u/Ready-Confusion3646

Hey, please hmu if you're selling tickets. Need 2/3 of them

Hi everyone! I bought a crochet set and I really want to make something for my boyfriend on our 4th year anniversary! He is my person and the best thing I could have ever asked for and I really want to make him something on my own. I have like 10 days before he returns home and a two month-ish time to get the gift ready. But I am a little bit overwhelmed with where to start. There's so many videos on youtube, not sure which ones are good. I'm also not sure what to make for him, any suggestions will be super helpful! I've just spent the last 4 years giving him all kinds of gifts I could possibly think of, you name it. He gets super happy when I randomly order him food/desserts whenever he's in a low mood, he gets all giddy because he appreciates my efforts so I just want to make him something, just my way to let him know he means the world to me! (Super corny ik)

Any help will be appreciated!

My boyfriend (22M) and I (23F) have been together for almost 4 years, and overall, we genuinely have a good relationship. We live together, we've been through really rough patches and worked through them, and he's honestly the most loyal partner I could have ever asked for. I'm his first love/girlfriend and I can bet on my life this guy won't ever betray me.

The problem isn't one big incident. It's a lot of little things that have slowly built up over time.

When we first started dating, he was incredibly open and vulnerable with me. If something happened during his day, even if it was small, I'd be the first person he'd tell. He'd come to me for comfort, tell me what was bothering him, and I really felt like I was his safe place. We've always been each other's safe space. Now, he tends to keep things to himself, at least the minor stuff. If it's a major issue, he'll tell me, but for everyday frustrations he'll say things like, "I don't want to bother you with silly stuff" or "It's nothing much". It makes me feel like he's emotionally closed off compared to how he used to be.

The same goes for effort. During the first year, he was incredibly thoughtful. He'd surprise me with chocolates when I had bad period cramps, remember little things, and make me feel like he genuinely enjoyed doing things just to make me happy. Now I feel like I have to ask for everything. For example, I'd jokingly say something like, "Must be nice, other girls are getting flowers," while watching reels and hoping he'd understand that I'd love something like that once in a while. But nothing happens. He hadn't given flowers to me in like MONTHS and he had surprised with a rose the day I came back because I've been away for like 1.5 months and I was so happy, and a few days later we were going back home and saw this guy buying a huge bouquet and I was just smiling genuinely with no other thoughts and he looked at me and went like I know what you're thinking, I gave you one a few days back. I don't even care about flowers specifically - it's more that I miss him thinking about me without me having to ask.

Another instance is when he got his full-time job,we planned and he promised we'd go celebrate at a restaurant we both love. This was back when I was home with my family in that 1.5 months and he sponsored like a treat for my sister and mom too, and it was genuinely so sweet. And no it wasn't expensive, my mom did not really order anything she was just touched by his gesture. It was just me and my sister having a starbucks coffee and a McDonald's burger each. So when the time came (restaurant), he said it would be too expensive to pay it alone since his current internship doesn't pay that much and his full time job hasn't started yet, so we didn't go. I supported that because I assumed he wanted to save money and we can honestly go any other time it wasn't a big deal. But shortly after, he spent around ₹5,000 on a watch for his dad and around ₹8,000-9,000 on a saree (clothing) for his mom. I genuinely have no issue with him spending money on his parents, I actually think it's super sweet and he absolutely should. I feel like such a jerk for feeling this way but what hurt me wasn't the money itself. It was that spending ₹1,000-2,000 on celebrating with me seemed "too expensive," but spending much more elsewhere wasn't. I don't know I just felt like I'm not even worth celebrating with that much. I'm not proud of what I felt.

Then there are the day-to-day things. We split cooking - I make lunch and he makes dinner because I have UK timing shifts and he has a remote job where most meetings happen around mornings-afternoons. Since I leave for work right after cooking lunch, I don't have time to wash the dishes. I'd come home to find them exactly as I left them. When I finally brought it up, he started washing them. But that's also part of what's bothering me. I don't want to have to point out every little thing. I wish he'd notice on his own that I cooked and think, "I'll take care of the dishes."

It's the same with dates. I honestly can't remember him planning one. It's almost always me saying, "Let's go here," "Let's eat out," or "Let's do this." Sometimes I feel like I'm carrying the mental load of keeping the romance alive.

What confuses me is that I know he's a good boyfriend. He's loyal, caring, and I know he loves me. That's why this is so hard to explain.I don't feel unloved. I just don't feel pursued anymore.

I guess my question is: am I expecting too much?

I know the honeymoon phase ends, and I don't expect grand romantic gestures every week. But if someone used to naturally put in effort, be thoughtful, and make you feel special, am I unreasonable to wonder why that stopped? He used to do all that in that first 1-2 years and I still don't know when and why that stopped.

I don't want to beg someone to plan a date, buy flowers, or do thoughtful things. I want them to want to do those things because they think of me.

Am I being unrealistic, or is this a valid thing to feel? I'm not sure if I should keep dwelling on these smaller stuff or look at the bigger picture that this is the most loving, supportive and healthiest relationship I've ever been in?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years, and he's genuinely a loving, loyal partner. The issue isn't that he treats me badly- it's that over the years, he seems to have stopped putting in the little thoughtful efforts he used to. I now feel like I have to ask for dates, flowers, emotional openness, or even small acts of consideration instead of him doing them on his own. I don't miss the materialistic things; I miss feeling pursued and thought about. Am I expecting too much, or is it reasonable to want the same level of thoughtfulness that existed earlier in the relationship?

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