u/Reasonable-Dish7981

Okay, I want to ask this as respectfully as possible. Before I transitioned, I identified as a masc lesbian and never really thought about dating a trans woman. Now that I’ve transitioned, I feel a lot more confident and comfortable with myself, and I’ve been talking to this trans girl for a couple weeks now. I genuinely really like her.

What’s confusing to me is that I’m overthinking everything. I see her as a woman 100%, and I’m attracted to her because of her femininity, her energy, her smell, her personality — literally everything about her feels womanly to me. One of the biggest things I like is how validating she is. We can relate to each other through our trans experiences, and it feels comforting being with someone who understands certain feelings and struggles without me having to explain everything.

I think my fear is more about judgment from other people and the fact that I’ve only ever been with cis women before, so I’m scared of saying or doing the wrong thing.

She’s been telling me she feels like I’m not attracted to her, but I really am. I just don’t know how to explain all of this without sounding weird or offensive. Has anyone else experienced this?

I keep getting the comment that I’m “too pretty to be transgender,” and honestly it bothers me more than people realize. I know most people mean it as a compliment, but it feels dismissive.

Being attractive didn’t make me happy. I was still miserable trying to live as someone I’m not. Transitioning was never about becoming “ugly” or “throwing beauty away,” it was about finally feeling comfortable with myself and being seen the way I see myself.

I don’t really know how to explain to people that looking good on the outside doesn’t automatically fix dysphoria or make someone feel okay inside. Has anyone else dealt with these comments? How do you respond without feeling defensive?

I keep getting the comment that I’m “too pretty to be transgender,” and honestly it bothers me more than people realize. I know most people mean it as a compliment, but it feels dismissive.

Being attractive didn’t make me happy. I was still miserable trying to live as someone I’m not. Transitioning was never about becoming “ugly” or “throwing beauty away,” it was about finally feeling comfortable with myself and being seen the way I see myself.

I don’t really know how to explain to people that looking good on the outside doesn’t automatically fix dysphoria or make someone feel okay inside. Has anyone else dealt with these comments? How do you respond without feeling defensive?

Does coming out as trans ever get easier? I’ve been trying to be more upfront with women and tell them immediately, and I’ve been blocked 3–4 times. What should I do differently? Does support improve the further I get into my transition?

Before anyone comments that I should seek advice from a therapist or mental health professional — I have, many times. We’ve done family counseling, and I’ve done individual therapy. I’m coming here because I want outside perspectives and advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

When I turned 16 (I’m 19 now for context) my mom lost her job. Around the same time, my little brother had just turned 6. I attended his birthday party, and as the party was ending, my mom pulled me aside and told me she had no money to pay for it. She asked me to cover the cost and promised to pay me back. I was only making about $12.50/hour at the time, so it took my entire paycheck. There was no conversation about this before the party happened.

Throughout that year, she had me paying rent, helping with her car note, and giving her hundreds of dollars at a time. I was 16, and I genuinely thought it was my responsibility to help my family.

What hurts is that I have a twin brother who was rarely expected to help financially. If she asked him, he’d make a scene and say it wasn’t his responsibility. Meanwhile, I was expected to step up every time.

She also uses her illness (a tumor) to guilt-trip me into doing or buying things for her. She’s been unemployed since 2023 aside from a few short-term jobs here and there. For most of my teenage years, she depended heavily on me financially and also relied on me to help raise my younger brother.

At some point, it felt like she gave up on being emotionally present for me and my younger brother because she was focused on dealing with my schizophrenic twin brother. She often blames me and my younger brother for why she is the way she is now, and she constantly throws my past mistakes in my face.

I think growing up this way affected me deeply. I’ve ended up in toxic and abusive relationships because I never had healthy guidance or examples when it came to love or boundaries. I’ve been very naive in relationships because those conversations never happened growing up.

Even now, when I tell her something exciting, she never seems genuinely happy for me. It always feels like she’s wondering what she can get out of it. For example, I told her my favorite content creator sent me money once, and her response was to tell me to send him her payment info next time. When I decorated a hotel room for my ex-girlfriend, she asked why I’d never done something like that for her.

I don’t know. I just feel stuck, guilty, emotionally drained, and honestly kind of used. I love my mom, but sometimes I question whether this relationship is healthy for me at all.

Before anyone comments that I should seek advice from a therapist or mental health professional — I have, many times. We’ve done family counseling, and I’ve done individual therapy. I’m coming here because I want outside perspectives and advice from people who may have experienced something similar.

When I turned 16 (I’m 19 now for context) my mom lost her job. Around the same time, my little brother had just turned 6. I attended his birthday party, and as the party was ending, my mom pulled me aside and told me she had no money to pay for it. She asked me to cover the cost and promised to pay me back. I was only making about $12.50/hour at the time, so it took my entire paycheck. There was no conversation about this before the party happened.

Throughout that year, she had me paying rent, helping with her car note, and giving her hundreds of dollars at a time. I was 16, and I genuinely thought it was my responsibility to help my family.

What hurts is that I have a twin brother who was rarely expected to help financially. If she asked him, he’d make a scene and say it wasn’t his responsibility. Meanwhile, I was expected to step up every time.

She also uses her illness (a tumor) to guilt-trip me into doing or buying things for her. She’s been unemployed since 2023 aside from a few short-term jobs here and there. For most of my teenage years, she depended heavily on me financially and also relied on me to help raise my younger brother.

At some point, it felt like she gave up on being emotionally present for me and my younger brother because she was focused on dealing with my schizophrenic twin brother. She often blames me and my twin brother for why she is the way she is now, and she constantly throws my past mistakes in my face.

I think growing up this way affected me deeply. I’ve ended up in toxic and abusive relationships because I never had healthy guidance or examples when it came to love or boundaries. I’ve been very naive in relationships because those conversations never happened growing up.

Even now, when I tell her something exciting, she never seems genuinely happy for me. It always feels like she’s wondering what she can get out of it. For example, I told her my favorite content creator sent me money today, and her response was to tell me to send him her payment info next time. When I decorated a hotel room for my girlfriend, she asked why I’d never done something like that for her.

I don’t know. I just feel stuck, guilty, emotionally drained, and honestly kind of used. I love my mom, but sometimes I question whether this relationship is healthy for me at all.

I’m really upset tonight. I was on the phone with a friend who happens to be a pharmacy technician. While we were talking, she brought up the fact that I’m on testosterone and then proceeded to list all of the negative side effects. She also made comments like “don’t get pregnant,” and other things that made me feel uncomfortable and sad. She even said she doesn’t understand why people get so mad when they don’t get their hormones because it’s a controlled substance, and she also said I was going to get withdrawals from it 🙁

She then sent me a TikTok of a trans woman who doesn’t pass well at the moment and said, “he’s so funny.” Is she showing her true colors now, or am I being dramatic? Moments like these make me feel very lonely and invalidated, and it’s a big reason why I held off on transitioning for so long.