u/Salt-Habit-8951

I didn’t plan to make a mushroom guy, I just happened to run across this sub and fell in love and realized I had 4 balls of Bernat velvet yarn (size #5 315yrds each, 6.5mm hook recommended) hanging around. I have 2 colors, light and dark blue, so he’s going to be monochromatic because I’m not buying anymore yarn this year, but is this enough yarn to make him?

How much yarn did you use if you used bernat velvet? And what size needle did you use? I’d love to see pics too if anyone has them using this yarn

So my bf didn’t acknowledge our one year anniversary and I’m really struggling to get over it and not resent him for it, and I’m wondering if Chinese dating culture/ culture in general played a role in the whole situation.

So my(31F) bf (37M) recently had to travel back to china abruptly to sort out an issue with the residency (hukou?)police. While he was there he was pretty mia and stressed out with the situation, and even if he wasn’t he hasn’t been to china in over a year so I figured he would be catching up with family and not be as communicative. For the most part we speak daily but occasionally go a day or 2 without talking depending on circumstances, longer whenever he travels for work. Well our anniversary happened to be while he was over there and we had talked about it 2 days before and how we would celebrate when he’s back, but I still figured that on the day of he would at least text/call with some acknowledgment about it. I didn’t even put the burden of remembering on him and sent my own greeting on the day of, he completely ignored my message for a week and didn’t respond until I called him out and he apologized and said he remembered but missed my message and blamed it on being physically and mentally stressed due to the situation with the police. If he said he had forgotten I think I would have been more forgiving because I know he was dealing with a stressful situation, but the fact that he remembered but chose not to acknowledge it is very difficult for me to forgive. He also said sorry for missing the day, but still hasn’t actually said “happy anniversary”. He’s since returned from china and is trying to act and talk like nothing is wrong, and I find myself feeling resentful and unresponsive. I find too that anytime there’s an issue there’s rarely ever a satisfying resolution, he’s quick to apologize, but likes to act like everything is normal afterwards without actually discussing in depth whatever lead up to the issue.
He already has a habit of retreating and going mia when he’s stressed out, but for this to happen around our anniversary and then expect me to be okay with “I was physically and mentally stressed” as an explanation is wild to me. I would not hesitate to leave someone from my own culture for something like this because it’s not the norm for us so I’d see it as a slight, but over the last year we’ve had quite a few culture clashes and I’m wondering if this scenario was influenced by culture.

So my bf didn’t acknowledge our one year anniversary and I’m really struggling to get over it and not resent him for it, and I’m wondering if Chinese dating culture/ culture in general played a role in the whole situation.

So my(31F) bf (37M) recently had to travel back to china abruptly to sort out an issue with the residency (hukou?)police. While he was there he was pretty mia and stressed out with the situation, and even if he wasn’t he hasn’t been to china in over a year so I figured he would be catching up with family and not be as communicative. For the most part we speak daily but occasionally go a day or 2 without talking depending on circumstances, longer whenever he travels for work. Well our anniversary happened to be while he was over there and we had talked about it 2 days before and how we would celebrate when he’s back, but I still figured that on the day of he would at least text/call with some acknowledgment about it. I didn’t even put the burden of remembering on him and sent my own greeting on the day of, he completely ignored my message for a week and didn’t respond until I called him out and he apologized and said he remembered but missed my message and blamed it on being physically and mentally stressed due to the situation with the police. If he said he had forgotten I think I would have been more forgiving because I know he was dealing with a stressful situation, but the fact that he remembered but chose not to acknowledge it is very difficult for me to forgive. He also said sorry for missing the day, but still hasn’t actually said “happy anniversary”. He’s since returned from china and is trying to act and talk like nothing is wrong, and I find myself feeling resentful and unresponsive. I find too that anytime there’s an issue there’s rarely ever a satisfying resolution, he’s quick to apologize, but likes to act like everything is normal afterwards without actually discussing in depth whatever lead up to the issue.
He already has a habit of retreating and going mia when he’s stressed out, but for this to happen around our anniversary and then expect me to be okay with “I was physically and mentally stressed” as an explanation is wild to me. I would not hesitate to leave someone from my own culture for something like this because it’s not the norm for us so I’d see it as a slight, but over the last year we’ve had quite a few culture clashes and I’m wondering if this scenario was influenced by culture.

