Okay so my first post about age differences was bit too specific and it may be a bit too strict especially about adult relationships but basically my point is I feel like age difference still matters in adult relationships an experience in life and sexual experience Etc
Okay now this is what I I meant okay people over the age of 30 should not be dating anyone younger the age of 25 that's common sense.
I wanna hear people's thoughts in my opinion as a 17 year old I think.
A 2 year age difference between teens is okay and young adults are okay.
11 & 13 is okay and 15 and 17 are close in age.
For 3 years apart I think it's okay once the younger person is 21.
4 years apart is not okay until one person is 28 and the other person is at least 24 years old .
For a 5 year age difference I think the younger person should at least be 27.
For a 6 year age difference the younger person should be 30.
For a 7 year age gap The younger person should be 33.
For a 8 year age gap the younger person should be 36
For a 9 year age gap the younger person should be 39.
For a 10 year age gap the younger person should be 42.
For a 11 year age gap the younger person should be 45.
For a 12 year age gap the younger person should be 48.
For a 13 -16 year age gap the younger person should be 51.
Anything Above 17 years apart for adults is disgusting full stop. I don't care if you are both adults.
I'm 17F I'm on the autism spectrum and was diagnosed with autism when I was 2 and a half years old.
I'm a senior in highschool
I have an IEP and my case manager retired and I'm gonna have a new case manager.
And I have had an IEP since Preschool and I have had insecurities about having an IEP since Late elementary school.
And because of different schedules it felt hard to make new friends at school and places.
And in middle school that insecurity for me has gotten worse and worse and In highschool to and it sucks.
When I was in 8th grade I met this guy who I will Call N he has ADHD I thought me and him got along and since I have an IEP and on the autism spectrum and found it hard to make friends.
After me and him stopped being friends in August 2023 I started to develop limerence feelings for him.
What hurt was when he stopped being my friend he called me the r word and called me a idiot and said really hurtful things to me but I still cared.
And on August 12 2026 when I asked if he doesn't want me to contact him ever again he said " I didn't exactly say that " and it's been 2 months and he still haven't unblocked me
So my question is am I having a issue with social cues and what does he probably mean and how do I deal with having to deal with limerence.
I'm 17F and he's 15M. I'll call him N for privacy. We met in September 2022 at the nurse's office at our middle school.
For context, I'm from the South Bay and N is from the San Fernando Valley.
The only reason we went to the same middle school was because his mom was the preschool director in my school district. His mom is a fully Indigenous Salvadoran and his dad is white.
For context I'm white.
After we met, we became friends and played Roblox together. We were also in the same theater class for the 4th period. Our 3rd periods were different because the 6th and 8th grades had different PE teachers and lunch times, but we had PE at the same time, so we'd sometimes talk there.
From January through June 2023, we talked a lot over Google Meet and became pretty close.
Things started getting complicated in August 2023. I was 14F and
N was 12M at the time.
N found out that I had sent a picture of his face to an online friend of mine, who I'll call M. M was 14F at the time, and N already disliked her. I had a crush on N, and honestly, I made a stupid decision by showing M his picture. Looking back, I understand why that crossed a boundary and upset him.
At one point, M said a racial slur in a conversation. It wasn't directed at N, but I told N about it because I wanted to be messy and stir up drama between them.
N told M that what she said was wrong. M then started making racist comments toward N, and N responded with racist comments toward M. N is half Indigenous Salvadoran and half white, M is Vietnamese and monoracial, and I'm white.
don't excuse what either of them said. They were both wrong, and I also recognize that I contributed to the situation by intentionally telling N about M's comment because I wanted drama.
later in 2023. UTL was M's boyfriend at the time and claimed to be 15M, but it later came out that he was actually 22M.
N had made a server related to exposing M for her racist behavior and other inappropriate/illegal content. UTL joined the server and caused a really disturbing situation that seriously affected N.
N was offline when this happened, so I contacted his friend S. S is Peruvian and Chilean and was in 7th grade with N at the time. I asked S to tell N to get online so he could deal with the situation and ban M and UTL from the Discord server
After that, N and S stopped being friends with me.
Because of what happened in that server and said it I never got into drama they would've never seen gore they were in 7th grade and I was in 9th grade during this time.
After this happened I felt bad but I admit at 14 years old I didn't take accountability as much as I do now
And I kept trying to reach out to N to apologize and explain myself and he eventually blocked me.
