u/Status_Winner3879

i spent years trying to become a better version of myself and one day it hit me that i was basically spending every waking hour telling myself i wasn't good

enough yet

every book, every habit, every morning routine was just a more socially acceptable way of saying "i hate who i am right now"

real growth started when i stopped treating myself like a project to fix and started actually liking the person i was becoming the work for

idk it sounds simple but it genuinely changed everything about how i approach personal development

anyone else had that realization or am i reading too much into it?

for months i was doing everything right. meditating every morning, journaling, avoiding negative people, monitoring my thoughts constantly. and i was

exhausted and honestly more anxious than before.

then i just stopped. not because i gave up on spirituality, but because i realized i was treating it like another thing to optimize and achieve instead of

just... living.

the irony is that when i stopped trying so hard to feel good, i actually started feeling good. like the pressure of maintaining a high vibe was its own low

vibe lol

i think a lot of us come to spirituality because we're anxious and then we just find a new thing to be anxious about

anyone else go through this phase?

not during meditation, not during a retreat, not when i'm trying. always when i'm doing nothing. washing dishes, staring at the ceiling at 2am, driving alone

with no music on.

i feel like we're so obsessed with having the "right" practice or technique but the moments that actually shift something in me are always the accidental

ones. like my brain finally stops performing spirituality and just... is.

idk if that makes sense but i feel like real stillness only happens when you're not looking for it

does anyone else have this or am i just bad at meditating lol