u/Remarkable_Garage_69

I just need not get into my head today. If anyone is up to do something. Just let me know. I may agree to it or whatever.

About me: I go to the gym a lot. But maybe not today. 5'4, wears glasses, chatty.

About you: Must be chatty, a good company.

See you! ✨

It has been six months since I was single. Probably it was kind of a fever dream relationship that was sudden and actually felt a bit regretful on my end as I realize it now. Silly 2-month relationship with an older man who never knew what he wanted in life. I was naive, hopeful, very genuine. As it was a 4-year self discovery journey of me moving on from a tragic and longest 3-year relationship that almost led to marriage, before he came.

I don't miss him anymore. I do not grieve any of my exes anymore. It's more of, an empty void in me. Lonely, depressive. Like, I am grieving a side of mine who was full of trust and love. Now, she's just mean, very crumpled.

I went wild in a sense. Went on countless dates, dinners, just casual talks and stuff. Focused on so many other hobbies and interests. Sa sobrang dami hindi ko na alam uunahin ko ngayon. Collecting side quests, meeting friends, joining competitions. Just whatever floats my boat. When I am not doing something, My mind goes spiraling. Chaotic, noisy. It really made me productive in a chaotic sense. Then there comes the casual hookup territory. Not frequent, just sporadic, impulsive decisions. A couple, can be counted by hand. It feels... empty. Lonely after. The dopamine rush was there. The oxytocin of wanting someone next to you. But no meaning after.

Some encounters, well one, felt unreal. Really nice. But I am not doing something about it. He made me feel heard that night. I felt unmasked. I felt a bit strange but it was really fast.

In the past 6 months, It felt like a fast-paced dream. I am afraid if I continue doing this longer, I would probably lose myself.

Stress had been wearing me in lately and I hate to admit that it's probably the fact that some things have been giving me a lot of thoughts. I am holding my birthday this month, probably on the third week of this month. We can go on a date, and if the conversation gets so good, the chemistry is there, feel free to offer the night of fun.

--

About me: I like working out so I may look a bit athletic. WFH girly but I cannot host I am sorry. Clean and just got tested. HPV vaccinated. No protection no touch is my rule. I like nerd-looking guys, taller ones. 5'4. I am not mean okay? I just talk a bit directly and you might be taken aback.

--

About you: afam/foreigner (just a preference thing). Not awkward when it comes to conversations. At least works out, plus if a gymrat or an athlete. Taller than me. Clean, smells good preferably. A gentleman I guess. Can host. No car fun please that's absurd.

Let's connect! ✨

I understand how others have their own lenses of other people. Like, how they see them in a personal perspective. And it's alright. When I just feel so heavy about how isolating this feeling is. Especially when you're curated differently and everyone is the same, or similar. Like having a common ground.

For me, my head shuts off and feels normal and alive when I have so much on my plate. Like, when I have a lot going on like sports, social events, recreations and stuff. Like, my own interests and that.

But when it ends, there is always this emptiness and sadness for all the things my mind has stored. I wish my mind is not like this. I wish I don't think like this. I wish I can just shut down now. I am sooooo... sooo inadequate

I wonder when there will be a day when I am looked at and someone will wonder "I wonder what's going on in her head?". I wonder how it feels to be loved without the intent of just wanting to know me because I got a hole or I am a very strong-willed person. I wonder, if I continued the yearner me, will it be better. I am wondering if I never changed a thing from being someone who had full of hope and trust, things would be better.

I wonder, will she be happy. I wonder, will she be able to stop counting the days she cut the strings. I wonder, will things get better.

I wonder even after the intense intimacy, will she be looked at and say "I wonder what made her this way? I wonder about the lore behind these scars."

I wanna be known for all I am. For the one I am not performing for the sake of being seen.

I wonder, under the strong and guarded armor I have, I will be seen.

I guess there's no way to find out. Until then, I will be, hardly so, guard myself.

Well I thought having so many hobbies, so many things to do when I am free, meeting people from here and there. Just wanting to romanticize life. I thought it gets better. My thoughts are getting stronger and I don't know how to deal with this anymore. My head hurts I wish I could shut it down. It's kinda affecting my job and my body is getting thinner, I am feeling so much pain from here and there. I just work it out. I think my therapist just meets me for the sake of it. All I could do is cry until I get my heart's content. I have no one to share as everybody knows how much of a strong person I am.

But man I get so tired... I was even told to attend church often which I do. But why is it not getting better?

I have been feeling alone working out lately. Nagbabakasakali lang na if someone goes to AF San Fernando (Greenfields, telebastagan, vista mall) area who works out around 6am to 11am time frame every day (not necessarily but around that time), na makakasabay mag gym ganyan. We can also run because I have been training for my first race in September. Please SFW only because I already have enough of whatever is around here.

About me: A gymrat for sure. I love trying new sports but I need to know the basics. Eats quite a lot due to how intense I work out and stuff. Athletic build I guess. And a whimsy mf who people think I have too much time when I am just someone who prefers to add fun in my life than complain I guess 💀

About you: Doesn't have to be a big time gymrat, just someone who is a regular gym goer. Willing to train together and exchange workout ideas and stuff. Goes to AF as well. .

Let me know if you are interested! 🙆🍀