Then later on in desperation I contacted UTL and Gave UTL N's discord I wanted UTL to apologize so I could fix my friendship and I ended up befriending UTL then later on I got manipulated into sending videos of myself to UTL who lied about being 15 even though he turned out to be 22.
After I sent videos of myself I felt disgusted with myself and to make things worse
He added N on a alt and N told him my full name and what school I went to while this happened UTL grabbed his up and later told me about it when he knew I didn't have a way to contact N because I was blocked on everything
And when I refused to send nudes he told N I sent Nudes and threatened to leak my video and I was panicking
Later on N & S told the police I sent A 22 year old nudes to be petty because they were mad at me after the fallout.
After this I tried to contact N and he gotten pissed and blocked me
In 2024 I tried to reach out to him he blocked me then I told a discord friend who used to be my friend who I will call D
D befriended him got annoyed about the situation and dropped me as a friend then later on I told a Girl I became friends with Who I will call L who contacted him Who unfriended me after finding out I sent a video of myself to a 22 year old at 14 then
Thanksgiving 2024 I say his full name to his friend who already knew it as ragebait I was 15 and still had resentment about the whole situation and he added me in a group chat
him and his friends mocked me and made fun of me for sending videos to a 22 year old and slut shamed me and he even brought up how I was a bad pet owner for naming my cat sissy ( she died in July 2024)
Some of the things said was hurtful but I understand I was also in the wrong aswell and I wanted to clarify I did care about him geouniely and missed him for a long time.
I became friends with D Again in January 2025 And was invited back into his discord server he deleted all of N's messages in the server
When N found out I was in the server he was pissed and accused me of deleting his messages even though I didn't have mod role and then he made a whole post in the server about how I sent Nudes to a 22 year old when I was 14 and called me a slut for what I did
When I stayed in the server he left
when I dated a guy in February 2025 and had no contact with him he knew I dated a guy from Argentina
I told a girl who I will call Kiyo ( Kiyo is Wasian she's Japanese & White but she lied to N when she contacted him she was Japanese & Korean
She befriended him and he said to her how he felt hurt how his ex boyfriend cheated on him and talked to her personally and I thought she would help me rebuild my friendship with him
Eventually she got tired of the situation stopped being friends with me and acted hostile towards him and called him the b slur and said hurtful things to him I didn't stop it because I felt hurt by the many hurtful things he have said to me in the past.
In May 2025 he has me unblocked for short period and during the May-July period I Only dated a few guys to try to move on from liking him
One of these guys who I will call Y only liked me for my body and when I told N about this he seemed like he geouniely cared and said how that guy wasn't a good person to be in a relationship with
And Well August 2025 he said he's going to another highschool and was at his new school orientation and how they had Yondr Pouches.
for context his mom resigned from being the preschool director at my school district after working there for years.
Later on D told me about a group chat to be messy not because he actually cared
N's friend is C His Online best friend and C grabbed my IP in summer or 2026
C ruined my discord server also
And N & his friends made a group chat talking bad about me
And D told me N did that because of me " speed dating "
I was upset about this and I said to N in DM and confronted him he acted confused.
And I said how his mom ( his mom's first name) wouldn't like how he's acting
And he got upset and blocked me because I knew his mom's name
Then later in September 2025 I told a girl named Raiya ( her online name not IRL name btw ) to Add him she became friends with him for a short amount of time then when
My friends Ari & Ama ( Not their full first names )
They stopped being friends with her because she lied about being 17 when she was 16 I didn't think it was a big deal
But Ari got her banned from discord just because she wanted to
Then Raiya gets her account back because she got falsey reported for being underage
She was angry with me for not defending her and Told N that I told her to Add her and he got pissed and blocked Raiya and sent my IP to Raiya & Later.
Then Raiya made racist edits of Ari for context Ari is half black & white and Ama is black and Raiya is Latina.
Later that month I was in a group chat C & N was being mean to me and saying hurtful things I added my friend Ama she defended me C who is Mexican started saying the n word to my friend
While being mad I contacted N's older half sister ( they have the same mom and his sister is 21 ) about his friend C calling my friend the n word and Doxxing me
And N gets upset unblocked me and started to vent to me about how he felt rejected by this girl at his new school and he had a mental breakdown and explained to me his situation.
