u/SLEG48

I hate how Tina was such a horrible Glee Club veteran in S4-5. Yes, she was only 18 years old, and no, she wasn’t required to be a role model in the club like, say, Will the teacher or Blaine the lead soloist was, but I would’ve at least expected her (alongside Brittany, Sam, etc.) to set a better example for the newcomers. Actually, I say that for all the seniors (Sam, Artie, Brittany) after the OG13 left.

To elaborate on what I mean, I despised how the seniors were so desperate for popularity after their Nationals win that they kowtowed to Kitty’s reign of terror. From them sitting at the popular lunch table and entertaining Kitty’s ideas for an all-white (flowers AND people) homecoming float to participating in the Left Behind club’s legit traumatic prank on Dottie at Breadstix, it’s clear that they had immediately forgotten the lessons of staying true to yourself that they’d learned since joining the New Directions.

I just finished rewatching the Grease episode and I hate how she, Brittany, and Sugar played along with making fun of Marley at the sleepover while Kitty sang “Look at Me, I’m Sandra Dee.” They couldve stood up for the new girl but instead they kept up a toxic atmosphere just to…what? Fit in? They’re already back to being slushied and unpopular. To appease Sue’s new Bible-thumping, somersaulting henchman?

More specifically, I wanted to focus on Tina since I feel like she had the biggest downgrade as a senior member. It was so weird how Tina strutted through the halls of McKinley in S4-5 with this new confident, outgoing persona, which actually just translated to mean-spiritedness. Her blaming Marley and saying that she “face-planted” at Sectionals when she fainted from the eating disorder she was suffering from was ridiculous, especially after most of the club had already forgiven her for it (because what was there to forgive?).

I also peeped the way she tried to hold in her laughter (the image for this post) when Kitty tried to make fun of Mercedes’s “L.A. dreams being shattered.” WTF??? Is this the Tina from Season 1 who was so insecure that she faked a stutter and was a wallflower goth, but still went out on a limb to join the Glee Club, and was thick as thieves with Mercedes? No. It’s a Tina who’s changed her wardrobe (admittedly, I love both goth Tina and 60’s Tina’s styles) and her attitude, but is still deeply insecure, to the point of taking it out on younger club members and old friends.

This is also more of an issue on the writers’ part than a direct character flaw, but I can’t think of a single friendship she formed with any of the S4 newbies.

S4-5 Tina reminds me of those toxic senior kids in the theatre department who’s insanely jealous of an underclassman getting the lead and is full of themselves, yet will drop everything to grovel for one of the popular kids. And I hate that for those kids. And I hate that for Tina Cohen-Chang.

So this post might be incredibly niche, but I had to blend two of my favorite franchise together somehow. 🤣 I’ll go from left to right when talking about each Pokémon.

Okay, starting off with Joan, we know she’s the mom friend of the group. Very high-strung and lovesick, but also very nurturing and a solid friend when you need her there (>!just don’t ask her to show up on time to a character witness testimony in a custody battle…!<). So, Blissey, the Happiness Pokémon, seemed like a perfect fit since they’re both very nurturing and compassionate types. Blissey works in Pokémon Centers to heal injured Pokémon, and it has an insane amount of HP and basically no Attack stat, which reflects how Joan is very much a lover and not a fighter. Gardevoir, the Embrace Pokémon, was another good fit for Joan since they’re both very nurturing and empathetic as well. Gardevoir is empathetic and will sacrifice its life for its loved ones, like Joan. Gardevoir’s Mega Evolution is also basically it wearing a wedding dress, and we know that Joan has a chronic case of the wedding bell blues. Delcatty, the Prim Pokémon, is basically just a quiet, calm cat with silky fur. It naps basically all day, is low-maintenance, and is sought after by tons of female Pokémon Trainers for its luscious fur. Seemed like a nice fit for Joan, and having a pet like that wouldn’t interfere much with her meticulously cleaned, interior-designed home either.

For Toni, I had to bring out all the diva Pokémon LOL. Gothitelle, the Astral Body Pokémon, can see into the future, which doesn’t seem like the best fit at first for Toni since she can be very impulsive, but I think owning one would help balance her out. Gothitelle is also a naturally a stylish, mellow Pokémon, with the built-in bows and ponytails, which is just Toni’s style. Liepard, the Cruel Pokémon, would play into Toni’s darker side. Imagine Liepard as the devil on her shoulder and Gothitelle as the angel. Liepard comes and goes as it pleases, and attracts many Pokémon Trainers with its beautiful form and fur. It’s basically Catwoman as a Pokémon. And finally, Aromatisse, the Fragrance Pokémon, is known for emitting extremely powerful aromas. It’s pre-evolved form Spritzee was even used as a personal perfume by noblewomen in ancient times in the Pokémon world. With its sassy disposition, it’s sure to be a good fit for Toni and a good replacement for her Chanel No. 5.

Maya prides herself on her strength and her motherhood, so that guided my choices for her team. Going a little out of order for this, I’m think she has Kangaskhan (far left) the Parent Pokémon, and Nidoqueen (far right), the Drill Pokémon, because they’re both fiercely protective of their territories and their young. Kangaskhan even has a little Joey– I mean Jabari– I mean Jumanji– I mean Jimmy Crack Corn in her pouch that she carries everywhere she goes, even during battle. It seemed like a no-brainer. And in the middle is Vespiquen, the Beehive Pokémon. Vespiquen are the queen bees of their hives, and like Maya, they have a cruel streak but also a nurturing, kinder side when they’re bringing up their brood. Like Maya, All three are fierce warrior women Pokémon who would say “Oh, hell yes!” in their own ways to life’s challenges, like a particularly tough Pokémon battle.

I had the most fun imagining Lynn’s team. She definitely has Mismagius, the Magical Pokémon, since Mismagius is very mischievous and mystical, which I think would appeal to Lynn’s rebellious personality and New Age interests. Espeon, the Sun Pokémon, is a Pokémon that evolves from high friendship with its Trainer, and I think Lynn would definitely form deep bonds with her Pokémon, probably even having deep conversations with them even if they don’t reply. Espeon is also a Psychic-type Pokémon, so it’s very intelligent, which would keep Lynn and her fiftyleven master’s degrees intellectually stimulated. It’s also very calm, so a good counterbalance to whenever Lynn is acting manic and impulsive. And Slakoth on the far right is the Slacker Pokémon, which was an obvious choice for Lynn, since she was quite a leech throughout the series, constantly couch-surfing at Joan’s or Lynn’s and dodging employment like the military draft.

Finally, for Mr. William Dent himself, I think he would own an Unfezant (far left) and a Swoobat (far right) since they’re both interested in attracting a mate, and we know how annoyingly yet hilariously horny William could be throughout the series. Unfezant, the Proud Pokémon, is a species whose males have plumage on their face that looks like a mask to attract mates. And Swoobat, the Courting Pokémon, uses vibrations from its heart-shaped nose and echolocation to attract mates, too. Swoobat is pretty derpy-looking too, which reflects how William is really corny and often awkward, as much as he tries to put on a front as a suave ladies’ man. And in the middle is Bronzong, the Bronze Bell Pokémon. Bronzong is very sturdy and reliable like a bell tolling at the exact same time every hour, and it has very strong Defense and Special Defense Stats, which mirrors how William is a reliable friend for the Girlfriends and can be very conservative and straightforward.

What do you all think, and how’d I do?

Answers are in my comment below! How did you do and what do you think of my BST headcanons if the Elements of Harmony were all Pokémon?