u/S0mnariumx

This all started back in May after we played our first show. The promoter had gotten a video of one of our songs, and the audio quality sucked. Anyway my bassist was adamant that its not to be posted anywhere. I kinda get it but if it were up to me, I'd post it.

Anyhow this morning a friend of ours hit me up and said he was looking to record us playing at an open mic to post on YouTube. It's some kinda series he's doing to highlight local bands. I'm like he'll yeah let me just check if that's cool. My bassist still opposed us having any live audio out there. He wouldn't do it unless we could splice some studio music over it (we haven't even been in the studio yet). I explained to him that this isn't a cheap android video this time, it's a nice camera and he wouldn't budge.

I know this is something we'll have to discuss, but this might be irreconcilable for me. Only having our studio music out there just feels lame to me. Plus I'm sure venues we'll try to book at would want to see what our live sound is like. This is literally free videography and publicity but he won't take it. What's the deal with this?

I can think of two off the top of my head but I this manga definitely made me cry a few times.

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When Asirpa asked Sugimoto if eating dried persimmons could change him back to who he was before going to war.

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The other was Hijikata saying goodbye to Nagakura as he's dying.

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Both scenes were just so emotional.

We're a 3 man operation. I started on guitar and eventually became our vocalist when we couldn't replace our first one. Drummer is usually his son but we've utilized others when he isn't available. Anyway I got us our 1st gig which was four weeks ago. He was being a real diva because it didn't start on time (expected given the guy putting it on) and he had some guy there to do sound/take video who had to leave earlier than we played. He'll take certain things like that very seriously. I'm mostly more laid back but I really put my feelers out trying to find us gigs. I've already secured another for August with others being in the works.

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Months ago someone invited us to play a house party. I'm like hell yeah more gigging and exposure, we're getting some momentum. Last night I text him "what times the party? We should practice before and leave some time for loading up." Turns out he has no idea when or where the party is. In spite of how much digging I was trying to do to figure out what's up with it, he just flaked on it. I'm beginning to think he never even had this together to begin with. He's way more extroverted than I am so I thought he might be on top of organizing gigs, however it seems I'm the only one pushing us forward.

Didn't last long. Turns out having an anarchy mindset isn't for such a task.

I'm probably not gonna enforce any rules. I don't care. Do whatever.

I recently made a different Vent post about being ghosted by a band in my scene I wanted to play a show with after they'd initially showed some enthusiasm about asking them to play together. There were some comments that were empathetic and understanding. It quickly devolved into "they don't owe you anything " yada yada. While I understand not every message has to be responded to and there's situations where this is applicable (moreso in personal situations) this annoyed the shit out of me. Had my initial offer to play together been ignored then whatever. It's the shift from yeah maybe to being outright ghosted. Yeah they don't owe me a "thanks for the offer but we're not interested" but it'd be nice.

I honestly feel like a shell of my former self. A combination of trauma and disappointment led me on some heavy ketamine binges. It's been a month since I've last had any. I recently started a second job to get my finances together. I also play in a band. I was having an issue with my antidepressant making me tired so I got prescribed vyvanse. I've been on it about 1.5 months with one dose increase to 30mg (it was wearing off too fast). Anyway I'm not sure if it's my substance use or just my outlook on the world but I do not enjoy myself anymore. Can't get myself to game or do art, I walk plenty because I don't have a car, playing music has become a chore, I haven't enjoyed going to karaoke or shows, I can almost enjoy reading manga if I find a really cool one.

I can't even bring myself to look forward to a future where I'll have more disposable income than ever. After some rough relationships, rejections and how women online tend to feel about men I've given up on finding a romantic partner. I have plenty of friends but even that doesn't seem to fill the void. Why does everything I do feel so empty and pointless?