enough". Then they took his phone away.

SO took SS to the police station, and SS was examined by the paramedics. They asked if he could give a statement but he asked to come back the next day as he was really tired and wanted to go home (ours). I was asleep when they got home, but was up at 4 am, SO told me what happened and SS came into our room to talk to both of us. He told me the same story, and said that his r/s with his mom has been bad since X's death 4 years ago. I said that I think the whole family needs help. He claims no one has hit him or each other before this time. He Is verbally abused daily however (swearing, insults etc from the time he wakes up).

SS had to go to check in at summer school as it was the first day, and the plan was to check him in and then go back to the police station. However, the school wouldn't release him to SO as he does not have custody. SO called BM's sister to try to arrange pick up of personal items (he left with the clothes on his back - and a hammer). When Sister found out that the police were involved now (because of the 911 call) she said that they need to convince SS not to tell the police what happened, that he needs to think about the family and the consequences. SO said that isn't their choice, and he needs to tell the truth. Also, there is another child in that home. And SS isn't safe to go back there. He was choked by an adult man. There is no choice.

Sister decided to get in her car, drive over an hour and intervene. She lied to us and said she was taking him out for lunch, but she took him from the school back home to talk to his mom. She told us she would drop him off with us after, but then changed her mind and has taken him back to her place. We know she is using this time to brainwash him. He is already saying he "wants to talk to the police, but has to think about the consequences".

We obviously have to accept whatever outcome there is, but my greatest fear is that he goes back and the next time this happens, someone in that house uses the hammer, or worse. He has already been talking about suicide himself. He stopped seeing his therapist, and we do our best but our 2-3 day per month visits can't undo all of the harm that is happening at home.

My question is.... if he does not give a statement to the police, can CPS still get involved? What can be done here? The police have basically said he needs to come back and talk to them before they can do anything more.

My husband has a step son from his previous relationship. He was the only dad that SS16 knew for most of his life as he was with his now ex for 8 years (SS was 1-9 YO during this time). She has a diagnosed mental health issue and is high functioning but is volatile and unpredictable when triggered. She always wanted another baby with my SO, but he couldn't handle the emotional and financial support of her and SS and then another child. She became pregnant with someone else, and they broke up. She is still with the father of her second child (BF), who is 6 now.

BM has tried many times since their breakup to terminate the relationship between SO and SS16. Her family has always stepped in and facilitated visitation etc. as it would be very harmful for SS to lose the only father he has ever known while also navigating a new family dynamic so suddenly.

A couple of years ago, we advocated for SS to get assessed for ADHD or other learning challenges. BM would not agree until we engaged her family and plead his case for over a year. He was failing grade 9 and desperately needed help. Finally, she agreed and he has more support at school, but has started getting into trouble at school and acting out. There was also a death in the family (a close family member) by suicide 4 years ago, and I feel that BM and SS have spiralled since then. They are both grieving and it is driving them apart. There is a lot of yelling, harsh punishments and BM/BD and their young child do things together and leave SS at home, sometimes without food, so he will call and ask if we can take him somewhere to eat.

We have no legal rights here, and we only see him when it's convenient for him as BM does not support visits and often makes plans on the weekends so that he cancels on us last minute.

I am adding this context because something awful happened this week, and we are at a loss about what to do. SO received a text around 9:30 pm saying only "call 911 and come get me". We have always said that he can ask to be picked up anytime, but he has never done this before. We tried to call him back but no answer (by this point, they had taken his phone away, he used the computer to message us when they weren't looking). So called 911 and drove over, about 20 minutes away. By this time, we informed BM's sister (the aunt who facilitates visits etc for us) to ask if she knew what was going on. She reached out to BM and was told the SS "grabbed her and BF crossed a line". When SS left the house to come out to speak to SO, he was holding a hammer. This is seriously out of character.

SS told SO that his mother had raised her hand to hit him over an arguement about laundry and summer school. He blocked her hand and the BF came in, punched him in the jaw and started choking him, until BM said "ok, that's enough". Then they took his phone away.

SO took SS to the police station, and SS was examined by the paramedics. They asked if he could give a statement but he asked to come back the next day as he was really tired and wanted to go home (ours). I was asleep when they got home, but was up at 4 am, SO told me what happened and SS came into our room to talk to both of us. He told me the same story, and said that his r/s with his mom has been bad since X's death 4 years ago. I said that I think the whole family needs help. He claims no one has hit him or each other before this time. He Is verbally abused daily however (swearing, insults etc from the time he wakes up).

SS had to go to check in at summer school as it was the first day, and the plan was to check him in and then go back to the police station. However, the school wouldn't release him to SO as he does not have custody. SO called BM's sister to try to arrange pick up of personal items (he left with the clothes on his back - and a hammer). When Sister found out that the police were involved now (because of the 911 call) she said that they need to convince SS not to tell the police what happened, that he needs to think about the family and the consequences. SO said that isn't their choice, and he needs to tell the truth. Also, there is another child in that home. And SS isn't safe to go back there. He was choked by an adult man. There is no choice.

