Quick note: This is my writing, just ran through AI to make it more readable, for timeline and general grammar. I am extremely emotional and wanted to make sure everything made sense. This is a long post and I thank you so much for considering reading!

ALSO I'm posting there here because I do not want anti-poly comments. I don't really think this is about the system of polyamory, if anything it's about how ONE person involved does not respect the generic expectations of it, but I think it plays more into control than polyam.

Hi! I'm 29F, married to my Nesting Partner (NP, 30M), and polyamorous. My other partner (42M) isn't really involved in this situation, so no advice is requested regarding him. A year ago, all three of us identified as both swingers and polyamorous. My husband and I used to be able to switch back and forth between the two, but my husband struggles with this and is now aware of it. He no longer identifies as a swinger—just polyamorous. He has also had a girlfriend of one year (28F, no advice requested regarding her).

*Note: I have a personal therapist, and we also see a couples therapist. However, our sessions are few and far between right now, and I really need some outside perspectives.*

My husband and I are fighting constantly, and he is currently dealing with severe mental health struggles. That said, I don't feel he is handling things well, and I need more opinions. My husband is autistic, aromantic, and has diagnosed ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), and Major Depressive Disorder (MDD). He also has undiagnosed CPTSD steming from childhood physical abuse (resulting in black eyes and bruises) and slight sexual abuse, though he hasn't experienced new trauma in 12 years. Additionally, my therapist and I have discussed that he exhibits narcissistic tendencies due to his childhood, though this is an undiagnosed observation from my side only.

For context on my side, I am diagnosed with ADHD, MDD, GAD, and have undiagnosed Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), OCD, and hypersexuality. My other partner's only official diagnosis is hypersexuality, though I suspect MDD and PTSD.

One year ago, I started seeing my Secondary Partner (SP). My husband and SP aren't best friends, but they don't hate each other either; I’d call them neutral. My SP has a big, loud personality, which generally annoys my husband. No harm, no foul—I only ask that they be able to communicate neutrally in case of emergencies. However, they initially butted heads at a swinger party. My NP was trying to hook up with a woman whom my SP had brought as a friend. She turned my NP down, claiming her partner didn't allow her to hook up with anyone. Later that night, she hooked up with my SP, as they were long-standing friends with benefits (FWB). This heavily impacted my husband, but he directed his anger at my SP (whom I wasn't dating yet) instead of the woman. My NP called him an ethically immoral person and a terrible friend. Because I wasn't seeing SP at the time, I felt my NP was overreacting and did not take his side. It was her choice, and they had an established FWB dynamic. I saw no issue with it, but I also knew it wasn't my business. I moved on, but I believe my NP held onto that resentment.

Over the next few months—which marked the beginning of my relationship with SP—my NP and SP interacted frequently. SP is goofy, loud, chatty, and over-the-top. As an introvert, my NP dislikes people with that energy, though he was always respectful to SP’s face. Eventually, I decided my partners should interact as little as possible due to my NP’s underlying attitude toward SP's personality.

Later, my SP invited me to a swinger party. NP told me I could go but asked that I abstain from penetrative sex with anyone for safety reasons, since SP was the only person we knew there. I agreed, attended, got handsy with another couple, slept with my SP, and came home. A month later, I attended another party and the same thing happened. After this second party, my NP broke down. He stated he no longer wanted me to swing without him. He explained that swinging was something he emotionally connected with me over, and doing it with someone else made it feel like it wasn't special between us anymore. I vehemently disagreed, which sparked a year-long fight. He didn't want me in "group sex situations" without him present. My view is that in a polyamorous relationship, no partner has a say over what remains exclusive between two *other* partners. They can absolutely express what is important to them and open the floor for discussion, but it didn't feel like my husband was just opening a discussion.

About three months into my relationship with SP, my NP started dating a new partner. His new girlfriend asked him not to participate in group sex activities due to her germaphobic OCD. He spoke to me about it, assuring me that because *he* could no longer participate in swinging, he wouldn't take that freedom away from me. He also made sure I was comfortable with him pursuing this relationship even though it meant he couldn't swing with me anymore. I agreed, though I mentioned I would miss sharing group activities with him.

Shortly after, SP asked me to join a threesome with a mutual friend of all three of us (me, SP, and NP). I informed NP, who had a complete meltdown. Because he viewed group sex as our unique connection, he was devastated that I actively wanted to have a threesome with someone else. We fought bitterly, and I ultimately called off the threesome to avoid further drama; it just wasn't worth it. Around this time, SP and I began exploring BDSM—something I never thought I'd experience due to my NP’s CPTSD triggers. My NP actually encouraged me to explore this because he wanted me to be happy, but he requested that BDSM never enter our home and that I never come home severely bruised.

