u/ShitBodyPainting

I’ve [31M] been trying to push myself to be more social lately. I’m definitely introverted but at the same time, I still feel the desire to put myself out there more.

A few months ago I picked up salsa dancing. I’m still a total beginner obviously, but I’ve been trying to go to more socials. I’ve been to a few now, and honestly, I still find them just as nerve-wracking and intimidating as I did at the beginning. Been at the classes now for a few months.

Most of the women there greatly surpass my skill level. I know a few guys who go, so I’m not completely alone, but I’m getting tired of going to these things just to spend most of the night sitting down or awkwardly looking around, occasionally working up the nerve to ask someone to dance.

Then there’s the thought of having to maintain that social energy for hours. Maybe I’m making a bigger deal out of it than I need to but I genuinely want to become more confident at this and not feel like such a wallflower.

I know some of this is probably a confidence issue (all of it actually lol). Whenever I ask someone to dance, I almost immediately feel the need to warn them that I’m a super beginner. I know the basic steps and a few moves, but once you get beyond that, I’m pretty clueless.

There’s another salsa social tonight, and I’m still debating whether I should go. Part of me thinks I should keep pushing myself and eventually I’ll get more comfortable. Another part of me feels exhausted just thinking about it tbh.

I’m 30m, never had anything close to resembling a romantic relationship of any kind, apart from a few first dates. None of those went anywhere.

I was on the dating apps off/on for years. It was always the same cycle - I get a match, I’m initially excited and we talk, etc.

I then suddenly feel suffocated and overwhelmed with anxiety, having to now text this person and check my phone on a semi-routine basis because after a certain point I just feel bad if I don’t. Then, I just simply fade away and ghost. I know, a shitty thing to do but luckily I’m not even bothering with dating anymore. I love living on my own, fixing my place up and coming and going as I please. I guess being an only child has had something to do with it - growing up I had to essentially create my own version of fun (music, legos, video games, etc).

With that said, I think I’ve finally come to terms with deep down never truly wanting one. I think a romantic relationship, affection, etc, sounds amazing in the abstract but if I’m finding it a chore having to text a match on a dating app, then I’m not sure if dating is right for me. I’m not a total hermit though, I socialize (although my battery is generally low), although I think I deeply value friendships more than I do romance.

I know my father is the exact same way I am. He has a girlfriend but they live separately and they see each other maybe once a week, if that. They come and go as they please and that sounds great. I’m not even interested in marriage either (don’t worry, I’m not into red pill garbage), I think sharing a life with someone has never sounded appealing to me at all.

Just felt like getting this off my chest if anyone can relate.

So I’ve been trying to put myself out there more recently. I’m naturally anxious and introverted, so I’ve really aimed to push myself this year.

I met a guy about a month or so ago at a club and we vibed. He’s much more social than I am (which is what I need tbh) and invited me to his yearly house party. I went and had a great time, but had a bit too much to drink and said some pretty bold things and basically had no filter at all for the better part of the evening. Like dating, relationships, etc. Ugh. I’m cringing at the thought of all of this.

The thing is my personality and sense of humor is bizarre and outlandish anyway but I think I might have amped it up a bit too much last night. I haven’t actually been social in a long time.

I didn’t do anything completely outlandish but I do know my confidence level was maybe.. too high last night and I’m worried I said something repulsive or terrible. Idk. I hate how otherwise I’m basically a mute hermit and very shy and awkward.

There was a lady there that was also single and although we talked and she seemed to reciprocate towards the conversation, I know I said some stupid things about my own dating experiences and relationships.

Idk what to think of it. I’m going to the weekly meetup here on Tuesday and there will be folks from the party there. Now I’m worried they won’t want to speak to me. If I’m being honest this is exactly what I need (to put myself out there more) but I’m worried I made a bad impression now and they think I’m an asshole or weird now. My friend group, unfortunately at this age feels fractured (most are married with kids and I guess have no time for anything) so this really makes me nervous tbh 😕

So I’ve been trying to put myself out there more recently. I met a guy at a club and we vibed. He’s much more social than I am (which is what I need tbh) and invited me to his yearly house party. I went and had a great time, but had a bit too much to drink and said some pretty bold things and basically had no filter at all for the better part of the evening. The thing is my personality and sense of humor is bizarre and outlandish anyway but I think I might have amped it up a bit too much last night.

I didn’t do anything completely outlandish but I do know my confidence level was maybe.. too high last night and I’m worried I said something repulsive or terrible. Idk. I hate how otherwise I’m basically a mute hermit and very shy and awkward.

