u/PurpleHawk222

No irl friends. A few online ones, but I also have lost plenty of friends online or ppl that were never my friends disliking me. Which adds to me feeling like a loser, because I actually give af about people online. I feel like I’m a chronically online loser.

I let people mistreat me, I’m a people pleaser. I’m clingy.

The worst part is my ADHD. Because I feel that’s what truly dooms me from getting out of this. I’ll watch a self help video or something one day, than forget it completely the next without implementing it. I’ll try to install a good habit and give up on it within a few days.

Since overcoming my SM, I’ve grown into a person that’s desperate for external validation and I tend to trauma dump a lot to anyone who will listen. And this has lead people to push me away. All of this is mostly online and stuff. In real life I’m still more reserved.

I’m curious if anyone here as gone through a similar progression in their life.

I’ve lived in my current state my entire life and I’m currently finishing up my sophomore year of college, and a few months ago my mom moved out of my home state. I’m not sure what will happen to my tuition on next year and I’m not sure I can afford out of state tuition, so I’m wondering what will happen.

I also am not sure what will happen to state grants as-well, but that’s a secondary concern right now.

Growing up I never felt a sense of belonging, or had any friends because I basically didn’t speak to people, from K-12. After HS I tried going on discord a lot, and found a community, and eventually friends.

These people weren’t good to me, but even still, they made me feel more appreciated than anyone has ever been in my life. And I felt like I was just growing a sense of belonging with those friends and the community in general.

Now that’s all kinda gone away because things came to a head with one of the friends because we got in an argument, and in retaliation they slandered me with a lot of shit I said. Like I mentioned before, I lack a lot of social skills cuz of the way I was brought up, so there’s a plethora of things I’ve said that sound bad out of context or just kind of weird. Numerous times people have thought I’m autistic because of things I’ve said.

I know I shouldn’t care about people on discord as much as I do, but I hate feeling hated, and I have a deep longing to be liked. Almost a narcissistic level I would say. (I don’t have any other narc traits though, thankfully.)

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Growing up I never felt a sense of belonging, or had any friends because I basically didn’t speak to people, from K-12. After HS I tried going on discord a lot, and found a community, and eventually friends.

These people weren’t good to me, but even still, they made me feel more appreciated than anyone has ever been in my life. And I felt like I was just growing a sense of belonging with those friends and the community in general.

Now that’s all kinda gone away because things came to a head with one of the friends because we got in an argument, and in retaliation they slandered me with a lot of shit I said. Like I mentioned before, I lack a lot of social skills cuz of the way I was brought up, so there’s a plethora of things I’ve said that sound bad out of context or just kind of weird. Numerous times people have thought I’m autistic because of things I’ve said.

I know I shouldn’t care about people on discord as much as I do, but I hate feeling hated, and I have a deep longing to be liked. Almost a narcissistic level I would say. (I don’t have any other narc traits though, thankfully.)

I feel like so many people don’t like to be around me because I talk a lot about the issues I’m having in life.