Fast forward a bit: NP agreed to couples therapy. One of our primary goals was for me to better understand why group sex held such a unique, exclusive emotional weight for him. NP stated he wouldn't even participate in group sex with his new partner if she asked, because it was a bond reserved strictly for us. This made me uneasy, and we discussed it in almost every couples session. Eventually, I voiced that I felt he was controlling my sexual freedom. This triggered a PTSD meltdown for him, and he asked for more time to process. I granted it to him, wanting to be respectful while he came to terms with things. It has now been 6 to 8 months since our first couples therapy session, and very few of these issues have actually been resolved. I understand his perspective better, but we haven't reached real resolutions.

Meanwhile, my individual therapist and I kept discussing my NP’s behavior. Noting his narcissistic tendencies, my therapist voiced concern, and we re-evaluated whether my NP’s actions stemmed from a desire for control. We both wholeheartedly agreed that it felt like control, whether intentional or not. Together, my therapist and I wrote him a letter explaining my feelings and stating firmly that I refuse to give him control over my sex life. I drew clear boundaries and read them to him, and we discussed them in couples therapy. The discussion went okay; NP was overwhelmed but assured both me and the therapist that this wasn't about control and that we would discuss it further later. Afterward, NP pulled back a bit. We agreed to a temporary ceasefire and paused the group sex discussion because it was becoming far too draining for both sides. As SP and I continued exploring BDSM, I came home one day with bruises on my bottom that were smaller than two handprints. Because I was under the influence of THC, I wasn't thinking clearly and bent over before sex with my NP, accidentally revealing the bruises. This sent my NP into a full PTSD episode. I apologized for putting it in his face, and we moved on. He discussed it with his therapist, and I learned from the incident, promising never to visually expose him to it again. However, I explicitly told him I would not give up BDSM with SP.

Later, SP invited me to his birthday party. It was a swinger event where group activities would likely happen, but he knew I wouldn't be participating. I waited a week to figure out the best way to ask my NP if I could go. When I finally asked, he blew up before I could even provide details, accusing me of breaking my promise not to ask for group sex. He was furious that I would even request to attend a swinger event. I explained that I would not be participating—only watching at most, which isn't active participation—but he remained furious. He stated he absolutely did not trust me or SP at an event like that. Recognizing how heated things were, I asked to pause the conversation and walked away. Before I could get away, NP followed me to explain his reaction. I asked for space again, and he left. Moments later, he came back into the room to add more thoughts on how he arrived at that headspace, and I screamed at him to go away. This outburst likely pushed him into another episode, and we sat in the same house in total silence for nine hours. Finally, I called him in and apologized for screaming, but explained that he had refused to give me the physical space I explicitly asked for. He understood, but he still didn't want me to go to the party. Exhausted, we went to sleep.

Shortly after, my NP and I got into a massive fight—the kind where I left the house and genuinely considered not coming back. It centered on feeling like my sexual freedom was being controlled, his lack of progress in therapy, his failure to actively work on his PTSD (he started individual therapy last fall for the first time since he was 19), and his chronic inability to listen to or respect my needs regarding my autonomy. I left the house and requested total radio silence until I initiated contact. This fight triggered another PTSD episode for him, but I had to leave for a prior commitment. I was angry and left him alone during the episode—something he hasn't forgotten, though he claims to have forgiven me. For the next 24 hours, NP texted me continuously about how messed up, struggling, and sorry he was. I held my boundary of not discussing the relationship, muted his notifications, and kept my distance.

Three days later, I came home and we talked. Out of nowhere, NP said, "No, you're right. You should be allowed to be in group activities. I'm just in a really bad state of autistic regression and burnout due to life stress and all our fighting. You and SP can participate in group activities, but I don't want to discuss them or know they are happening. I want to reopen this discussion in September." My immediate thought was, *Great, what if September comes and he just tells me I can't do it anymore?* But instead of spiraling into "what-ifs" (a personal habit of mine), I told him I appreciated the concession and closed the conversation. Things were peaceful for a few days.

