u/SerafinaPie

hi all! I am currently a sophomore in college and working at an after-school program/summer camp (i am staying for the school year). I know lots of masters programs want you to have lots of "human service hours," but they aren't usually not very upfront with what it means. obviously, it doesn't count for internships, but will it look good when i apply to masters programs? will they even care?

thanks!

I'm a freak.

I have been reading smutty fanfiction for a long time and writing it too for years and only recently got into smutty books that are not fanfiction and on actual shelves. Why is the smut so much shorter and more bland most of the time? I mean, in fanfiction, I'll get like 800-1000 words of pure, descriptive smut (not overly descriptive, but lengthy) but when I sit down to read a non-fanfiction book that is supposed to be spicy and smutty, I get like 400-500 words max and some left out parts. Like, no, I want ALL OF IT. I am hungry. I will read a book that everyone says has the best smuttiest scenes, and I can name 3 fanfictions with better, freakier smut written by some broke asexual college student.

anyone else notice this?

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I work at a summer camp/after-school program, and in the morning, I get to greet all the parents dropping off their kids. Most of the time, they look tired. I do get it. They have kids (usually two) that they had yo drag here and then have to go off to work. I don't expect them to be perky and smiley. it's already difficult for me when though I get paid to take care of their kids and a bunch of others. But I always straighten my posture, smile widely, say good morning, and hold the door open for them. About 50-70% of the time, they just ignore me and walk past. I don't know what I am doing wrong, and it's been really weighing on me. I'm already deeply insecure about most of my social interactions. I have level 1 autism, and I frequently worry that it's obvious to others, which makes me get treated differently, and I also have problems understanding other people sometimes. I understand why they aren't in a good mood, but I can't understand why they can't even mutter a good morning back or even offer a smile. I think they notice since we make eye contqct when I say goodmorning.

Am I somehow coming off as condescending? overbearing? fake? I don't know. that's what drives me crazy! and there's no socially acceptable way to just ask someone.

it's really difficult to even call it trauma, and it probably isn't, but it affects me like its trauma. growing up, boredom felt excruciating. like physically painful. I remember crying on the floor in the hallway at night because I couldn't sleep, or even during the day when nothing was going on, any I was just bored! my parents always thought I was throwing a spoiled temper tantrum. I remember sometimes they would lock me outside of their bedroom door or scold me, and I could never really express how it truly felt because I didn't know it just just felt like normal boredom. I don't think they could even understand if I'd tried to explain. and at night, I'd frequently have trouble getting to sleep. I would also get told to just go to bed or count sheep until i fell asleep before getting locked out of their bedroom until I would cry myself to sleep from exhaustion. I didn't know how to self soothe. I'd just rock back and forth hugging myself while I felt like I was losing my mind.

and being inattentive, I also had trouble learning, and I was homeschooled. I learned to read at age 8/9, and I remember my mom yelling at me in frustration, trying to get me to read. or even for math (which I still suck at and avoid whenever I can, lmao). I feel like I never learned to love any school because she got so frustrated trying to teach me it and made me feel so stupid growing up without directly saying it. again, nobody knew I had ADHD (or autism either) until I was 15. She could never understand why I couldn't just *get it, and I didn't either. for years!

I'd also have sensory issues like heat (I also have autism), and it would keep me from sleeping and even make me cry. I can still vividly recall my mom forcing me into a cold shower before pulling me back into my room and leaving me there crying without another word. Or how my tone would come off as mean sometimes without me meaning to and I would get scolded for being rude even when I tried to explain I wasn't trying to be. and of course, when I would zone out while people were talking, it's rude to ignore people, so I'd get scolded for that, too.

Or now that I think about it, how I would cry when I had to go home. normal kids do cry when they have to leave a fun place and go home, but now just realize I was experiencing a dopamine crash, and I just didn't know how to deal with it. I still don't, and I can't imagine how it must've felt being a kid.

it sounds kind of dramatic. that's just how I remember all of it, and I tear up a bit just remembering it. lots of it feels typical for the average kid who is throwing a tantrum for some minor reason, and my parents probably thought such.

I love my parents. I'm 18, and they're more supportive now since I was 13 and got hospitalized for depression (especially mom). sometimes, it feels like I had to really hurt in order to be seen (and it still feels that way). I feel like it's given me a perpetual fear of having geniune problems and difficult things I go through be belittled or undermined.

Does anyone else have any similar experiences or advice for how to get over it? Is it valid? I can't really imagine what y parents could have done differently with what they knew, so I feel like I kinda should just suck it up. I got the best I could have had.

Hi all! I'm going to be working at an after-school program for kids, and depending on the location, some of the bosses are overly strict about you standing the entire time. This seems to be mildly annoying to most people, but to me, it entails pain that lasts at least two days and dizziness/brain fog if I'm standing for too long. I don't have a diagnosis of anything. my doctor has tested me for pots, but I don't have pots. I have compression socks, but they only work a bit.

I'm just wondering if there's any way I can squeeze in that I NEED to sit at least part of the time in order to perform my job tasks of keeping the kids safe and supervised. But can I face any retaliation for it? can I even request that I sit? My doctor still doesn't know what's wrong with me with blood tests coming back normal and stuff, so it's more of an "active investigation" that my doctor has given up trying to put a label on and i have worked around by just sitting when i need to.

I'm just worried that if it's a problem, I will have to quit for my own health.