u/Proof_Contract_2402

Longterm limerance?

Hi everyone, I am 35F and today I read about limerance.

I think I've had it since about 5 years old and it started with a tv show character on party of 5. Since then it has been multiple people some I've known and dated, and others from work.

It is debilitating and has taken so much of my life and energy that it's shameful to admit out loud. The person will dominate all my thoughts, hearing about them or thinking about their life will give me serious anxiety and jealousy.

Once it passes, it's kind of like oh, why did I even care? it felt like the world would stop when these people got in a relationship.

Can you tell me about your experiences and help me understand if this is actually what I've been experiencing?

what's the antidote?

TLDR I told a senior committee ' I'll let the chair tell me what to do on that' when they were trying to talk about logistics etc that just didn't matter for them.

I work in a senior executive recruitment role in higher education. Recently, I was supporting a hiring panel for a high-level position. The meeting included the executive Chair (the ultimate decision-maker/owner of the process), a senior HR leader, and a committee of senior leaders at the institution.

During the meeting, the topic of a candidate who had recently withdrawn came up. 3 committee members started speculating heavily about why this person withdrew, making a lot of assumptions, such as oh they are friends with so and so so he must have posted he was interviewing and it scared him off ( the chair said oh, he withdrew before interview invites went out). Another committee member and I both felt this speculation was getting very one-sided and not respecting the person who chose to withdraw.

To make matters worse, based on this speculation, the committee began wildly over-complicating a minor logistical detail regarding the interview day schedule. They started saying things like oh both candidates same day? What if we they bump into eachother. Even another panel member said oh we can get someone to chaperone them.

Despite this, the committee kept debating it. Seeing that we were completely stuck in a loop and wasting high-value time, I stepped in. Quite matter-of-factly and calmly, I said to the room:

"I'll let the Chair tell me what to do on that."

The room immediately went quiet and the committee backed off. The meeting finally got back on track. Right after I said it, one of the other panel members caught my eye and smiled at me.

The chair could of also jumped in at any time but they didn't

In the moment, it felt like a necessary boundary to protect the meeting's efficiency and reinforce the Chair’s authority. However, because I was speaking directly to a room of very senior stakeholders, my anxiety kicked in later making me worry if my delivery was too blunt.

AITAH for shutting down their debate like that?

Hi all, I'm 35 F and just coming out of a 9 year relationship. Id love to hear thoughts from those of us who have experienced this and come out the other side.

I've had a feeling for some time he's just not right for me, and haven't been able to shake it off. He had become more critical of late, and just didn't seem to accept me for who I am ( E.g would get mad at me when I was eating a very full laksa and it was spilling, saying I have bad table manners).

He also just hated the way I did things, as he just always knew a better way. I'm feeling very sad.

I met a man at work and got very drunk and tried to kiss him, we had a great chat almost like we had known eachother a long time, similar upbringings, he told me his first wife had walked out on him, I asked if he was flirting and he said he was just flirtacious.... Anyway when I tried to kiss him he said he was happily married ( fair enough), if I wasn't so drunk I wouldn't have done that. What it did make me realise is that I must be so unhappy to have done that as it is very out of character.

Anyone got any words of encouragement for me? I do really want to be with someone, not now. But, did it get better for you? My life is just at a stand still, I don't do anything anymore, I just feel like someone unlovable and unwanted.

Would love to hear from people who have come out the other side..

I work in a senior executive recruitment and advisory role. Recently, I was supporting a hiring panel for a high-level position. The meeting included the executive Chair (the ultimate decision-maker/owner of the process), a senior HR leader, and a committee of senior leaders at the institution.

During the meeting, the topic of a candidate who had recently withdrawn came up. 3 committee members started speculating heavily about why this person withdrew, making a lot of assumptions, such as oh they are friends with so and so so he must have posted he was interviewing and it scared him off ( the chair said oh, he withdrew before interview invites went out). Another committee member and I both felt this speculation was getting very one-sided and not respecting the person who chose to withdraw.

To make matters worse, based on this speculation, the committee began wildly over-complicating a minor logistical detail regarding the interview day schedule. They started saying things like oh both candidates same day? What if we they bump into eachother. Even another panel member said oh we can get someone to chaperone them.

Despite this, the committee kept debating it. Seeing that we were completely stuck in a loop and wasting high-value time, I stepped in. Quite matter-of-factly and calmly, I said to the room:

"I'll let the Chair tell me what to do on that."

The room immediately went quiet and the committee backed off. The meeting finally got back on track. Right after I said it, one of the other panel members caught my eye and smiled at me.

In the moment, it felt like a necessary boundary to protect the meeting's efficiency and reinforce the Chair’s authority. However, because I was speaking directly to a room of very senior stakeholders, my anxiety kicked in later making me worry if my delivery was too blunt.

AITAH for shutting down their debate like that?

Hello people, I'm a Melbourne gal who would like some ideas. I love my colourful clothes, but I'm also finding I never have anything to wear as it doesn't match and it's causing me overwhelm.

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What should I buy for basics so I can have some outfits on repeat? E.g long sleeve tops, some t shirts etc.

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I am starting with an $850 budget, and would like to wear natural fibres such as cotton, linen etc.

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Would love to get your advice on what would simplify my life and what has worked for you.

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Thank you.

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Hi all,

It's really interesting reading all of this as I've finally been able to put words to my experience.

I've suffered limerance since I was a child, for lots of different people, managers, boys at school, it's currently for a stakeholder and I feel physical pain. It feels so liberating to get it off my chest. I'm 35 now and I think limerance has taken up alot of my life. If I reflect back on it, I don't think I even liked any of the people I've experienced limerance for.

I did something beyond humiliating recently, I tried to kiss said stakeholder whilst heavily intoxicated. Lucky, he was nice and worked normally with me afterwards. I guess it's a sign things just aren't going well in my life ( as it's put of character for me).

What things have worked for you to get out of it? Genuinely?

Hello all,

I posted on here recently about splitting up with my partner and the amount of care, kindness and genuine advice I got was so heart lifting. I didn't expect life to look like this at 35.

I have a settlement now and am trying to consider do I buy myself a town house in Preston, Coburg, Brunswick west, reservoir to live in? Or get an investment property in lalor or Thomastown and look to live in it later when the suburb picks up abit? How did you make your decision? What do I need to know? How do I educate myself more?

I'm feeling hopeless, but I'm trying to get myself into gear and workout what my options are.

Would love to hear from people who have experienced something similar at my age, and just anyone else.

Thanks all