u/SpaceTall2312

Hi all. I don't know if this is the right sub for my question, but I do have CPTSD so here goes. I belong to a 12 step programme (I won't say which one unless I must). The plus side is that the meetings are all online and as I am housebound with illness, this is good for me. But I don't have much energy and I've noticed that if I wasn't careful, I could spend all day at meetings and spin offs of the meetings. I find it difficult to offer service too, as I never know how I'm going to be feeling and often wind up in hospital. This makes me feel like I'm not "doing the programme" properly. Whether that feeling comes from within me, or from others, I am not sure, as I do suffer from guilt and worry about not doing things 100%!

I have heard that various 12 step programmes described as "cults" by some. How far is this true? In some ways, it reminds me of the high-demand Christian cult I had to get out of some years ago. They demand so much of your time, and I don't have the energy. But also it is very useful in many ways.

I have a tendency to isolate myself and run away from things when they become overwhelming. I'm trying very hard not to do that just now!

Thanks for reading!

Hello all. I guess I should add a TW to this. A memory was sparked today and I was wondering if it was typically narcissistic. An auto immune disorder meant that I didn't start my periods until very late, at age 17, after going on HRT. Mum wouldn't let me keep sanitary wear in the bathroom, in case it offended my step dad and brother. I also wasn't allowed to discuss periods or even mention them in front of them. I wasn't allowed to "moan" about period pain to them. Only to her. Only now do I think that there was something not right about that. This was in the late 80's so hardly Victorian times! Did anyone else have a similar experience?

Come to think of it, I never knew when Mum was menstruating! She actually never talked about it! She said later that she suffered terribly but honestly, I don't remember any of it. I had no clue about any of that stuff.

Actually, typing that out has unlocked another memory. Years ago, we were all sitting around the kitchen table, having our supper. I was talking about something boring and harmless - I think it was about a shopping trip that hadn't been successful. After tea, Mother cornered me and told me off for bothering stepdad with inanities after he had a hard day at work, because he didn't want to hear it. She exhorted me to "be careful" with how I spoke to step dad. I needed to be quiet around him, apparently. Actually, that sounds like some sort of religious cult where women are told to "keep sweet", doesn't it?! Only now am I realising how much the men in our family were put first.

My parents today. (I am 56F, quite severely disabled and housebound). I just couldn't believe it. I am currently undergoing my disability payments review. I am very worried that it might not be approved. Mum said, "Oh you'll be fine, you've got other money coming in!" Me: "But it's less than £800 per month..." Mum: "Oh, you'll be fine. People live on a lot less." In which universe? I have to pay for a cleaner/helper etc.

The kicker is that Mum and dad are really proud of donating at least £100 per month to charity. Don't get me wrong; I don't want their money because even if they offered it, it would be with some serious strings attached. But I can't get over how they think I will survive on less than £800 per month - and if I don't it will be my fault. It seems almost delusional to me.

Hi all. I have finally, after 2 years of dithering on the part of doctors, and being disbelieved and frankly gaslighted, been diagnosed with Crohn's, just 2 days ago. I've got to have an 8 week course of oral steroids, followed by Infliximab infusions. I am honestly amazed I am still standing after all the blood I've lost.

Anyway, I am worried because my brain fog is getting quite bad. I am very worried because I have several conditions which raise the likelihood of developing dementia - CFS, tinnitus, fibromyalgia, OCD and a history of childhood trauma leading to quite severe CPTSD. I had Covid quite badly last year which made things worse. My focus is terrible. I actually managed to forget to go to my online book group last night which I've never done before.

I also have severe anxiety and still have to deal with my extremely difficult parents on a daily basis (Mum is 79 and showing signs of cognitive decline - both of them wear me out, frankly).

My sleep is terrible. I regularly get to sleep as late as 4 am, and sleep all morning. I also spend far too much time looking at screens and doom scrolling. I wish I could just leave my phone somewhere and forget about it but sadly I need it for hospital phone calls etc. I seem unable to settle to just one thing and often scroll while watching TV, and end up missing half of the programme!

I guess all of this is enough to give anyone brain fog, and maybe it will improve on the steroids. Does anyone have any ideas, please? I have lost nearly everything else, I do not want to lose my mind as well! Thanks!

Hi all. I'm 56, and have suffered from ME since my early 20's. I now also have Crohn's disease and atrial fibrillation joining in the fun. I recently had my colon removed and a permanent stoma placed. I may need another op in future, and still have to take steroids periodically. I have all kinds of stiffness and joint pain and need to be careful. Anyway, throughout my life I have always had to keep my parents (both 79) happy and put their needs first, but that's increasingly hard to do as they are not, shall we say, reasonable people. They do help me out but are becoming increasingly horrible about it and whenever I am with them I feel like the worst possible version of myself, full of seething resentment I can't express.

They are both very controlling and as they get older are acting - I'm sorry to have to say this - in increasingly unhinged ways and it's shredding my nerves. I feel like distancing myself from them but I can't cope with the guilt. They demand phone calls every day and I have to visit them every week, even though I find it hard to leave the house.

