u/Puzzleheaded-Ad-9280

2026 is the year of the scotlandboo.

Aye,

black bear, i am already scared, like, all the time. i hear you clack your jaws at night and scurry up tall trunks at my presence, thwarting my plans to sneak a smoke at 4am. instead i must screed and scribble.

you are scared of me black bear, i am scared of you. 

you are crepuscular, i’ve learned. you like twilight, night, and the dawn. it seems we have similar hours of peak solitary activity. why can’t we share that time, black bear? why can't we share our home?

i spent my winter and spring exploring the trees behind my house, getting to know the curves and hidden creeks in the grey that is now a glorious green. it was very cold, but the brush was clear and i could see where i was going. the ability to chart my path based on haunted eyelashes and deer droppings and random visual markers like deformed trunks and abandoned bottles was so satisfying. and now i cant even enjoy it. 

at any moment, you could be there. 

i’d just like to go on my walks and smoke my cigarettes and ponder life and suicide and life again without facing my death in the form of an animal that feels fictitious. or on my walks where i am full of life, excited by life, teeming with lust and life. sometimes these walks can happen on the same day. not today though, not any longer.

are you jealous of my constant access to berries and oats and fish? you must be, black bear, otherwise, what other reason do you have to torment me?

i am taking this personally, black bear. i turn 26 in 20 days and i haven’t sent out birthday invitations because i fear i am going to die. i cannot blame this part on you, i guess. i think about death and sex everyday, the former makes it so i stop completely, cease existing properly in the world and lives around me, as if i am practicing and training others for some sort of sudden departure. if i am dead to them then it ill be easier when i am dead.

maybe i am jealous of you, black bear. you get to gorge on berries and be dead for half the year, during the grey. then in the time of warm green gold you roam, where everyone is compelled to respect your need for ample personal space, to understand you are just anxious, and heed your calls for comfort in your home. you stink and are still marveled at. tall, strong men enjoy capturing you, putting you to sleep, putting you on display, for education's sake, then releasing you back into the green like it was all just dream. black bear, you are living the dream. 

in a way, we are similar to one another. technically apex predators in our environment, but endlessly skittish and neurotic. i wonder what you think about me, what it is you fear about me?

whatever the case may be, black bear, you have stolen summer from me!!!!

thursday knicks parade

friday juneteenth house set

saturday woah vicky caroline calloway and sotce poetry reading ""hosted"" by ""nolita dirtbag""

fatherless sunday

ive been going by my moms last name for over a decade now.

im going to get my master's degree overseas and i requested that my preferred name be displayed on things like my student ID, email accounts, that sort of thing, but i was denied because they only grant that sort of change for preferred first names, not last names.

my father was extremely, extremely, extremely physically abusive in my youth, then he left, then he died. the experience has left me broken with emotional and physical scars, but like, life goes on. somehow though, i am devastated by the university rules in a way that i truly didn't expect? when it comes to things like my email, my instagram, honestly any social media, and just in real life, my mom's last name is my last name. ive been a french citizen since the age of 2 and even on that ID there's a space for preferred surnames.

i dont look at my US driver's license often or my passport when i fly. i vote once every 2-4 years. i file taxes once a year. it maybe feels a bit weird or fragmented to see my legal name in those moments, but they're brief. ive never been besides myself about the ordeal as i am now. there's something about this that im finding so jarring and i cannot stop sobbing. i do not want to look at that name on my email, on my student id, things i will have to use every single day.

i guess i didnt even think they would say no? my undergraduate institution here in the US allowed it, its even on my diploma.

im applying for my visa in a month and leave in the fall, so i dont have enough time, and im so, so, so upset 😞

its up 10%. wishing everyone a lucky june

i put 2 and 2 together on the subway home. That's crazy like what do u even know about that

(anymore, as much, whatever adverb) is one of many things ive learned this year as a teacher of the offspring of millennial helicopter MAHA private school moms. i understand the Reasons but i truly did not realize how widespread or polarizing this became offline until i got roped into a drunk salacious bitching circle at a fundraiser gala

what a time

i cannot stop doing the combination of utah influencer accent and the pop psychology therapy speak

for example:

"it's rilly hard to dill with all of this toxicity on my hilling journey, like, it fills like no one wants to be rill about the ugly parts of mental health. one day the truth will be revilled but i guess ill just be the villain for now"

its like a game to get as many words in as possible to make The Momtok Quote Ever

My mother received a letter addressed to my deceased father (who she divorced prior to his death) about unclaimed assets from his (also deceased) sister. My father was named the administrator to all of her assets after her death, but never filed a claim to recover it. It's my understanding that she didn't have a will so no beneficiaries, just my father as an administrator.

