u/RegularPurpose8960

It's like I can see things and acknowledge them but I don't take anything in, and my own bedroom feels like Ive no memories of it despite living here over 10 years.

I also feel nothing and enjoy nothing.

My vision is weird, like colours are vivid and everything but I feel no connection to anything. I used to be panicking 24/7 but now I feel like a robot.

Everyday is just the same nothingness over and over. With no escape

Existence is a spectrum. From unimaginable suffering and pain to elation you can't comprehend. If things can be this bad, it is also possible for the opposite. Both extremes feel endless because of the intensity. It doesn't rain forever

6 months ago I was punched in the head multiple times but didn't lose consciousness or get amnesia. Immediately I entered dpdr and had anheodnia. I just felt instantly dead and empty inside, visual snow everywhere and constant head pressure.

I got a ct scan 2 months later which came back clear.

I went to bed after hospital and my head was burning and it was agonising. After I woke up it was like my soul was gone. My symptoms:

Can't feel any physical emotional response

Drugs and alcohol have no effect including psychadelics even at high doses

Can't feel atmosphere

Back of neck, base of skull tension/ache

Intesne visual snow

Can't focus on anything

Eyes ache and zone in and out uncontrollably

DPDR

Blurred vision

Short term memory is really bad now

I've tried:

SSRI - Just made me spaced out ontop of it all

Shrooms - walls breathing visuals and ego death feeling but still no emotional response in body or mind

Magnesium Glycinate - does nothing

Lions mane - did nothing

Creatine high dose - reduces brain fog but doesn't help anhedonia

Alcohol - just makes me sleepy, worsens the numbness aswell

Is there anything I could take to help? I was hit mostly at the front of the head btw.

For the first 4 months I would only feel tired near bedtime and even then it was just my eyelids getting heavier. But now i feel the tiredness as it was before and it's constant. Like I could sleep all day. I was like that pre anheodnia so could this be healing? I also yawn and stretch now

When I play video games it passes the time faster even if I don't enjoy it I can get into a intellectual flow state sometimes.

View Poll

I was extremely dissociated when I first developed anhedonia and the substance block, like everything looked like a bad shroom trip, along with inner akathasia and intense head pressure and throbbing. but as I get more grounded in reality I start to feel very slight bodily sensations and extremely mild effects from alcohol. I also had like a physical block at the front of my head at it's worst. I also am starting to have the urge to do things again even tho I still don't enjoy it. The most I get is a mild flow state

Sometimes during the day usually in the evening I'll get this headrush like kind of spreads all over my body that lasts like half a second. It's like I get sort of lightheaded but all over. It's hard to explain but could this be my brain turning back online? It sometimes accompanys a tension in the back of my neck up to the back of my head and my spine too

Before this a lack of sleep would've made me an angry groggy monster. But now i don't care if I sleep or not, and the world seems more dreamier and less tortuous when I've only slept 2 hours. I do feel like shit physically but I don't mind

I can still physically cry but don't get relief

The world looks really flat and I can't feel any atmosphere. Theres visual snow over everything and its like I'm in an aliens dream. I also feel so restless inside like I can't relax at all, sometimes I can cope with it but most of the time im in pure existental panic. My own bedroom feels so unfimilar even tho I try to remember how it used to look and feel I just can't. I feel like I'm suffocating. Going outside changes nothing, neither does seeing friends. Everything feels the same and looks so flat and lifeless, it's been 5 months of this hell. I'm so tired. I also have severe anhedonia

I know exactly how the atmosphere felt in them and how full of warmth and happiness I was. I look at them as reminders of how beautiful life once was. Anyone else do this

My heart started racing today as I was anxious and It was the highlight of my day because I physically could feel something.

I can't pretend anymore. I've acted like my old self for too long in hopes something will change. But I'm so tired. I'm no longer acting. Probably going to lose my job and go homeless. But I don't care anymore, just praying every night that whatever up there just takes me already.

Onset - Tbi

Month 1 - 3 - severe dpdr

anhedonia with substance block

blank mind

visual snow

dysphoria

deer in headlights glassy eyes

no feelings of sleep

hunger

uncomfortable just existing

actively suicidal most of the time

everything sounded tinny and flat

head pressure

head throbbing

Crying and screaming out of helplessness everyday. Libido lessened

Month 4 - 5

Dpdr lessened alot

neutral boring feeling replaces dysphoria

sleepy feeling and hunger returns

hearing depth improves

no more head pressure

I can feel intoxicated off drugs/alc now but there is sitll no euphoria

Can feel mildly comfortable in bed physically especially when tired

Mind isn't as blank

Extremelt vivid dreams

Only thing that did this was time

I can feel blind rage now

It obviously doesn't reduce the suffering but it's given me less fear of death and more intellectual curiosity. How long this will last me I have no idea, probably not very long. But what happens after death very much intrigues me now