u/Radiant-Trouble9443

I’m a 35 trans woman that has been battling the “what ifs” and “is it worth it” thoughts. So I wanted to prove to myself that I was or was not. I always knew I was, but fear is a real asshole. My therapist and I determined that biochemical dysphoria is likely big for me. So I started depo-estradiol and used it for two weeks. I had a bit of time where I could experiment and just see.

After the first dose I was focused on seeing if anything felt different…it didn’t. No noticeable change. This was disheartening because I saw so many people say they felt the fog lift and the relief within hours or a day or two. I went the whole week and noticed nothing.

The second shot. I almost didn’t take another dose, but I decided I better give it a real chance to find out and so I took it. Within a day of the second dose. I felt the effects. I discovered that I do have emotions. I’ve always just been an eh type person. The only emotions was anger and then just bland. But now I feel things. I teared up at situations. I felt joy. I was happy maybe for the first time ever. I caught myself smiling. Not faking it to get by. I caught myself smiling just because. I talked more at work instead of being a grumpy knot on a log. I enjoyed my existence. I was happy to be alive and that might be the first time in my life.

So I have to stop the treatment for now. I have things I have to get settled in my life before I actually start. But I have my answer. I am a trans woman and I will not deny myself any longer.

TL;DR:
I took two weeks of estrogen injections. I did this as a trial to see if I am really a trans woman. I experience joy, and sadness, and just emotions in general for the first time ever. I was actually happy to be alive for the first time ever. I now know for sure I am a trans woman.

I’m a 35 trans woman that has been battling the “what ifs” and “is it worth it” thoughts. So I wanted to prove to myself that I was or was not. I always knew I was, but fear is a real asshole. My therapist and I determined that biochemical dysphoria is likely big for me. So I started depo-estradiol and used it for two weeks. I had a bit of time where I could experiment and just see.

After the first dose I was focused on seeing if anything felt different…it didn’t. No noticeable change. This was disheartening because I saw so many people say they felt the fog lift and the relief within hours or a day or two. I went the whole week and noticed nothing.

The second shot. I almost didn’t take another dose, but I decided I better give it a real chance to find out and so I took it. Within a day of the second dose. I felt the effects. I discovered that I do have emotions. I’ve always just been an eh type person. The only emotions was anger and then just bland. But now I feel things. I teared up at situations. I felt joy. I was happy maybe for the first time ever. I caught myself smiling. Not faking it to get by. I caught myself smiling just because. I talked more at work instead of being a grumpy knot on a log. I enjoyed my existence. I was happy to be alive and that might be the first time in my life.

So I have to stop the treatment for now. I have things I have to get settled in my life before I actually start. But I have my answer. I am a trans woman and I will not deny myself any longer.

TL;DR:
I took two weeks of estrogen injections. I did this as a trial to see if I am really a trans woman. I experience joy, and sadness, and just emotions in general for the first time ever. I was actually happy to be alive for the first time ever. I now know for sure I am a trans woman.

I’m a 35 trans woman that has been battling the “what ifs” and “is it worth it” thoughts. So I wanted to prove to myself that I was or was not. I always knew I was, but fear is a real asshole. My therapist and I determined that biochemical dysphoria is likely big for me. So I started depo-estradiol and used it for two weeks. I had a bit of time where I could experiment and just see.

After the first dose I was focused on seeing if anything felt different…it didn’t. No noticeable change. This was disheartening because I saw so many people say they felt the fog lift and the relief within hours or a day or two. I went the whole week and noticed nothing.

The second shot. I almost didn’t take another dose, but I decided I better give it a real chance to find out and so I took it. Within a day of the second dose. I felt the effects. I discovered that I do have emotions. I’ve always just been an eh type person. The only emotions was anger and then just bland. But now I feel things. I teared up at situations. I felt joy. I was happy maybe for the first time ever. I caught myself smiling. Not faking it to get by. I caught myself smiling just because. I talked more at work instead of being a grumpy knot on a log. I enjoyed my existence. I was happy to be alive and that might be the first time in my life.

So I have to stop the treatment for now. I have things I have to get settled in my life before I actually start. But I have my answer. I am a trans woman and I will not deny myself any longer.

TL;DR:
I took two weeks of estrogen injections. I did this as a trial to see if I am really a trans woman. I experience joy, and sadness, and just emotions in general for the first time ever. I was actually happy to be alive for the first time ever. I now know for sure I am a trans woman.

Hello all,

My name is Ava. This is my first post here. I’m just about to start my transition. I’m waiting for my prescription to be filled. I’m 34, soon to be 35.

My question is about how I feel on some days. Since my egg cracked last year, I’ve tried denying it again and just “going back to normal.” I didn’t want to deal with the stigma and loss. The feeling never went away. I recall moments through all of my life where I recognized it. I remember moments in my early childhood and puberty onset where it’s clear that it was present then. The thing that holds me up is that some days it seems like the dysphoria just goes away. As I’m typing this now, I’m feeling like I shouldn’t do it. That it’s all in my head and I can just not think about it. I’m not saying it’s a mental illness. I know better and the science is clear on that. I’m just saying that’s the small voice in my head.

Have any of you dealt with this? Is it just fear driving a response to hold onto the status quo in order to halt progression? I can see myself as genuinely happy as a woman. But I know I’m miserable a lot now. But I keep getting cold feet. I’m just asking for your experiences on if this is something you’ve felt or not. Thank you for any insight.

I moved here from the south to finally be with like-minded people. I’m a still cis-male presenting mtf trans woman. I hoped to come here and find community and finally start my journey. Except everyone here kinda sucks. “Nice” but not friendly at all. I’ve had multiple trans women that I’ve tried to talk to and relate with and build a community tell me they don’t want to be friends with someone who hasn’t transitioned yet. So I figured you all should know the truth about yourselves. Maybe my expectations were wrong before coming here…

So I’m probably going to just check myself out and finally be done with it all. Fuck everyone from the bottom of my heart!