Suddenly, the topic came back up. I don't remember the exact catalyst, but it led to us discussing his decision to let me swing. He got angry, which made me angry, and the familiar feeling of being controlled rushed back. I asked him directly, "Are you mad that I didn't turn down your permission for me and SP to do group activities?" He responded, "That's a loaded question." I walked away again, and this time he let me go. We talked a few hours later, and he apologized, saying he didn't mean it that way. We had a long, level-headed chat and both came out of it feeling calm. Afterward, I left for SP's house. I had committed to spending a solid week there because my work schedule had been chaotic. On the drive over, it hit me like a brick wall: *My husband is a controlling narcissist.*

I spent that full week with my SP, and it was honestly the best week of my life. I didn't have to argue. I didn't have to fight to be noticed. I was met with continuous love, safety, and affection. I realized *this* is the peaceful life I actually want. I broke down crying to SP about everything. He told me I deserve to be with someone who doesn't make my daily life hell. After sitting with that reality all day, I looked at SP and told him I think I want a divorce.

A few days later, I returned home to my NP, and we immediately argued over something incredibly minor. He took a joke too far, which hurt my feelings. When I brought it up, he claimed he shouldn't have to apologize because I already know he makes crass jokes. I explained that given how fragile our relationship is right now, he needs to be gentler and less mean. He blew up because to him, "mean" implies an explicit intent to cause harm, and since he didn't *intend* to hurt me, he felt an apology was unwarranted.

Last night felt like the absolute final straw, and I need to know if I am being unfair or just completely overwhelmed by the cumulative weight of everything. During sex, NP tried to remove my shirt. Because I had bite-mark bruises on my chest, I told him no. He immediately spun into an episode—flinching and panicking—and said, "You come home marked up every single time. It's not okay for me to have to deal with this."

I pointed out that this was maybe the sixth time I had ever come home with bruises in the entire duration of my relationship with SP. My NP has a very low sex drive; he rarely initiates sex, and when we do have an intimate connection, he rarely takes my clothes off. Most of our sexual intimacy consists of him giving to me, which I genuinely appreciate and value. Because of this, he rarely even knows when I have bruises. This was only the third time he had actually become aware of them.

After I clarified this, NP said, "I just don't understand. You know this bothers me. You know I asked for no bruises. You know I don't want it in this house. When we got married, you said you were okay giving up BDSM forever. But you aren't even willing to avoid bruises to keep from triggering me."

This absolutely floored me. I responded, "When I said that years ago, we were strictly monogamous and I had never actually experienced BDSM. It is entirely unfair to hold me to that or ask me to stop now, especially since you explicitly encouraged me to explore it with SP." He started protesting that my stance wasn't fair.

Recognizing that the conversation was entirely too heated—and because I had just taken a hit of THC—I enforced a pause. I told him, "You are too heated right now, and I just used THC. Neither of us is in the right headspace to navigate this logically. We are stopping this discussion and we will come back to it later."

He began arguing against the pause, claiming I wasn't respecting his feelings by shutting down a conversation that mattered to him. I explained it was a matter of basic logic: we both act like assholes when we are heated, and I cannot fight fairly when I am high, so I was suspending the talk for our own good.

He refused to stop. He kept talking and talking, pivoting to adjacent topics, claiming it was completely fine to keep going because he wasn't discussing *the* specific forbidden topic anymore. Furious and emotionally checked out, I tuned him out completely and let him ramble until he finally ran out of words. He thanked me, we ended up having sex because he suddenly felt heard and validated, and we went to bed.

It is now the morning after, and I am parsing through everything. I need serious help. What are your thoughts?

(Don't just say dump xyz or stop being polyam, those are not ideal solutions because this clearly runs deeper...)

*Not asking y'all to be my doctor, just wondering if this is normal and if I should be concerned.

I've been on Nexplanon for one year now. Pretty much the anniversary month, idr the exact date. The first few months I had a LOT of bleeding, but I expected that. My body had to process the new hormones, cool whatever. In the fall last year I had a random two week long period but nothing else period wise. Cool. Fine. All good.

This is the problem: in the last 45 days I have bled for 21 of them. Here's the timeline:

- Period May 14-19 (one week, normal for me!)

- No bleeding whatsoever May 20-June 5

- Period 2 June 6-17 (yes you read that right TWELVE DAYS

- No bleeding June 18-22 (wow what a kind 5 day break, thanks uterus!)

- Period 3 June 18 to present (kill me)

The first two periods were fulllllll periods. This one is spotting but definitely still a period internally I think. There's a chance this 'period' is actually an injury I got from playing with myself too aggressively (I was off my period for once, sue me)

So is this something you've experienced on Nexplanon, or is this a major red flag and I need to run to the doctor? Thanks everyone!! ❤️

Hi. I've been here a few times, and I think I've asked similar but here we are.

