u/Prize_Woodpecker7418

I've struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember.

When I was 11, I developed insomnia. I would lie in bed counting the hours I had left to sleep, getting increasingly nervous because I knew I'd be exhausted the next day. I would obsess over how little sleep I was going to get, and this continued until I was around 15.

At 19, while I was at university, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. I was so anxious in class that I had to sit in a corner, near an exit, because I constantly felt like I might need to run out. I also developed digestive problems because of my nerves. I was prescribed medication, and anxiety has been something I've had to deal with throughout my life.

Now I'm 33, and objectively speaking, I have a good life.

I'm a lawyer, I have my own law firm, and my career is going well. I've been fortunate in many ways. I grew up in a loving, close-knit family, went to private schools, and have enjoyed beautiful holidays, financial comfort and opportunities that many people don't have. People often describe me as pretty and popular, and I consider myself a good person who genuinely tries to do right by others.

People also tell me I'm successful, but honestly, I don't always see myself that way. Sometimes I feel like other people have a much more positive view of my achievements than I do. I tend to focus on what I haven't achieved yet, what I could be doing better, and everything that could go wrong, rather than appreciating how far I've come.

I'm aware of my privilege, and I'm genuinely grateful for it. I don't want to sound ungrateful or suggest that my life has been harder than other people's. I know I have many things that others are still fighting for.

But I've also experienced my share of pain: toxic relationships, infidelity, betrayal and friendships that have ended in ways that really hurt me.

And the strange thing is that, even now, when so many things are going well, I still feel anxious about almost everything.

My relationship is currently going well, although it had a difficult beginning. I've recently had problems with friends because I decided to set boundaries and keep certain aspects of my relationship private while I was going through a difficult period. They were upset that I hadn't told them everything, and I ended up losing friendships that had been part of my life for years.

I've also ended another friendship with someone I had been helping as a lawyer for free. They disrespected me, and I decided I couldn't continue representing them. Yet I still feel terrible and guilty for walking away, even though I know I had my reasons. I keep questioning whether I did the right thing, whether I was too harsh, or whether I should have handled things differently.

I want to become a mother one day. It's something I've always wanted, but I'm frightened of so many things surrounding it. I'm scared of choosing the wrong person to have a child with, ending up in an unhappy relationship, or having to go through a separation with a child involved. I'm also afraid that I might struggle with fertility or discover that I can't have children when I'm finally ready to become a mother. I'm 33 now, and sometimes I worry about time passing and whether I'll get the chance to experience something I've wanted for so long.

It feels strange that even something I've always dreamed of can become a source of anxiety. Instead of simply looking forward to motherhood, I find myself imagining all the things that could go wrong before I even get there.

I'm also a property owner, and I constantly worry about my tenants complaining about something, something breaking in the house, or the rainy season bringing leaks or damage. Even when nothing is wrong, my mind finds something that could go wrong. And when a problem does arise, I find it difficult to switch off because I keep thinking about it and anticipating the next issue.

At work, I'm afraid of failing. I worry about losing cases, making mistakes, disappointing clients or not being good enough at what I do. Even though my business is doing well, I struggle to feel secure in that success. I often feel that I have to prove myself over and over again, as though one mistake could somehow undo everything I've worked for.

It's as if I'm always anticipating the next problem. I struggle to enjoy the present because part of my mind is constantly preparing for something bad to happen.

And this is what I find so frustrating: I know I have a lot to be grateful for, but knowing that doesn't make the anxiety disappear.

Sometimes I feel guilty for being anxious because I know I'm fortunate. I have a career, a home, a family, opportunities and the possibility of building the life I want. I know many people are dealing with circumstances far more difficult than mine.

But I also know that anxiety doesn't necessarily care how good your life looks from the outside. You can have a loving family, professional success, financial stability and people who care about you, and still struggle to feel safe or at peace.

I don't know whether my generalized anxiety disorder is returning, whether I've never really learned how to feel safe, or whether I've simply become accustomed to anticipating problems. I just know I'm tired of feeling as though I have to prevent every possible mistake, disappointment or disaster before I can relax.

I'm tired of overthinking conversations, feeling guilty when I set boundaries, worrying about decisions that haven't even happened yet, and imagining worst-case scenarios when there is no immediate reason to expect them.

I want to be able to enjoy my life as it is, rather than constantly worrying about how it might fall apart. I want to trust myself, feel more confident in my decisions, and stop feeling responsible for preventing every bad thing that could possibly happen.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar. I don't just want to know how to distract myself or cope in the moment. I want to know whether it's actually possible to change this way of thinking and finally feel at peace.

