u/So-not-p3rfect

Hey Reddit! I'm sorry if this is a little generic, but I could really use some outside perspective.

I (21F) have a friend (21F), who we'll call Sofia, who I've known since freshman year of high school. She transferred out during our sophomore year, but once COVID restrictions were lifted, we made it a point to see each other 3-5 times a year despite our conflicting schedules. Once we both went to college a few hours away, that naturally became 2-3 times a year. The thing is, I really do adore her. But almost every time we hang out, she'll say one or two things-or do something inconsiderate that I just can't seem to shake afterward.

Some of it may genuinely be cultural differences, and I recognize that. I'm Latina, and growing up, I was taught that when you're a guest in someone's home, you clean up after yourself. I was also taught to be flexible and make sure we're doing things that both people enjoy. Those were just basic manners instilled in me since childhood.

With Sofia, whenever she sleeps over, she doesn't really do any of those things. She doesn't wash a dish, fold a blanket, or really help clean up after herself. She's also generally not very flexible about doing things I want to do, and she rarely seems interested in listening to music from my culture, eating foods from my culture, or participating in anything related to it.

Our most recent sleepover left me with this weird blank feeling whenever I think about her. She did a lot of the things above, was a sore loser while we were playing Uno (even though she had previously whipped my butt at Scrabble and Jenga), was very particular about our conversations, and at times it felt like she wasn't really engaging with what I was saying so much as waiting to give her own perspective.

I've known for years that she's someone who really likes being 'right', and often 'corrects' my opinions with her own - like when talking about a character, movie, theory, etc. We're also both neurodivergent, so obviously we both have our quirks, and I've tried to keep that in mind. But this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I've actually debated ending our friendship multiple times over the years, but I've always talked myself out of it.

The last time I seriously considered distancing myself, I remember thinking that it didn't really feel like she wanted to enter my world or wanted me to enter hers. For example, she has another friend group from high school, but she's never invited me to hang out with them or attend their monthly sleepovers at her house/summerhouse, even though some of them live close to me. When we make plans, she almost always wants to go to the mall or the same local thrift shop we've been going to for literally years. And she rarely wants to engage with music, food, or other things from my culture outside of maybe a few desserts. It just feels like our friendship exists within this very specific bubble, and whenever I try to bring something different into that bubble, she's not particularly interested.

Then there are the comments that stick with me. A few months ago, I pronounced an English word "wrong" during a conversation and explained that I grew up around non-English speakers, so there are some words I learned differently. She jokingly responded, "Then you should learn English." I know she meant it as a joke, but it rubbed me the wrong way. None of these things individually feel huge, which is why I've struggled so much with how I feel. It's a collection of small things that leave me feeling dismissed, corrected, or like there's not much room for me to bring my own interests, culture, or perspectives into the friendship.

At the same time, I know she's a good person, and I genuinely care about her. She was actually one of the first people I came out to, and we've known each other for years. I don't want to throw away a long friendship over things that might seem small from the outside. I also haven't talked to her about any of this yet because, knowing her, I honestly think she'll immediately get defensive. But something about the friendship just feels...off, and I can't tell whether I'm overthinking these interactions, expecting too much from her, or finally noticing a pattern I've been trying to ignore.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I being too harsh, or does this sound like something worth addressing?

Hey everyone! I (21F) have been having a really tough time with my mom (51F), and I could use some outside perspective on how to navigate this.

I recently graduated from college and haven't been able to find a job yet since the market isn't exactly amazing right now. Because of that, I've admittedly been struggling with my mental health. I look around and see people my age making good money, moving out, traveling, going to parties, dating, and generally just doing something with their lives, while I feel...behind. The problem is that whenever I talk to my mom about any of this - job hunting, relationships, sex stuff (I'm a virgin, and no, please don't private message me lol), friendships, independence, etc. - I somehow leave the conversation feeling worse.

Her response is usually some variation of: I could live at home forever and she wouldn't care, I don't need to rush, I need to be more understanding of other people, I need to open myself up more, etc. And don't get me wrong, I'm willing to reflect on my own behavior and recognize when I could have handled something differently. But it feels like almost every opinion or frustration I express gets dismissed or turned into a lesson about what I should be doing differently.

Recently, I finally told her that my mental health hasn't been great and that some of her comments haven't been helping. Instead of really talking about what I was saying, she went into a rant about her own harsh childhood and essentially told me that I should be grateful that my problems are just "little fix-ups" compared to what she experienced.

