u/SpookyPoek

I never feel instant sexual attraction to people. I can think someone is handsome or pretty, but the idea of having sex with them without knowing them feels unthinkable to me. My friends enjoy having casual sex, but I don’t see the appeal at all. I did try to be open to it in the past, especially because I felt like it was supposed to be fun, like maybe I was missing out. But I eventually gave up on that idea. It’s just not for me, I guess.

I just don’t really understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to sex. To me, it’s not that big of a deal, although I really do enjoy having sex when I’m in love with someone. But that's also what makes me doubt if the label 'demisexuality' fits me.

In the past, I’ve been in two relationships. In both cases, I knew them for a while, and I gradually fell in love with them over time. Only at that point did I begin to feel a desire to have sex with them.

For me, sex is really about connecting with someone and being close to them. It also feels good physically, but apparently that’s not the main thing for me, because it wouldn’t be worth experiencing that feeling with someone I don’t love. I’d rather not be intimate in any way with someone I don’t have a proper crush on.

I’ve been single for years now, and I do still have a libido. I occasionally fantasize and masturbate (although I don’t care that much about it, to be honest). And watching porn is not really for me, but my body does respond to it. I also have crushes on two well-known musicians who are really important to me. Even with them, I didn’t initially find them attractive, but those thoughts and feelings started to occur as I learned more about their personalities, admired their work, and became inspired by them. I also feel an emotional connection to them (and yes, I realize this is one-sided and perhaps a bit childish, but hey, to each their own), and feel like the admiration for what they do, is big part of what makes them sexually attractive to me.

I’d love to be in a relationship again and meet someone to fall in love with. But I don't think dating is that much fun. I can have a great date with someone, but in the back of my mind I’m thinking: "What if they expect something from me?" I could be wrong, but I feel like most men expect you to put out after a few dates. At least kissing. Sometimes I’m so protective of myself that I’ll put my hands in my pockets while walking next to my date because I’m afraid he might reach out to hold my hand. An when a date hugs me too tightly goodbye, I feel kind of icky afterward. I mean, I love cuddling when I’m in love with someone, but I really never want to be physically intimate in any way with someone I just met.

Taking so long to fall in love and develop attraction toward someone new feels very limiting to me. It often feels like most people don’t need that much time to know whether they feel attracted to someone, and I worry that they might eventually stop dating me because I can’t easily give clarity about whether I feel attraction or want to be intimate. Because of that, I usually end things after about three dates at most. I'm also afraid about wasting someone's time, 'cause I really can't tell if I'll end up feeling attracted to them. There's really no way of telling.

Right. That was all. Maybe someone can shine some light on this. Does this fit the label demisexuality? Do these struggles sound familiar to anyone? Honestly, writing this made me feel kind of down. Maybe people have some tips on dating as well. :)

Hi! Someone I know has been through something, and I’m wondering if there are any novels that describe a similar type of dynamic. I think it might help her understand what happened, and it would also be interesting to read a story that feels recognisable.

This is her story (I’ll call her M):

M had been close friends with another woman for a very long time. She originally knew this friend through her husband, because her husband and the friend’s ex-husband are best friends. M has three children, and her friend doesn’t have any.

At some point, the friend starts being mean t M. She dismisses her, laughs at her about sensitive things, and eventually even starts treating her as if she’s invisible. When M confronts her about it, she gets gaslit and told that she's overreacting and all is well between them.

Meanwhile, the friend continues visiting M’s husband at his workplace for coffee, and gradually inserts herself more and more into the family. She gives the children expensive gifts, takes them out for dinner, and starts taking on roles that would normally belong to a mother. She slowly wedges herself into the family dynamic, and M can feel it happening, but her husband doesn’t really take it seriously because it all happens in a subtle, under-the-surface way.

The whole situation caused M a huge amount of stress, and thankfully she eventually ended the friendship. She did it through a text message, 'cause she was too stressed to face her again, and the friend never replied, even though they had been friends for 25 years.

It’s such a bizarre story, right? But at the same time, it feels like such a recognisable type of dynamic somehow. I’m hoping there might be a realistic novel about a similar situation.

Hi! I have a Nokia 105 and was wondering if there's an option to add a word to the T9 dictionary? And if so, how? Thanks in advance!