u/RegularPurpose8960

I was extremely dissociated when I first developed anhedonia and the substance block, like everything looked like a bad shroom trip, along with inner akathasia and intense head pressure and throbbing. but as I get more grounded in reality I start to feel very slight bodily sensations and extremely mild effects from alcohol. I also had like a physical block at the front of my head at it's worst. I also am starting to have the urge to do things again even tho I still don't enjoy it. The most I get is a mild flow state

Sometimes during the day usually in the evening I'll get this headrush like kind of spreads all over my body that lasts like half a second. It's like I get sort of lightheaded but all over. It's hard to explain but could this be my brain turning back online? It sometimes accompanys a tension in the back of my neck up to the back of my head and my spine too

Before this a lack of sleep would've made me an angry groggy monster. But now i don't care if I sleep or not, and the world seems more dreamier and less tortuous when I've only slept 2 hours. I do feel like shit physically but I don't mind

I can still physically cry but don't get relief

The world looks really flat and I can't feel any atmosphere. Theres visual snow over everything and its like I'm in an aliens dream. I also feel so restless inside like I can't relax at all, sometimes I can cope with it but most of the time im in pure existental panic. My own bedroom feels so unfimilar even tho I try to remember how it used to look and feel I just can't. I feel like I'm suffocating. Going outside changes nothing, neither does seeing friends. Everything feels the same and looks so flat and lifeless, it's been 5 months of this hell. I'm so tired. I also have severe anhedonia

I know exactly how the atmosphere felt in them and how full of warmth and happiness I was. I look at them as reminders of how beautiful life once was. Anyone else do this

My heart started racing today as I was anxious and It was the highlight of my day because I physically could feel something.

I can't pretend anymore. I've acted like my old self for too long in hopes something will change. But I'm so tired. I'm no longer acting. Probably going to lose my job and go homeless. But I don't care anymore, just praying every night that whatever up there just takes me already.

Onset - Tbi

Month 1 - 3 - severe dpdr

anhedonia with substance block

blank mind

visual snow

dysphoria

deer in headlights glassy eyes

no feelings of sleep

hunger

uncomfortable just existing

actively suicidal most of the time

everything sounded tinny and flat

head pressure

head throbbing

Crying and screaming out of helplessness everyday. Libido lessened

Month 4 - 5

Dpdr lessened alot

neutral boring feeling replaces dysphoria

sleepy feeling and hunger returns

hearing depth improves

no more head pressure

I can feel intoxicated off drugs/alc now but there is sitll no euphoria

Can feel mildly comfortable in bed physically especially when tired

Mind isn't as blank

Extremelt vivid dreams

Only thing that did this was time

I can feel blind rage now

It obviously doesn't reduce the suffering but it's given me less fear of death and more intellectual curiosity. How long this will last me I have no idea, probably not very long. But what happens after death very much intrigues me now

I've become a workaholic because of this. Can't have any free time to think about it. Plus side is I can save lots of money to try treatments

I don't feel any bodily sensations or euphoria but I become disinhibited. It's like my old self is still in there but a layer is missing

I've given myself 3 years before I end it

Would injecting heroin work?

6 months ago I sustained a tbi which was marked as a concussion because I didn't lose consciousness. Immediately developed severe dpdr, inner restlessness, visual snow, and anhedonia so severe even drugs have no effect.

Ct scan was clear as was blood and stool work.

Most of these symptoms have lightened a bit except the anhedonia with substance blockage.

I also have severe pressure behind my eyes and they keep zoning in and out uncontrollably at times and my head and eyes always feel like they're about to explode and also visual snow. Anyone else deal with this?

I am severely suicidal everyday

Seeing as its viewed as only a symptom, Is it possible for it to persist indefinitely even with the root of it solved? And if so why wouldn't it be classified as its own diagnoses.

I've began randomly having dreams I've had when I was very young pop into my head just randomly in perfect recall. There's still no emotion behind it but does this mean something?