What confuses me even more is that she constantly tells me that I don't need to rush into adulthood or independence, but whenever I actually try to do something independent or get out of the house, it's often met with negativity. For example, I had a friend come over recently. This was literally the SECOND time I've had a friend over this entire summer, and she stayed for two days. The first night, my mom got angry because my friend was sleeping in the living room, meaning she couldn't watch TV out there. She has a TV in her bedroom, but apparently it "wasn't logged into her account." I gave her the username and password, reminded her that her episodes were also being recorded, and eventually personally logged the account into her bedroom TV for her. She was still so angry about the situation that she threw her bedroom TV remote at the wall that first night and spent the weekend scolding me for being inconsiderate and "making her a prisoner in her own house." It's driving me nuts. If I try to go to a concert alone, she asks why I didn't invite her. If I'm unhappy with a friendship, she tells me I need to open myself up more and be more "fun." If I tell her I'm insecure about my appearance, she'll tell me I'm beautiful - and then follow it up by saying I'd be even more beautiful if I went to the gym or "put in more effort" (i've been depressed and basically living in sweatpants and pajamas this summer).

There's also a financial dynamic here that makes everything feel even stranger. She currently owes me around $3,000 because I lent her money from my last internship to help make rent, pay some of her debts, and make a payment to her immigration lawyer on time. I'm not mentioning that because I want moral judgments about her or because I think helping her means she owes me control over the house. It's just part of why the parent/child dynamic feels so confusing to me. I'm simultaneously expected to contribute and help with adult problems while sometimes feeling like I have very little adult independence myself.

And unfortunately, "just move out" isn't really an option right now. I'm a broke recent college graduate. I just finished paying off the remainder of my bachelor's and, thankfully, I'm currently all set financially for my master's next spring. Until I find a stable job and save enough money, I genuinely don't have another realistic living situation. I don't even have my license yet, despite having a car (which admittedly needs major repairs anyway) because my mom doesn't really allow me to practice driving without her, but when I do practice with her, she panics if I drive more than about 20 minutes or thinks I'm going too fast. So even gaining independence in that area has been difficult.

I genuinely don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes these interactions make me feel crazy. I'm not looking for people to tell me she's a horrible person, diagnose her with something, or give me moral judgments about either of us.

What I really need is advice on how to navigate living with her right now while I'm still dependent on being here. How do I start creating some adult independence and boundaries when I'm living with a parent who simultaneously tells me there's no rush to grow up but seems uncomfortable when I actually try to become more independent?

TL;DR: I (21F) recently graduated college and currently have no choice but to live with my mom (51F) while I job hunt and work toward becoming financially independent. She constantly reassures me that I can live at home forever and don't need to rush growing up, but when I actually try to gain independence, socialize, or make decisions for myself, she often gets upset or makes me feel guilty. At the same time, I'm helping with adult responsibilities, including lending her around $3,000, while still feeling like I'm treated as a child. Moving out isn't financially realistic right now, so I'm looking for advice on how to establish boundaries and independence while we still live together.

Hey Reddit! I'm sorry if this is a little generic, but I could really use some outside perspective.

I (21F) have a friend (21F), who we'll call Sofia, who I've known since freshman year of high school. She transferred out during our sophomore year, but once COVID restrictions were lifted, we made it a habit to see each other whenever we could. For a while, that was probably 3-5 times a year because of our conflicting schedules. Once we both went to college a few hours away, that naturally became less frequent, and now we probably see each other 2-3 times a year.

The thing is, I really do adore her. We have a lot in common, including many of the same ADHD hyperfixations, and when we get along, we can have a genuinely great time together. But almost every time we hang out, she'll say one or two things-or do something inconsiderate-that I just can't seem to shake afterward.

Some of it may genuinely be cultural differences, and I recognize that. I'm Latina, and growing up, I was taught that when you're a guest in someone's home, you clean up after yourself. If I sleep over at someone's house, I fold the blankets and sheets I used, don't leave the bed or couch undone, wash my dishes, don't eat messy food/snacks without a plate, etc. I was also taught to be flexible and make sure we're doing things that both people enjoy. Those were just basic manners instilled in me since childhood.

With Sofia, whenever she sleeps over, she doesn't really do any of those things. She doesn't wash a dish, fold a blanket, or really help clean up after herself. She's also generally not very flexible about doing things I want to do, and she rarely seems interested in listening to music from my culture, eating foods from my culture, or participating in anything related to it.

Maybe I'm looking too deeply into some of these things individually, but our most recent sleepover left me with this weird blank feeling whenever I think about her. She did a lot of the things above, was a sore loser while we were playing Uno (even though she had previously whipped my butt at Scrabble and Jenga), was very particular about our conversations, and at times it felt like she wasn't really engaging with what I was saying so much as waiting to give her own perspective.

I've known for years that she's someone who really likes being 'right'. We're also both neurodivergent, so obviously we both have our quirks, and I've tried to keep that in mind. But this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I've actually debated ending our friendship multiple times over the years, but I've always talked myself out of it because I genuinely like her, care about her, and admittedly have a hard time making new friends. 

