I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to understand and accept this. The intermittent reinforcement of kindness is just a performance...the cruelty is actually who they are. They may put the mask back on when it benefits them, but it always slips again.
I found these slides/descriptions of narcissistic relationship/marriage dynamics to be so incredibly accurate (there were more in this post, but these few really stood out for me). Anyone else?
Went in for the turmeric face milk after I finally saw it recently and forgot to grab one...thankfully they still had some. Then I spotted the Versed serum, which sounds like it could be beneficial for my oily/acne prone skin. And I have been wanting to try mouth tape but it's pricey, so I was excited to see this!
It's cute, but unfortunately as others have mentioned, can confirm that the regular clear Orchid patches do *not* fit in the compact without trimming the edges off or cutting it down the middle. Had I known this beforehand, I may not have gotten it.
Someone else said they thought there were new Orchid patches coming out that would fit, but clearly not the case with the ones I got. Has anyone found that any of the Orchid patches fit in this without modification?
I know I've been posting a lot, but it's been helping me a little bit in the thick of all this and hopefully it helps someone else too. I just came across this video and it stopped me in my tracks. Make sure your volume is up. File under "things we wish we could say to them."
Does anyone else feel like they are constantly getting sucked into arguments and circular conversations? I should know better by now...I think it comes from a place of just desperately trying to be heard, except that requires the other person to actually be listening instead of trying to argue, defend, deflect, and gaslight you into oblivion. They literally do not care about the damage they are doing. It's all about them and their wants, needs and comfort. But they try to convince us we are the problem, incompatibility is the problem, our needs are too much, our expectations are too high, pretty much anything to avoid looking in the mirror and admitting how much their unhealed wounds, patterns, and behavior have led to the destruction of their marriage.
I am just so unbelievably tired and I don't know what it's going to take for me to finally realize he is not going to change, and I am just going to keep exhausting myself getting pulled back into this cycle over and over again. Has anyone managed to push past this and finally reach a place of "radical acceptance"?
Today's haul...so much good stuff! First time ever finding the mini face sprays and the Spa Luxury body sprays, and I still haven't found the scar cream but I did find these scar sheets. Also snagged the last two B Pure cramp heat patches (these things are amazing), and grabbed one of the other heat patches (don't recall seeing those before) to try out and see if they're any good. Was so excited they finally had the pimple patch compacts, too.
I shared something here the other day about Najwa Zebian's new book, "The One Who Broke You Can't Heal You." I recently joined her email list, and this landed in my inbox yesterday with the subject "read this if you're stuck in a trauma bond" and reading it made me cry so hard...I printed it out to bring to therapy this week. If you need a good cry/to release some blocked emotions, this will probably do it.
"An Open Letter to You:
I know you were trying.
I know you woke up every day hoping today would be different. That something you said or did or changed about yourself would finally turn things around. I know you rehearsed conversations in your head. I know you chose your words, timing, and tone carefully because you'd learned that the wrong combination could make everything worse.
I know you stayed longer than you wanted to. Not because you didn’t see it or were blind to what was happening, but because leaving felt like giving up on something you had already given so much of yourself to.
Somewhere inside you, you still believed that if you just tried a little harder, loved a little better, held on a little longer… it would finally become what you always knew it could be.
I know you blamed yourself when it didn’t.
I know you went through times where you barely recognized yourself. Where you’d catch a glimpse in the mirror and wonder when you got so quiet. When you stopped saying certain things, stopped wanting certain things, stopped being certain things… so slowly that you didn’t notice the color leaving until you were already living in black and white.
I know there were moments you almost left, and what stopped you was hope. You believed love should be possible here. The part of you that refused to give up on a person you cared about, even when that person had already given up on taking care of you.
I know you went back, maybe more than once. I know how much shame you’ve carried about that. But I need you to hear this: you weren’t going back because you wanted to be hurt. You were going back because you were asking to be loved. Every single time, you believed this time might finally be the time.
That’s not something to be ashamed of. That’s one of the most human things about you.
You were never too much. You were never not enough. You were simply in a place that didn’t know how to hold you. And you stayed as long as you did because somewhere in you, you still believed that love was possible there.
It wasn’t your fault that it wasn’t.
You will never go back to the person you were before this. I know that’s a hard thing to sit with. But the person you’re becoming — the one who is slowly finding their way back to themselves, who is learning what they actually deserve, who is beginning to trust their own perception again — that person is worth everything you went through to become them.
You were doing the best you could with what you had, in a situation you were never meant to navigate alone.
I’m so proud of you for still being here."
This is for anyone else who is married to a narcissist (or someone with narcissistic traits) and feeling stuck for whatever reason; whether it's financially, you have kids and don't want to blow up your family, you're afraid of how much of a nightmare the separation/divorce process will be with someone who has already shown you repeatedly how vindictive and destructive they are capable of being.
It feels so impossible because every choice comes with pain, no matter what we do. But someone in my life said to me, yes it will be hard to leave...but at least there is light on the other side of that eventually. I think so many of us are kept stuck by the hope of change/things getting better, despite all of the evidence and patterns telling us otherwise. There's this audio I've seen circulating on Instagram in various reels: "He isn't going to change, is he?" ("No honey, he isn't.") "I'm going to have to start all over again, aren't I?" ("Yes, you are.") "But what if he *does* change?" ("He's not going to.") I've realized that this is a feature of trauma bonds, not a bug. The breadcrumbing and false hope keeps us holding on to someone who doesn't actually exist. We are still clinging to potential instead of seeing the person in front of us for who they have repeatedly showed us they actually are.
If anyone is on the other side of this: how did you find the courage and strength to finally leave? How long does it take our hearts to accept what our brains already know? The battle between logic and emotion is REAL. We can know something in our bones, and still refuse to accept it.