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I am non monogamous and I would like to re enter the world of multiple sex partners. I want to do so ethically, so I would like to test negative before I do.

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My GYN doctor recommended I do not go retest. She said if I go retest, I'll have to do my colposcopy again if it's positive (I hated that experience lol)

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My idea was to go to Planned Parenthood to retest, but not do the follow up because I know I'm not experiencing a high risk version. I can do all the follow ups at my next GYN if it's still a concern. I'm not putting myself through useless procedures. I also had an idea to purchase an at home test, but I know I contacted Wisp and they "don't check for active outbreaks."

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So long story short, any ideas on how I can retest and avoid a colposcopy or INSANE bill? Any at home tests or anything? I have a GYN I can follow up with, I have my one year scheduled already, I just want my sexual freedom back. Any ideas? ☺️❤️

Hi! I'm playing Mary Todd Lincoln in a play I'll be in soon. It's entirely improv, so I need some examples of civil war era dialogue to listen to. Are there any books written like people in the time period would speak that I can hunt for in my audiobook app to get a feeling for the words they'd say and how they'd say it?

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Thanks!!

Hi! I'm gonna skip the context but I can go back and explain if I need to. I identify as a swinger, so this is for arguments sake, this is NOT me trying to claim I'm not a swinger or something like that. I love swinging, just having a disagreement with someone about this.

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I just want to know: does watching someone swing when you enjoy watching them with others, count as swinging? If I watch my friend play with a girl he just met, is that swinging or just watching? Is it the same if I'm watching a partner play with someone? I'm being told this is swinging and I don't think that's the case. This person has also told me a swap in separate rooms is swinging... I don't think that is right either.

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Thoughts?

As I start this know that this is all coming from a place of love and respect and I will not tolerate ew that's gross.

I am going to be spending a lot of time at my boyfriend's house this summer. And while I adore the crap out of him, his house is a little bit of a mess. Now I am able to recognize that his house is a mess because he is depressed and it's really hard for him to clean when it's that bad and he feels overwhelmed. He's not diagnosed but I'm depressed as well and I know the signs and symptoms.

That being said I have chronic migraines, and the state of his living space can create them or make them stronger. I also have severe allergies and his living space does the same for those.

I haven't brought it up yet because I don't want to make him feel any kind of way So I would love advice on also bringing this to his attention in a gentle and kind way.

**So the big part where I need your help:** I need to know the cheapest and most effective way to clean based on the concerns I have. Neither of us have a lot of money. He is supporting three teens, working on getting a job, and I'm just visiting more for support (one vehicle but the kids need to go lots of different places, thus I offered to step in to help everyone. Don't worry, this is not at my loss. I enjoy spending time with all of them!) There are two big things that I want to focus on that I know cause me to personally have problems while I'm there. You need to know that he lives in the basement of the house, while his kids live mostly upstairs. So his bedroom is in a concrete basement, which makes some things easier for cleaning but some things it doesn't.

The first problem is going to be a continuous problem because of the way the house was designed/maintained. There is very poor drainage around the foundation of the house, And the basement is half underground. So when it rains water will sometimes back up into the house. He's mitigated this and nothing would or paper is on the floor anymore, But the problem is it's leaving behind a lot of mildew. I would assume mold as well but I can't promise that. He has talked about putting in drainage lines to make this problem a lot easier. However that's going to take time and we may not have that time before the rainy season hits. So question one is: **Is there anything I can use in the basement to clear the mildew/mold, and try to prevent it from growing despite the water?** I'm looking into a dehumidifier, but I know I also need to clean what's there or nothing's going to work.

Problem two I think is going to be a lot easier I just don't know how to tackle it. There is a lot of pet urine and feces in a certain part of the basement. He has dogs and does his best with them (the kids help a lot but they're still kids), and will be doing better with them while I'm there. But because of how they tended to stay in one area, there is a little bit of buildup. I can't see the problems, but I know they're there because I smell the ammonia. One of the big triggers in my migraines is the ammonia smell. **What is the most effective way to clear the ammonia, feces, urine smells off concrete flooring that will assure they are gone and don't cost a ton?** This part of the house does luckily have a drainage system, so I'm thinking a heavy wet mopping with some kind of cleaner would do the job but I'm not sure.

I think there are other things that will help contribute to making his house feel cleaner and smell better. Like I think his washing machine needs to be cleaned (they sell kits for it, I got that), I think the mattress could use some kind of refresh (The classic is baking soda and then vacuum it up but I'm not sure if that would help), And of course in general moving anything left over up off the floor so that the water doesn't bother it.