The last time I seriously considered distancing myself, I remember thinking that it didn't really feel like she wanted to enter my world or wanted me to enter hers. For example, she has another friend group from high school, but she's never invited me to hang out with them or attend their monthly sleepovers at her house/summerhouse, even though some of them live close to me. When we make plans, she almost always wants to go to the mall or the same local thrift shop we've been going to for literally years. And, she rarely wants to engage with music, food, or other things from my culture outside of maybe a few desserts. It just feels like our friendship exists within this very specific bubble, and whenever I try to bring something different into that bubble, she's not particularly interested.

Then there are the comments that stick with me. A few months ago, I pronounced an English word "wrong" during a conversation and explained that I grew up around non-English speakers, so there are some words I learned differently. She jokingly responded, "Then you should learn English." I know she meant it as a joke, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

She's also debated my religion with me, completely blanked out or seemed uninterested when I tried explaining a movie she wasn't familiar with, and sometimes when I express an opinion, she's very quick to "correct" it with her own. It's hard to explain because it's usually nothing huge. For example, we'll be watching a show and I'll say that I find a character too egotistical for my taste, and she'll immediately respond that confidence isn't arrogance. And I'm sitting there thinking...okay, but I was just saying how *I* perceived the character. I'm not asking to be corrected.

That's why I'm struggling so much with this. There isn't one massive thing I can point to and say, "This is why I don't want to be friends anymore." It's a collection of small things that leave me feeling dismissed, corrected, or like there's not much room for me to bring my own interests, culture, or perspectives into the friendship.

At the same time, I know she's a good person, and I genuinely care about her. She was actually one of the first people I came out to, and we've known each other for years. I don't want to throw away a long friendship over things that might seem small from the outside. I also haven't talked to her about any of this yet because, knowing her, I honestly think she'll immediately get defensive. But something about the friendship just feels...off, and I can't tell whether I'm overthinking these interactions, expecting too much from her, or finally noticing a pattern I've been trying to ignore.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I being too harsh, or does this sound like something worth addressing?

Hey Reddit! I'm sorry if this is a little generic, but I could really use some outside perspective.

I (21F) have a friend (21F), who we'll call Sofia, who I've known since freshman year of high school. She transferred out during our sophomore year, but once COVID restrictions were lifted, we made it a habit to see each other whenever we could. For a while, that was probably 3-5 times a year because of our conflicting schedules. Once we both went to college a few hours away, that naturally became less frequent, and now we probably see each other 2-3 times a year.

The thing is, I really do adore her. We have a lot in common, including many of the same ADHD hyperfixations, and when we get along, we can have a genuinely great time together. But almost every time we hang out, she'll say one or two things-or do something inconsiderate-that I just can't seem to shake afterward.

Some of it may genuinely be cultural differences, and I recognize that. I'm Latina, and growing up, I was taught that when you're a guest in someone's home, you clean up after yourself. If I sleep over at someone's house, I fold the blankets and sheets I used, don't leave the bed or couch undone, wash my dishes, don't eat messy food/snacks without a plate, etc. I was also taught to be flexible and make sure we're doing things that both people enjoy. Those were just basic manners instilled in me since childhood.

With Sofia, whenever she sleeps over, she doesn't really do any of those things. She doesn't wash a dish, fold a blanket, or really help clean up after herself. She's also generally not very flexible about doing things I want to do, and she rarely seems interested in listening to music from my culture, eating foods from my culture, or participating in anything related to it.

Maybe I'm looking too deeply into some of these things individually, but our most recent sleepover left me with this weird blank feeling whenever I think about her. She did a lot of the things above, was a sore loser while we were playing Uno (even though she had previously whipped my butt at Scrabble and Jenga), was very particular about our conversations, and at times it felt like she wasn't really engaging with what I was saying so much as waiting to give her own perspective.

I've known for years that she's someone who really likes being 'right'. We're also both neurodivergent, so obviously we both have our quirks, and I've tried to keep that in mind. But this isn't the first time I've felt this way. I've actually debated ending our friendship multiple times over the years, but I've always talked myself out of it because I genuinely like her, care about her, and admittedly have a hard time making new friends. 

The last time I seriously considered distancing myself, I remember thinking that it didn't really feel like she wanted to enter my world or wanted me to enter hers. For example, she has another friend group from high school, but she's never invited me to hang out with them or attend their monthly sleepovers at her house/summerhouse, even though some of them live close to me. When we make plans, she almost always wants to go to the mall or the same local thrift shop we've been going to for literally years. And, she rarely wants to engage with music, food, or other things from my culture outside of maybe a few desserts. It just feels like our friendship exists within this very specific bubble, and whenever I try to bring something different into that bubble, she's not particularly interested.

