u/Semi_ok24

I’ve seen some people talking about their stress in the job, but now I’m talking about the stress I face all the time as a student going to my third year.

I guess the stress began after my first semester, it is true that I am now taking stuff more seriously which helps me to work harder and get better grades, but it also is restraining me in a way where even my professors can point it out.

“You are a hardworking student but you’re always scared”
That’s exactly what my professor said. I stayed under the stress for a very long time that I just stopped improving my project without realizing it.

I am too scared to try and improve something on my project and realize that I don’t know what to do, or that what I do is not good enough

Top students being from my class isn’t helping… I know I should not compare myself to anyone but I can’t help it.
Now as I only have one month left off my summer break, the stress is back even stronger.

I know it is my problem and my battle but I want to know how many people find this relatable?

How am I supposed to get going while everyone is telling me that my stress is going to ruin it for me?

How do I deal with my stress? Is it even normal to feel that stressed all the time?

I’ve seen some people talking about their stress in the job, but now I’m talking about the stress I face all the time as a student going to my third year.

I guess the stress began after my first semester, it is true that I am now taking stuff more seriously which helps me to work harder and get better grades, but it also is restraining me in a way where even my professors can point it out.

“You are a hardworking student but you’re always scared”
That’s exactly what my professor said. I stayed under the stress for a very long time that I just stopped improving my project without realizing it.

I am too scared to try and improve something on my project and realize that I don’t know what to do, or that what I do is not good enough

Top students being from my class isn’t helping… I know I should not compare myself to anyone but I can’t help it.
Now as I only have one month left off my summer break, the stress is back even stronger.

I know it is my problem and my battle but I want to know how many people find this relatable?

How am I supposed to get going while everyone is telling me that my stress is going to ruin it for me?

How do I deal with my stress? Is it even normal to feel that stressed all the time?

باقي شهر ونص للدوام واحس مخي وقف يشتغل من كثر الافكار
ما احس اني انبسطت بالعطلة وازعل لما اتذكر ان هذي العطلة الي بقيت طول الفصل الثاني اتمناها، وصبرت على الحرب والتعليم الالكتروني لاجلها.

نفسي في هذا الشهر ونص اتمشى واروح اماكن حلوة واسافر وبنفس الوقت احتاج اتجهز للجامعة وادرس زيادة واتعلم على البرامج، وكوني طالبة عمارة التخصص صعب ولازم اشد حيلي حتى ما ينزل مستواي وارسب لا سمح الله

احس اني من كثر الافكار ببالي حتى جسمي كان متعب لدرجة اتعب اذا اريد حتى اخذ شاور
احس نفسي ضايعة مو عارفة شو اسوي

لما كان عمري ١١ سنة تحرش فيّي ابن خالي يلي كان عمره ١٧/١٨ هيك تقريباً. كنت أنا وأمي نزورهم وننام عندهم لأنهم عايشين بمدينة تانية. فهو كان ياخد وقته معي كم يوم كل كم شهر. وضل هيك الوضع لكم سنة.

مش رح فصّل لأنه الموضوع سيء.
بس كنت صغيرة كتير وما كنت فاهمة شو عم بعمل، وإذا كان بس طيّب معي أو في شي زيادة عن هيك.
بالآخر إجبرني ابوسه، وهاد يلي خلاني افهم إنو في شي غلط. وحكيت لأمي، فاتصلت فيه هددته وحكتله إنها زعلانة منه.

هاد صار بعد سنين من يوم ما حكيتلها.
بس لما كنت ببكي قدامها، حكيتلها إني حاسة إنها متخلية عني. وإنو بيجيني كوابيس إنو حدا يلمسني غصب عني كمان مرة.
شو عملت هي بعدها؟
عم تسلم عليه عادي، تسأل عنه لما ما يكون موجود، وتحكي معه كإنو ما في شي صاير.

حالياً هو تخرج من الجامعة بمرتبة الشرف، وعايش حياته للآخر. وأمي فرحانة فيه، عم تفرجي صورته بطاقية التخرج لكل قرايبنا.
والأسوأ من هيك، عم** تساعده يلاقي شغل.**
وما في شي فيني اعمله لأنها رح تلاقي شي عذر غبي ليه بتعمل هيك. وقدامي كمان. بعد كل يلي حكيته إلها.

حالياً حاسة إنو في وجع بصدري كأنو مو عارفة اتنفس، بس ما بقدر ابكي أو خليها تعرف. كل ما اتذكر بحس جسمي على نار.
الدكتورة تبعتي حكتلي إنو عندي علامات واضحة عالصدمة.

كل ليلة بنام وأنا فكرة بهاد الموضوع. عارفة إنو ما رح ياخدلي حقي.
ولأنو أنا جبانة، هو لسا طليق وفيه يعمل نفس الشي بحدا تاني.

I (19F) have three siblings (33M, 30M, 28M)
As you can see we have such an age gap.
I, for the majority of my life tried to join their little group, be a part of their lives, and know about their problems.

I eventually gave up, saying that they never take me seriously and will always see me as the kid who was “born yesterday”

It saddens me because I sometimes would let go of my comfort for theirs. And looks like I’ll have to be selfish from now on.

However, I realized I’m acting just like my youngest brother. He’s my favorite so I guess growing up I imitated his moves, quiet composure, and most of all his sense of humor.

