u/ReliefOutrageous1848

I live in Italy and I'm stuck with Ritalin and medikinet ,they might be decent and okay for what they do but they are definitely not comparable to Adderall , Adderall has a better release of dopamine and work better for adults than Ritalin I desperately want to try it

I have severe OCD and ADHD and my thoughts on stop for a second every second I get intense thoughts that won't stop I can't have a quiet mind at all my thoughts are racing thousands of things at the same time and they usually are not positive and just worry me from intrusive thoughts to unhealthy obsessions , I Always wondered what it felt like to have a quiet peaceful mind

From the researches I've been doing it's mixed some say that tuna contains alot of mercury others says proportionally it's a bigger fish so it as the same amount of mercury as in other fishes , according to ai I'm eating over 1000% times the recommended Mercury a week

I'm eating so much tuna because it's has so much protein (70 grams)for so little amount of calorie(339 calories ) it's very cheap ($6) little amount of sodium (100mg -200 mg ) and it takes less than 5 minutes to prepare it basically a super food for me

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I can't keep going every night like this , my sleep is getting worse and worse I went from waking up at 5:30>5:00>4:30>4:16 and no 3:57 am I can't do this anymore I am quiet littleraly forced to go sleep at 8:30 PM just to have at least 7 hours of sleep , I went sleeping at 10:20 pm this night and as expected woke up at 3:57 , with only 5:30 hours of sleep , I can't do this anymore I can't just wake up and being concern being that I didn't sleep every day my biggest concern is if today I will get at least 7 hours of sleep , I look like a zombie now I have dizziness and migrane as I'm writing this I'm 23 years old btw please someone help me I geniuengly just want to sleep at least 7 hours of good sleep and not this sleep deprivation,

Edit : major information I forgot to say I take Ritalin in the morning and SSRI (sertaline), and rest of it is just supplements to help my brain cognitive function like omega 3 and I take magnesium too and before sleeping I take supplements for sleep as well , absolutely doing very few

I can't keep going every night like this , my sleep is getting worse and worse I went from waking up at 5:30>5:00>4:30>4:16 and no 3:57 am I can't do this anymore I am quiet littleraly forced to go sleep at 8:30 PM just to have at least 7 hours of sleep , I went sleeping at 10:20 pm this night and as expected woke up at 3:57 , with only 5:30 hours of sleep , I can't do this anymore I can't just wake up and being concern being that I didn't sleep every day my biggest concern is if today I will get at least 7 hours of sleep , I look like a zombie now I have dizziness and migrane as I'm writing this I'm 23 years old btw please someone help me I geniuengly just want to sleep at least 7 hours of good sleep and not this sleep deprivation,

Edit : major information I forgot to say I take Ritalin in the morning and SSRI (sertaline), and rest of it is just supplements to help my brain cognitive function like omega 3 and I take magnesium too and before sleeping I take supplements for sleep as well , absolutely doing very few

If you think about it a toddler doesn't have counciousness developed they have no idea what happened them and while there could be some trauma for the way human brain functions even if you don't have consciousness but you don't know how to link it to once specific specific episode that caused this , on the other hand a 6 or 8 year has consciousness developed and enough to understand whats going on and experience that trauma on a more significant level as you have your memory more developed too and the images and horror would be taunting you for years if not whole life ?

I go sleep at 8:40 pm ? I wake up at 4:26 am I go sleep at 9:30 pm ? I wake up 4:26 am I go sleep at 10:30 pm ? You guessed it I wake up at 4:26 am , I could sleep at 1 am and still wake up exactly at 4:26 am

I'm exhausted I take Ritalin and SSRI that might worsen my sleep even tho I adjusted them (before was even worse I would just get 4 hours a sleep a night ) but tak supplements too which should stabilize my sleep which I think this whole " stabilization" turned out to me waking up at exactly 4:26 am in the morning every day

I go sleep at 8:40 pm ? I wake up at 4:26 am I go sleep at 9:30 pm ? I wake up 4:26 am I go sleep at 10:30 pm ? You guessed it I wake up at 4:26 am , I could sleep at 1 am and still wake up exactly at 4:26 am

I'm exhausted I take Ritalin and SSRI that might worsen my sleep even tho I adjusted them (before was even worse I would just get 4 hours a sleep a night ) but tak supplements too which should stabilize my sleep which I think this whole " stabilization" turned out to me waking up at exactly 4:26 am in the morning every day

They don't take Neurodivergency certifications for help people with ADHD or OCD and only way is if I get a categorized same as mebntally challanged individuals I still have time to enroll in a couple of hours but won't do it at it would be useless and the other uni option isn't as strong