I have not once seen these in any of the three nearby stores I go to...finally find them and they only have two opened ones that say "smell test." 🫠
Has anyone else had one of these that smelled weird? I just finished the one I had open (which I loved the smell of) and started a new bottle, and this one smells completely different. These bottles have a production date on the back rather than expiration date...but I think the first one had a date of June 2025, and the new one that smells weird has a date of August 2025.
Run, don't walk. They were in the floor freezer case, not the wall freezer with the other frozen chicken where they used to be (at least in my store). This tells me they are likely only going to be available for a short period of time, not permanently. 😫
(Selected 'complaint desk' for post flair because I want these to come back for good!!)
I was looking for blush and unsure about this product as I've always used basic powder blush, but decided to give it a try. I believe this is the "Plum" shade (I wish B Pure would put product info on the product container, not just the packaging).
I'm really enjoying it. It's highly pigmented, so just be aware that a little bit goes a long way. I put a couple dots on my cheekbones and then blend upward with a blush brush, and sometimes put a little bit on my lips. There's also a coral color and I think a lighter pink shade as well.
Was surprised to see this notification pop up earlier, but I have gotten solid ratings so far in my first couple months as a dasher so I guess it's paying off. Does this just mean that whichever customer made me a "preferred shopper" can "request" me when they're placing future orders? How exactly does it work? Has anyone actually seen a benefit from this as far as better tips from these customers?
I can't get enough of these. I grab a bag just about every time I'm at Aldi these days. They have a little kick and great flavor, and are decently healthy as far as chips go. I am not gluten free, for what it's worth...just tried them once and really liked them.
I haven't seen these perfumes at any of my local Dollar Tree stores until today...this was my favorite scent of the three that had tester bottles out, and I got the last one of this scent! (Of course I forgot these are $5 and was confused when the cashier said my total was $10 because I only got a few other things 😂). $5 is still a steal for perfume!
Which scent is your favorite?
A few of my AM skincare favorites (moisturizer in the middle is *not* from Dollar Tree). I use the whipped recovery cream on my neck, vitamin C moisturizer on my face, and super greens under my eyes (usually I do some gel undereye masks first -- using the Dollar Tree vitamin C jelly masks this morning).
What are your favorites for your morning routine? ☀️
I am a new dasher (only been doing it since early June). I have done mostly straightforward food orders/deliveries, with a couple pretty easy shopping orders mixed in (Best Buy, Target, a grocery store). Today was the first time I've had a really bad experience and I just needed to vent.
Against my better judgment, I accepted a Lowe's order -- I was worried it might end up being some massive/ridiculous item, and while it certainly could have been worse, it was still a huge pain in the ass. I already contacted DoorDash support to complain about this afterwards -- since we can't see what the specific items are before accepting the order, they really need to do a better job of notifying people if the order (or any items within it) will be heavy or require a truck/larger vehicle.
It was only two items, but neither were easy to find/get. The aisle I needed to go down for one was closed off (as Lowe's and Home Depot love to do), and the aisles on either side were also either closed or such a mess/blocked with so much stuff that I couldn't even get my carriage through. I went to find the other item all the way on the other end of the store (a package of wood shingle siding), and went back hoping that aisle would be reopened...nope. So I went a couple aisles over (and barely managed to get the carriage through all of the obstacles), to the other end of the closed aisle where the item I needed was located. It was a 3 ft by 5 ft cement backer board sheet; not super heavy but awkward/had to stay flat or it could break. There was no way it was fitting in a regular carriage, so I had to go back across the store to find one of those flat carts instead and bring it back. By this point I had already messaged the customer to let them know there would be a bit of a delay due to the closed aisle and everything else.
I *finally* get to the front of the store, check out, get to my car, and after wrestling this awkward cement thing into my back seat while trying not to break it (and sweating my ass off in 100% humidity), I realize it's not going to fit (one of the doors wouldn't have been able to close). At this point I try folding my back seats down, except my trunk is full of stuff so I know I'm not going to have a ton of room. I moved a bunch of stuff to my front seat, laid down an outdoor blanket I had in my trunk, and managed to lay the thing down and make it fit. The inside of my car/door also got scratched up while I was trying to lay it across the back seat.
I should note I also called the customer and explained what was going on and that I would hopefully be able to make it work. In my head though I was wondering why the hell people order things like this with DoorDash, not to mention why the hell DoorDash doesn't do a better job of making sure someone has the appropriate vehicle for an order.
I get to the house (which is literally 5 minutes from Lowe's), and realize it's a super steep driveway AND they want me to leave the order at the door which is up a bunch of stairs. No way I was lugging that cement sheet up stairs after wrestling it into and out of my car...I laid it flat on the driveway at the bottom of the stairs along with the other item, took a photo and peaced. I could not be done with that order fast enough. All that and the customer only tipped $5.54 (DoorDash pay was $4.95), and they didn't add on to the tip even after everything I went through to get it to them and the fact that I made sure to communicate the delay to them not once but twice. All of that was not worth $10.49.
Lesson learned: I won't be accepting Lowe's or Home Depot orders anymore.
Are these pens any good? I kept seeing people posting them (along with the jelly pencil pouches), so I grabbed one when I finally found them...they're cute but I just have SO many pens so I'm debating returning them, but then realized I've never actually used this brand. I think all the other pens I've gotten from D-Tree are Zebra. So I'm just wondering if these particular pens/this brand are decent or if they're junk/not worth keeping. I didn't even realize until I got them that the smiley faces actually slide to pop the pen tip out.
I also noticed after I bought them that the pink one with the purple smiley face has a line/scratch right through the heart-shaped eye on the left. Obviously not a big deal but just an annoyance. What do I expect for $1.25, I guess. 😂