u/RareUnderstanding632

So i am m25 and have meet a Girl (20) 8 months ago.

we started out as friends, she had a Boyfriend at the time. 6 months ago she broke Up and we rapidly started to spent more and more time together leading towards an f+.

She Always Said she only wants f+ and nothing more. At the same time we have an insane Chemistry and she started pulling me closer and Close to a point where WE basically spent every day together.

There we're many very intimate Moments but she Always Said that she doesnt want a relationship.

Then she started tinder on the side (she started that she is Just doing it for fun and to go in cute Dates without wanting something more). She started Texting with a guy morenfrequently and at that point i started to realized that i am in Love.

I dealt very badly with the Situation and kinda spiraled because i didnt like her writing with the other Guy. Managed to get people of a shared friendgroup upset which later resulted in me getting kicked out.

Then i pulled the Plug and Said i cant deal with IT anymore. Basically going no contact with her. She was away for a month where she was in vacation.

During this time there where several Signal that she still payed Attention to me like refollowing my insta, regularly visiting my Stories etc.

After she returned, the shared friendgroup saw me together with another Girl (Just a friend although they didnt know at the time). She texted me at the Same day and i got kicked out of the friendgroup the Same day.

She in her Part wanted to be Friends again, WE started going to the Gym again and 2 days.later she asked me If i want the f+ again. That was 2 weeks ago.

WE started seeing each other again not AS often AS before but still Like 4 Times a week.

WE Text every day and she is calling. Also she stoped writing with anyone else etc.

She told me again that she doesnt want a relationship even though i am fine atm with the f+ (Düring the no contact month i lost the majority of my Feelings even though i am aware that i still have them in General)

At the Same time she droped things like she isnt really acting like she is single, or that she really likes me. That she feels very lonely when we arent writing.

When i told her that i plan to Stop having the f+ when i realized that my Feelings get too strong she told me that is a good solution. Later she Said again she really likes me. I replied i like you as well.

She then told me that i am Not alliwed to do that because i told her i would leave her If i Like her.

She told me a day later that when she thinks of beeing in an Relationship she feels like she isnt free and that it makes her panic as well. She told me she would Like to try to Text me less AS an Experiment If she can manage that.

She also explained to me that she is a Person that always need a Person that listens to her and that i am that Person at the Moment. She then asked me If the f+ IS a Bad Idea and that she Just wants to be friends but then said basically sek later that IT wasnt a fully formed thought and that we should continue.

She pushed me and Said i should still Date and that i am free to look around. Even told me that she would liem to See me find someone Else but when i pointed Out that if i find someone else WE would prolly Stop seeing each other

she told me that she thought that we are very good Friends in the first place and the + Part is a Side Thing and that she doesnt See why we would stop meeting 4 Times a week. I explained then that it would be disrespectful to any Partner to still See a f+ especially one so recent.

She accepted that but went very quiet after. Got a call later that evening where WE talked 1 hrs about very irrelevant stuff.

At this Point i am completly confused Like i dont know what is going on in her head. I dont even know what i want at this Point i am activly trying to meet with other persons while maintaing the f+ with her. But i still Love her to some degree and would very much Like a relationship with her.

(I am aware enough though that i would end contact with her if i find someone else because Nobody Else deserves a Partner with that constelation)

Any advice what IS going on/ how i can Tell what she is thinking/ what i can do to resolve that?

I kinda had a Long Break from Dating after a really toxic Relationship. Now after 5 years got to know someone through a friend group im which i recently got adopted.

She Just broke Up with her friend and WE started Off by talking till 5 in the night and cuddeling.

At some Point she asked for f+ which i was OK with bec i Had barely any exp regarding intimacy and thought nothing of it.

While we started to spent a hell lot of time together she still dated on the side but never for intimacy more for the fun of the Date itself and the free food.

I realised that i caught feelings when i started to feel Jealous even though she lit just used then for free meals/more Attention.

Then in Last tuesday WE we're Out with our friendsgrp drinking and she talked about a Guy she had a Date with and Said He was cute and stuff Like that. My head went haywire and i told them i need some air and went in a 1hrs walk.

When i came Back she was kinda upset and when i walked her Home that night she told me that she was upset because she thought i would end the f+ and was generaly upset with me bec i also hurt her.

At some Point before she mentioned that i deserve sth better than her, told me that she doesnt want to Break my hearth and Said i should hear the Song breaking your Heart.

Now we talked about what happened but i never really got an andere why she was that upset i also apologized with flowers.