I wanted to study finance btw

In 2022-2023 after I was rejected from my uni my ocd got worsened I still remember the day where it got worse I was watching better call Saul and suddenly I had to stand up on my bed 3 times to get the right feeling in my mind and to avoid incest thoughts if I had to get such thoughts I would end up doing something repeatedly until that thoughts of incest disappeared and from that day I couldn't LITTERALY move from my bed if I used the phone ? I would have to shut it down 20 times and turning it on again and for every app close it and open it 10 more times no esclusione , watching a YouTube video ? Repeat it multiple times , hearing a word that doesn't sound well ? Repeat it multiple time and doesn't have to think about incest all the time otherwise you know the drill repeat it , so then I just gave up I stopped moving from my bed stop even playing with my computer or any screen time at all , stopped watching a TV show with my dad spent whole day watching the ceeling , and then it got worse to the point that every time I had to eat something I had to spit some of it and eat just part of it or not certain foods at all , every time I had to go out every 5-10 meters I had to go 1 to 5 meters back to get right time , and when in 2023 I started to find a job I didn't stand even 2 weeks before basically getting fired (technically I left but after an alteration with my boss which I decided to leave before getting fired ) because every time I used to put apples on the supermarket I worked for I had to put it down multiple times , and couldn't go on for like this , this was just that year , and before that what truly hit my OCD was maybe during covid where I had to study on my own at home all the time and the concept of OOP (object oriented programming) didn't make sense even tho one week before I understood the following one didn't and from that day every day I had to spend hours trying to figure out why it didn't make sense and if I was missing something why I couldn't get that dopamine rush when I usually get when I understand something and here not , why does OOP make no sense for hours every day , it started from days to months to years to the point I started hating programming which was at the time my passion , my grades got worse obviously and couldnt stand one single hour programming because It would remind me of this OOP, when I went to uni I thought the pressure of university would make me feel better and forget about it , it worked for maybe 1 month and then hit harder than a train at full speed , I did not manage to pass any exams at all the first year compulsions worsened it as well since every time I had to think something specific otherwise I couldn't focus on the lecture but I would repeat this thought through the whole lecture , all of this worsened to the point where my mind started distorting logic and wondering semantics all the time asking question about what is abstraction or what is real or not and even stuff like what is a car ? What defines a car a transportation vechile from point a to point b? What if it's a broken veichle does that make it less of a car ? Or other similar thoughts about how everything is defined , during the preparation for my TOLCE that hit hard too for example it gradualy detoraiated to the point of instead of solving the equation I was wondering what 1+1 really meant or what the X variable represent and if I really understood what the X means and I'm not making stuff up being deluded when in reality I don't even understand what solving an x means this by far distorting the logic has been very bad for me I'm not being able to make rational thoughts at all because the rationality is challanged every time I think , then It went from flags where certain flags triggered me if they were not either westerns , american , east Asian said flags would trigger my day and every day waking up i have to search the word of Italy and hear a video repeating Italy with me thinking about an intimate lady in intimate position that involves semen if its a woman that I find ugly that appears in my thoughts my day is ruined my tabs are filled with hundred of search of the word Italy and whenever I go outside if I see a face that bothers me I gotta hold my breath and wait for someone who is different to pass so I don't breath their same air or change completely direction with u turn , on top of that for a long time I could not use certain words such as :if,and,or,else,void, while and so on that are part of every programming language and had to construct a sentence without these for a whole year ,then the part of where I constantly have to think about most vile shit like skinning someone alive unwantedly of course or pedophilia, or extreme torture ,and cannibalism which goes against my will all of these are not just verbal thoughts but I have to imagine them in my mind every time , this is just a brief description of recent year that I can recall but it's most likely more that I can't remember and should be enough for you to understand on some degree

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For those who don't know "The Jericho Trumpet was a wind-driven siren mounted on the Junkers Ju 87 Stuka dive bomber, designed to create a terrifying sound during attacks, which aimed to instill fear in enemy troops. This siren contributed to the psychological impact of the Stuka's bombing runs during World War II" the siren had such a big impact on enemy morale , so I wonder if they would ever add it to modern day shahed drones (Iranian suicide drones ) a wave of shahed drones of hundreds of them at the same time which are already overweight effective carrying 30 kg of explosive , precise and harder to intercept with this siren would be way inflict way more fear than then the ju 87 stuka IMO

My IQ Is so low that I'm basically a failure in life and not good at anything , but at the very least I'm self aware and don't try to find excuses, I know that with the IQ I have I would not be able to be financially free , hold important positions in office or be anything remotely close to an engineer/doctor or equivalent and would have to work a minimum wage job for the rest of my life

Important details about me :

-I did go to uni but I'm a dropout

-I'm NEET

-im 23 almost 24

-not socially active

-im always overwhelmed by my thoughts

-constantly have existential crisis

-starting to become nihilistic day by day