Idk what to think of it. I’m going to the weekly meetup here on Tuesday and there will be folks from the party there. Now I’m worried they won’t want to speak to me. If I’m being honest this is exactly what I need (to put myself out there more) but I’m worried I made a bad impression now and they think I’m an asshole or weird now.

I’m 30m and I’ve found it almost impossible to meet people my own age here, but I’m probably not looking in the right areas. I checked Meetup and it seems dead? I like hiking, but I can’t really find any populated clubs or groups here. I like the outdoors, trivia night, dancing (already belong to a dance group), although nothing has really stuck 😕. I’m open to really anything though.

Sorry to sound dramatic, but unfortunately, this is now the case.

I’m a 31-year-old guy, and I honestly feel like the desire for love, intimacy, and physical affection has slowly taken over my life.

I’m still a virgin, and while I know people will probably say, “There’s nothing wrong with that,” it’s become something I think about almost constantly. At this point I don’t think it’s just about sex anymore. At one point I wanted to “play the field” (as a side note, lmao), but obviously nothing came out of that at all.

Tbh, over time the feelings of loneliness have become so unbearable. I want to feel chosen. I’m not a bad looking guy, not a hunk but I try to stay fit. Folks say I’m funny, kind, etc but I haven’t been able to even get my foot in the door.

The problem is that I’ve been trying for years. And if I “forget about dating”, literally nothing ever happens.

I’ve spent years on dating apps. I’ve had a handful of first dates—probably averaging about one a year—but nothing has ever turned into a relationship, FWB, nothing. I’ve had countless matches that either never replied or the conversation died almost immediately. Every time I think something might finally happen, it fizzles out. Other than some horny chats, nothing.

I live in a smaller city, so I know my dating pool isn’t huge but I try to make the best with what I have. Recently picked up salsa dancing but lately I’ve realized I wasn’t even enjoying salsa anymore because every time I went, all I could think was, “Please let me meet someone tonight.”

After work, a lot of the time I don’t even want to socialize because I’m drained, but at the same time I’m terrified that if I stay home, I’m missing another opportunity to meet someone. It feels like a no-win situation.

I don’t hate women. I don’t think women owe me anything. I don’t consume red pill garbage. I’m not a “nice guy”. If anything, I think we’re all lonelier than ever. It honestly makes me sad seeing so much online content about how men hate women or women hate men. I know that’s the minority but I mean damn, I don’t feel that way at all. I think we need connection now more than ever. I’ve tried therapy before, but I never felt like I got to the root of this.

So I have no idea what to do about this anymore. I want to just love myself and just learn to live life, and try to accept that it might never happen for me.

I’m a male, almost 31 at this point. Never have had sex before. I’ve had chances, actually plenty, but backed out last minute with some excuse. The truth is, I have a horrible fear of pregnancy and it has prevented me from even doing the deed all these years.

I’m tempted to just get a vasectomy but then there’s the “what ifs” for that as well. What if I have chronic pain? What if I get an infection? What if I grow a second nose? Also, I have a full head of thick hair. Will it cause hair loss?

And yes, I’ve tried therapy but it didn’t work. No clue what to do. Even with condoms and BC I’d still be worried. My biggest fear is becoming a father and having my life turned upside down. Maybe that sounds bad.. I have a very secure, stable life.. money, living situation, hobbies that keep me fulfilled, good job and more. What if the child has a developmental problem? Or is special needs? I am terrified.

But I’m also beyond sexually frustrated at this point and have no idea what to do. It takes me a very long time to trust a woman. Hell, even anyone. Hmmm. Am I being too paranoid? I mean, it all takes is one time.

EDIT : I am being completely serious on this. Why are people in my inbox assuming I’m not? Either way, I didn’t expect this to blow up like it has within 10 minutes. Going to try to respond to as many comments as possible.

And yes, I am aware I worded this question poorly. You all know what I mean..

Quick vent but I’m 30m. Been off/on the apps now for years without any measurable success at all, other than a few unsuccessful first dates. Finally deleted all of them about a month ago and plan to keep it this way.

Anyways when I was actively using them, after so long I began to feel like a product on a shelf. I’d say it’s done near irreversible damage to my confidence although I’m now trying to get more involved with my community in real life.

Having to pick my most immaculate photos of me looking cute/sexy/hot/handsome for the camera, write some meaningless 3-sentence bio, receive nothing but contradicting “advice” about what photos are shit or good, in an attempt to convince women to swipe right on me, has taken its toll. And any likes I did get were some of the worst profiles I’ve ever seen in my whole life. I felt like I was job hunting the whole time after a certain point.

In fact, anything centered around dating (speed dating is a prime example) I find incredibly unnatural. I’d rather naturally meet someone by doing social hobbies but that has also proven to be incredibly difficult.