Average neet dropper scenario :-“Sometimes you can give everything you have left in you and still not get the result you wanted”
The scene :- A dark room illuminated only by desk lamp and phone screen light, open books, messy handwritten notes. an exhausted indian teenage girl studying for NEET, sitting alone at study desk at 12:43 AM, tired eyes, messy desk, instagram reels reflected on her glasses, emotional atmosphere, rain outside the window, emotional burnout feeling.....
The note :- I don't think people understand what these two years have done to me.
From the outside, it probably looks like I stopped caring. Like I lost interest in NEET, became lazy, or simply don't want to study anymore.
But the truth is, I care more than I know how to explain.
Somewhere along the way, the uncertainty about my future became exhausting. I started overthinking everything—my choices, my failures, my future, and whether all this effort would ever be enough. I became depressed, distracted, and tired of constantly fighting with my own mind.
I didn't stop trying because I didn't care.
I stopped knowing how to keep going.
And yet, every time I reached the point where I felt like I couldn't do it anymore, I still tried again. Even when I had no motivation. Even when studying felt impossible. Even when I was already convinced that I might fail.
I kept fighting.
Not because I was sure I'd win, but because I didn't know how to completely give up on something I had cared about for so long.
And maybe that's the hardest part of this journey.
You can fight every day.
You can try again after every failure.
You can give it everything you have.
And sometimes, you still don't get the result you were hoping for.
That doesn't mean you didn't care.
It doesn't mean you didn't try.
It doesn't mean you were lazy.
Sometimes, you were simply exhausted from trying to survive while everyone expected you to keep performing like nothing was wrong.
I miss the person I was before all of this.
The person who could study without feeling crushed by it. Who had hobbies, curiosity, dreams beyond one exam. Who could look at the future without being afraid of it.
I don't know what the next chapter looks like yet.
I don't even know where this journey will take me.
But I know one thing—
I don't want my entire story to be reduced to whether I cleared an exam or not.
Because I know how hard it was ...
And even if I didn't get the result I wanted, I know there were countless nights when I kept going when a part of me desperately wanted to stop.
Maybe that's something worth remembering too.🥀