My helper/cleaner is currently poorly and can't do much, so I asked my step dad to help out by doing a bit of vacuuming. He did come over, but made a huge fuss about it, shouting and swearing, saying my machine was no good and "too heavy" (my petite cleaner has no problem), and then refused to hoover the stairs. My Mum, who came over as well, then started lecturing me on how I wasn't doing enough to help myself and that there was loads of stuff I could do if I only tried!

Today she announced that I need physiotherapy. When I expressed disagreement, she said she would give me some exercises herself! It's so bizarre!

They also don't like each other much and are forever slagging each other off to me behind each other's back.

They can be frightening - Mum once threatened to smash my phone up (she didn't).

They never talk to me, just at me. They lecture me on spending money on books and DVDs, and then I found out that Mum has spent hundreds of pounds on plants this year and is still buying them, and today she was boasting that she gives £100 to charity every month!

I don't think I can take much more. They are in my head 24/7. What can I do at this point? I just want some peace. I feel like they are sucking up all my energy and leaving me with nothing. Or am I overreacting? Is there something wrong with me?

If I try and break away they will make my life hell, or the guilt will eat me alive.

Hi all. I am so sorry for posting again so soon but this afternoon's events have fair done me in.

So I posted yesterday about step dad phoning me to ask me to go over to their house and "make Mum come inside from the garden" where she was working herself into a state of collapse & struggling to breathe. I would have said she seemed a bit manic. My parents are very difficult, often quite toxic people but a certain amount of cognitive issues are creeping in to make things worse, along with other health issues.

I am disabled myself (ME, Crohn's disease and a heart condition, plus a partially paralysed arm due to an accident) and almost housebound, and unfortunately my lovely cleaner/helper is ill and I have no idea when she will return. There are some things I can't do. I try & ask my parents for as little as possible, but was forced to ask my step dad to please do some vacuuming for me.

They came today & it was a nightmare. I came close to snapping. I feel mentally drained. SD made such a fuss about hoovering. Shouting & swearing, saying that my machine was useless and so heavy that his back was hurting! Funny that my cleaner hasn't had a problem! He refused point blank to hoover the stairs. The atmosphere just felt really bad. They were clearly both really strung out and sucked all the oxygen out of the room.

Then Mum said that I could do so much more to help myself & there was loads of housework I can do! If she's right, then I have just lied on my disability benefits form! I actually got quite cross at that.

Mum also said I "needed to empty boxes & put the stuff away". I did have a couple of Amazon boxes to empty in the hallway but they were too heavy for me & I was going to ask step dad to help me with them (which he did to be fair). I wasn't just leaving random boxes around.

Anyway they have gone now. Peace reigns once more but oh dear lord. It just gets worse and worse.

I can't trust anyone or anything to stay. They promise the earth and then just...leave. I have even lost my health. I am disabled and mostly housebound. I feel frozen inside and too scared to move - literally, sometimes. I seem to have lost my helper/carer who I really came to rely on, and just when I was undergoing a disability review too. She was going to help me with it. Now if she's left, most of the form I just filled in is a lie. Now I have no-one. And I just don't understand. I don't think I'm a bad person so please help me make sense of it. I am suffering, and it never seems to stop. I feel like a little lost child.

Hi all. I posted in here the other day about my Mum possibly using her deafness as a cover for not being able to understand things very well. Unfortunately, her behaviour was really concerning today. She is a very difficult, demanding person who rules my step dad and tries, with some success, to rule me too with a rod of iron. Her demands can be really unreasonable - like, she expects us to be able to read her mind and guess what she wants, and then kicks off when we don't.

She has always been driven and obsessive, especially about keeping her house tidy, and she now expects the garden to be the same as the house. Both my parents are 79, btw. She has COPD and lately has had a chest infection and can't breathe properly. She is also very unsteady on her feet. Today I had a phone call from my step dad asking me to go over there and "make Mum come inside from the garden." Apparently, she had been out there for hours, working, and demanding that SD do the same. Her breathing was getting worse and she was coughing like mad, yet refused to stop. This has happened before, and we've discussed it with her, saying that the garden matters less than her health, but she doesn't listen.

SD fetched me (I don't drive, and am also disabled, and in fact am almost housebound with Crohn's disease and ME). I managed to persuade Mum to come inside for a drink, which she did, but she complained about all the work she had to do all the time (there really isn't any and they actually have gardeners, for heavens sake!) It's really self-destructive behaviour IMHO and awful to watch.

Mum complained about poor SD not doing what he's told (she often slags him off to me, but she works him like a slave tbh), but the poor bloke's exhausted. She had him digging up plants and moving them, and then changing her mind!

SD told me later that Mum has recently spent £300+ on plants which really shocked me. Especially as she has lately been telling me off for spending £90 per fortnight on groceries (the national average in the UK btw!)

Both he and Mother looked very dirty, and Mum actually said to me as I was leaving, "When did you last wash your coat?" Very annoying as there is absolutely nothing wrong with my coat? But she's very good at these personal remarks.

Apparently when I got home, she was out in the garden again, but I can't stay there all day - I literally have my own severe disabilities to cope with. I just can't do it.