Hi everyone. I really need to vent a bit and get some perspective from fellow landlords or tenants on how to handle this situation without ending up in therapy.

I rent out a large house (4 bedrooms, garden, etc.) in the best residential area in Tenerife, Canary Islands. I have it rented out to a German couple. I know it is a high-end rental, but given how prices have skyrocketed here lately, it is fully in line with the market for such an exclusive area and property type. To give you some context, I live in a much more humble, one small apartment myself.

To be fair: they are good tenants in the sense that they take care of the house and are scrupulously on time with payments (even though I know it is their legal obligation, it is still appreciated). The problem is their obsessive level of exigency and, above all, how they make me feel.

Before moving in, they came to view the house about 3 times. I customized everything to their liking: I got rid of brand-new beds because they didn’t like them and wanted larger ones, among other changes,such as changing the opening direction of the fridge door. On top of that, the house had just undergone a year-long complete renovation (with the typical poor finishes you find here: microcement bathroom with its flaws, etc.).

Please keep in mind that they are the very first tenants to live in the house after the renovation. There were things wrong with the property that even I didn’t know about because nobody had lived there to test them. Once they moved in, the usual teething issues of an older house popped up: a pipe clogged with wet wipes from the previous owners (I spent a small fortune on emergency plumbers instantly) and a leak caused by a tropical storm, which I got fixed that very same day. Every single issue that has come up has been fully resolved immediately, yet they remain constantly unhappy and dissatisfied. There are still a few exterior touch-ups left, like some paint peeling due to the recent heavy rains, but it is scheduled to be fixed.

I always respond within seconds and put the money upfront to solve everything immediately. However, they are extremely exhausting. Before they moved in, I cleaned the house three times (including hiring professional deep cleaners), and they still complained because there was dust at the back of some drawer. They literally kicked the doors to test their security, inspected every window millimeter by millimeter, and complain about any door handle that feels slightly loose.

The breaking point was this week. A builder had to fix a ceiling, and he was a bit sloppy; he didn’t protect the area well, and fine dust spread throughout the house. Obviously, that was bad on the contractor's part, and I have already offered to hire and pay for another professional cleaning service to fix it.

What is absolutely killing me is their attitude. They send me these incredibly long paragraphs of complaints, and every time I receive one, it gives me massive anxiety and makes me feel terrible, as if I were being negligent when in reality I am working my fingers to the bone for them. I understand that since it's a premium house they expect everything to work flawlessly, but I am mentally drained.

Is this normal behavior for German tenants? How do you set boundaries so that these messages don't ruin your day and trigger this level of anxiety?

Looking forward to reading your thoughts.

Hi everyone. I need a quick reality check because my mind is running in circles and I feel like an outcast.

I’ve been friends with this girl since we were 12 (we are also next-door neighbors). I’ve always been fiercely loyal to her: I recently picked fights and cut ties with my entire university group because they were talking trash about her and I stood up for her, even securing VIP Bad Bunny tickets for her. On top of that, this year I spent countless hours working completely for free handling a massive lawsuit so she could legally get her dog back from her ex (I'm a lawyer).

The issues started this summer. During a dinner where I was introducing my boyfriend, my friend drank too much and started making highly inappropriate comments (talking about her erect nipples and demanding everyone look at them). The next day, I politely told her that those comments made me feel uncomfortable, and she just left me on read. She completely flipped the narrative, got defensive, and accused my boyfriend of "manipulating me." She only ended up sending a cold apology later because another friend pressured her to do so.

Over the next few weeks, she only acted "normal" when she needed favors, like free legal advice or having me ghostwrite difficult texts to her ex's family.

This isn't her first time acting like this. Last year, we went on a trip to Morocco while I was completely overwhelmed running two property renovations, managing clients, and navigating a long-distance relationship. However, she threw a massive tantrum because I didn't wake up or notice when she went out of the room to throw up at night while I was asleep and also sick. She was also furious because my boyfriend would video call me during our downtime since we were long-distance. Because of this, she gave me a brutal silent treatment for the rest of the trip, walked ahead of me at the airport, and even sat in the back of my car like a passenger during the one-hour drive home, without ever telling me what was wrong.

The current freeze-out began because she and another girl from our group always make plans to go to the beach, but they never adapt their schedule so I can join. Since we permanently share our phone locations mutually, I started seeing how they constantly meet up behind my back without ever inviting me. Recently, I even offered to drive her in my car to a group hangout since we are neighbors, and she flat-out refused.

