u/Stone566

Living being trans. Living being a neverpasser hon. Living being hideously ugly. Having really bad ADHD. Having severe social anxiety to the point I can barely talk in social situations. Being born poor.

I don't think it's possible to overcome all of this. It doesn't seem possible. If it is possible then whatever it will take to make my life work I won't be able to do.

I honestly didn't expect to be alive for as long as I have been. I didn't want to be alive for this long. It feels like I should have died like 5-6 years ago. Feels like I'm just a walking corpse waiting to be put out of my misery.

It's getting so bad that people at work will say something to me and I just can't even respond. And then everyone thinks I'm an asshole and rude. And when I can get something out it just comes out mumbled and so low and in a jumble. Because I just don't want to be heard.

I feel like I'm not even human anymore. How can I feel human. When the average person can just socialize so easily and I have trouble blurting out even a few words. The thing that's really scaring me is it just keeps getting worse.

And no one ever cares. Because social anxiety is just not taken seriously by the majority of people. So even if I were somehow to get the courage to talk about it. No one would care. Because society has deemed it something that is not worth caring about. Yet it can ruin and completely fuck up your whole life. And you just have to deal with it in silence.

Even when they try to understand. It's just to trivialize the disorder. No it's not something that everyone has. People get anxious about certain situations and moments. That's not you having social anxiety. One is a normal reaction to stressful circumstances. The other is encompassing and constant in everything you do. I wish people would understand that.

For me the feeling of social anxiety is a feeling of being constantly inhibited and held back from what I really wanna say and act like. Like I am imprisoned inside and my own mind and there is nothing I can do to escape.

I don't know how much more of this I can take. I can't imagine being able to keep going even for another year with this pain. Life is genuinely just becoming unbearable and unlivable at this point.

Not even once. Not one time. Fuck everyone. I hate everyone. I want to be pretty. I want to be a pretty girl.

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I'm disgusting. I shouldn't have even tried to make a life for myself. Life is only for the pretty and the privileged.

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People like me are just meant to exist in service to others. But I don't want that life. But it's the only life available to me.

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I can't handle the humiliation of existing as a gigahon freak. Why me? Why did it have to be me?

And I will be so cute and passing that even the other mean girl passoids will not be able to call me out because I will just be so cute and wholesome and they will just have sit there and shut the fuck up.

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Literally fuck off with that gross shit. This is supposed to be the people that are disgusted by how bigoted we are. Look in the mirror. These people are some of the most transphobic people and I have no fucking idea why on earth they even want to transition in the first place. When they don't think medical transition is necessary and want to fuck pussy and be daddy. Gross.

Maybe I'm going crazy but I can't help but feel it was targeted at me. I was literally just done watching a makeup tutorial. Like I can't help feeling like it was some weird way of the algorithm trying to tell me. Hey stop what you are doing. Look at the consequences. Look at what happens to people like you who try to be themselves. Do you wanna end up like that.

The comments were absolutely demonic. Just a bunch of violent disgusting chuds talking in detail about how she deserved it because she probably "deceived him". The scariest thing was. She looked like she was almost basically passing. Like maybe a bit clocky. That's all. Makes me think. Like this legit just could have been a cis woman who looked a bit masculine and this guy used it as an excuse to take his anger out on her.

This trans panic is really making people go insane. If this is where we are at now. God now's where we will be in the future. We are going in the direction now where women can just be beaten to near death on the street and everyone will cheer them on. Maybe I am being hyperbolic. I fucking hope so. Because I sure don't want to live in a world like that.

It's amazing I am even capable of remembering to eat, drink and breathe without dying tbh.

I am honestly really hurt about this. I was crying like a fucking big man baby. I don't even care whatever people say. Yeah I am a fucking loser. I legit talk to my plushies because I'm such a lonely anxiety riddled loser.

Literally all I had to do was store them in a safe place and can't even do that. I'm such an incompetent loser.

I just some nice soft things to cuddle and make me feel nice. I want that. I just want that. And I just ruined it. Why? Why am I so stupid.

https://www.reddit.com/r/4tran4/s/Q9RyS10Y1n

The amount of replies is crazy. Everyone says they are stealth and pass.

It just reminds me that I'm so different from everyone here. Everywhere I go I'm always the odd one out.

I can't even cope with other things anymore because I'm getting more and more sick and the doctors have no idea what's wrong with me.

This isn't me saying I hate all of you and you have no problems in life. I just want to clarify that. I feel bad for the jealousy I feel but it is there. I'm ashamed of it because it makes me feel like such bitter misogynistic gross man. But I have that jealousy unfortunately. I'm sorry.

But yeah it kind of took by surprise the amount of replies. Feels like there used to be more hons here when I started using this sub.

Woke.