So I 20(F) think my 22(M) fiancé is fat phobic.
SORRY IN ADVANCE!! IT’S A LONG ONE!!
So I 20(F) think my 22(M) fiancé is fat phobic. Yes we’re young and getting married. That is not the point of the post so please refrain from commenting on those details. Anyway a little background on both of us: I grew up in a very mentally abusive and unstable home. My mother would constantly make fat” jokes” and comment on my body, as well as my sisters. So far as to ask if my sister was pregnant at 12 because she gained a little weight and asking us if we wanted boob jobs because our boobs were uneven, again at around 12 years old. At my graduation she commented on my dress saying my boobs looked saggy like I’ve had multiple kids because I couldn’t wear a bra with my dress. She would also always say things like how small she or our older sisters were when they were our age or about how little she eats. Shit like that constantly till I moved out (illegally) at 17. Granted I’ve always been a bigger kid. Not that it’s an excuse for my mom’s behavior but do think it’s relevant, but I weighed about 150lbs at 5’2”. When I was 16 I got pregnant (by my now fiancé) and ended up haveing a miscarriage which ended up forming into a tumor and almost caused cancer. Because of that I was forced to go on birth control for at least a year after so I wouldn’t have any health complications. Because of the depression and birth control I gained about 40lbs in the span of a year. After that I tried a different birth control and gained more weight so I recently have fully stoped taking any birth control. Now I weigh 200lbs at 5’4”. My fiancé comes from an overweight but loving family but struggled with a BED (binge eating disorder) at a young age. He weighed about 300lbs at 6’1” when he was 19-20. He wanted to change so he started eating less and going to the gym. But then he started eating less and less and going to the gym more and more. After less than a year and a different ED later he lost over 100lbs. At one point he was about 180lbs. Couldn’t even to a singular push up because he was so weak. Since then we’ve got him back to about 200lbs with a lot of work. It took him longer to gain those 20lbs than it took for him to lose the 100lbs. Now he’s doing a lot better and even loves fast food on occasions but he always makes comments (never about me) about how other people (usually strangers) need to lose weight and about how easy it was for him. I always have to correct him and remind him that he lost his weight in a VERY unhealthy way but he still doesn’t see it sometimes. We’ll go shopping and he’ll see a bigger person walk by and he’ll stare and scowl at them and sometimes he’ll even ask if a certain family member or friend has gained weight. He also has made fat phobic comments about my family members while they’re in the room (always out of earshot). He always says I’m different though, that I’m curvy in all the right places and that I always look perfect. Even gets mad when I call myself fat. He literally worships me but with all the comments he makes about others I can’t help but think that if we were complete strangers or if I showed him a picture of me without my face, that he would fat shame me too. So i need some advice. I’m not gonna break up with him but how should I talk to him about it. I’ve tried before but he just shuts it down because he’s so confident that even if we were strangers he’d still find me attractive. I kind of want to test it though… maybe face swap a picture of me and see what he says. I don’t know. Please help.
\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : How do I talk to my fiancé about his fat phobia?