Atm WE are spending 1.5 weeks apart by neccecity as she is visiting her grandma and i am doing some Work in another town for my Studies. But my head isnt getting any Rest, i really caught Feelings but she once again Just wrote sth Like you should start Dating as Well so we can see who finds someone nice first.

In my book she must know that i have Feelings because i am acting like IT and are really bad at hiding IT. But shebwants the f+ going while also saying i shouldnt get invested but when she thinks i am going tonend the f+ she goes haywire as Well. So yeah any advice from someone detached from the Situation?

So i 25m started my Dating exp with 20 and got in a really toxic Relationship with a hardcore feminist( she was the Kind of Girl that told me its an offence to gift flowers with a self written poem to a Woman bec thats how they have been supressed for ages). After that i got really Depressed and full on locked in on gaming and my studies (medicine) to a point where i had no Friends and was pretty Close to ending my Life. I got better and now for the First time got into a f+ through a group If Friends in which i just recently got adopted.

She had a friend at the time but they broke Up and now we kinda got Close to a point where WE spent an unnormal amount of time with wach other and told a shitload of Infos about Out Personal Life our families etc. (She told me that she cant be lonely or stay single Long in the Past but now doesnt want sth srs but only f+)

At the time i was ok with that but now started to debelope Feelings. The Thing is throughout our f+ she kept Dating but Always Said its only for fun cute Dates and free meals which kinda was sad af but y. Recently i became more and more Jealous when i heared her talking about Dating and how she described them.

At 1 evening we had a night Out with the friend grp and while drinking she told about a Date and that the Guy was kinda interesting and stuff Like that. I left for 2 hrs tinclear my head and after that she was angry af that i reavted that way.

She kept reminding me WE only have a f+ and that she doesnt want my Heart to BE Broken but at the Same time she told me she was angry because she thought i was about to end the f+.

Now WE are spending week apart because of studies and Family visits which IS healty bec WE really Hang Out Like every day in the Last 2 weeks. But my head is kinda Spiralling Out of Control.

To me her behaviour doesnt make Sense bec i am kinda confident that one must be completly blind to belive that i am not in Love. At the Same time she tells me she doesnt want to hurt me, wants to keep the f+ going and wants to start Dating and also once told me to start Dating so we can See who finds someone nice First.

She mentioned one time that she wouldn t even be good enough for me what also dont get. So i am looking for advice how to Handel this Situation since i really caught Feelings for her

So i asked some time ago for Tips in Morgana mid lane concerning Playstyle and runes and have since then hit Dia playing not only but mostly Morgana mid. So id like share some pointers in runes and items (stuff i found worked Well for me) and If someone Likes to discus Playstyle runes and items pls do.

Runes blue and yellow

Comet, manaflow, transcendence, gathering storm

Presence of mind , coup de Grace

.

Itemization i found works quite Well

1 Blackfire torch

2 Magic pen Boots/defensiv Boots

2.5 If you need antiheal and your the one to buy IT oblivion orb

3 Shadowflame / Liandrys/zonyas (Liandrys If enemy Team has a lot of high HP Champs zonyas If enemy plays zed or they have a hyper fed Person that will insta shred you when you ult)

4 Void

5 rabadons

6 If you have oblivion morellos Else very dependent on Team comp and situation. Options: cosmic Drive, Banshees veil, zonyas If you havent bought it yet

In lane i mostly Play for early Push and try to Hit a 900 gold reset for fated ashes. fated ashes IS great for Push and Trading and with presence of mind you dont really need Mana that bad with your First reset.

when you Hit lvl 6 you can fish in Most matchups for all ins by just walking up even vs some very mobile Champs Like Kata but there you have ti be careful that she cant jump out (ITS surprising how many Kata Player jump into you expecting to ez win and then Just get smacked by r w q )

If you think you cant go for the all in search for alternatives Play with your jgl Always keep bot or top Side warded (depending to what Side your jgl paths) and lean into that Side. Often i Just clear the Wave by throwing w and then leaving to either Set Up oraintain Vision/ deep wards or Look for plays with jgl.

Late Game fish for catches on carrys or poke on Tanks. I often stay with my Backline and use my ult AS a deterrent for anything thats diving in but If its really good i still Take the Dive but as i often dont buy zonyas that is Sometimes a death sentence. in mid Game that works quite Well even without zonyas but very late Game i often just pref to stay with my Backline.

So sorry that the languages is kinda Bad, Not a native speaker and the autocorrect is killing me as well xd.

If you have any ideas / other opinion i would like to discus it.