I’ve been sitting on this for a few days because idk how to feel, how to process or if I even want to stay in this relationship because of this. Last week was my 1st anniversary with my bf, not only an important milestone in our relationship but also an important milestone in general because I’ve never been in a relationship that long. I’m not proud of it but I’m the kind of person who jumps ship at the first sign of conflict as previously romantic relationships were not the most important thing for me so I didn’t see the need to beat a proverbial dead horse if I clocked early on that someone wasn’t for me, but in retrospect idk how much of that was me knowing myself and how much was just me not wanting to do the work to get through issues.

I’m not entirely sure what was different about this relationship, but I guess it started in a time when I was actively deciding to prioritize my romantic life and more willing to work through things, so I’m a bit clouded in my judgment.

Now the issue is my bf “forgot” or rather didn’t acknowledge our first relationship together. I didn’t sit by silently and wait for him to remember, we spoke about it multiple times leading up to the day and I messaged him a happy anniversary greeting on the day. He didn’t open or acknowledge my message for a week until I confronted him about it and then when I did, he admitted he remembered but was too “mentally and physically uncomfortable” (English isn’t his first language) so he didn’t acknowledge or respond. I think under different circumstances I probably wouldn’t have cared, but we were in different countries at the time and I had never hit this milestone before so I was admittedly incredibly hurt. When I confronted him I let him know how hurt I was and while he apologized, he apologized for missing my message, not actually the fact that he didn’t acknowledge the anniversary. To date he hasn’t said any variation of “happy anniversary” and he essentially made himself the victim because he was going through a lot as though what he was going through means he couldn’t take a few seconds to acknowledge it (I genuinely don’t know if I’m feeling unreasonable for feeling this way, but it’s how I feel)

I do think a bit of context is necessary in that he’s Chinese and had to return home unplanned (allegedly). He was on a business trip but his passport got flagged in transit and he had to change course and return home because of the residential police contacting his family. This all seemed strange to me but tbh china seems to work differently and he’s always been honest to the point of his own detriment so I didn’t have any reason to doubt him. He’s hasn’t returned to china in over a year prior to this but has multiple properties there and while he’s never given me a clear explanation (he seemed unclear himself) the jist I got from what he was saying was that they flagged him for potential tax evasion since he physically wasn’t there for so long while owning property and he had to sort it out and prove otherwise. He had to report to the police regularly while he was there for a 4-5 week period and also got Covid so he was sick and stressed.

I know these circumstances were out of his control, but at the same time I intentionally took weeks off work to be with him at this time only for this to happen, so I was already feeling some type of way about him not being here, so add him not making an extra effort despite everything (which considering idk how strict/stressful things may have been in china idk if it’s reasonable on my part) I’ve started to resent him and idk if it’s fair or not, all I know is I’m struggling to get over it.

On top of that I feel like I’m always the last person to know anything when it comes to him. He intentionally doesn’t tell me things when he’s stressed and instead disappears to process, and while I know we process differently he keeps expecting me to be okay with prolonged silences and an explanation after the fact, when I’ve told him clearly that I don’t mind giving him space when he needs it, but I need a heads up otherwise it just leaves me hurt and confused. This is the second time where something like this has happened and I made it very clear the last time that it was unacceptable, yet I can admit it’s not as simple as upping and leaving. He’s currently back in the country and I literally only found out by asking when he’s returning, apparently him saying he’s packing and preparing to return earlier this week is the same as saying when his flight is.

I genuinely love this man, outside of this we typically only have minor issues, so it very difficult to reconcile how I’m feeling right now with how he usually is when he’s not stressed, and quite frankly I feel very disrespected and idk how to come back from this feeling I currently have.

This has probably been posted before but, can anyone guide me on finding good resources for learning Chinese mandarin? The only thing I’ve tried so far is Duolingo and it’s just not working out for me. My partner is Chinese and very fluent in English so he was easily able to connect with my family and friends. I haven’t been able to return that same energy towards his family and at first it wasn’t too much of a priority because he’s not close to them and the relationship was still new, but it’s been more than a year at this point we’re starting to have more serious talks about the future & kids (have been from the jump but before it was more to see if we were aligned and now it’s more planning), and if we’re going to have a a serious future together I’d like to be able to connect with his circle as well as ensure any future kids are well supported in that regard.
Are there any good free/cheap resources (I’m more than willing to pay, just don’t want to jump all in until I have a better understanding for the basics at least) that would help with a good foundation for learning the language? I feel like Duolingo kind of just tosses you in with words and phrases without actually explaining fundamentals.

Sorry for the long post 😅