Today, I ran into them face-to-face right outside our apartments. They panicked and stumbled over a nervous lie to explain why they were together. They never said anything to me or invite me. I told them I was going to the gym. The minute I left for the gym, they sneaked back, changed clothes, went out for drinks without me, and our other friend posted selfies on Instagram. Last week I asked her and she just said random excuse about not telling me.

Honestly, I am so incredibly tired of these childish games. If I have an issue with someone, I say it directly to their face. As a lawyer, I deal with complex, high-stress problems every single day—tenants, legal battles, renovations—yet somehow, this high-school drama is making me doubt myself and wonder if I actually did something wrong.

I need advise and an outsider perspective. Thanks.

TL;DR: I’ve been friends with this girl since we were 12, but after I told her that some inappropriate comments she made in front of my boyfriend made me uncomfortable, she became distant and started excluding me from plans. She has also reacted similarly in the past when I didn’t meet her expectations. Now I’m wondering whether I did something wrong by setting that boundary, or whether this friendship has simply become one-sided.

Hi everyone. I need a quick reality check because my mind is running in circles and I feel like an outcast.

I’ve been friends with this girl since we were 12 (we are also next-door neighbors). I’ve always been fiercely loyal to her: I recently picked fights and cut ties with my entire university group because they were talking trash about her and I stood up for her, even securing VIP Bad Bunny tickets for her. On top of that, this year I spent countless hours working completely for free handling a massive lawsuit so she could legally get her dog back from her ex (I'm a lawyer).

The issues started this summer. During a dinner where I was introducing my boyfriend, my friend drank too much and started making highly inappropriate comments (talking about her erect nipples and demanding everyone look at them). The next day, I politely told her that those comments made me feel uncomfortable, and she just left me on read. She completely flipped the narrative, got defensive, and accused my boyfriend of "manipulating me." She only ended up sending a cold apology later because another friend pressured her to do so.

Over the next few weeks, she only acted "normal" when she needed favors, like free legal advice or having me ghostwrite difficult texts to her ex's family.

This isn't her first time acting like this. Last year, we went on a trip to Morocco while I was completely overwhelmed running two property renovations, managing clients, and navigating a long-distance relationship. However, she threw a massive tantrum because I didn't wake up or notice when she went out of the room to throw up at night while I was asleep and also sick. She was also furious because my boyfriend would video call me during our downtime since we were long-distance. Because of this, she gave me a brutal silent treatment for the rest of the trip, walked ahead of me at the airport, and even sat in the back of my car like a passenger during the one-hour drive home, without ever telling me what was wrong.

The current freeze-out began because she and another girl from our group always make plans to go to the beach, but they never adapt their schedule so I can join. Since we permanently share our phone locations mutually, I started seeing how they constantly meet up behind my back without ever inviting me. Recently, I even offered to drive her in my car to a group hangout since we are neighbors, and she flat-out refused.

Today, I ran into them face-to-face right outside our apartments. They panicked and stumbled over a nervous lie to explain why they were together. They never said anything to me or invite me. I told them I was going to the gym. The minute I left for the gym, they sneaked back, changed clothes, went out for drinks without me, and our other friend posted selfies on Instagram. Last week I asked her and she just said random excuse about not telling me.

Honestly, I am so incredibly tired of these childish games. If I have an issue with someone, I say it directly to their face. As a lawyer, I deal with complex, high-stress problems every single day—tenants, legal battles, renovations—yet somehow, this high-school drama is making me doubt myself and wonder if I actually did something wrong.

I need advise and an outsider perspective. Thanks.

Hi everyone,

I’d love your honest opinion.

I’m a Spanish lawyer 32F based in Tenerife, but I work in English every day with English-speaking clients living in the Canary Islands.

I’ve been thinking about recording short videos for Reels, TikTok and Facebook with practical legal tips. My biggest hesitation isn’t really the camera—it’s that I’m worried about people I know seeing the videos! I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so that doesn’t help either.

Do you think this is good marketing for a lawyer? Has it actually brought you clients? And how did you get over the embarrassment of putting yourself out there, especially knowing that friends, family or people you know might be watching?

I’d really appreciate any advice. Thank you! 😊

I’m a lawyer in Spain, 32 years old, and I genuinely love my profession. I enjoy analysing cases, developing legal strategy, and especially drafting. Writing pleadings, appeals, and legal opinions is probably my strongest skill, and I feel very confident in that part of the job.

What I sometimes question is my courtroom presence.
I don’t think I perform badly in court. I know my cases well, I’m prepared, and I believe my arguments are logical and persuasive. However, I don’t always feel that I project the same authority as some other lawyers.