How should I deal with them now on knowing that they don’t care about me that much?
How can I guarantee that they see me as a grown up, capable human?
And how can I get a future away from them without them trying to block my way or force me to obey them?

When I was 11 I got SA’d by my cousin who was 17/18 at the time.
Me and my mother would visit them and sleep there since they live in another city.
So he would take his time with me for a few days every couple of months. And that went on for a couple of years.
I won’t go into details as it is really bad. But I was too young to understand what is he doing and if he’s just being nice or something more.
Ge ended up forcing me to kiss him on the lips, which made me realize that this all is wrong. And I told my mother called him to threaten him and told him that she’s upset with him.

That was years after I told her mind you.
Only when I was crying at her feet, telling her that I feel abandoned by her. And that I have nightmares about getting touched again or pinned down.
What did she do after?

She is greeting him normally, asking about him when he’s not there and speaking to him as nothing is wrong.

As for now he graduated his college with an honor degree, he is living his life at its fullest.
With my mom rooting for him, showing his ugly pictures with the graduation hat for all our relatives.
And even worst of all, helping him to get a job.
And there’s not a thing I can do since she’d find some stupid excuse as in why she is doing that.
And in front of me. After everything I told her.

As for now I feel like there’s a pain in my chest that makes breathing harder, but I can’t cry or let her know. Every time I remember I feel like my body is on fire.

My therapist says I show clear signs of trauma. I sleep every night thinking about it. Knowing I’ll never get justice.
And that because I’m a coward he is still free and able to do that to somebody else.

مرحبا
ارجوكم اريد اشياء ايجابية صارت بحياتكم
مثلاً عن الزواج او السفر ار مشاكل العيلة
عندي طاقة سلبية مو طبيعية وافكر بطريقة سلبية واحس اني عمري ما بتوفق بحياتي واحقق احلام او اتزوج زواج جميل
واحتاج قصص حقيقية و واقعية تعطيني امل

A year ago I posted a post here about how my cousin (24M) sexually assaulted me when I was 11/12, he was about 17/18
https://www.reddit.com/r/sexualassault/s/2Ld4sAt4dX
This is the link of the post if you want to read it
But basically, he forced me to kiss him, would touch me in inappropriate ways, and would even carry me sometimes while touching me in my private places.

Now years later (I’m now 19) and after me and mom called him on the phone (read the end of my previous post). I thought my mother now knows better, I thought she would be on my side.

Well, she’s not.
Not only does she mention him again and again even in front of me with no shame.
She also is now try to help him get a job.

Two days ago we were at my uncle’s place (from my father side), and we were just talking casually and enjoying our time when I heard my mother talking to my cousin’s wife (also from my father’s side).

She was asking her about the engineering/ architectural company her father owns, I couldn’t help but listen because I’m an architecture student.

I thought my mother was trying to help ME since I have a training course for this summer, and my cousin’s wife mentioned how they have a section for architecture in the company.

Just for my shock. She mentioned how she has a “nephew” who is quite good at computer engineering.
And she went on talking about him but I couldn’t hear a word.
I felt like my whole body was set on fire and all my senses just stopped working.

Now talking about him normally and acting like everything is okay is something, but trying to help him get a job and making his life better is another damn thing!
If he can’t get a job then it’s my damn Karma biting him back for all the years I spend in pain and fear.
Out of all the stuff my mother could do I never thought she’d go this far.

Only now I know she genuinely never hated him, she never cared about me.

مرحبا
سؤال للناس الي كانو اهلهم يضربوهم اي يعاملوهم بقسوة، كيف تعاملتو مع الموضوع بس كبرتو؟
لسا تحبون اهلكم وتشوفون الامر طبيعي؟ ولا هذا الشي سبب عقدة عندكم؟

اسأل لاني بيني وبين اهلي في حزازية، خاصة ابوي لانه ما يظهر لي اي عواطف وعصبي وما منه غير يصرخ. ولهذا السبب كرهته وكرهت نفسي وحياتي لفترة جداً طويلة، مع ذلك ما عمره ضربني.

اريد اعرف ايش وجهة نظر الاشخاص الي تعرضو لعنف جسدي اكثر من هذا بكثير.
هل تشوفون الناس مثلي دلوعين او تشوفون ان الجميع له حق انه يتضايق من اي نوع مو انواع العنف؟

I started taking therapy about 6 months, but I only recently became in the tight state of mind to take sessions regularly.
Yesterday was my first session in a month since my therapist was on a vacation.
I was so overwhelmed with everything going on in my life and even couldn’t talk for the first few moments of our session. I soon started talking and even now I can’t remember what I said exactly, but I said a lot, and of course I’m either sarcastic about it or actually frustrated, I just can’t cry about it.

I told her about how lonely I feel now and how lonely I’d feel in the future, about how pain in the ass my father is, about how my bad ideas are just all over the place.

However throughout the session, I realized the silence stretched when I wasn’t talking. My therapist would turn her head away, sniff, wipe her eyes with her fingers from under her glasses, and even her voice would broke slightly whenever she’d talk. After that I noticed how her lips would fall into a frown when I’m talking.

I didn’t want to mention it, since it’d make both of us uncomfortable. And I felt like the little A-hole I was for not comforting her at least, but I knew I’m horrible at it.

I’m just wondering if that’s bad? It was just so awkward since she was emotional about it and I was either mad or sarcastic about it, and I didn’t even try to comfort her and now I’m wondering if I was too much.