I came across this youtube channel called "Autism from the inside", and it made me question a lot about how I think....
Hi everyone,
I recently came across this video:
https://youtu.be/ZQue1BjsUJE?si=3E6ZxfOEke11eFSk
The part about walking around, pacing, or playing with a ball while thinking immediately stood out to me because that's exactly how I think most of the time. I almost always walk around or keep my hands busy when I'm trying to solve a problem or organize my thoughts or even crying, overthinking anything..
After watching more of his videos, I found myself relating to a lot of what he describes... like
• Stimming in subtle ways (for example, wearing Bluetooth earbuds in public even when I'm not listening to anything because it makes stimming feel less noticeable). like sometimes i even talk out loud my thoughts..
• Strongly relating to masking in social situations. i really have to prepare myself beforehand for any social situations and other things..
• Feeling like I've always been "different.".. like there is something.. i cant pin point..
• Often trying to understand any fucking logic behind the social rules instead of just intuitively knowing them.
At the same time, there are things that make me unsure. My sensory issues seem relatively mild. I dislike things like wet feet, wet floors, and certain food textures (especially milk products like curd and all), but if I have to deal with them, I can. It's uncomfortable, but not unbearable.
I also took the AQ-50 out of curiosity and scored 28 (I know that's only a screening questionnaire).
but the thing is.. reading about other people's experiences and coping strategies here and realized that I'm not the only one who thinks this way... my mind cluttering with thoughts have always been a problem.. and it messed with my work/study many times
Some of the thought processes and everyday experiences people have described felt very close to home. They put words to some things I've been thinking for years but never really knew how to explain.
Idk.. I just wanted to share this because at least this has made me feel a lot less alone... lol