We started rebuilding our friendship again at the end of October and talked in November and I asked him To go to Disneyland with me for my 17th birthday he said he has to ask his parents
Whenever I brought up the question he ignored my questions instead of telling me he couldn't go
And it started to hurt my feelings then I got upset and asked him about him November 30 2025 he snapped and got angry with me
Then on my birthday December 1 after I went shopping with my mom
He wished me a happy birthday and apologized for getting mad and said how he didn't feel recognized on his own birthday
around Christmas I made a Instagram alt and added him since he had a private account ( this was a huge mistake) then later on
I didn't say anything to him I was being nosy
His friend C made a alt and harassed me and told me to kill myself and said hurtful things and claimed to know where I live to try to scare me and
Later on during this time N found out about the alt and blocked me pissed off because a friend I trusted Kyrie told him behind my back .
And he cut me off again
S lied to me about N having a girlfriend I contacted that girl thinking she was and felt stupid.
I contacted L ( who I mentioned earlier who I told to Contact N she ended up being really mean and her friends told me to kill myself and contacted my parents and tried to get me in trouble at school
In April 2025 after feeling hurt I contacted L to be rude to her when she asked who I was I said N I admited Right away who I was I only said I was n so she wouldn't block me right away
And her friend E & The S guy I mentioned kept reporting old messages of arguments to report to the school to get me in trouble and make me look like I harassed them
Out of being pissed off about E & S gossiping About me at school I contacted S's mother about him saying the n word as slang for context he's peruvian & indigenous Chilean and E is white
The context with S is in Summer 2025 I told Ari & Ama about S saying the n word as slang And they got pissed at him and exposed him for being " racist"
And I told my friends Ari & Ama at the time in summer 2025 that S & N used the n word as slang to be petty
And I almost lost prom privileges because of E & S
In June 2026 N originally contacted my mom to be petty even though I never did that to him and when he heard I was actually sorry he said he's sorry to and I asked him if contacted me to tell me to never contact him again and he said " I didn't exactly say that " and I don't think he's a bad person
For context he doesn't have good mental health but neither do I and I saw his reddit posts in r/depression and found out later he's dealing with mental health is part of the reason I didn't hate him even though he acted really hurtful towards me
We are both in the wrong and I wanna know what should I do?
I’m 17F, autistic, and starting my senior year of high school in 5 days. I live in the South Bay area of Los Angeles, California, with my parents (47F and 48M) and my 71F grandma. We’re middle class, but lately my family has been getting low on money, which has been stressful, especially because I haven’t been able to go school shopping yet.
I want to give some background about my family first.
My grandma is a widow. Her husband, who was my mom’s stepdad, passed away in 2005. My mom’s biological father passed away in 2014, about a year before a CPS case involving my family.
On my dad’s side, my dad’s parents were teen parents. They’re currently 65M and 66F. My dad’s bio father was absent while my dad was growing up and passed away in 2011. My dad considers his dad to be his actual father, and his dad currently has cancer.
There was a CPS case when I was younger. I want to clarify that I was never abused, but I wasn’t able to live with my parents from 2015 to 2017. During that time, I had to live with my dad’s parents.
My dad’s mother wasn’t very nice to me, although I wouldn’t describe her as abusive. One thing I remember is that when I was 8, she forced me to eat hot sauce as punishment for “talking too much.”
I later found out that during the CPS case, my mom had been misusing medication that had been prescribed for her depression. I was very young at the time, so I don’t remember everything that happened.
My mom still has depression. She told me about it when I was 14. I know depression can make everyday responsibilities and getting things done more difficult, so I don’t want this post to come across as me blaming her for having depression I feel frustrated that I haven't been able to sleep in my own room.
As for my current home situation, I technically have my own bedroom, but I haven’t actually slept in it for years. I currently sleep on a mattress in my grandma’s room.
To clarify, I DO have my own room. The problem is that I need a new bed frame, and I’ve wanted to sleep in my own room again for a long time. My mom has been saying that my room would get finished since around summer 2023, but only small amounts of progress have been made. So I’m still sleeping in my grandma’s room.
One of the things that upsets me the most is the condition of downstairs. We live in a two-story house, and downstairs can get pretty dirty. There are flies around, and I’ve found fleas on the mattress I sleep on. It bothers me because I just want a clean and comfortable place to sleep.