I want to say that I have had experiences where I was so depressed I couldn't clean. Personally my home has never gotten this far, But I don't want to make him feel gross or bad for this. Like I said he takes care of three kids, he works his ass off, they don't really have a lot of money, moving is not an option, and he is hesitant to go to his landlord with a lot of issues with the house because of the condition. I just want to find a way to help and address the topic in a kind loving way. I've never had to spend more than a couple days at his house so this hasn't been a major problem before. But I will be staying upwards of a week at a time now, so I need that space to be cleaner.

He's the kind of person that would not let me do all the work on my own, but I am off work for about a month. That's just how my job works. So I am able to do a little bit more deep cleaning while he's working, But again he is very prideful and would not let me do all the work. Any advice you have on any part of this would be fantastic! Whether it's the actual cleaning or talking to him. Thank you all so much in advance for reading all this, I look forward to your advice!

Hi. I am an overthinking codependent girlie who wants more confirmation she's got the right idea (yes I know, I'm allowed to feel how I want but validation helps me) I hope that's okay, please be easy on me this is all a LOT to process

Background: My husband and I have been together for 12 years, he has an abusive father and ex (in all the ways), he is autistic, he is depressed, he has crippling anxiety, and we are Polyamorous (he has a girlfriend and I have a boyfriend)

On Sunday I will be reading my letter to him to my therapist to review. Monday we will read it and discuss it in couples therapy.

Hesitations:

- I am extremely worried this is autistic regression and not NPD. I think maybe he never learned how humaning works, and due to some recent stressors is regressing emotionally/mentally/literally.

- I have ADHD, I'm very scatterbrained, and I can misunderstand things very easily. I am genuinely not sure what I think sometimes and I get VERY emotional very fast. My therapist and I are working on slowing my brain down to think things through.

- I am recovering as a pushover, and he's the one that suggested I see someone about being a pushover.

- He is autistic and I've watched him be absolutely unable to identify certain emotions.

- In our first three years, we had a LOT of sex. At one point our sex fell down to less than weekly. We bumped back up to at least weekly now. He does take antidepressants so that may have affected his libido, and I am hypersexual. I expressed this during our low time it felt like he was very dismissive of my sexual needs and we fought like cats and dogs (mind you this was COVID)

- We are Polyamorous, and he actually LOVES that I have a partner who matches my sexual drive and needs. He's not the biggest fan of him personally, but they get along and he ALWAYS pushes me to go see him and take care of him if something is happening. He's never asked me to avoid him or stop seeing him

- In the past he has made feel like these things based on the way he treated me and spoke to me, most of these exact words he's never used: a slut (constant need for sex, hypersexuality), stupid (I do not understand math lol), and sensitive (I do cry easy but he always makes me feel horrible for being so touchy emotionally). Until recently, we were really bad at communicating when we hurt each other and why. I'm better at pointing these out now and he's decent at hearing them.

- I have a lot of problems and OCD and shit myself, and I often worry I'm a narcissist. I can sometimes push down his feelings if they make no sense to me, I want to put myself above his requests, and in general I don't always remember things that he says hurts him.

- For a long time, he refused to seek therapy or talk about his trauma. I told him I wanted to see him better, he told me I don't get to control his growth and healing. I assumed he was right and considered myself an ass for pushing it.

- He voiced concern recently that I act selfishly by not giving his concerns the space to be heard (regarding group sex activities mostly, as he thinks I want to do them to hurt him)

- He told me I do not take accountability for my actions or words, and I ask him to figure things out emotionally more than I am willing to take on. I genuinely do not know if he is right. For instance, he recently expressed that ANY questions in the morning make him anxious and grumpy. I ignored this and sent him questions making him very upset and agitated with me. He eventually apologized for his attitude, but expressed that I ignored a request of something he asked me not to do.

- When I began my career, he would sit with me and tell me I am good at what I do and talk me out of mental spirals. He is very good at that, and does it for his girlfriend too.

- In general, he doesn't understand basic concepts. He told me when I say "Do this when you have a chance" that it needs to be done ASAP. I've told him I do not mean that, but he is unable to retrain his brain otherwise. He has his own version of things sometimes.

