u/Rainbow-Linings

other than going back, bc ik lolol but like, how do you deal with the time ending? i went to my first hostel last week & found home there for the first time in a long time. but even when i go back, the same people aren't going to be there, and that's really rough on me even though ik other cool people will be there + i have the contact info of the ones who won't. but i'm still just... so upset. what a special experience. i never wanted it to end.

WHAT'S GIVING YOU HOPE THIS WEEK, FUCKERS?

LOVE YOU.

I NEED THINGS TO SMILE ABOUT, I HAVE NOT FOUND A GLIMMER IN A FEW DAYS

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BIG HUGS FUCKERS, LOVE YOU

why even create a pocket on a piece of clothing if it's going to be useless?

the litter box was just scooped, but i still feel like i need to burn my phone

or dystopian. specifically ones that focus on the many reasons AI is garbage, but i'm also looking for ones that don't include any mention of AI at all. if it makes a point of how shit AI is but it's not sci-fi or dystopian, i'd like to hear about that too. preferably no spice. thanks in advance!

i have a few dear friends (L, T who is L's partner & chosen-dad of W, and W who is more of a nephew bc he's a kiddo). T *is* W's dad in all of the ways that matter, except legally. L's ex/W's bio-father (and the abuser of both of them) just found them through public voter registration. now L & T are trying desperately to protect W. i can only imagine how powerless they feel right now, and i feel powerless in helping them. what can i do/say/anything to help, if anything? thanks in advance

just found paperwork from an emergency department visit where the doctor actually listened to me, and literally JUST read that they diagnosed me with convulsive disorder bc i was so fucking out of it. i *think* it's a placeholder to say "you have this problem but we're not sure what's causing it yet", but want to see if anyone else has heard of it & confirm about what it is. everything i'm reading just says epilepsy, but...

if it's relevant, my seizures are typically triggered organically, like when i don't sleep enough, but i do have C-PTSD. i've been passed around a bunch of different doctors, mostly ones who shouldn't be doctors at all. but this one actually listened, and gave me a referral to a neurologist. the neurologist said they could be non-epileptic seizures from FND/dysautonomia, but we'd need the EEG to be sure. still need to schedule that, but it's damn near impossible to get an appointment anywhere around here, even when you're an established patient

hey, dad. idk how to do spoiler/trigger covers on Reddit anymore, so i would love some help with that too please. i'm having a rougher time today than usual, which is saying a lot. i haven't had feelings for this ex in 4+ years, since around the time i left him (if not before) for nearly killing me multiple times in one week alone, on top of everything else he did.

i have had multiple abusive (and a few decent) partners, but i think he's sticking with me the most emotionally anyway bc:

1. we were together for 7½ years. it barely felt like a relationship for half of that, but it's a long time & a huge chunk of my 34 years.

2. he's the only abuser of mine that was abusive bc of the drugs. the others were just pieces of shit. most addicts are not like that, but he was. that "wasn't him". i'd known him since middle school, and the first 2 years of the relationship were good. the drugs changed him.

3. it's only been 4 years since we broke up.

4. well, he's fucking dead. overdose. less than a year after i finally broke it off. i feel guilt, even though i did my absolute best.

though i have since realized that i do actually deserve better, sometimes you don't realize you're stuck until it's too late. i was very stuck with him, and when i finally escaped, i became unhoused. i am still unhoused these 4 years later, with 0 help from domestic abuse organizations bc i did not have a child with him (mercifully, i was not stuck with him in *that* way, but sometimes i think about how, while it would not have been healthy, if i had had a kid with him i would be housed & he would still be dead).

i am trying to start dating again, have been in 2 'relationships', then dated 2 others since (in the middle of those 4 is where i finally found love for *myself*). they didn't work out, for reasons unrelated to him. but i *am* terrified to start dating again. as ready as i am for a healthy relationship (i have done years of therapy, and done the healing for that to be possible — i will continue to do so), i find it exhausting to try to find someone to build said relationship with. i almost wish i spawned into a healthy relationship, so that i wouldn't have to spend the time getting to know someone only for it to not pan out for whatever reason.

i could go on & on, and i probably will eventually. but i'll leave you here. it's almost 5am here & i haven't slept yet. how do i deal with today without losing my shit, while still dealing with being in a chaotic/abusive environment via my parent (i am disabled & deep in the abuse. it is not as easy as just leaving, with them is the first place i was stuck)? i feel physically ill.