Please, what on Earth is going on here and what do we do? Is it dementia, severe OCD, bipolar or what? Neither SD nor Mum will countenance going to the doctor. Thanks for reading.

Hi all. I hope this isn't inappropriate for this sub. I recently got hold of my Patient Record Summary, as I'm currently undergoing a review of my disability benefit, and "they" needed to see it. I've never seen it before, and a couple of things on it have really stood out to me.

Firstly, in 1990 I appear to have been diagnosed with something called "asthenic syndrome", not CFS as I might have expected. I Googled it and it would seem to be an archaic term for CFS. It's not derogatory but just describes a patient suffering from weakness, exhaustion and brain fog. Which was, and has been me ever since. Has anyone else heard of the term?

Also in the mid 2000's, there is an entry saying that I am a "victim of emotional abuse". Blimey. Yes that's true but I didn't expect to see it on my medical record. If so, why did no one come to my rescue?! I have struggled so much and would not have been so ill (in my opinion) if I had been helped out of my awful living situation. But I guess that's partly on me. I was always too afraid to push it.

Anyway, there is much to unpack here. Ugh. Thanks for reading!

Hi everyone. I am feeling absolutely rubbish. Inadequate, lonely, scared and vulnerable. I have rejection sensitive dysphoria which is kicking my arse right now. I just feel like I'm annoying everybody which makes me want to isolate myself. I feel sort of toxic. There is a long story behind this, including the fact that I am chronically sick and housebound and currently struggling with bleeding, but I don't have the energy to explain everything right now. Sorry about that.

I have to stay off social media because it just encourages the spiral.

Just some encouraging words would be nice. Thanks.

Hi all. I think that my Mum (79) may be in cognitive decline. It is very hard because I have serious health problems too and am mostly housebound. Plus, Mum has always been "difficult" and demanding and at times downright abusive. She's horrible to my step father (who is horrible back). They then try to make me piggy in the middle, complaining about each other to me. It's exhausting. I don't know if there has been any physical abuse but Mum could be capable. She once threatened to smash my phone up when I annoyed her! The whole scenario really worries me, but I can't do anything as I am in pain every day & can't walk far.

Mum is very hard of hearing & refused to wear a hearing aid for years until a couple of years ago. She wears it, but complains she still can't hear us! She is very hard to have a conversation with. She seems to have difficulty processing what I or step dad say. We have to make sure she's looking at us and really focusing. But we still have to explain things like she's 5, loudly and slowly. Is it possible that she's aware she's lacking understanding and is blaming it on her hearing loss? My sister in law saw her recently and said that Mum seemed very frail and was saying odd things.

She would never go to a doctor about this and when I tried to discuss it with step dad, he blamed me saying it was only happening because my health problems stressed Mum out too much!

It's very hard! Thanks for reading.

I don't know if this is the right sub for my question, even though it's Crohn's related, but here goes...how much can stress affect Crohn's flare ups? Short back story: I am female, 56 years old. I have had an awful time trying to get diagnosed. I have spent the last year and a half being gaslit by doctors even though it got to the stage where I was bleeding heavily every day and had photos to prove it. My suggestion I had Crohn's or UC was pooh-poohed. Anyway, long story cut short, I now have a permanent ileostomy and no colon (it was removed a few months ago, when it was clear it was very inflamed and not going to get any better on its own). And only NOW are the doctors saying "Oh gosh, look at that, it was Crohn's after all!" I feel like I've got PTSD from bleeding all the time. I was in and out of hospital like a yo-yo for months.

Now, all through this I was having problems with my parents, who are very controlling and can actually be quite unpleasant. I also have ME/CS and basically they demand every last drop of my energy. I am expected to visit every week or have a damn good reason why. I have to keep my house to my Mother's specifications, and you can bet that she checks up on this regularly. They don't factor in that I'm physically disabled. I'm not even joking. I can't relax in my own home. Added to this, Mum is beginning to decline mentally and keeps saying really strange things. Apparently, though, this is all my fault because I have stressed her out being so ill.

My rectum is still inflamed and bleeding and I have just finished a course of prednisolone suppositories. They actually helped - I was still producing mucus by the bucketload, but no bleeding while on them. My parents went away for nearly a week and honestly, the peace was wonderful. I could just be myself for a few days and not have them calling. My butt was still a pain, but manageable. Then, I got a phone call from Mum saying that they were home early as she wasn't well, and could I please come over tomorrow as usual? I swear my bum has reacted to that. I have come to the end of my pred suppositories, too. Ever since that phone call, I have had pain and bleeding again and tonight it's bleeding like mad. I feel like my peace has been shattered again.

It could be stopping the pred supps which has triggered the bleeding, but it took less than a day. Could it be that quick? Or is it the stress of my parents again, after 3 days of peace? Or both?

The doctor said I could have another 2 week's worth of pred supps if necessary - I think I had better do that. I have an appointment with the specialist in 10 days time & hopefully he will come up with a long term treatment plan. My parents though, are actually trickier in some ways!

Thanks for reading.