Then there are the comments that stick with me. A few months ago, I pronounced an English word "wrong" during a conversation and explained that I grew up around non-English speakers, so there are some words I learned differently. She jokingly responded, "Then you should learn English." I know she meant it as a joke, but it rubbed me the wrong way.

She's also debated my religion with me, completely blanked out or seemed uninterested when I tried explaining a movie she wasn't familiar with, and sometimes when I express an opinion, she's very quick to "correct" it with her own. It's hard to explain because it's usually nothing huge. For example, we'll be watching a show and I'll say that I find a character too egotistical for my taste, and she'll immediately respond that confidence isn't arrogance. And I'm sitting there thinking...okay, but I was just saying how I perceived the character. I'm not asking to be corrected.

That's why I'm struggling so much with this. There isn't one massive thing I can point to and say, "This is why I don't want to be friends anymore." It's a collection of small things that leave me feeling dismissed, corrected, or like there's not much room for me to bring my own interests, culture, or perspectives into the friendship.

At the same time, I know she's a good person, and I genuinely care about her. She was actually one of the first people I came out to, and we've known each other for years. I don't want to throw away a long friendship over things that might seem small from the outside. I also haven't talked to her about any of this yet because, knowing her, I honestly think she'll immediately get defensive. But something about the friendship just feels...off, and I can't tell whether I'm overthinking these interactions, expecting too much from her, or finally noticing a pattern I've been trying to ignore.

Does anyone have any advice? Am I being too harsh, or does this sound like something worth addressing?

Hey! I know this might be a bit of a dumb situation, but I could really use some advice from people who know more about book care/preservation than I do.

Back in January, after watching a TikTok about booklice, I got paranoid about my books potentially having them. I put my books into large Ziploc bags (two books per bag) and put them in the freezer for 48 hours. However, I left them in the bags on my floor and forgot to unpack them from the bags until today.

Thankfully, most of them seem completely fine. However, I found two that made me concerned about possible mold. One had noticeably wavy pages, and the other had some dark discoloration. Since they had been stored together in the same bag, I decided to throw both away as a precaution.

My concern now is that, while sorting through everything, I touched those two books and then continued touching/handling the rest of the collection without really thinking about it. There are also two other books I'm on the fence about, and I'll include pictures of those below. For context, I have contamination OCD, so I genuinely recognize that my brain may be turning "I touched a potentially moldy book and then touched another book" into a much bigger contamination issue than it actually is. That's part of why I wanted to ask people who have experience with books rather than continuing to Google and freak myself out.

Is mold realistically something I could have transferred throughout my books just by handling them like this? Also, after books have been frozen for THAT long, are there any particular signs of moisture damage or mold I should be looking for?

I'd especially appreciate hearing from anyone who has dealt with freezing books, booklice, or mold in a collection before. I don't want to unnecessarily throw away perfectly good books because I'm panicking, but I also don't want to ignore an actual preservation issue.

Thank you!! :)

https://preview.redd.it/8zz5q6t232jh1.jpg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f57a3b1e1e2389c41fdfee4a9d81edda592ca49b

https://preview.redd.it/ipttc6t232jh1.jpg?width=3000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95764a148253845368a5f61f018ce10b8344c686

https://preview.redd.it/ula8j7t232jh1.jpg?width=411&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cf0dfd5c51a695a4f118a0d6a20ba43358e2974c

EDIT (08/16): Thank you to everyone for your kind words, consideration, and help! As a broke college student, I was definitely thrown for a loop when one of the books was completely turned inside out - so I appreciate you all helping my brain process that every speck of dust or grey isn't a mold spore. I will be sure to add these two books back to my bookshelf tomorrow. And please rest assured, I will never allow TikTok to sway me again... no more freezers or procrastinating when it comes to my books. Once again, thank you all! Wishing you an amazing summer!

Hey everyone! I'm honestly at my wit's end and hoping someone here has run into this before.

About four years ago, when I graduated high school, I used Google's "Transfer Your Content" tool to move everything from my school Google account to my personal Google account. The transfer itself worked, but now my personal Google Drive is still cluttered with what feels like thousands of files from my old school.

I'm talking about everything from lunch calendars and teacher lesson plans to school admin reports and shared documents. They're absolutely destroying my Google Drive storage, and I feel like I've been paying for Google One just to keep all of this junk around.

I've tried:

• Deleting the folders and files manually
• Trying and failing to find the "Block" feature on the shared items
• Blocking the school email addresses in Google Contacts - which I never found the button for!
• Removing what I can from Shared with Me

Nothing has worked. The files either remain or continue taking up space.

At this point I'm genuinely panicking because I can't afford to keep paying for extra storage forever.

Has anyone dealt with this before? Is there a way to permanently remove these files or stop them from being associated with my account? Or is there something I'm completely missing?

I'd seriously appreciate any advice. I almost cried actual tears of PURE ANGUISH last night. Thank you so much.