Executive function immaturity, ADHD, or just developmental timing? Looking for similar experiences
TL;DR:
Our almost 6-year-old son is academically ahead (reading, writing, maths), very conversational after an early language delay, empathetic, has close friends, and can concentrate for long periods at home on activities like cooking, reading, painting or Minecraft. His neurologist has repeatedly told us over the last 3 years that he appears to be developing normally and has not recommended a formal assessment.
However, his school has become increasingly concerned about how he functions in the classroom. They say he struggles with long teacher-led activities, sitting still, following the group’s agenda and adapting to the structure that first grade will require.
The confusing part is that we hardly recognize these behaviours at home or in other settings (camping, holidays, play with friends, etc.).
Has anyone experienced a child who functioned very differently at school than at home? What was the eventual explanation—executive function immaturity, asynchronous development, ADHD, something else, or simply maturity?
Disclaimer: We are in Europe, so no need for an formal assesment to get help. Both Public / Private Health Insurance cares very much for us - and for my son´s wellbeing. We are super open to a formal assessment, but (as per below) has been disencouraged by our neurologist so far.
Longer Version:
I’m hoping to get some perspectives from parents or professionals who may have experienced something similar.
Our son is turning 6 in September. He grew up with four languages (Spanish at home, Catalan at school, English through media and games, plus some Nordic language). He had an expressive language delay when he was younger and has been followed by both a speech therapist and a psychologist.
The encouraging part is that his language has improved dramatically over the last 12–18 months. He’s now very conversational, tells stories, asks questions, talks about the past and future, and his speech therapist’s latest report was very positive. She specifically highlighted strong joint attention, good emotional understanding and steady progress, and she did not express concerns about ADHD or autism.
Academically, the school also says he is doing very well. They actually told us that he is already ahead of many of his classmates in reading, writing and maths, and they are also very positive about his English.
However, they are increasingly concerned about how he functions in the classroom.
Their main observations are:
- He has difficulty staying with long teacher-led activities.
- He sometimes gets up instead of staying seated.
- He often prefers to follow his own agenda rather than the group’s.
- Around certain children, he can sometimes continue trying to engage with them even after they have had enough.
- They worry that the transition to first grade, where there will be more structure and longer periods of sitting and listening, may be difficult for him.
What makes this difficult for us as parents is that we honestly don’t recognize much of this at home.
For example:
- He can cook with me for close to an hour while following instructions.
- He can paint, read or build for long periods.
- He plays Minecraft with incredible concentration.
- We recently spent time at a camping site where he played naturally with lots of other children without any issues.
- He has close friends that he asks to see again.
- If another child is upset, he is actually unusually caring and often wants to comfort them.
- He adapts well to holidays, visitors and changes of plans, and we rarely see major meltdowns.
Over the last three years we have seen a pediatric neurologist several times because of the earlier language delay. Each year we have asked whether a broader developmental assessment would be appropriate, and each time the neurologist has told us that it wasn’t necessary because, in his opinion, our son appeared to be developing normally.
Now the school is strongly encouraging us to pursue a formal developmental assessment before he starts first grade.
At this point, we’re less interested in a particular diagnosis than in understanding why there is such a large difference between what the school experiences and what we experience at home and in other environments.
Has anyone experienced something similar?
I’m especially interested in hearing from parents whose child:
- Functioned very differently at school than at home.
- Was academically strong but struggled with the structure of the classroom.
- Eventually turned out to have executive-function immaturity, asynchronous development, ADHD, or simply matured with time.
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and what helped.
Thank you (and sorry for the long post) - from a caring father 🤗