I’m 1.59 m (5’2”), I look younger than I am (people often think I’m around 25), and I have a soft, feminine voice. I’m also naturally calm and easy-going. Ironically, in my personal life I have no problem standing up for myself or arguing when necessary, but in court I sometimes feel that my personality becomes “smaller,” especially when opposing counsel is a very experienced lawyer with a loud, commanding voice or when the judge has a particularly forceful presence.

It’s not that I freeze or don’t know what to say. I answer, I make my points, and I think they make sense. But I sometimes wish I had that kind of presence that immediately captures the room—the kind of advocacy that feels powerful without sounding forced.

For those of you with years of litigation experience, is courtroom presence something you can genuinely develop, or is it mostly a matter of personality? Did experience naturally make you more convincing? Have any of you taken public speaking or advocacy training that made a real difference?

32F. I’m looking for advice because I honestly don’t know if this is a real issue or if it’s all in my head.

I’ve been fortunate in life. I grew up in a well-off family, had great opportunities, and now I run my own law firm. I’m also in a happy relationship.

I’ve always been outgoing and had lots of friends, but over the years I’ve developed this strange feeling that people don’t seem as happy for me as they are for others. I can’t really explain why because I don’t have any dramatic examples—it’s more a feeling I’ve had for years.

When I was younger, I had quite a few issues with other women because I dated a couple of very popular guys. Those relationships actually ended badly for me, but I often felt people judged or disliked me simply because I was the girlfriend.

I also tend to come across as confident and strong-minded, so maybe people assume I don’t need support. Sometimes I even catch myself wondering whether some friends secretly expect me to fail or don’t really celebrate my successes. I don’t know if that’s actually happening or if I’m misreading people’s behaviour.

For context, I know I’m not the only successful or privileged woman. I know plenty of women who are just as attractive, intelligent or financially comfortable, so I don’t think I’m unique.

How would you tell the difference between genuine friendship issues and simply overthinking? Have any of you ever realised you were completely misreading your friends—or that your instincts were actually right?

I (32F) have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. One of my close friends has only met him about three times, and I was trying to help them get to know each other better.

We were out drinking with a group of friends. Earlier in the evening, she was making jokes about getting into the pool topless. Everyone laughed, including me, because that’s pretty typical for her when she’s been drinking. She’s always been quite sexually outspoken when she’s drunk, so I didn’t think much of it.

Later, it ended up being just the three of us. She started saying she was cold, that her nipples were hard, and joking that someone should touch them.

Normally, if it had just been me and my usual group of friends, I probably would have laughed it off like I always do. But this time I suddenly felt uncomfortable because my boyfriend was there, she barely knows him, and I felt those comments were inappropriate in that situation.

When I left I calmly told my friend that her comments had made me uncomfortable. Instead of understanding where I was coming from, she got defensive, said that was “my problem,” and started criticizing my boyfriend, saying he was manipulating me and turning me against her. That really surprised me because he hadn’t done any of that. These were my own feelings, and I was the one who decided to bring it up.

She later kind of apologized, but it felt more like, “I’m sorry you felt that way,” than acknowledging why I had been uncomfortable. She still seemed to think the issue was entirely mine.

I don’t think she was trying to flirt with my boyfriend, and I don’t think my boyfriend did anything wrong. I’m just wondering whether I handled this badly or whether it’s reasonable to tell a friend when something they said made you uncomfortable.

I’m a 32-year-old lawyer in the Canary Islands, Spain, and I’ve been running my own law firm for about a year.

Before opening my own practice, I was the director of the civil law department at other firms, so I already had solid experience handling cases before going out on my own.
One of my biggest advantages is that I’m bilingual. I’m Spanish, but I speak both English and Spanish fluently. Because I live in an area with a large British community, a significant part of my work comes through collaborations with other law firms that refer their English-speaking clients to me. Many of these clients own property here and are willing to pay for good legal advice.

Overall, my practice is doing well, and I’m grateful for that. I’m currently investing time in building my own website, improving my social media presence, and trying to create my own brand.

However, I have a recurring source of anxiety. I worry that instead of continuing to grow, my practice could plateau or even decline. My biggest goal is to generate a steady flow of clients directly through my own marketing and reputation, rather than relying so much on referrals from other firms. That’s probably what worries me the most.
On top of that, I also look much younger than I am and I’m quite petite, which sometimes makes me feel insecure when I’m dealing with older, more aggressive lawyers who could easily be my parents. I’m always very polite and professional, but sometimes I wonder if people subconsciously associate confidence with age or appearance.

Has anyone here built a professional services business from referrals to direct client acquisition? What made the biggest difference for you? And if you’re a lawyer or another professional who looked very young when you started, did that ever stop being an issue?
I’d really appreciate any advice or experiences.