- Last summer, we had a huge argument over group sex activities in which I told him his actions felt controlling and manipulative. For whatever reason this caused him to mentally spiral, go into a catatonic state (his panic attacks and PTSD episodes look like this too) for a few hours, and actually fucked him up for a while. When he came out of it, he brought me his debit card and asked me to go get a hotel room. He did not want to be ANYTHING like his abusive father and he wanted me safe and out of the house. I respected this, but told him I was not ready to leave as his actions were not intentionally manipulative or controlling. This was the beginning of really everything spiraling downhill. He's been getting worse since this, and part of me wonders if that impacted his regression process.

- He does occasionally say things that are CLEARLY hurtful but almost always apologizes. Quite a while ago he told me I reminded him of his abusive ex and he immediately regretted it.

- He has told me recently that if I continue not holding myself accountable for my actions, or I continue to push and tell him how to handle his trauma (asking him to go to therapy or telling him he is not recovered) he will have to leave. I've told him before that if he can come down from a spiral and decides to do that, I will support his decision. But asked neither of us will make marriage ending decisions in a state of distress. I feel like an asshole for doing this as I hate ultamatums, but I also know humans will do stupid shit in the heat of the moment. I'm always happy to sleep on the couch, but no one decides they're divorcing until feelings level out. I do not know if IATAH for that or not.

Why I think he is a narcissist:

- When our relationship began, he told me he was aromantic. I told him once I thought he was more greyromantic, or that the idea that he is around comes from trauma, and he crashed out on me. I didn't mention it again thinking I was rude for assuming things about him. I've always wondered in the back of my mind if this was true.

- We are non monogamous and used to be active in the swinger lifestyle. Me and my husband swung often with no problems between us. When I met my boyfriend through a swinger group, my hubs was suddenly not okay with me having group sex without him. Specifically group sex. He insisted that it was something for US to share, and I couldn't do it with others. It's been our biggest fight.

- He changes the rules after things start (boundaries and expectations)

- He believes his boundaries are something OTHERS need to avoid for him (we discussed this in couples and we could not convince him he was wrong)

- He recently has begun DEEPLY struggling with empathy. He cannot put himself in my or others shoes unless they've been through something similar (hesitation here because autism makes emotions extra hard, and I understand that)

- He recently told me he's tired of people not accepting he is abnormal, and expect him to "do the coping"

- He told me that he should not have to tolerate things that bother him because I can't handle being told they bother him (I have rejection sensitivity disorder)

- He's recently started telling me my actions make him think of his abusive father who is no contact with.

- I suggested, after he told me he is just an impatient person, that I thought that was something he could fix. He went off on me for acting like I know what is best for him and being pushy.

- When I share my feelings about an argument, he shuts me down and invalidates my emotions.

- He recently said he's "glad to be angry again." When I asked for clarification he said something like 'Anger and I are old friends. I could be angry when things were bad, and I think that's the default I'm going to return to. If someone doesn't like how I am, fuck them.'

- He recently went on a trip with a friend. This friend is a strong feminist and was discussing choosing the bear. He told me after she was the most moronic person he has ever met for that opinion.

- He thought he saw an ex in public yesterday, an ex who ghosted him, and all he wanted to do was humiliate her in public for being the type of person to do that to someone.

- He does NOT, nor has he EVER handled rejection well. I assumed this was autism, but he takes rejection personal. One time a girl was flirting with him at a swinger party, then she went to sleep with someone else, and refused to speak with him the rest of the night. A year later I found out she was uncomfortable with how touchy he was, but he had a full meltdown that night.

What I know:

- If he is a narcissist, he is the internal type which is the one that can be easier to treat. He has always hated himself, he often does not think he is the shit, and he can be extremely hard on himself.

- He is extremely kind and generous with his time and money. I've seen him offer MANY of our friends money to help with childcare expenses, or he buys people stuff just because. He's always ready to go help people when something is happening, asking if we could offer to babysit for family members when others were in the hospital. There's a heart of gold in there. There was a while where that actually was all he was.

- Our lives are incredibly tangled and I love him. I know love is not enough, but he genuinely brings me so much stability. He can ground me when no one else can. I want him to be better, but idk if this is NPD or Autism or he's just...him.

I DO NOT WANT COMMENTS THAT ONLY SAY "LEAVE" OR INSINUTATE SUCH. I am here entirely right now to understand if I am on the right path. Does he sound like a narcissist, or does this sound like a mental health crisis outside of the NPD scope?

Again I'll be speaking with my therapist about this before, but I'm just struggling to wrap my brain around everything. I want to make sure I have all the pieces put together right before Monday. I do not want to go in with an incomplete puzzle. Thank you for considering reading this, please be as nice as you can. I just want to understand him, myself, and the situation better.