Money has also become a major concern lately. We’re getting low on money, and I’m about to start senior year without even being able to go school shopping yet. I know my family has more important expenses to worry about, but it’s still stressful.
My mental health hasn’t been great either. I’m pretty introverted, and I’m in mild/special education. Sometimes people treat me differently because I’m autistic or because I’m in special education, and it sucks. Making friends is harder for me, and I often feel lonely.
I also had a guy I liked (M15) who became very important to me emotionally. I would describe what I experienced as limerence. I don’t mean that in a creepy or obsessive way; I just became very emotionally attached to the friendship and had trouble emotionally detaching when things became complicated between us.
My junior year became especially difficult because he ended up attending a different high school. His mom had worked in my school district, and when she resigned, he ended up going to a school closer to where he lived instead of staying in the same school district as me. I know this wasn’t really anyone’s fault, but losing someone who had been an important part of my social life made my loneliness and mental health worse.
Another girl I knew, who was one of the only people I really talked to, also changed schools. Her mother had been a 6th-grade math teacher, and after her mother was no longer working there, the girl changed schools too. It felt like several people I actually knew kept disappearing from my school environment for reasons that were outside my control.
I do have a best friend who I met in 4th grade. She moved to Utah toward the end of 4th grade, so we mostly kept in contact through Roblox and eventually Discord. We had some drama and conflict during our preteen and younger teen years, but we became close again around ages 16–17, especially during 2026. We saw each other in person again this year. Before that, the last time we saw each other was in 2024, and before that was 2018. Having her back in my life has meant a lot to me.
There are also some other things that have affected me emotionally.
I wanted to go to Disneyland for my 16th and 17th birthdays, but I wasn’t able to go either time. My mom told me that I could hopefully go for my 18th birthday instead, and I really hope I’ll be able to. I know Disneyland isn’t a necessity, especially when money is tight, but it’s something I’ve been looking forward to for a long time.
In July 2024, one of our cats died. We had 8 cats at the time and now have 7. I was really upset and crying when my mom told me she would get me a new cat. Later, she admitted that she had only said that because she was trying to make me feel better while I was grieving and didn’t actually mean that she would definitely get me another cat.
So that’s basically my situation. I know this is a LOT of background information, but there are many different things going on at once, and I wanted to explain everything rather than leave out important context.
After reading all of this, what advice would you give me?
So there's this guy I used to be friends with and the last conversation we had was June 12th and when I asked if he called me because he never wanted to speak to me again he said " I didn't exactly say that " for context he goes to another highschool but we used to go to the same middle school for about a year
And he said he forgave me but I'm not sure what he probably means by what he said does he not wanna be friends again or unsure or do I'm so confused if he hates me so much why doesn't he want to cut me out of his life forever
I’m 17F, and I’ve been experiencing limerence toward a guy I used to be friends with since I was 14. We met at school when I was 13 and he was 11, and we attended the same school for one year. We stopped being friends in August 2023, and there has been a lot of hurt on both sides. Many complicated things also happened throughout 2024, 2025, and 2026.
On June 12, we finally had a conversation. I asked whether he wanted me to never contact him again, and he said, “I didn’t exactly say that.” However, he still has not unblocked me, so I am respecting his space and will not reach out while I am blocked. Even if he eventually unblocks me, I know that does not automatically mean everything is fixed. I would only gently ask whether he is comfortable talking.
Part of why I struggle to let go is that I genuinely care about him. I recently learned that he has been dealing with depression and has difficulty trusting people because his trust has been broken many times. I feel awful knowing that I also damaged his trust by looking at his social media and contacting him when he wanted space. I regret allowing my anxiety and limerence to override his boundaries.
I have autism and ADHD, and I may also struggle with anxiety. My stress has gotten so intense at times that I have experienced stress-induced vomiting. I have also noticed traits in him that could possibly suggest neurodivergence too, although I know I cannot diagnose him. I think I hoped he would understand me because we may process emotions and situations differently from other people. Instead, there were times when I felt judged and misunderstood by him.
I know his depression and trust issues do not excuse the hurtful things he has said, just as my mental-health struggles do not excuse crossing his boundaries. I still care about him and feel sad that he is going through so much, but I do not want to use that concern as an excuse to contact him before he is ready.
How do I care about someone from a distance without constantly worrying about them or waiting for them to return? How do I respect his boundaries while also forgiving myself for the ways I handled my anxiety?