Sister decided to get in her car, drive over an hour and intervene. She lied to us and said she was taking him out for lunch, but she took him from the school back home to talk to his mom. She told us she would drop him off with us after, but then changed her mind and has taken him back to her place. We know she is using this time to brainwash him. He is already saying he "wants to talk to the police, but has to think about the consequences".

We obviously have to accept whatever outcome there is, but my greatest fear is that he goes back and the next time this happens, someone in that house uses the hammer, or worse. He has already been talking about suicide himself. He stopped seeing his therapist, and we do our best but our 2-3 day per month visits can't undo all of the harm that is happening at home.

My question is.... if he does not give a statement to the police, can CPS still get involved? What can be done here? The police have basically said he needs to come back and talk to them before they can do anything more.

**UPDATE**

Since my husband made his own statement to the police, CPS has become involved. No one told us, but SS said he had to talk to them today after school. Being suspicious, SO reached out to CPS himself. They had no idea that we even exist or that SO picked him up and took him for police and medical care. We also found out that while he was in his aunt's care, every call from CPS was ignored. He had to go back to BM's this morning before school and CPS was only able to interview them together. BM said it was just an argument about schoolwork and SS said that nothing happened, just an argument. I'm so sad about what is happening. SO has explained to CPS that the family is actively protecting each other, and not SS. It is still ongoing, but at least we now are able to have a voice with CPS.

**UPDATE #2**

We were supposed to pick up SS tonight for the weekend. They told him he has to go to his mom's for a CPS appt. There is no appointment, we confirmed this with CPS. It's tomorrow AM with BM as she won't give permission for them to speak to her without them. They have been calling us all day but won't say what they want. We suspect the family is rallying to prep him for tomorrow. They all have a LOT of experience being in the system. This blows my mind. How can they allow this when she is the one they are investigating??

Has anyone in Canada ordered from the Oura online store? Were you surprised with any additional tariffs or fees when it was delivered? I can only use my friend's link on their store, and delivery to Canada is free, but there is a disclaimer that there may be other fees with the carrier.

**EDIT** Thank you everyone for your help. I ordered from Oura using the link in the app. I didn't realize that was an option, so really appreciate the help!

My fiance wants an Oura as his wedding ring. We are getting married July 5/26. He JUST got the sizing kit so we can go ahead and order it. However, with Prime days coming, I'm wondering if there might be a significant difference in cost? Has anyone bought one during Prime and if so, what was the difference, if any?

We have had a few major purchases lately (we just bought a house together) and every penny counts right now.

My fiance wants an Oura as his wedding ring. We are getting married July 5/26. He JUST got the sizing kit so we can go ahead and order it. However, with Prime days coming, I'm wondering if there might be a significant discount? Has anyone bought one during Prime and if so, what was the discount, if any?

We have had a few major purchases lately (we just bought a house together) and every penny counts right now.

Just moved to RH from downtown Toronto. I had a regular place for bio gel, and am looking for somewhere here that does a good job at a fair price.

I see a lot of posts on here about SKs moving in unexpectedly, etc. I'm here to share a personal story of why having these talks early and often is essential.

My SS16 is the SS of my SO from a previous relationship. He has no legal rights, but has maintained a relationship as much as he can, and although BM has discouraged it, her family has helped this along. My SO is the only father that SS has ever known. His BD bailed early and came back maybe a year ago, sporadically and now there are many "siblings" he may never meet. BM has a new BD to her younger 6YO son.

When we started dating, like many women, I was more concerned about our relationship than I was about the dynamics w his son. But this isn't my first time dating a man w kids and I had firm boundaries in place. As time has gone on, and I've noticed that BM (who has BPD) is negatively contributing to SS's mental health and is uncooperative in general, I have put more boundaries in place.

Her family is toxic. I saw problems w SS coming a mile away. When we bought a house together, I said "SS can never live with us, because I don't want BM's extended family here and you have no rights so there will be no peace". He agreed immediately, no argument. But SS was making comments about "his room", so I knew it was coming.

I welcome SS into our home whenever he wants to be here, but he can't live here and he can't have a key. It is becoming more and more obvious that his mental health is a problem, and BM is doing nothing about it. I feel that the "can I move in with you guys" is coming. I have remained firm on this. He is hanging out with bad kids, making bad decisions and we have no control over this. It's a non starter for me to accept that into my home.

Have these conversations early, choose a man who supports you on your choices and just because they are cute when they are young does not guarantee they will be easy as teenagers.

For the record, my SO does not argue with me on my position. I am a SK myself, so I don't take these things lightly.