Turns out my aunt had 22 investment accounts between two securities and brokerage firms which leads me to think that there may be a lot of potentially life changing money, especially because the firm had to have jumped through hoops to get it to me/my mom: the letter was sent out in February and got to us earlier this week; we've moved 7 times across 3 different states since we last lived at the initial address.

We called the company and because the assets are in a state that doesn't disclose the dollar amount of assets, we have to file a claim. I'll have to be the one to officially sign the request form to the state. The firm said they would send over the request to the City and once they get the dollar amount, we can decide to have them proceed with the recovery and they take 15%, but I'm like should I just do it myself?

Also turns out my grandfather has over $100,000 in unclaimed assets reported by a large american bank, held in two separate states, but the address associated is in a different country. essentially my dad's family was super abusive, super shady, mostly estranged, def committed fraud, and only my dad and aunt kept in touch. we're pretty sure the other living members (my paternal aunt and paternal uncle) self deported because of all the fraud lmao

so it would be nice to get some money out of this unfortunate family situation of mine, but im not sure if i should just go at it independently instead of paying a middle man

My mother received a letter addressed to my deceased father (who she divorced prior to his death) about unclaimed assets from his (also deceased) sister. My father was named the administrator to all of her assets after her death, but never filed a claim to recover it. It's my understanding that she didn't have a will so no beneficiaries, just an administrator.

Turns out my aunt had 22 investment accounts between two securities and brokerage firms which leads me to think that there may be a lot of potentially life changing money.

We called the company and because the assets are in a state that doesn't disclose the dollar amount of assets, we have to file a claim. I'll have to be the one to officially sign the request form to the state. The firm said they would send over the request to the City and once they get the dollar amount, we can decide to have them proceed with the recovery and they take 15%, but I'm like should I just do it myself?

Also turns out my grandfather has over $100,000 in unclaimed assets reported by a large american bank, held in two separate states, but the address associated is in a different country. essentially my dad's family was super abusive, super shady, mostly estranged, def committed fraud, and only my dad and aunt kept in touch.

so it would be nice to get some money out of it, but im not sure if i should just go at it myself instead of paying a middle man

if u live, come to brazil!!!!

i know that the sub is global which is very lovely. but on a sunny mid 60s day like today, i like to have in depth reflections (ruminations) on my behavior which includes honestly auditing where i surf online, and accepting that "mindless" scrolling does live in the mind after swiping. i find i am not as mindless here which is nice.

i love spring in new york because the city gets bouyant and bright and social without the sweltering heat of the summer. im in brooklyn on my second outdoor seating happy hour d ate of the evening (first one was in manhattan), waiting for my friend, and watching people pass by. i feel bad because im smoking while many pedestrians are about but thats the price of living with 9 million people. in those millions, statistically, some of you must be

if only i didn't spend the first eighteen years of my life hearing over and over again, every week, that i was born a sinner born a sinner born a sinner but can be washed in Blood and holy water. when i got baptized at age 11 the only thing i could think of was how fat my stomach looked under a soaked clinging oversized cotton t shirt under bright fluorescent lights. if i was born again i was born into something even worse than before, but at least my mother was smiling and everyone was smiling and i was pure and saved by Blood i did not believe in. Blood is also gross.

now it has been eight years and i need a god but Not God.

i feel a desire to be baptized, washed in blood and made pure, made free from this world and all its tyrants and darkness that i no longer possess the stamina to alchemize. i dont see god in me or in the trees around me or in the moon like im supposed to, like i used to when i was "healing," instead i wish I never knew about God in the first place, then there wouldn't be anything to free myself from. i feel like eve after she ate the apple, i dont think its fair that we on earth were all born into sin

sorry for schizo religious tra*ma posting (i dont like that word its become ugly to me)